A/N: Sorry I haven't updated for a long time. Every time I think: "I'm going to update today" I end up not wanted to do it. I'm making this one a song/ story chapter, with lyrics from Hate me, by Blue October. I only got about three reviews. Thank you Harmony'sSake, Nocturnal007, and otaku dreamer!

Remus's POV

If you're sleeping are you dreaming
If your dreaming are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me.

She looked at him, eyes sparkling with the tears inside like the stars above them. He reached out his hand to touch her cheek, to comfort her, but he hit something cold and hard. Glass surrounded her, covering every inch of her body in a case, locking him out, locking her in. Tears came to his own eyes as a wind blew and she turned to shimmering dust between his fingers…

He opened is eyes, but it was so dark in the moist, cold room that he couldn't tell the difference between eyes open and closed. He folded his hands in his lap and listened to the slow breathing of the werewolves around him. He thought of Nymphadora again. The same dream, the same thoughts.

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that makes nowhere feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous stirring in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Had she given up on him? He had no idea. He wanted to see her, to talk to her. But he knew that when he did, his heart would burst with the wanting, and the knowing that nothing he said could reach her. He drifted to sleep again.

She was standing on the shore while he drifted away in the stormy sea, calling her name into the wind. She didn't flinch, or hear him at all, just stared intently and solemnly at the horizon. He wanted to stand with her, but he was drifting slowly further and further…

This time he woke up and pale and dirty sunlight filtered in through cracks in the walls.

The rest of the men were devouring the leftovers from last night's hunt. It had been two and a half months since he went on his first hunt. He stuck close to John ever night and stole from various shops and houses, but never killed like the others. John wouldn't say so, but he couldn't kill. That's why he was put in charge of Remus.

Remus grabbed a dirty chicken leg and shook his head roughly to clear it of any thought of Tonks, but he was unsuccessful.

She must hate him. She should hate him! Why would she love him? She was better off hating his guts, and he knew it. Hate was good, in this instance. Love would destroy them.

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

"Remus!" John came over to him, "Full moon tonight. We have to spend the day positioning ourselves for tonight."

How could he forget? He was dreading it. He still had no information on the werewolves joining Voldemort, and on the full moon Dumbledore told him to question Fenrir, since he would be excited and loose- lipped. He had tried twice before, on the other two full moons, but Fenrir was busy and waved him off before Remus got a word out.

The pack finished breakfast and hurried outside.

"We're hiding in the bushes by the school tonight. The children come out, and we attack!" Greyback yelled orders in the morning sunlight. His plan was met with a chorus of howls as they thundered down the path to the town.

Remus ran to catch up with Greyback.

"I'm curious; do you plan on joining Voldemort when he comes around?" He asked, straightforward.

"Oiy! Think I'll give away my plans to you?" Fenrir Greyback roared with laughter.

"I'd like to know," I stood my ground, staring him down. That was the only way to get information out of him, as I had discovered.

"Of course I will! He'll give us food! Meat! Power! …freedom."

Did Remus just see what he thought he did? A flicker of something came over Greyback's eyes with the word freedom. A flicker of hope, longing, and something… human. His eyes had become soft and his voice quiet.

"Freedom?" Remus said, almost a whisper. Fenrir stopped walking.

"You know what it's like. Trying to live with humans, abandoned, turned away again and again. Rejected by everyone you…love."

The last word came out in a whimper, barely there and almost incomprehensible. He was unsure of the word and seemed to like the way it felt on his lips.

"They think we're monsters and," his eyes turned dark and a shadow fell over his face, "We are."

He ran ahead and left Remus at the back of the group. He had seemed so human for a while. There are mysteries in everyone's past, he thought, and no one can be all evil. It was puzzling him. He found out a while ago that it was Greyback that bit Remus in the first place, and everything he felt about him seemed to be crashing around his feet. Greyback was supposed to be evil, nothing more to it. He saw him up ahead, barking orders to the men, and decided he hadn't changed. He was always like this, but the word freedom seemed to stir some memory, or feeling, in the very pit of his soul, bringing it to the surface, through all the hate and killing above the depths of his mind.

He caught up with the group as they reached the school. The walk was long and it was lunchtime now. They hid in the dark forest beside the school and John walked over to Remus.

"What were you talking to Fenrir about?" he asked. He looked into his eyes. They were human and intelligent looking. He wanted to trust John, he really did, but it could be a trick.

"Nothing. About tonight," Remus brushed the question away. John wasn't convinced.

"Please tell me," John looked so honest…

"Voldemort," Remus blurted out. John's eyes turned wide, and he stepped back as if Remus might lash out at him.

"V- Voldemort?" John stammered.

"I asked if he would join him," Remus replied solemnly.

