Disclaimer – Lies are lies and saying I owned Harry Potter would definitely be a lie.
Author's notes – hey look, it's me!
Date chapter started: Sunday, May 29, 2005
Date chapter ended: Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Date story updated: Thursday, September 1, 2005
"Nowhere, Now here."
Todd Biers, my poetry teacher
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Chapter 6 – Randy Remus
Lily continued to drag James until they arrived outside by the lake. The whole time this was happening, the words I love Potter began to appear across Lily's chest. When they finally stopped by a tree, Lily was still fuming more than ever. James grinned cheekily at the sight.
"What are you laughing at?" Lily scowled.
"Well, I really like your shirt. How much did it cost to have one custom made? I think I might get one myself," James sniggered.
Lily looked down at her shirt and clumsily read the message. When she had deciphered what it said she looked up at James and bit her lip to stop herself from crying; she, Lily Evans, would never let James Potter watch her cry because of his torments. Crying was for before you fall asleep when no one is listening or for bathroom stalls during lunch, not under beautiful trees by a lake while you are being harassed by James Potter. "Go," Lily managed to sputter out.
James looked taken aback, not catching on to how Lily was feeling. Confused, he teased, "I thought we were going to have a civilized conversation dear?"
"Leave," Lily said, pausing, "now."
"But really, this couldn't quite be called a talk; I mean I have orgasms longer than this," James continued to tease.
"Which part did you now understand? The go or leave now?" Lily shouted into his face, poking his shoulder to emphasize each word.
"Ok, I'm going," James said shrugging his shoulders and walking off.
The second Lily thought he could no longer see her, she slumped against a tree and buried her face in her hands, letting the tears silently fall and slip down her arm to collect at the bottom of her elbow only to fall to the ground and be absorbed into a dark world.
James, when he was almost far enough to no longer see Lily, turned back to look at her. Lily was slumped against the tree, her shoulders shaking with gentle sobs.
All of the sudden, Lily stopped and stared up at the sky and let out the loudest bloodcurdling scream James had ever heard in his whole life. Caught by sudden surprise, James took off at top speed towards the castle.
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When James arrived at the common room, things had calmed down a bit, but there were still many people watching as he blasted through the portrait hole and ran up the boys' dormitory staircase with Lily nowhere to be found. James ran straight into his room and slammed the door behind him, slumping down to the floor, panting.
"Shit, shit, shit," James muttered.
Sirius, Peter and Remus looked over and gave James puzzled looks.
Sirius raised an eyebrow, "Woman troubles, mate?"
"Erm…you could say that," James said as his breathing returned to normal.
"That means time for girl talk," Sirius squealed and bounced on the bed earned himself a thud as he hit the top of the bed.
"Padfoot," James began, pausing, and then adding, "not now."
Remus had been quiet the whole time and observing the expression on James' face. "He's afraid," Remus said all of the sudden.
"I am not," James said all-too-quickly.
"Ooh did the big scary Lily get you?" Sirius teased.
"We were down by the lake and she let out the hugest fucking scream I have ever heard," James confessed.
"Let me guess, you took off like the devil itself was after you," Remus finished.
James nodded, still horrorstricken.
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Lily, when she was finished, stood back up since classes were going to start in five minutes. Lily headed back to the castle and arrived at Gryffindor castle just as classes were about to begin. Her friends were nowhere in sight, which surprisingly helped Lily calmed down. She felt guilty for the fact of being relieved, but for the last day all her mates had done was cause trouble, trouble where Lily ended up with the short end of the stick.
Lily stumbled up to her bedroom and gathered up her belongings and then off she headed to her first class. She arrived a whopping fifteen minutes late and was welcomed with minus ten points Gryffindor and a stern look from the teacher. Just to Lily's luck, the only seat left was next to Sirius Black, who was next to James Potter.
Lily growled but made her way over to the seat. She noticed that as she sat down, Sirius and James seemed to shrink away. She decided to have a little fun in her already ruined day so she barred her teeth at the two boys and was rewarded with the slightest of whimpers.
