Disclaimer – If I owned Harry Potter than this would not be on fanfiction, you idiots.

Author's notes – I could say a lot to you, but I think I will leave it at I got the name for this chapter from my adjective name for AVP workshops, which is Estrogen Erin.

Date chapter started: Wednesday, April 6, 2005

Date chapter ended: Sunday, May 22, 2005

Date story updated: Sunday, May 22, 2005

It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl and girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the orange bowl on New Year's Day.

The Naked Gun

Chapter 6 – The Estrogen Of Evans

Lily woke the next morning with a migraine and her back extremely sore. Then she realized that she was in Astronomy Tower and remembered she had spent the night in the Astronomy Tower. She felt a little uncomfortable and soon realized that she had gotten her period during the night and there was blood everywhere on her pants.

Wow, what a wonderful way to begin a day. Lily groaned and sat up. She vowed to herself that she would never ever again sleep on a stone floor with no blankets and no pillow. Lily rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

Then, she heard footsteps coming from the stairs so she quickly jumped up. Seconds later she heard the all too familiar voice of James Potter, "Oh my god Lily, you're bleeding. Are you all right?"

James rushed over to Lily like some protective father while Lily just went completely red in the face.

"Yeah James, I'm fine; I just have my period," she muttered while scuffing her feet together in embarrassment.

"Oh, I see," James said, going red in the face well.

"I should be going to take a shower now," Lily said just wanting to get out of there.

"Wait, I wanted to talk to you about yesterday," James said as the two caught each other's eyes.

With the mention of yesterday, Lily got angry again. "You can tell Sirius that I will be looking for him when I am finished bathing and that he should not mess with a girl during her monthlies ever again," Lily growled and stomped out of the room.

"Woops," James said to himself and then quickly cleaned up Lily's mess with a flick of his wand.

Lily headed first to Gryffindor Tower. She headed up to the girl's dormitory and burst into it, to her friends in a huddle.

"Hey Lily, where were you last night?" they chorused and then fell into a fit of giggles.

"In the astronomy tower. Now I am going to take a shower in the prefects bathroom," Lily said trying to keep her anger under control.

"Ok well we will talk to you when you get back," Chloe said as Lily grabbed her things and left the room with a goodbye.

"I have an idea," Paige announced to the group once the door was closed.

"Continue with this idea," Eva urged.

"I say we steal Lily's clothes so she has to walk back to Gryffindor Tower in a towel and then tell James that Lily wanted to talk to him so that they conveniently meet up when she is only in a towel," Paige shared with them.

They all nodded in agreement. It was decided that Paige, Eva and Natalie would go steal Lily's clothes and then Chloe and Sophia would go find James and convince him that Lily wanted to talk. The girls left the room to play out their plan.

Paige, Eva and Natalie made their way down the hallway towards the prefect bathroom. They already knew the password since Lily let them use it whenever they wanted. They snuck into the room and stole all her clothes, while she was happily singing in the shower. The threesome quickly left, darting back up to the Gryffindor common room.

While back with Chloe and Sophia, there was some trouble. After much looking, Chloe and Sophia had finally found James in the library getting told off by Ms. Dung, the librarian who was a complete bitch.

"James dear, can we have a moment?" the two girls cooed as Ms. Dung began chanting on about how books are not to be used as wrapping paper, but should be used as reading materials for our puny, unthankful minds.

"As much as I am loving this lesson, I really do have an engagement," James told Ms. Dung and nodded towards Chloe and Sophia.

"Now listen here young man," Ms. Dung said grabbing James by the ear and dragging him to Sophia and Chloe. "Tell your 'friends' that you are busy at the moment and they will have to wait until after lunch to get their shag." Ms. Dung shook James a little and then continued, "Which by the way is completely inappropriate and if this were my school I would have all of you sleeping naked in barred rooms so that you could only look and not touch because remember, the only safe sex is no sex at all."

James mumbled something until Ms. Dung got this look on her face, let go of him and walked away.

"Works every time," Sophia said as she slipped her wand back into her pocket.

"Thanks," James said and straightened himself out. "Now what can I do for you ladies?"

"Actually we are only the messengers; what you can do for Lily is more of the question," Chloe informed him.

"And what would Lily like?" James sighed.

"She, my dear friend, would like to talk to you," Sophia said and poked him in the shoulder.

"Really?" James said, brightening up.

"Really, really," Chloe said.

"And where is the fair Lily?" James questioned.

"She is waiting in the prefects bathroom," Sophia said slowly just to enjoy the bemused look on James' face.

"Bye lover boy," Chloe said and shoved James down the hall where he soon picked up a jog.

"He seemed just a little too eager, don't you think?" Sophia commented.

