TITLE: Strong
RATING: G
DISCLAIMER: Lucas owns 'em, not me. That doesn't bother me, though. I may not have millions of dollars, great vision, directing talent, or merchandising genius, but at least I can write halfway decent dialogue.
DEDICATION: To all the strong women in my life- especially Grammy, who taught me how to triumph over tragedy.
The meeting finished, and all were now updated on the statistics and strategies of the Rebellion's current standing. They would be going to Ord Mandell next, always moving in an attempt to stay hidden from the Empire.
Always moving forward, never looking back.
Leia excused herself and without a word to Captain Solo or Luke Skywalker, she walked briskly out of the room, arms folded across her chest.
Han watched her go, puzzled as always by her apparent inability to socialize, wondering what important undertaking she was headed to now. Chewie softly questioned beside him, observant as ever of his best friend's apparent thought processes.
"I don't know either, Chewie," the smuggler shrugged. "But I think I have a pretty good idea why she never sticks around."
[Wants to be alone,] Chewbacca responded with understanding.
"Yeah…"
Patting Chewie once on the arm by way of saying goodnight, Han Solo rose and headed in the direction where the Princess had disappeared.
Chewie sighed and shook his head. He should've known better than to say those words to Han; the smuggler interpreted "wants to be alone" as a sign that a woman was ready to fall into his arms. To put it mildly. But Leia was a strong woman, and could take care of herself, he reasoned. Han was on his own.
She wasn't so far ahead of him that he didn't see her duck into her quarters and quickly close the door, so he followed her and knocked unabashedly.
There was no answer, so he knocked again. "Hello, you in there Highness?"
"Just a minute," her copper voice rang out, muffled through the cheap duracrete.
A moment later she answered the door, still standing curtly as ever in her crisp white uniform and braids although it was late at night and most of the camp was getting ready to turn in.
"Captain Solo," she seemed surprised to see him standing there. "Can I help you?"
"Actually I was going to ask you the same question," Han replied boldly.
Leia looked taken aback, and then haughty. "Can you help me? Certainly not at this hour. If you mean by staying with the Rebellion and accepting the commission you've been offered-"
"That's not what I meant," he cut her off impatiently, holding up a hand. "I mean, what's been goin' on with you?"
It wasn't the right thing to ask. She narrowed her eyes. "Nothing is 'going on' with me Captain Solo-"
"Han."
"-Han. I'm a very busy woman, I haven't got time for-"
"What's wrong?" he persisted, more gently this time. Uncharacteristically gently. It threw Leia immediately off guard.
"I- nothing! I told you. Please-"
"You rush off every night after the briefings and don't come out of your room until morning, perfectly shined up and ready for action. You don't stop to breathe all day long, you keep busy, and you rush off at night again. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out, Leia. You're grieving. Now why nobody else has bothered to ask you how you've been, I have no idea, but-"
"They respect me," she cut him off, blurting out the words. She was exhausted, and confused, and suddenly angry at this invasion of her privacy. "Unlike you. How dare you presume to burst in on me like this-"
"I knocked, and you answered."
"In the middle of the night-"
"Oh come on, it's more like late evening."
"And ask me about the one thing that I don't-that I- please leave!" Her eyes burned at him, outraged and shocked, and she slammed the door in his face. Before the door closed he saw the tears gather in those eyes, the utter fear, the urgency to flee. He stayed where he was, and shuffled his feet.
"I'm not leaving, highness," he said. "And how dare you slam the door on me like that."
"You have NO idea what I'm-"
"What you're going through? How do you know that, Leia? You have no idea who I am or where I came from-"
"That's right, I don't, so why are you here?"
"And you assume I have no idea what it's like to have my whole world, everything I ever loved, stolen from me right in front of my eyes?" His voice was suddenly fierce and rough with emotion. "I was young too. And I was alone like you are now. And it was horrible."
She was silent on the other side of the door. He paused, the lump in his throat rising with the thought of what had happened nine…ten years ago? And all that had happened since then, all the kids he'd seen give their lives for the Rebellion since joining up months ago.
"I don't want you to be alone, Leia. You shouldn't have to be."
"I'm not alone," she replied after a moment, stubborn as ever, though he could detect a waver of emotion in her voice.
"You're right. I'm here."
"Oh, what do you know?" Her voice was distorted now. He could hear the contortion of her face as she struggled to maintain control. Han paused a moment to wonder what had made him follow her, how he'd ended up fighting with a princess through a shoddy door in an even shoddier base of operations, but shook his head. His life rarely went where he expected it to go, and this moment he found himself caring more about the woman on the other side of the door than about himself, or anyone else in the universe. The realization hit him like a blaster bolt to the head.
"I know that whatever you're going through, you have to let yourself go through it," he responded quietly, "and even though you're probably the strongest person I've ever met, you can't do it by yourself."
The silence was even longer this time. It was a tangible presence.
"Her name was Dewlanna. She was shot, trying to protect me. It was- I thought it was my fault. She was the closest thing to family I ever had. I was just a kid."
A petty officer walked by, stared openly in bemusement at the ex-smuggler standing with one hand pressed against the princess's door, and turned the corner out of sight. Han heard a muffled gasp and knew that Leia was in there, crying and trying not to cry, probably physically covering her mouth with her hand so he wouldn't hear her.
"For God's sake, Leia, let me in," he murmured. "You don't have to always keep up appearances. I mean look who you're talking to, I'm not the most respectable guy on the base. Just let me in. Please."
There was a moment when he waited tensely for her response, his whole body frozen still, even his breathing. Then he heard the turn of the lock, and the door slowly opened.
She glanced at him briefly and allowed him to see her red and tear-streaked face, then turned her gaze towards the ground, her arms folded protectively around her torso. "Come in," she whispered.
In a heartbeat Han was through the door, the princess wrapped up tightly in his arms.
"I just want to be strong," she confessed brokenly, too exhausted to hide her emotions any more. "They deserve that much. I just want to be strong and stop this from happening, ever again."
He pulled her as close as he could, rubbing her back with one palm. "You are strong, Leia," he told her, as honest as he'd ever been. He closed his eyes and felt her body shake against his as she sobbed into his chest. "You're so strong."