Sirius scooted his chair over and clutched James' arm for safety. "The she-devil is after me," Sirius whispered to James.
"Actually she's after the both of you," Lily whispered to Sirius, with a smug grin drawn across her face and laughter dancing in her eyes.
Class continued mostly the same with Sirius and James trying to meet Lily's every demand as to not have her scare them again. Lily found it quite satisfying to have two slaves at the tips of her fingers.
When class finally finished, James and Sirius were the first people out the door. Lily giggled to herself as she gathering all her books together, feeling some of her horrible start to a day lifting away nicely. Except at that moment, Lily's friends decided it was the opportune moment to have a little chat, which frankly was not what Lily wanted.
"Hey Lils," Eva said as her friends moved in for the kill.
"Look, we are really sorry about what we did," Paige pleated as Lily started to ignore them.
"And it won't ever happen again," Natalie started, then added, "for a whole three days."
Lily just kept on walking as they trailed behind her, trying to make up for what they had done. By the time they made it to their next class, Lily was ready to strangle her friends. "Will you please shut up," Lily growled at them and they all stopped talking at once.
Lily went and sat next to Alice, one of her fellow Gryffindor, who was practicing her charms.
"Hello Lily," Alice said as Lily sat down. "What brings you over here. I thought you would be sitting with the k3w or maybe even James Potter," Alice said it in a friendly way so Lily didn't feel threatened or anything. Although, Lily didn't know that Alice was a little angry because she thought that Lily had changed and wanted to be more popular so that was why she was dating James Potter.
Alice had always liked Frank Longbottom and the Marauders had never been very nice to Frank so Alice had never been very fond James and his friends.
"They all played a sick joke on me so I'm going solo for awhile," Lily said, without leaving any details.
"Oh," Alice responded. "May I ask what they did?"
"No," Lily said, not really in the mood to have her privacy invaded.
Alice and Lily stopped talking after that for the rest of the class except for when they had to work as partners for the charms work during the last twenty minutes of class. Once class had finished Lily turned to Alice.
"Thanks for not digging into my privacy Alice. It was nice being your partner," and then Lily left without saying goodbye or anything else.
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By lunchtime, Lily had finally forgiven all her friends, but not James. James and Sirius had gotten over being scared of Lily. Sophia was sitting with Lucious Malfoy and his friends, feeding him lies about her no longer being friends with the k3w. Lily, Eva, and Natalie were all eating together. Chloe was eating with Remus a couple seats down. Paige was with the boy from the library practically knocking him out with her boobs, but he didn't seem to mind.
"We are really sorry, Lils," Eva and Natalie said for about the sixth time since lunch had started.
Lily laughed, "You guys I got the point the first fifty times you apologized."
"Just as long as you know we are really, really, really sorry," Eva said and gave Lily a side hug.
"Yes, I am fine and I know you and the rest of the k3w are really sorry," Lily said.
They all continued to talk, but Natalie went silent as I shadow came up behind Lily and someone tapped her on the shoulder.
"What do you want, Pot-James," Lily said, reminding herself that she was supposed to pretend she liked him.
"What are you talking about?" Sirius said from behind Lily.
Lily turned around and came face to face with Sirius. "Black, what the hell are you doing tapping me on the shoulder?" she growled.
"I have a proposition having to do with the little present I gave you yesterday," Sirius said, bending down and whispering in Lily's ear.
"Do you really think you want to bring that subject up around me," Lily said, her eyes flashing.
"Well this really could come to your benefit, but if you don't want to wager I will be off then," Sirius said and started to turn.
"Fine you have five minutes to convince me this is worthwhile," Lily said, caving in with curiosity.
"Privately please," Sirius said and motioned towards the way out of the great hall.
Lily got up and walked out of the great hall at Sirius' heels. They turned down the corridor and came to a broom closet that Sirius opened and pulled Lily in after him.