"Who cares? At least he bought it," Chloe said and the two girls left in silent agreement to return to Eva, Natalie and Paige.

Lily had just finished washing. She got out of the shower, grabbing her towel and drying herself off. She walked over to the countertop where she had left her clothes, but they were no longer there.

"But I swore I put them there," Lily said aloud.

"Dawling," the mirror said and then sneezed, "your friends took your clothes."

Lily sighed; this really was not her day. She knew that the k3w was up to something, but what did stealing her clothing have to do with it? She could just conjure up her own clothes. Lily gave her self a mental pat for being so smart. Only one problem, she didn't have her wand.

"Damnit!" she exclaimed.

"Dawling, have some respect for your company," the mirror said again and went back to sneezing.

"Sorry," Lily muttered.

Lily gave up and just wrapped a large white towel around her before strolling out the door and down the hallway. She was pretty sure she wouldn't run into anyone because they should be in breakfast at the moment to the best of her knowledge. But, as you know, nothing was ever as Lily expected and it just so happened that James Potter came running around the corner at that second and ran straight into Lily, knocking her onto the ground and landing on top of her.

"Jesus," Lily gasped, having the breath knocked from her lungs by James' weight. "Potter, get the hell off me!"

"You might as well get used to this position; I prefer top," James replied cockily, but got up anyway.

James offered Lily his hand and she accepting trying to keep her towel on, to the best of her ability.

"Might I ask why you are taking a naked morning stroll?" James asked.

"No, you may not, you dimwit," Lily snapped and started walking off down the hall only to have James jog after her.

"If you walk away you are going to regret it," James warned.

Lily turned around, poking James in the chest while she demanded, "and what are you ever going to do to me? Huh? Answer me bighead!"

"Take one more step and you'll see," James sniggered. "Come on, I dare you."

Remus and Sirius were returning from breakfast when they heard James and Lily bickering.

"Wait, I hear something," Sirius said, cocking his ear down the hall.

"So do I; it is called you and me breathing," Remus said.

"No, I hear Lily and James…fighting," Sirius said, grinning.

"Oh goody, mommy! Let's stalk Lily and James," Remus squealed sarcastically.

"Shut up; this is amazing what I am getting," Sirius said, like he was decoding a message or something.

"Really, and what might that be?" Remus inquired.

"They are arguing over sexually positions; James wants top and Lily is getting angry with him," Sirius said bouncing on his feet like the toddler you see at the mall that wants a large ice cream cone.

"You are even more delusional then I thought at first glance," Remus said and dragged Sirius down the hallway.

They turned the corner and what did they see, but James clutching a white towel and Lily standing there completely naked, with her back to them of course.

"Hey Remus, full moon out tonight!" Sirius shouted and started howling like a werewolf.

"Shit, shit, oh shit," Lily shouted, snatching the towel from James, giving him a death glare in the process, and running off down the hall once she was covered.

"Sorry to interrupt your little get together with Evans," Remus sniggered.

"That girl has a really nice butt. Mind if I have her, if things don't work out?" Sirius said, whistling and still looking down the hallway where Lily had been moments before.

Lily ran all the way to the Gryffindor common room and from there all the way to the girls' dormitory, ignoring the stares the whole way. She burst into her room and shut the door behind her, glaring at her friends who were on the floor in a circle.

They all burst into fits of laughter when they saw Lily's flushed cheeks and the way she was clutching the towel, like it was the only thing keeping her alive.

"Hey Lils," Sophia said as soon as she could breath regularly again.

"This was you guys who did this, wasn't it?" Lily said, surprised.

"Well…I guess you could put it that way, but it wasn't our fault that James was so eager to see you in the shower," Eva said and they all started laughing at again.

"Well guess what? You should have given him a bowl of popcorn and invited the school because he wasn't the only one," Lily growled.

"What?" all of the girls yelled at once.

"Remus and Sirius showed up after James took my towel from me," Lily growled and went over to her trunk to get out a shirt.

"He what," Paige yelled, now quite pissed off at James.

"Oh yeah, it was quite a show. Too bad no one taped it; we might have really won on America's Home Funniest Videos," Lily replied sarcastically.

"That boy better be running by the time I get to him," Sophia yelled and ran out of the room before anyone could stop her.

"Woops," Natalie and Chloe chorused, but then the room went silent.

"Well I am off to breakfast," Lily finally said and stomped out of the room.

"Maybe that wasn't the best idea on our part," Eva commented and was returned with many nods of her friends' heads.

Sophia raced down the stairs, thinking where she was most likely to find James, Sirius and Remus. She decided to take the path to the prefects' bathroom considering the fact that the boys might still be there. Sophia quickly took off in that direction and was rewarded with the sound of James, Sirius and Remus laughing.

