Warning: Extreme fluff to follow. If you are against fluff, or if you find it disturbing in any way DO NOT proceed with reading this chapter. However, please return to My Experiment for chapter 31, for by then the fluff will have ended and the final battle begun. For those of you who do continue reading, please take not of the voting scale at the end of the chapter. I would like to know just how fluffy you all deem this chapter to be.
You'll be in my Heart
I awoke to the muffled sound of a child's sob. Heart-wrenching and sorrowful, it pulled me from the oblivion cast upon me by the excruciating pain inflicted to seal the wounds across my chest. I did not have to open my eyes to know who it was that lay by my side and shed tears for me; like any good mother, adopted or not, I would know the sound of Shippo's cry anywhere.
I blinked open my eyes, to be greeted only by the deep darkness of the room in which I lay. Night had long since fallen since my ordeal at the hot spring, and now the only light being cast into the room came from the soft glow of the moon and stars which filtered in through the window covering. A moment passed until my eyes had adjusted to see vague shapes and silhouettes of objects around the room, and finally I was able to see the small form curled tightly by my side whose body was still shaking with soft, forlorn sobs.
"Shippo," I called to him softly. He lifted his little head to face me. His eyes were red and puffy from the shedding of many tears, and his face drawn and tired from the effort. That look from him was almost enough to make my heart break. More tears flowed down his face when he looked upon me, and only after a few shuddering sniffles was he finally able to find his voice.
"Ka…Kagome…"
I pulled myself up and opened my arms to him, but instead of him rushing into my embrace, his saddened eyes traveled down from my face to rest on the area of my chest which had been torn due to Kouga's attack. More tears spilled from his eyes as I lifted my hand to run it across the clean wrappings which had been tied snugly across the damaged area. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the pain had lessened to nothing but a slight throb, however, even through the thick bindings I could still feel the raised bands of scar tissue which was forming across the wounds. Sesshomaru's poison had sealed the wounds as he had promised, but I would never be free of the mark of betrayal left to me.
I looked back to the small kit, and smiled gently at him to ease his concerns.
"It's alright Shippo. I'm fine."
I reached out to him intending to pick him up so that I could sooth his worries and fears of my condition with my touch, but he pulled away. He locked his eyes with mine again and I could see the pain reflected in the dulled emerald.
"It's my fault," he whispered in a broken voice. "I should have been there. I should never have left you."
"No Shippo."
How could he blame himself for what that wolf had done to me? How could he place the blame anywhere but on the one that had blinded me so horribly to his true nature? It was I that should have known. I should have known that such a drastic change could not come about so easily. I shouldn't have let myself forget the youkai that had allowed his pack to massacre a village after he had tracked down and brutally murdered one of his own. I should have been more cautious, I should have been more weary of the wolf donning the garbs of a sheep. But I hadn't seen until it was too late. And now, there was no one to blame but for the one who had fooled us all.
I reached out again to the little kit, catching him before he could pull away again and drawing him close to me.
"What happened could not have been foreseen."
Though I could have gone for a game of kickball with the oracle's head for not letting us in on this little development. The old hag had known about the bond between Sesshomaru and I; she had even gone so far as to accuse me of sounding like him in her twisted game of 'let's not let them know what I'm talking about until they have figured it out for themselves'.
But in this matter I was most certain now that her comment about 'friends of the pack' was meant as a warning that we should be cautious of who we allowed close to us; because obviously after what had transpired, Kouga was not on her list of our friends. When I manage to get my hands on that oracle again, I will be certain to let her know just how not appreciated her games are. Then again, Sesshomaru had obviously played her game on more than one occasion; hence his continued telling of the old woman to behave herself and stop playing games. Thank you so much for letting me know you hopelessly stubborn dog!
Aside from my internal rants, outwardly I proceeded to sooth my little kit.
"There was nothing you could have done. In fact I'm glad that you were far away and safe from the wolf's treachery. I may have been hurt, but I'm fine now. You don't have to worry anymore. I'm here with you."
Shippo sniffled against me a few times before he lifted his little face to look at me again.
"But for how long Kagome? I heard Inuyasha and the other's talking. You're going into battle with Naraku in the morning." He trailed off and tore his eyes away from mine to try and conceal the fearful tears that were spilling forth. "What if…" his voice was a frightened whimper, "what if you don't come back?"