"Why are we in a broom closet, Black?" Lily questioned. She realized that five years ago you wouldn't have been able to give her enough galleons for her to spend time in a broom closet with Sirius Black.
"We need to make sure that we are not disturbed because it has to do with the map and why you are dating James," Sirius replied easing her into the bargain. "As you remember you cannot work the map yet and I will not tell you yet especially because you have not held up your half of the bargain yet, which was to tell me why you are dating James.
Lily listened to what he had to say, "So what you are saying is you would like me to tell you why I am dating James and then you would like me to strike a deal with you so that I can use the map."
"Precisely," Sirius said.
"Ok, I'll tell you why I am dating James, which will hold up my side of the first bargain, but only if you promise to not say a word to anyone about it and I mean no one. If I find out you told anyway, you will have hell to pay for it," Lilt threatened.
"Deal," Sirius agreed and they shook on it.
"Ok so you know how James has always teased me since my first year at Hogwarts," Lily said.
"He hasn't teased you. He was only being playful," Sirius argued.
"Sirius do you want me to tell you or not?" Lily questioned impatiently.
"Yes," Sirius nodded.
"Ok, then no interrupting," Lily said and continued on with the story. "James would always tease me so this year on the train to school, the k3w and I came up with an idea. We decided it was time to deflate the egos of a whole bunch of guys. Well James being one of the biggest headed gits out there was put on the list. James having been so keen on me these past years made the k3w decide that I would be the one to get him. So I am dating James for three weeks and then I am supposed to break up with him and see how much he likes it," Lily finished.
Sirius was quite for a moment and pondering. "Ok so you are a bloody bitch," Sirius confirmed.
"You wanted the truth Black, so I gave it to you and you promised not to tell James," Lily growled back, not enjoying being called a bitch.
"Ok, ok. That's fair even if I don't like what you are telling me," Sirius agreed, calming down a bit and both of them could feel some of the tension from over the years fade away a bit.
"So, about me learning how to use the map. What are you going to want for that?" Lily asked, feeling slightly uncomfortable by the fact that Sirius and she were bonding.
"Now that I have heard your story, I want you to break up with James. Please don't put him through dating you for three weeks only to get broken up with," Sirius pleaded and then paused.
"Bla-Sirius, I can't. I made a deal with the k3w that I would do this. You have to understand that," Lily said. "Plus I haven't exactly been shown any reason why I would not want to hurt James yet."
"Lily, he is a lot better than you think. I am begging you to not put him through this. And if you are going to put him through this, at least tell him what you are doing so he won't get his hopes up. He actually likes you Lily, even if you can't understand that," Sirius continued to beg.
"But that would ruin the whole thing if I told him. What would be the point then?" Lily argued.
"Lily, if you hurt him I will get you back ten times worse. I am being kind right now and giving you a chance to reconsider this. I want you to think over everything I have just said and make a decision and then bring your answer to me, but trust me, if you hurt him I will get you back," Sirius said with a lot of force, ruining the small bond him and Lily had made for a second.
"You work the map by tapping it with your wand and saying I solemnly swear I am up to no good. Meet me in Hogsmeade tomorrow night after dinner at the Three Broomsticks. I will be waiting for your decision then," Sirius said then gave Lily a tiny, gentle kiss on the cheek and was out of the closet before she could say goodbye.
Lily was left to take in everything Sirius had just said.
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(Let's go back a few minutes and see what James is up to)
James had just finished pestering Sirius to go find out why Lily was dating him. Sirius got up and walked over to Lily and some of her friends. James was so anxious to find out, that he couldn't even eat, which was quite unusual for him. James watched as Lily exited the hall behind Sirius and they went to the left.
James decided that he couldn't wait to have Sirius rely the message onto him so he silently followed the pair down the hallway. James watched as Sirius pulled Lily into one of the broom closets along the hall. He felt a pang of jealousy that Lily would have never let him pull her into a broom closet and especially after the prank he had pulled on her with Sirius' help, he had diminished any chance he would ever have to spend time in a broom closet with Lily Evans.
