This was a fic that happened around 2 AM after re-reading 22 chapters of tsubasa in one sitting. Yes, you can laugh. I'd call this a bit of a negative "what-if" story taking place after the series, and is Syaoran-centric. References to events up to volume 6 will appear later on, otherwise, this is safe from spoilers.

Disclaimer! - Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle, Tsubasa Chronicle, Syaoran, Syaoran Li's family, Kurogane, Fai, Mokona, Sakura, X/1999 and its characters, Cardcaptor Sakura, and anything else I may have taken snippets from are ALL property of the sugoi women of CLAMP. The other parts of the story are written by me, not you.

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Incurable - A Tsubasa RC Syaoran Angst/Tragedy fic

Chaptire 1 - Screams in the Night

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The hoarse cries echoed down the long corridor, sending shivers down the spines of patients and doctors alike, drawing the newcomers out of their rooms to peer out into the darkness. For the elder ones, this was nothing new - he uttered the same sad cries every night. 'No!... Don't do it!... Please don't take her away from me!.. Please...'.

Occasionally, words would pour from his mouth foreign to the listeners, some they heard more than others. 'Kurogane-san! Fai-san! Mokona!'.

Then the word with an unknown meaning, but which every doctor, patient and visitor recognized as his constant cry, the center of his nightmares. 'Hime!...'.

The sounds would start almost instantly after lights-out - as his same nightmare replayed in his head. It would begin with the soft whisperings of 'Forgive me, Hime... I'm so sorry...', escalating to pleas of terror and regret. 'Don't hurt them, please... No! Don't... don't kill them...'. On the worst of nights, it was rumored he tore at his own flesh, begging and pleading, 'No! Not her! I can't! Don't make me... god, no. SAKURA!', until at last, the noise grew intense enough to send the full staff of nurses to sedate him, sedating him with endless medication, until even the faint whisper grew silent. 'Hime...'.

And that was how it had been, for the past year and a half, for the residents of the Shinjuku mental institution, or more specifically, the patients in wing 4 - the "incurables" ward. All of them with strange diseases of their own, frequently made known their various grievances through the night, imagined or otherwise, but none as loudly as he. The young boy at the end of the hall, with blood-shot amber eyes. Possibly the least likely to recover, the doctors believed, though he was the youngest. It was rumored among the nurses that he never slept.

Many psychologists had come to try to 'understand' the cause of his 'night-fits' and 'hallucinations', in the 18 months since his containment, all with little success. "...false 'memory' flashes, parts of unknown language...", "No recollection of events earlier than 1 month before arrival...", "Claims to be of 'another world'... - the reports were all similarly inconclusive, revealing nothing about the causes of his current condition, or even what it was, for that matter. So for the past 8 months, no one had bothered to attempt communication with him, dubbing him 'completely unstable' and leaving it at that.

"It doesn't make sense..." The young woman muttered, tucking a locke of long blonde hair behind her ear while clutching a clip board thick with the tattered reports. "An scholarly young man of a fine family, wonderful relations, an future at the finest college on the continent. He had everything a 16 year old boy could want... What would cause such a drastic change in him, such violent hallucinations..."

"Heh... just like all the other fresh ones," The woman next to her laughed. She was older, more stooped, but she kept pace with the younger one, their heels clicking on the linoleum uniformly. "Doctor Monou, you are the last of 12 doctors to come through here. What makes you want to bother with such a case? Even his own family is terrified of him. He's hopelessly disturbed." She coughed, clearing her throat with a loud grunting noise as the girl slowed to a halt.

Kotori looked to the floor. "I just... I want to help people. Maybe, if there's any chance I could help him... I want to try my best!" She gave an eager, determined look at the woman, who saw the makings of an innocent asking to be broken, but smiled just the same.

"His room is right there." The elderly woman gestured, fumbling with a ring of keys in her pocket. Kotori stepped up to the small pane of glass in the door peering into the gloom.

It was a typical room, for an asylum such as this one. Padded walls, padded floors, a high ceiling. But this one was larger than the others, and completely unlit, save for 2 strips of florescent tube lights on the ceiling high above, which flickered at frequent intervals.

While most prisoners could be seen throwing themselves at walls, or hiding in corners, the boy she had come to see made no attempt to disguise his location. Clad in the same uniform white pants and top as the others, though unbound, as was accustomed here, he sat face up, unblinking, rigid on the floor of the room. His feet were to the door, and his face was invisible, covered by scraps of tangled brown hair, masking his expressionless face. His eyes, she noticed through the brown, were the deepest amber.

Kotori was nudged away, as the older woman turned the key and opened the door a crack. "Come in, Doctor Monou," she gestured, pulling on her sleeve, dragging her into the room.

"Are... is it safe to be alone with him?" She whispered, frailly, unwilling to make eye contact with the boy.