"Shippo," I placed my hand under his chin and lifted his face to look at me again. I smiled a reassuring smile before continuing. "I know you're afraid; we're all afraid. But I can't sit back and do nothing when I have the chance to set right so many wrongs. You know as well as I do what would happen if Naraku is allowed to continue with his wicked plans. And you also know that we are the only ones that can stop him."
"But I don't want you to go Kagome!" he wailed.
"I must," I told him with certainty that could not be disputed. "But I won't be alone. Inuyasha, Sango and Kirara, and Miroku will all be there with me."
"And Lord Sesshomaru." I turned around to see Rin standing a few paces from me. I hadn't even realized that she had been sleeping in the little hut as well. "He is going too. He told me that I'm supposed to wait here with Shippo." She paused and brought her hands together before her, worrying them apprehensively. "He said it would be too dangerous for me." There were tears in her eyes when she lifted them to meet mine. "He may not fear what is coming, but I…do."
The poor girl; she had lost her family at such a young age, and now all that she had was the demon lord that had become the world to her. Like Shippo, Rin was facing the fears and uncertainties of what was to come, of what would become of the families that they had formed against all odds. They were only children and they were being forced to confront the horrors of this war.
How could I tell them that everything would be fine when I didn't know if such a thing would be true? How could I say that there was no need to worry, that we would all come back to them in one piece; if there was no way to be certain that we would?
I looked down at the kit in my arms, seeing the glistening tears trailing down his tender cheeks. I didn't have any more words of comfort to give them that would be true, but I did know one thing that my mother had always done for me when I had been frightened as a child.
So I sang.
"-Come stop your crying it will be alright.-"
I reached my hand out to Rin and beckoned her closer.
"-Just take my hand, hold it tight.-"
She stepped forward and placed her small hand within my own. I drew her next to me and wrapped my arm around her.
"-I will protect you from all around you. I will be here don't you cry.-"
The soothing tones of my voice, and the hopeful words filled the empty space of the darkened room. The children relaxed against me and allowed themselves to be calmed by the song.
"-For ones so small, you seem so strong. My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm.-"
But we were no longer alone in the little room, and the children were not the only ones appreciating my song. I looked up to Sesshomaru and graced him with a small smile as I continued.
"-This bond between us, can't be broken. I will be here don't you cry.-"
In the shadows of the room, the only part of him which I could see clearly was his glowing amber eyes. I couldn't believe the warmth that filled me when I looked into those eyes. There was no more ice covering what lay beneath, they were not the hardened eyes of a warrior looking upon me; but those of a man. And I found that I knew that man, that somehow I had always known him; and that my being here with him was more than simply something the fates had cast upon us with the bond, and I knew he felt it too.
I shifted to settle the children together on the bed in which I lay, tucking the blankets around them as they snuggled close to each other.
"-'Cause you'll be in my heart.-"
I paused to kiss Shippo lightly on the nose, making him smile sheepishly before he allowed his tired eyes to slip shut.
"-Yes you'll be in my heart.-"
A kiss for Rin as well; a soothing gesture that she had for so long gone without that made her smile as well as she too closed her eyes.
"-From this day on, now and forever more.-"
I checked one more time to make sure the kids were tucked under the blankets before I lifted myself from the bed.
"-You'll be in my heart. No matter what they say. You'll be here in my heart; always.-"
They had settled in together. Calmed now, their breathing became steady and soft as their small bodies prepared them for rest. Looking upon them I knew more than ever what it was that I was fighting for. I was fighting to give them a future, and I would not give up until I was certain they would have a bright one.
The song continued in nothing more than a soothing whisper.
"-When destiny calls you, you must be strong. I may not be with you, but you've got to hold on.-"
I turned to face Sesshomaru.
"-They'll see in time. I know.-"
I reached out to take hold of his hand, clutching it tenderly as I stepped in front of him.
"-We'll show them together.-"
He smiled at me; a real and true smile, not something to be mistaken for the moonlight playing tricks, nor as one of his devious or vengeful smirks. He smiled a smile filled with warmth, and that warmth I could feel again coursing through me. I sighed contentedly and leaned in to him to rest against his chest while bringing my arms up to wrap around his back. He wrapped him arm around me as well, pulling me closer to him and allowing his chin to rest lightly on the crown of my head.