James slowly crept down the hallway making sure that Lily and Sirius would not hear him approaching. When he finally made it to the closet door, he bent his head up to the door so that his ear was right next to the keyhole. James began to listen in on the conversation.
"Ok, then no interrupting," James heard Lily say to Sirius and then continue. "James would always tease me so this year on the train to school, the k3w and I came up with an idea. We decided it was time to deflate the egos of a whole bunch of guys. Well James being one of the biggest headed gits out there was put on the list. James having been so keen on me these past years made the k3w decide that I would be the one to get him. So I am dating James for three weeks and then I am supposed to break up with him and see how much he likes it," Lily finished.
James felt like he had been stabbed. He stood up and walked off down the hall like a zombie. He had really thought that Lily might have actually had a little bit of affection for him. Now he realized it was all just a game to her. A game where he was the laughing object. This was heartless, even for Lily Evans. He was so astonished he almost headed to the infirmary to get his ears checked, but instead he headed off to bed.
When James finally made it to his dormitory he sat on his bed and would not let himself cry. Real men don't cry he told himself over and over again. Eventually he just lay down on his pillow and let one small tear run down his cheek. That's Lily Evans for you. He had always known that green-eyed girl would be a heartbreaker. He just never thought his heart was weak enough to be broken.
"Never again," James whispered to himself and drifted off into restless sleep.
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(Now back to the great hall where Chloe is)
Chloe was sitting next to Remus, while they both ate and Remus conversed with Peter. Chloe wished that Remus would just ask her out because she was too shy to ask him out herself.
"Remus, I'm going to go chat with the k3w," Chloe said and waved goodbye to Peter and Remus, walking over to where Eva and Natalie sat talking.
Chloe sat down where Lily had been sitting moments before and began to complain to her friends. "Eva, he treats me like I'm just another guy," Chloe pouted.
"But Chloe, have you seen the way he looks at you," Paige put in.
"So what? Paige, has a boy ever asked you out because he looked at you?" Chloe asked.
"Well no," Paige realized.
"All he likes to do is talk to me. He won't even hold my hand," Chloe continued.
"Yeah, I say your hands brush against each other yesterday and Remus turned red in the face and wouldn't talk for the rest of class," Eva agreed.
The three girls sat silently for a moment in thought until Paige broke the silence. "I have figured it out," Paige said, grinning from ear to ear.
Eva and Chloe leaned in from across the table and whispered, "What is it?"
"Well, one time when I was eaves dropping on my older sister from my dad's side who is a pureblood, I heard her talking about this potion called a randy potion. She said she found the ingredients for it in the restricted section. A randy potion sounds like just the ticket for Remus," Paige said.
Eva and Chloe nodded in agreement. "This is going to be excellent," Eva said.
The three girls got up and headed off to the library. When they got there, Ms. Dung was putting some books on the shelves.
"Let me handle this," Chloe said.
Chloe walked up to Ms. Dung and tapped her on the shoulder. The librarian turned around to face Chloe and said, "May I help you dear?"
"Hello, Ms. Dung, I was wondering if I could take out a book for Professor Talon. You see, my friend Lily Evans is having detention with him, but she got sick today so I told her I would do it for instead. Professor Talon needed a book from the restricted section and he sent me to get it with a note," Chloe said. Behind her, she pulled out a piece of paper and waved her wand over it without Ms. Dung seeing it.
"May I see the note please?" Ms. Dung said impatiently.
"Yes," Chloe said and handed Ms. Dung the piece of paper.
Ms. Dung, I am sending you a student to pick up the book Flower of Seduction by Mr. Ralph Rooney from the restricted section. It would be so kind if you could send the student back with the book to me. Signed: Professor Talon
"Very well then, follow me," Ms. Dung said and ushered Chloe to the restricted section.
They walked down isle after isle until Ms. Dung stopped and ran her finger down the spines of the books, stopping when she came to Flower of Seduction.
