He has never smiled at me. I've only seen it once, while over at his house for dinner. His certain someone apologized for making a dish with leeks, because my best friend had requested it. He shook his head and took a bite with his chopsticks, making a show of almost spitting it back out, before keeping his head down and his lips curving up.
I only saw it because my head was lower than his. He was smiling down at the dinner she had made while worrying over his happiness.
Ever since, I have wanted someone to smile at me the same way that he was smiling down at his food.
I am walking down the road, having been watching the students at the dojo train. All of them following the same katas in unison have a calming effect on me, so I go as often as I can. I pass a bus stop and a shock of orange hair catches my eye. I know it can't be anyone but him.
So I go under the plastic roof and sit down next to him. I don't think he notices, so I lean down until I can see his face. "What's the matter?"
He looks as though he's concentrating on something. "Can you smell that?"
I focus on the smells around me, and blink. My senses are sharper than most, because of the tiger possessing me, and I can just barely catch something in the wind. "It's going to rain."
"Yes," he growls, "it's going to rain."
I know that he hates rain. I hate it, too. I stay there with him, glad that I found out before I was caught out in the street; it's a long way home.
When the first drop hits the roof, echoing in the nearly-empty little hut, I ask quietly, "Are you going to take the bus home?"
"It's a ten-minute walk from the closest stop to my house," he snarls, the sounds raising the hair on both or necks. "I don't see why I should."
"It's going to be a long time before it stops." I blink at him a moment more, and suggest, "Come to the Main House and I'll get you an umbrella to use."
"No." The answer is instantaneous.
"You'll be here until morning…"
"Don't care. I'm not going to that hellhole."
I look away, out at the downpour. "She will be worried about you."
Now he flinches. "What if He punishes me?" I've never heard him sound so young.
The way that he mentions You, as though he thinks of You in the same way I do, surprises me. I've always though that he hates You…but that may be the reaction of a rebellious child trying to get attention. It is a revelation that turns my head back toward him.
"You can stay outside the gates while I get the umbrella for you, if you think He will be angry at seeing you there."
The bus pulls up, and I stand up to rush into the doors once they open. Just as the air is released and they pull apart, he picks me up and bends over me to keep me dry in for the few seconds we are unprotected.
He sets me down in a seat and glares away from me. "Fine. But you have to be quick about it."
I smile at him, and neither of us say a word until we rush out of the bus and under a protective overhang. I lead him to the main gate and tell him to wait, then dash from the gate into the waiting room of the mansion that occupies the center of the largest plaza. I grew up in the family's city; I know my way around by now. I grab a dark blue umbrella and dash back out, opening it up to keep the uncomfortable wetness away.
I reach the gate again and offer it with a breathless bow, happy at being able to help. He takes it from me, and holds it over both of us for a moment before grudgingly thanking me.
"It's payback for protecting me from the rain. Now I'm doing the same for you."
He ruffles the hair on the top of my head and turns to go. Watching his back getting small, I run to him and tug on the bottom of his shirt. "Yeah, kid? What now?"
I motion for him to bend down, and then say, "Every god has the ability to forgive those He has cast aside." I press a kiss to his cheek and look at my shoes, knowing that my face is red.
When I can't stand it anymore, I look up, and there it is - he is smiling at me. "Thanks. We'll both have to keep that in mind."
As he walks away for good, I slowly turn back to get into my house.
You have the ability to forgive. You have to, or else all of this is in vain.
I have to, we have to believe that…