I had never felt as secure as I did there nestled in his warm embrace. I could have become lost in the feeling of the steady rhythm of his heart and the rise and fall of his chest against mine. If only it didn't have to end.
"Kagome?"
And if only he didn't have to be the one to end it.
I felt Sesshomaru's arm tense slightly at the sound of Inuyasha's voice from the doorway. I wasn't sure if it was because he had been caught in a somewhat compromising position with me, or if he, like me, did not wish to be separated just yet. I sighed and turned towards Inuyasha, but I did not release my hold on Sesshomaru. If I had, it would look as though I was trying to hide something from him, and I wasn't about to deny that there was something going on between Sesshomaru and I even if I wasn't sure myself of what exactly that was.
I think that he was actually at a loss for words. Hell had officially frozen over. All the hanyou could manage to do was shift his eyes from me to Sesshomaru, to me again then back to Sesshomaru; his mouth opening and closing a few times as though he would say something, but now words ever coming forth. I sighed and leaned my head against Sesshomaru again before I finally had to ask.
"Yes?"
My voice seemed to remind him that what he was seeing, he was actually seeing. He focused on me again and finally managed to find his voice.
"Can we…ummmm…talk?"
"Sure," I replied, "Just give me a minute ok?"
He looked as though he would say something else, but at the last minute he stopped himself and turned to leave. I reluctantly pulled away from Sesshomaru, giving him an apologetic look before I too turned to leave. I didn't make it very far when his hand on my shoulder made me stop and turn back to face him. He looked at me for a moment, and I swear I felt a tug of amusement, but what he found so amusing was absolutely beyond me.
I instantly forgot about that little issue though when he proceeded to take his shirt off in front of me. I blushed uncontrollably and tried to avert my eyes, but I just couldn't. He was just so…so…sexy! And seeing his muscles tense and flex as he maneuvered the fabric to separate his inner and outer shirts, and the fantastic way the cloth parted down the centre to reveal the magnificent expanse of his finely tuned chest had me staring in a completely not innocent manner. In fact, I'm amazed I wasn't actually drooling at the sight.
My admiration of his sculpted form was cut off when he held his outer shirt out towards me. I stared at it incomprehensively for a minute or two before I finally gave up and looked up at him; my confused expression clearly asking 'And what do you expect me to do with it?' followed by slight annoyance which served to say 'Because if you expect me to clean it you are so looking at the wrong person.'
He simply raised one of his damn eyebrows, his amusement at whatever he found so damn funny now magnified to the point where I just knew I was missing something. Then he allowed his gaze to slip over my upper body pointedly. I looked down to see just what it was he was seeing that had him so amused and immediately 'eeped' and snatched the shirt away from his outstretched hand to cover my near-nakedness which was only being kept somewhat decent by the bands of fabric wound around my chest, but which left very little if anything to the imagination.
I scowled at him before I whipped around to put on the offered clothing. He really could have said something sooner!
Without looking back at the overly amused Taiyoukai, I stomped out of the hut.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
I found Inuyasha waiting for me outside. He was leaning up against a tree nearby and looking up at the stars. He didn't turn to look at me until I was standing right beside him.
"Ummm…Hi?"
I had absolutely no idea what to say to him. He had caught me in what, from his perspective, would have been a very strange situation, and I wasn't sure how he was taking the whole thing. He studied me for a moment in silence which made me very uneasy. Inuyasha isn't the silent brother. He is the one that always belts out what he is thinking without ever pausing to consider how his words might be taken. I found that his silent observation of me was much more unnerving than Sesshomaru's.
After a time though, he spoke.
"Is this what you want Kagome?" he asked in an unusually measured voice.
"Is what, what I want?"
"HIM!" he barked suddenly. Ah, there was the Inuyasha I know and love. "Is he what you want?" he repeated his question again, only this time the careful measure was gone and I could tell he was straining himself not to yell.
"I…I don't know what I want for him to be to me. I don't even know what he wants me to be to him. But I think that…that I want to know; that I need to know."
He sighed heavily and allowed his body to lean back against the tree. He closed his eyes for a moment, obviously thinking over what I had said, or thinking up some way to respond to it. When he did open his eyes, he looked back up to the sky instead of to me.
