Duty and Pride

Once again I found myself looking past the swirling surface of the enchanted mirror carried by the void child, but this time I was not looking to see cruel images presented to me by my enemy but images of love brought to me by my friends. The murky waters shifted and churned beneath the surface of the glass, finally clearing to reveal the picture of what I sought.

I saw Inuyasha first. The blazing red of the fire rat's robe drew my eye like a beacon of light beyond the hazy surface of the mirror. His arms were crossed across his chest in a display of stubbornness that I had seen so often in him, but almost belying the determination of his stance, his ears were tucked down and flattened against his head. I would almost say that it was nervousness on the part of the hanyou, but I had done too much research regarding K-9 behavior to not realize the truth of what I saw. That gesture was one of submission. Inuyasha was displaying for his brother in animalistic terms that he knew he was speaking with his alpha.

It is strange that after all this time that Inuyasha would finally give recognition to Sesshomaru in such a way. Though I knew that after the battle with Naraku things had changed drastically for all members of my group, this change was by far one of the most astounding. Two brothers that had been separated all of their lives by lines of hatred and of mistrust, a family that had been torn apart by the misdeeds of those in the past. How wonderful that they were able to find a way to put aside their differences. And to know that in some way I was a part of that made me feel great joy.

"Explain yourself, Hanyou."

Well, so much for all my gushy thoughts. Sesshomaru definitely sounded like he meant business. Then again, I suppose he was in great need of a cold shower after the way we had been interrupted (come to think of it, I could have probably gone for one too, but then given my marvelous luck it should have come as no surprise to me that I wouldn't be allowed to get my groove on quite so easily…not like I have ever gotten my groove on, but that doesn't mean that I wanted to be interrupted when I was finally given the chance).

The image being presented to me in the mirror expanded then so that I was graced with a view of Sesshomaru as well. His frigid voice had been a good predictor of just how pleased he was to be speaking with Inuyasha at the moment. He was glaring at the hanyou in a very unamused manner, and though he was standing stiffly upright in his regal way, I could see his right hand twitching with annoyance.

"I'm not the one that needs to explain."

I couldn't believe how measured Inuyasha's words were. It never ceases to amaze me how he can be so brash and uncouth in one moment, but then in another, when he is forced to speak from his heart to or about those he cares for, he can be so steadfast and thoughtful.

"I explain myself to no one; especially not to you half-breed."

"Half-breed am I? Well just don't you forget that it was this half-breed that saved your ungrateful ass from Naraku."

"You would bind me to a life-debt? Do not be so foolish as to believe that I could not have turned aside that attack."

"Feh, you just never could admit when you needed help could you?"

"If I were to require assistance in any matter, know that I would never be so desperate to enlist the services of one such as yourself."

"You're one cocky bastard, you know that?"

"Watch your tongue, hanyou. I have been lenient with your interference thus far. I will not be so magnanimous should you continue to show such disrespect."

Then, in an incredible imitation of one of Sesshomaru's haughty displays, Inuyasha arched an eyebrow, straightened his stance, perked his ears away from their submissive position, and turned his back on his brother.

"You dare turn your back on me?" Sesshomaru growled out as he lifted his lips to bare his fangs.

"Doesn't feel good to be forgotten, does it Sesshomaru?" Inuyasha shot back over his shoulder. He must have known he was taking a gamble on just how long Sesshomaru would allow him to show such irreverence, but he also knew Sesshomaru would not strike him from behind. It was dangerous ground the hanyou was treading on, but his stubbornness would not have him deterred.

"You will never tell me why you have such hatred for me. You will never tell me why all of my life you have treated me as nothing but a nuisance. You will never swallow your pride enough to acknowledge that fact that I am your brother. You will never treat me with respect. No matter what I do it will never be enough for you. But you know what? I'm alright with that. I don't need your acceptance or your gratitude. I don't need your good graces or your 'magnanimousness'. I've lived long enough on my own that I don't need anything you could offer me."

Inuyasha finally turned back to face his brother. He was angry and saddened by what he had said, but still it was his determination to make Sesshomaru hear his words that was the prevailing emotion.

"But she is different. She gives her heart freely to anyone in need of her grace and compassion. Regardless of how it may hurt her in the end, Kagome will always give herself to someone she believes needs her. And right now, she believes that her mission here has been completed, that there is no one left that needs her in this time, but her family needs her back in her own. To her, there is no reason for her to stay here."

"She may be needed by her family, but she will not be able to keep herself from returning here. There is too much for her to be leaving behind. As you say, her heart will not let her abandon her friends."

"You're not listening damnit! Don't you get it Sesshomaru? She can't come back! EVER! It was the Shikon that allowed her to pass between times, and now that the jewel is gone she will only ever be allowed to make one more crossing. If she leaves she can't return! Feh, that stupid girl. I knew she would never tell you. She's always thinking about others and never about herself."

"I gave her my word that she would return to her family. I will keep to that."