"And?"

"He said yes," Remus replied. John sank to the ground on his knees, his face in his hands.

"No," he breathed. He shoulders shook, but he wasn't crying.

He looked up.

"I promised myself I wouldn't! I wouldn't follow him to the slaughterhouse! I won't! I never wanted to come! God, Annie! He wants me to commit what we fought against! THE VERY THING I SWORE TO DESTROY. Help me Annie! Anne! A- Annie!" John tilted his head to the sky and screamed at the clouds. Remus backed away, scared.

John collapsed and moaned into his hands.

"Annie. Annie. Please," he whispered over and over. Remus walked over and placed a hand on his back.

"It's all right. Tell me about Annie," he whispered soothingly.

"We were married. We had a daughter, Jessica. They were the people I loved most in the world and the only thing I'll ever truly love. We were fighting Voldemort in the Ord-" he stopped suddenly, his eyes wide with shock at what he had almost revealed.

"The Order?" Remus finished for him breathlessly.

"How do you know about it?" He asked, eyes still wide.

"I belong," Remus answered, against his better judgment. John looked him up and down as if seeing him for the first time.

"But you're a werewolf," he said. Remus nodded.

"You think Dumbledore cares?" Remus asked. John breathed deeply and held back tears. He went on with his story shakily.

"We belonged to the Order and then I got bit on a mission. I disappeared and I never saw my Annie again. For all I know she could be married or… dead," he shuddered. An image and name suddenly clicked into place in Remus's mind.

"Annie Hemmings?" Remus asked. A quiet girl with fair skin and curling, shining black hair with big solemn eyes that he saw once and a while at the headquarters…

"Y- yes!" he cried.

"She's not dead," Remus informed him. John stood up, looking joyful. Then another thought came through John's mind and he sobered again.

"Is she married?"

"No idea," Remus said. They sat in silence and evening fell. Remus wondered if someday he would be like John, not knowing where Tonks is, or if she was married. Remus jumped at the thought of Tonks getting married. Suddenly he couldn't restrain a mental picture of him in a tuxedo and Tonks in a shining white dress… No!
I can't let my mind get like that, he told himself. As darkness fell and the time to attack grew near, fear gripped his heart. The other times Fenrir had led them to the empty field beside the lair and trained them, like an army, to attack. Now a battle was drawing near, and every soldier sat poised and ready for a surprise attack.

The children filed past the trees, talking, and Fenrir lifted his hand in a signal…

Somewhere a clock chimed, twelve times, and stuck midnight. A tingling went through his body and fur grew up his arms and legs… dozens of werewolves stood snarling in the dark and bounded out of the woods. Children's screams echoed through the dark and Remus ran after them. Suddenly he faced a child, an eleven year old girl, cowering in fear beneath him, eyes screwed up in pain. He bent over her and… stopped. Crystal blue eyes showed as she opened them in fear and a silent scream froze on her lips…

Familiar eyes. His wolfish senses knew he couldn't attack. The eyes were identical to those of… John? A thought broke through the endless drone of Attack, Attack, Attack that ran through his mind and suddenly he blinked and his mind was clear. He scooped the shaking child onto his back and ran into the woods, determined not to look back in fear of what disturbing sights would meet his eyes. He stopped a mile into the trees and put the tiny girl on the ground softly in a clearing. She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. She must have seen something there because she reached out a shaking hand and touched his muzzle. She climbed back onto his back softly and understood the he wouldn't hurt her. He took her to the end of the woods, in the city, and she got off and smiled at Remus.

"Thank you for saving me," she whispered slowly. Then she turned away. Remus felt the fur receding and his head clearing as he transformed into a human again. There was something so familiar in the way the little girl walked…

"Wait," Remus called. She turned, surprised to see a man standing there.

"I won't hurt you. I just to know something," he assured her. She nodded.

"Met me in the field by the old warehouse tomorrow night. I won't be a werewolf, I promise. Please come. I have someone I think you'll want to meet. I won't hurt you."

"I'll be there," She said before hurrying away. Remus walked back to the lair, his head foggy. It couldn't be possible, could it? Here, of all places… he was imagining things. But tomorrow he would bring John to the field and maybe, just maybe, they would see. Because, for a second, Remus had thought that she could be… John's daughter.

He arrived at headquarters and sneaked in, everyone bragging and excited about the killings and how many children they bit. Remus was disgusted.

John was asleep in a corner and Remus left him. He'd tell him tomorrow what he may or may not have found.

Remus ducked back out and walked along the path. So much had happened tonight and yet…

His thoughts went back to Tonks, just as they always did when he mind was unoccupied.

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

Sorry about the emotional roller coaster thing. Review! I NEED IDEAS AND FEEDBACK PLEASE.