Based on the song "Not Ready to Make Nice", sung by the Dixie Chicks. The only thing I changed was the part: "It's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger"—since Kurapika is a boy, I changed it to 'son' and 'he'.

Disclaimer: Don't own the manga, don't own the song

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Forgive, sounds good

Kurapika was tired. Tired both physically and emotionally. His life revolved around two main points—killing off the Genei Ryodan and collecting the eyes of his clan. Day in, day out, he fed his chains his life-sustaining nen. Day in, day out, he kept his eyes in their red state for long periods of time to practice for when the time came he had to battle yet another member of the Spiders.

Forget, I'm not sure I could

Sometimes, when he closed his eyes, he could still clearly picture the scene on that fateful day, long, long ago. His mother, father, siblings, friends—all the people he loved, and many, many more—sprawled out on the ground in grotesque positions. Some of them had limbs cut off; others had gaping holes where their hearts should have been. Even more had were missing chunks of flesh. And everywhere, bloody heads. Heads without eyes.

They say time heals everything

But I'm still waiting

It had been so many years since the massacre. So many long, tortuous days, all alone, tramping the dusty streets of the world trying to learn what he could and get powerful. So many years of suffering—with nobody to help his limping steps. After all, he was close to sixteen when he took the Hunter Exam and met Leorio, Gon, and Killua.

I'm through with doubt

There's nothing left for me to figure out

The first few days after the incident, Kurapika didn't know what he should do. He blanked out his mind while forcing his limbs to work, burying each individual in separate graves, trying to find the body parts that fit with one body, the head that fit with another. He had to take many breaks, many rests. How old had he been? It was so long ago he could hardly remember. Six? Seven? Possibly, five?

It was after the burial that he had decided to take revenge.

I've paid a price

And I'll keep paying

The future had always been crystal clear to Kurapika—sacrifice everything to get revenge. Throw aside pride, morals, even friends—throw aside everything he had been raised up to respect—for one goal.

I'm not ready to make nice

I'm not ready to back down

He had sacrificed everything—did Leorio actually think he'd forgive and forget?

I'm still mad as hell and

I don't have time to go round and round and round

His rage hadn't died down yet—he wasn't going to waste time thinking about whether or not the Genei Ryodan had feelings or not. They were the murderers of his clan—they didn't deserve to live!

It's too late to make it right

I probably wouldn't if I could

It was too late—too late to change his mind. And even if he had another chance—a chance to start over—would he actually abandon his goal of revenge?

'Cause I'm mad as hell

Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Killua never said anything—but Kurapika knew what he meant, anyways. A piercing look from the side of his cyan eyes meant: I know how you feel. A slight lift of his eyebrows meant: At least you had a childhood. I'm still trying to make up for the childhood I never had. A brief touch on Kurapika's sleeve and the tiniest hint of a frown meant: Revenge is empty. You'll never find happiness from that.

I know you said

Can't you just get over it

Gon could never understand why Kurapika couldn't just be happy. Wouldn't your clan want you to be happy? He asked, puzzled. Why can't you just get over it?

It turned my whole world around

And I kind of like it

Kurapika suddenly had a new goal—live through the revenge of his clan. He was still going to kill the Genei Ryodan, but he would survive it. To be happy. To celebrate each new day with his friends.

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby

With no regrets and I don't mind sayin'

At the end of each long day, Kurapika would fall asleep the second his head touched the mattress. He rarely dreamed—although when he did they were always nightmares. He didn't regret traveling on the path of revenge—although guilt burdened on his soul, the grief of his one person was nothing compared to what his clansmen had suffered. And anyways, it would soon be over. Soon.

It's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her

Son that he ought to hate a perfect stranger

The last words of his mother were forever imprinted in his brain. I...love you…Kurapika…Please—Spiders…Genei Ryodan…kill…hate…revenge…love you…

She died in his arms.

And how in the world can the words that I said

Send somebody so over the edge

Before Kurapika killed Ubogin, he told him of his vow to kill the Genei Ryodan. Ubogin was mad, extremely so, but confident that Kurapika wouldn't be able to best the others in a fight, especially not Kuroro.

That they'd write me a letter

Sayin' that I better shut up and sing

Or my life will be over

Of course, they never realized how strong he was until he had Kuroro in his grasp. After he traded Kuroro's life for the lives of Killua and Gon, the Spiders finally realized the extent of his power. Although Kurapika didn't know it, they themselves made a vow to kill him, while trying to find a way to break the nen chains around Kuroro's heart.

I'm not ready to make nice

I'm not ready to back down

No matter what, he would accomplish his goal.

I'm still mad as hell and

I don't have time to go round and round and round

He could control his rage now—he was just too tired to let his eyes flash a fiery red every time he even thought about his clan or the Spiders. In battle, though, his rage was stronger than ever. Strong was good though, and he didn't try to restrain it.

It's too late to make it right

I probably wouldn't if I could

No regrets. Keep fighting to the end. He had always been trained, as a warrior, to never back down in battle. However, he doubted his fighting instructors had been thinking of this kind of situation when they taught him that.

'Cause I'm mad as hell

Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Gon, Killua, and Leorio tried to understand, and tried to help. They really did. But after the Yorkshin incident, Kurapika decided never to let them help again. He wouldn't risk letting them get hurt, and they were the only people left in the world he cared for. Besides, they believed he should quit the whole revenge business. And he couldn't—no matter how hard he tried.

I'm not ready to make nice

I'm not ready to back down

I'm still mad as hell and

I don't have time to go round and round and round

It's too late to make it right

I probably wouldn't if I could

'Cause I'm mad as hell

Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good

Forget, I'm not sure I could

They say time heals everything

But I'm still waiting.

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Woohoo! My first attempt at a songfic! I was listening to the song for the millionth time when inspiration struck. I wrote the paragraphs by using the song line as inspiration, so it's kinda like a lot of drabbles, even though I did try to connect them around a central theme. Kinda turned out weird, I like it though. Anyone else like?

Reviews always always always always always always always accepted!