Yo! First Holly/Foaly fic in a while! Huzzah!
Okay, I own the following story, but only Libby White (Libby is Holly's niece...she's a few centuires younger...and in accounting) is mine. Too bad. I'd give them a good home.
The song is "Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne...I changed the lyrics to suit my needs.
So let's just cut the crap and get right to it, shall we?
Enjoy!
Foaly waited outside the council room, his front left hoof pawing the ground as he waited for his friend Libby White to come out. He needed to talk to the accountant on a matter she had brought up quite a long time ago. Foaly was rather nervous.
And hungry.
Libby's aunt has got it goin' on
Libby's aunt has got it goin' on
Most of Libby came out, but her head was still in the room.
"Uh huh," she was saying, "right…I completely agree…okay, enjoy your weekend... yes…okay…buh-bye." Libby pulled her head out a snapped the door shut. "Leeches! They're all leeches!" the elf suddenly exclaimed, and collapsed against the door, her eyes closed.
"Oh," she said, opening her eyes again, "hello, Foaly. What can I do for you?"
"How was the presentation?" Foaly asked, buying himself some time.
"It went as smoothly as a jagged diamond mountain ridge covered in needles, nails, screws, Brillo pads, thumbtacks, and the scrapings from the bottom of casserole dishes. But the important thing is that it is over for another three months. And I think I may have persuaded them to extend the budget slightly in the Records, Arsenal, and Technology department."
"Ooo…sweet."
"Key words: I think. But if you get it, don't spend it all in one place."
"Yes, mom. I need to talk to about something rather…eh… 'sensitive.'" Libby grew suspicious.
"Yeah, okay. Meet me on the steps in four minutes; I know a place where we can get something to drink."
"Right," Foaly said, "meet you then."
Libby's aunt has got it goin' on
Libby's aunt has got it goin' on
Foaly met Libby ten minutes after they had arranged.
"Sorry," the centaur apologized, "his majesty the commander held me back for a little bit."
"Jeez, did he make you clap erasers too?" Libby asked, raising an eyebrow and leading her friend toward a café.
"He looked like he wanted to."
Libby, I'll talk to you when I'm done with Sool.
Oh, and by the way, your presentation was cool.
"How's Holly?" Foaly asked casually. Libby perked up at her aunt's name.
"Oh, she's okay…kinda bummed not to be working in the LEP anymore, but she and Mulch have their hands full already."
"Right…right. Is this the place?"
"Uh-huh. It's cute, isn't it?"
"It looks…like a dilapidated land pimple."
"You're always so critical. Come on in, Captain Paranoia."
Did your aunt get back from her business trip?
Is she there, or is she trying to give me the slip?
After their orders were placed, Libby looked at Foaly expectantly.
"Soooo…" she said, "are you going to tell me or what?"
"Umm…do you remember that offer you made me…-50?- years ago?"
"No. What was it about?"
"Um…about…mumblemumblemumbleHolly."
"What?"
You know, I'm not the little boy that I used to be
I'm all grown up now, baby can't you see
"Excuse me," the teenage waiter said briskly. "Your iced tea," he said, placing the tall beverage in front of Libby, "and your carrot juice," he added, placing down Foaly's drink.
"What did you say?" Libby asked around her straw.
"That you… would or would not set me up with a person I may or may not be interested in, who is possibly or possibly not related to you in any way shape or form."
Libby's aunt has got it goin' on
She's all I want and I've waited for so long
Libby, can't you see you're just not the girl for me
I know it might be wrong but I'm in love with Libby's aunt
"Man, you're outta whack today. You're not sarcastic, snippy, annoying, or even (d), all of the above? Okay, okay," Libby amended, seeing her friend's irritated face. "'Would or would not' means definitely would, 'may or may not be interested in' means definitely interested a lot, and 'who is possibly or possibly not related to me in any way shape or form' means related to me. Sooo…."
Suddenly Libby's eyes grew wide, and Foaly felt himself turn red.
"You don't," she whispered, grinning. Foaly nodded slightly, and Libby gasped. "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap! This is really funny! I can't believe you swung that way! Wow!"
"Wait a minute! What are you talking about!"
"MY DAD! YOU WANT ME TO SET YOU UP WITH MY DAD!" Libby exclaimed, collapsing onto the table in a fit of laughter, pounded her fist against the wood
Libby's aunt has got it goin' on
Libby's aunt has got it goin' on
"Are you crazy?" Foaly asked, then noticed the people staring. He pointed behind his hand to the elf and mouthed the word, "Drugs."
Libby eventually wore herself out.
"No!" Foaly then said. "Holly! I want you to set me up with Holly!"
"Hah! Knew it," Libby said, instantly picking her head up.
"Wait…what?"
"I said I knew it. You were always making eyes at her, and she back, and you say each other's names like it was a prayer. Barf me a river, my friend."
"Well, if you knew, why did you say I was talking about your father?"
"Two reasons: one, to get you to admit you like my aunt, and two: to see the look on your face! It was priceless, really!"
Libby, do you remember when I fixed your CPU?
Your aunt snuck up, and poked my back and yelled "boo!"
I could tell she liked me from the way she stared
And the way she said, "You missed a jack over there"
"Okay, so are you going to help me or not?" Foaly asked, starting to get annoyed that he had ever brought Holly's feather-brained niece into this at all.
"Yes, I'll help. But first, I need to ask a few questions."
"All…right. Go ahead."
"Number one: If you should some how find yourself in my aunt's bed, will you leave her directly after the sex?"
"Excuse me?" Foaly asked, blushing harder than ever.
"Answer the question."
"No! Why would I do that?"
"Number two: Why do you like my aunt, and do you love her?"
And I know that you think it's just a fantasy
But since there's no one else, your aunt could use a guy like me
"Er…I like her because she's one of the few, the proud, the annoyed that I have made friends with, because she's intelligent, fearless, witty, loyal, kind, and pretty. And I don't know if I love her, but I think I do."
"Good answer. Now, last question: what will you pay me for my services?"
"You are crazy! I'm not paying you for this! I'm calling on a favor that you promised me half a century ago!"
Libby's aunt has got it goin' on
She's all I want, and I've waited so long
Libby, can't you see you're just not the girl for me
I know it might be wrong,
but I'm in love with Libby's aunt
"Fine…gosh! Meanie."
"Hey, if you didn't want me to call on the favor, you shouldn't have offered it in the first place."
"Point. But let me give you fair warning," Libby said, leaning in, "my aunt doesn't take shit from anybody. If you cross her, she will find a way to get you back. And when she's done, I'll get revenge too. One guy cheated on her once…and one guy only. He now has a cruchball racket permanently stuck up his ass. I like you, so I'm telling you now: treat her well, and you two will be perfect together."
"Right: treat the fairy I've got a huge crush on well, and I get both a female I can relate to and a racket-free backend."
"Precisely."
"I'm all for it if you are," Foaly said, sticking out his hand. Libby gripped his hand and pumped his arm up and down at a vigorous pace.
Libby's aunt has got it goin' on
She's all I want and I've waited for so long,
Libby can't you see you're just not the girl for me,
I know it might be wrong but
I'm in love with
Five minutes later, Libby had left the café and was walking to her aunt's house with a spring in her step.
'Step one,' she thought, 'call Dad and demand my fifty bucks…'
I'm in love with Libby's auntOkay, a little OOC, but dammit, I'm tired and needed a story before my head exploded.
Review, please!