"Of course. He is particularly well today. Though he has his problems, not once has he made an attempt to hurt any one other than himself in his entire stay." With a smile, the nurse turned to leave, and Kotori felt a rush of shivers creep up her spine.

"Li Syaoran..." She called. "A Doctor Monou is here to talk with you." She smirked, as she closed the door, leaving Kotori alone, save for the company of a reported, severely insane young boy. A possibly dangerous severely insane young boy. She took a step further into the room, and cleared her throat. The boy didn't stir.

"Hello, there..." Kotori said gently. Hello was always a good way to start. "I'm Kotori Monou, and I'm 26 years old." So far so good, she thought. "May I ask... what is your name, or what would you like to be called?" It was always polite to ask such questions, she thought, though she knew the answer already. She sat down, slowly, near the wall closest to the door, as the boy lay motionless. A few seconds later, the strands of chestnut parted on the boys face, as his thin, but sturdy frame rose to a sitting position, facing the girl. For the first time, she looked directly into his amber eyes, and they met her frightened gaze.

Those eyes... their light, the light is almost completely gone... What could have - But her thoughts were cut off by the voice of her patient.

"From the time I was found, I have been Syaoran. Please call me that." Syaoran stared blankly at her, emotionless.

She could hear the pain in his voice, buried beneath the hoarseness and numbness. So much suffering... What could have caused these feelings? Kotori's curiosity had caught her. She longed to hear his tale. She wanted to understand him, why he had changed, what he believed he had seen... "Found? I had heard you were raised in Hong Kong, with your Mother Yela-"

"No." He interrupted, a sound of anger in his voice. "That woman, none of them are my family. I was alone, and will always be alone now..." His voice trailed off, and Kotori sensed his strange pain surfacing. She knew she had to be careful with what she said, as it would take very little to set him off, into another of what the nurses had called to "another one of his louder episodes"

"But... aren't you Syaoran Li? Born July 13, 1989, Age-"

"No!..." he said harshly, and began to clench his fists, breaking eye contact with Kotori, and staring at his curled toes. "I have always just been Syaoran. That was the name he gave me. I'm born on April 1st, just like her. She made it that way. We would always celebrate together. Always... Hime. Forgive me, please, Hime..." He began to rock back and forth, his head tucked firmly between his knees, repeating his last 2 words, until they became little more than a whisper.

"Syaoran..." She couldn't help but utter his name, her heart longing to hear more. This pain? Could it really be imagined? No dream could cause such suffering, such heartache...

She crawled onto her knees, and did what all her instructors warned her never to do. She crept catlike across the padded floor, drawing close to him. Her motherly nature urged her to embrace him, to hear his woes, to prevent him from feeling such sorrow... And then she was beside him. Her long blond hair fell in ribbons framing her face, as she extended a hand, reaching up to touch his dampened cheek. She gently swept her finger across it, pulling back the hair, as he raised his head to look up at the ceiling, panting, pale-skinned.

His eyes... so empty. Syaoran's eyes had now widened, and looked blank, dark, as they gazed up at the ceiling. His breath grew shallow, and Kotori now rose to her knees, extending both arms to him, cautiously, gently, slowly wrapping them around his trembling shoulders. She smiled, relieved as he allowed this, his breathing slowing slightly. She gently drew his body forward, towards her, letting his head come to a rest on her shoulder, his breath icy, but his forehead wet with sweat.

She leaned her head gently on his, gently stroking his hair with her hand. His eyes still wide with fear and sadness remained unblinking, as she began to whisper to him. "Everything will surely be all right, Syaoran, you don't have to fear me... Please believe me Syaoran, I want to understand... please let me understand your pain."

She held him in such a way, for a while, as his heartbeat began to return to normal, his breathing deeper. Syaoran turned to look at her, and she smiled, seeing the faint flicked of a light return again. She released him, and he let his body flop down on the padded floor, still staring up at Kotori. "You..."

"I want to believe you, Syaoran, to see what you see, to understand... Such intense feelings... I don't believe they could be a hallucination." She smiled at him, instantly regretting what had just transpired. She was fully ready to listen to any story this possibly insane patient would say, and knew she would most likely believe him. She sat down cross-legged beside him, as he resumed staring at the ceiling.

"Will you tell me your story?" She whispered.

And faintly, in the dim glow of the florescent lighting, she was sure he had nodded his head.

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Hello there, X fans! Wondering why I stuck Kotori in there? I wanted to take a familiar character with an understanding personality, and my impulse choices Sakura and Tomoyo, would be too involved. Kotori fit the part well enough. For non-readers of the X series, his takes place in a AU completely separate from the that one, so knowledge of that series is unnecessary.

Ch 1, Version 3.0 - Originally Written 2.20.06; Final Revision 2.6.07. \

Ahh, how good it feels to purge the engrish from my younger fics.