Sophia came up around the corner and saw the boys laughing like nothing bad had happened.

"Sophia, babe, what's up?" Sirius shouted to her as he spotted her at the end of the hall.

"Oh there is a lot that is up," Sophia growled back as she stalked towards them.

"Something wrong?" Remus questioned, cautiously.

"Did someone get your panties in a twist?" James asked innocently. "Maybe a certain Malfoy?"

"Actually, no one got my panties in a twist, but it just so happens that someone got my friend's towel in a twist…after they stole it from her," Sophia answered, hotly, glaring James down.

"Sophia, babe, if you've got it, flaunt it. That's my motto," Sirius coed and was answered with a slap.

"There, I shall flaunt my hand," Sophia growled and continued to glare at James. "I think you boys have some explaining to do. Oh and Sirius, I'm free on Saturdays if you want to continue this outside. I'm sure we will have a fine date," Sophia said sarcastically.

Sophia then grabbed James' and Sirius's ears, dragging them down the hall towards Gryffindor Tower, with Remus at her heals like an obedient dog.

Lily slumped down the stairs and into the common room where a first year ran up to her.

"I am sorry to bo-bo-bother you," the kid stuttered, "but my friend and I were wondering if you could give us a hand with our charms."

Lily, happy to have something to distract her with, nodded her acceptance and followed the shy first year over to a table where another girl with brown hair in a ponytail sat.

Lily helped the two girls with their homework and just as she finished, was shaken by a disruption in the portrait hole. Lily looked up and met Sophia's eyes as Sophia dropped James and Sirius, who were whimpering like puppies. Remus was close behind.

Sophia motioned for Lily to come over. Lily walked over to Sophia and her pile of boys. A small crowd of onlookers had now gathered.

"We had a wonderful talk, which resulted in James, Remus and Sirius needing to say something to you," Sophia said and nodded towards the boys.

"You have a nice ass," Sirius yelled, grinning.

"Sirius!" Sophia yelled and glared at the boy who immediately sunk back. "What would you boys really like to say?" she asked, gathering herself.

"We are deeply sorry for our wrong doings," Remus said first.

"You can go Remus if Lily finds your apology up to expectations," Sophia answered, lightly.

Lily laughed; she couldn't help it. Sophia had dragged these three boys up here and had them sitting here with, metaphorically speaking, their tales between their legs. "Yes, it was quite good," Lily said once she had collected her composure.

"Who will be next then? Well speak you pig-headed gits," Sophia growled as they continued to huddle in silence.

"I am sorry that my wandering eyes and flowing hormones needed an outlet at the exact moment that your towel was taken by little Jamsie here," Sirius said, grinning sheepishly.

The response was so like Sirius that she couldn't help, but let him go. Sirius quickly ran up into the boys' dormitory screaming, "I AM ALIVE AND FREE, ALIVE AND FREE!"

"Well James, that leaves you, the cause of this destructive humiliation," Sophia said and then ended with, "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Well, first of all you are not my mother," James said, looking at Sophia and gaining confidence with each word. "I am not sorry about what I did since I did warn Lily that I was going to do it. I am not hormonally challenged, which could explain why I enjoyed the view so much. Also, at the moment I am extremely hungry and think I will be off to breakfast," James said and almost walked away.

"Potter," Lily screeched, no longer laughing. James had no right to do that.

"Why yes Lily dear?" James asked.

"I think it is time we had a private talk of our own," and with that Lily grabbed James' arm with a lot more strength then she thought she had in her and dragged him out the door and down the stairs.

Author's notes – Well, I had a lovely weekend at Spring Gathering. I met this girl named Frankie and we had an awesome time sniffing sticks that smelled like watermelon.

Review Thanks:

Greengrl – Aww thanks so much. I am glad you love the story and I am terribly sorry that I have taken forever to finally update.

HarryluvsMoaningMyrtle – Sigh, I would have to agree with you there. American Idiot is an amazing song.

IamSiriusgrl – I am glad that you like it. I decided it was time to give people some comic relief when I started writing it.

Brilover – Hmm, maybe she will. I shall have to sleep on it because at this moment I am in utter ecstasy from my lovely weekend.

Omega-I – Sirius is quite a devious one so outsmarting people is completely his nature. I am thinking of some way for Lily to get the password from them. I shall go and scheme now.

SirusLivesOn – It is a shame, but now some of them have finally left the dark side and become nice, which is pretty cool. But there are still some annoying people out there who shall hopefully realize the wrong doing of their ways sooner or later. I am very glad you liked the chapter.

Flame Of Desire – Thanks! Your review totally made my day! Have some hugs.

The oh so psycho one