"He's always been around you know, ever since I was a kid. I don't think he knew that I could feel him there, I wasn't even sure who it was for a long time; but even though I had never picked up his scent or felt his youki, it was him." He turned to face me then, a sadness in his eyes that I couldn't quite place. "You feel it too, don't you? But I think that it's much stronger. I can barely keep up with his movements in a fight, but I get the feeling that you would know what he was planning before he even made the move to do it."
"Tamashii no awasemono; the entwining of souls, that's what Myoga called it. He said that it happens sometimes with inuyoukai, a bond that can form between pack members to strengthen the ties of the group. I don't know how it could have happened with me, but you're right; it is very strong. That's why I can trust him so. That's why I can..."
"Love him," He interrupted me.
I'm not even sure if that was what I was going to say. But with the words out in the open, I couldn't help but think that they sounded right. For so long I had been preoccupied with what Sesshomaru wanted from me, that I failed to notice how attached I was getting to him. He had been with me for a week now; a week of trials, of pain, of sorrow, but also a week of joy, laughter, and tender moments that I would never forget.
All he had done for me without my ever having to ask, all that I had learned from him by simply being with him, all that we had been through together and what we were planning on facing together; all of it made me think it may be true. That I may just have fallen without ever feeling the fall, that I may just have been blind to how quickly my fear of him had vanished and been replace by something else all together, that I may not have noticed how his motions which still annoyed me to no end were now looked upon with carefully concealed fondness instead of outright obstinacy. Through it all, I hadn't noticed, but now I thought that it might be possible that I truly did…
"Kagome," Inuyasha was speaking again, breaking me away from my revelations. He stepped over to me and embraced me, wrapping me in the comforting hold of a dear friend. "I want you to be happy, and I know that I can't give you what you deserve. If there is anyone that I know wouldn't let you come to harm, I know it would be him because even through all the ice I have seen the way he looks at you. And if there is anyone that is capable of breaking through that ice which he has encased himself with, I know that person would be you."
He pulled back to look at me, but he did not take his arms away from where they held me.
"If this is you choice, then I will support you." His face was burning red from all of the unusual sentiments he was engaging in, but he pressed on. "I love you, Kagome."
"Oh Inuyasha," I sobbed as I buried myself against him again. "I love you too. Thank you for understanding. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't…"
"Shhh," he stopped me before I could finish. "You once promised that you would always stand by me regardless of the choices I make. The same goes for me."
For a long time, I simply allowed myself to stay wrapped in his arms. The soft sounds of the night's breezes drifted past us, settling me with a wonderful peaceful feeling with their gentle lull. My heart was overflowing with wondrous feelings, and I never wanted for this night to end.
But as I know all too well, all things which have a beginning; must also have an end.
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Your authoress would like to know just how fluffy one can be without getting carried away. I have invented my own 'fluffiness scale' and I would like for you all to vote. If you are not a regular reviewer, or if you feel you have nothing to say to me, that's fine; but I would appreciate it if you would just click on the review button and type in a simple number from 1-5 to tell me which of the responses best suits what you were thinking during this chapter. This is, after all, an experiment; so I figured why not add in a few stats to the equation. I will let everyone know of the results when my story draws to a close.
1. OOOoooOOOooo Fluffy, fluffy, fluffy! I love the fluffiness! More, more, more!
2. I am dancing on a cloud of fluffy goodness. Le sigh. Le fluff. Le wow. -wanders away into a land of fluff dreamily-
3. Well it certainly was fluffy, but then everything you have written so far has been rather over the top and I love it! Keep up the good work!
4. You call that fluff? I've picked better fluff from out between my toes!
5. That was repulsive! In fact, if you didn't say you were going to be sending them into battle next chapter, I would be so turned off by all this what you refer to as 'fluff' but which I would be more inclined to call sticky droppings of mushy shiza, that I would never read this story again! (lol shiza…I don't know if I spelt it right…but it's German for…well you know, and I just think the word is funny ;P)
Thanks to all for your time.
Later
ShadowsWeaver1
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters I am about to weave into my web of chaos. Any and all definitions have been taken directly from Wikipedia the online encyclopedia because I am far too lazy to do any further research to support my Inuyasha obsession. The song for this chapter is performed by Phil Collins. I believe it is titled 'You'll be in my Heart', but I can't really be sure because I simply copied the lyrics from listening to my copy of Disney's Tarzan.