"You're still not listening! She knew that if she told you that you would make her go. She knew that if she were to tell you that to stay she would have to give up forever the family that she loves that you wouldn't even allow her a choice in the matter; that you would make it for her."

"There is hardly a choice. Kagome is aware of where she belongs, and she has already stated that she does not belong here."

"Stop it! Just stop it!" Inuyasha was beginning to get irate, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out where he was going with all of this. "You can stand there and act like none of this bothers you but I know different. I may not know much about you Sesshomaru, but I know that you don't want her to leave. The truth is something you can't hide from. And even if you're not willing to admit it to me, she deserves to hear it."

"I gave her my word."

"She doesn't want your word! I know her better than anyone, and I know that right now Kagome is torn. She knows that she has to return to her own time, but she also knows that if she does she will never be the same. She will be leaving too much of herself here, and she won't be able to live with that. She will never have a normal life, and what life she does live will be empty because she will never be able to move past what she lost."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you need to tell her. I'm saying that you have to let her make the choice. I'm saying that you have to swallow your pride and cater to her human heart. I'm saying that you are the only one that can make her stay with us. And I'm saying that if you don't do this now, you will loose forever the woman that you love and who loves you in return."

I think my heart stopped beating in that moment. Love? Could Sesshomaru really love me? He had made it clear that he wanted me, but love? Could he really love a human? After all this time he had spent loathing humans and disdaining their existence, after all of his hatful words against the 'dirtied blood' of hanyous; was it even possible that he felt such a thing for me?

Even if it was, how could I allow such a thing to happen when I knew that I would only be forcing him to watch as my short, human life would steal me away from him year after year while he remained constant? How could I tell him that I loved him and that I wanted to be with him when I knew that my life would be insignificant compared to his? How could I hurt him like that? Wouldn't that be more painful than an ending now?

Maybe it was fear, or maybe the heartache that I felt; but I knew that I wouldn't be able to go on knowing the truth of how Sesshomaru felt about me. I had thought that I wanted to know; needed even, to know. But the truth was I would never be able to accept it.

I wanted to know that he loved me as much as I loved him, but at the same time I hoped that he didn't. If what he felt for me was anything like what I was feeling for him, then the pain of our separation would burn hotter and longer than the agony we were forced to endure when Naraku had stolen our soul-bond away. But if he didn't love me, then that would make things so much easier on him once I was gone.

And I would leave. I knew that now.

I couldn't stay behind. I couldn't cause even more pain.

I ran then. Unable to face the truth or the pain of the inevitable; I ran.

I tore through Inuyasha's forest heedless of the branches that scratched my skin or tore at my clothes, oblivious to the path I was taking because it had been clouded by tears that would not be held back. I ran away from the only thing that I had ever believed I had wanted because I knew that in the end that if I were to be selfish enough to take it that I would cause nothing but pain.

I fell many times in my flight; the racking sobs breaking out of me making it near to impossible to stay on my feet. But each time I fell, no matter how much my body was being abused, I would pull myself up again and continue. I had to make it there before he could find me. I had to make it before he could try and stop me because I knew that if he were to stop me that I could never turn away again.

Sesshomaru…oh by the Gods how I wished I could stay to tell you how much I had come to love you. I wanted more than my life to hear that you felt the same for me. But no matter how much I would have wished to be able to remain with you, I knew that I couldn't.

I couldn't abandon my family like that.

I couldn't be so selfish.

I couldn't hurt them like that.

I couldn't hurt him like that.

My whole body was shaking by the time I reached the well. I was fighting with myself between what I knew I wanted and what I knew must be done. My heart was breaking more with every wrenching sob that was pulled from me. I had finally found the love that I had longed for, only to leave it without ever being able to express what I felt.

But I had to leave. I couldn't stay.

"Please forgive me," I pleaded into the night. I needed to believe that they would. My friends, my family, my love…forgive me.

My tears fell uninhibited, soaking into the aged wood of the well. I could barely breathe, let alone stand; but I had to find enough strength to do this one last thing. I had to find the strength to let go.

Let go of the fairytale, let go of the life that might have been; let go.

I drew in one last shaking breath as I peered into the depths of the ancient well.

"Take me home," I whispered to it, knowing that this would be the last time the well would answer to my call.

And then I closed my eyes, and jumped.

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--SW1 is already hiding in her pillow fort, prepared for the shouts that are going to come out to her because of that nasty cliffie.--

That honestly wasn't supposed to happen! I blame the words. They got stuck, and then they did this. I had no say in the matter (blinks her eyelashes and smiles innocently).So you'll all forgive me right?...(laughs nervously)…Right?

LOL, why of course you will! Why? Because I still have a secret and you still want to know what it is.

Kukukukukukukukukukuku

I'm not just evil, I'm poison.

Shadow

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters I am about to weave into my web of chaos. Any and all definitions (with the exception of those cited specifically) have been taken directly from Wikipedia the online encyclopedia because I am far too lazy to do any further research to support my Inuyasha obsession.