"Here you are," Ms. Dung said and handed Chloe a book with a picture of hearts on it that kept popping.
They headed back into the main room and Chloe went off with Eva and Paige. The sung Stop In The Name of Love all the way back to Gryffindor Tower and then made their way up to Eva's dormitory. They all sat down in the middle of the room and flipped to the index. Paige searched down the page until she came upon the words that read, "Randy potion, page 512."
Paige flipped to page five and began to read the ingredients aloud, "Fill the cauldron with pumpkin juice to the halfway point and add in the tail of a rattle snake. From there, you stir it twenty-five times to the right with a wooden spoon and then the skin of a warthog. You then stir it twenty-five more times to the right and add in seven petals of a white rose. Your potion should turn to a cream color and you should stir it five more times to the left, turning it a light pink color. You then add a stick of cinnamon and drink. The result is randiness for up to three days. Instant results are guaranteed. You can turn potion into anything from chocolates to a milk shake. Potion suggested only for human consumption"
"Let's get started," Chloe said, getting giggly.
Eva waved her wand and a cauldron, all the ingredients and a wooden spoon appeared between them. "So does Remus prefer chocolates or a milk shake?" Eva questioned with a sly grin on her face.
The girls all laughed and Paige began to pour in the pumpkin juice, handing Chloe the wooden spoon.
"Ok, Eva you put in the tail of a rattle snake and Chloe you stir it twenty-five times to the right," Paige instructed.
When they were finished with that, Paige continued to read, "Put in the skin of a warthog and stir it twenty-five more times to the right."
When Chloe was finished stirring it the second time, Paige added in the seven white rose petals and watched the potion turn to a cream color. "Ok Chloe, stir it five times to the left."
Chloe squealed with excitement, as the potion turned to a light pink like the book said it would.
"Eva, put in the stick of cinnamon and then we are ready to go!" Paige exclaimed.
Eva added in the stick of cinnamon and the potion bubbled for a couple seconds, they settled into a creamy, light pink mixture.
"So chocolates or a milkshake?" Eva asked Chloe.
"Chocolates," Chloe said.
Eva waved her wand and everything from their experiment disappeared leaving a box of chocolates behind. Chloe picked up the box and skipped out of the room, going to find Remus.
Eva saluted as Chloe left, "Good luck with randy Remus ol' pal."
Chloe made her way down to the common room where Remus was sitting alone on the couch, writing on a piece of parchment.
"Hey Remus," Chloe said and plopped down next to him.
"Hey Chloe," Remus said and sat down his paper.
"I got you some chocolates," Chloe said and beamed at him.
"Thanks Chloe," Remus said kind of confused.
"You're Welcome," Chloe said and then stood up, going to leave. "Tell me what you think of them when you try them."
Chloe started heading back to Eva's room while Remus opened up the box and popped the chocolate into his mouth. It began to melt the second it touched his tongue and he savored the creamy flavor. Suddenly he realized how much he really wanted to kiss Chloe.
"Hey Chloe wait," Remus shouted just as Chloe made it to the girls' dormitory stairs.
Remus made his way over to Chloe and pulled her up close to him. "I forgot to give you a present in return," Remus said and pulled Chloe into a kiss, the whole time drawing circles with his fingers on the small of her back.
"Kinky," Remus whispered under his breath, as they pulled apart.
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Author's notes – Let's see what is new with me. I met this really hot guy named Owen and I was like damn boy you are sexy. Then I got my heartbroken by this dickhead named Steve S. Haynes. The I told this Steve kid to never ever fucking speak to me again so that was all good, but now two months later I decided I would speak to him, but I cannot get that stupid fuck out of my mind and I HATE HIS GUTS! Yeah and then I saw my childhood sweetheart at a party last week so that was all crazy and I learned some stuff about him and I swear to god that kid is like my soul mate. So life has been crazy for me and I am so sorry it has taken me so long to update.
Since review thanks are no longer allowed (which is so dumb by the way) I cannot thank any of you lovely ones
-The oh so psycho one
