A/N: Hello, people! Bad timing for updating, since you probably won't be able to review till Tuesday, lol. You could always send me an e-mai, 'blink-blink' Anyway, Tsu-chan, I think, acts a little weird in this chappy, ah, and everything in this chapter is necessary for the next, as pointless as it might seem.
Enjoy!
DEAD RECKONING
CHAPER THREE
Tsuzuki glanced around the room one more time before plopping down on the bed with a sigh of resignation. Tatsumi's place wasn't big- just a small living room and an even smaller bedroom- so it hadn't really taken him long to go through everything, but he was still exhausted, and it had been a lot of work for nothing. Even when he'd known it was farfetched, he'd still hoped to find even the slightest clue. All he'd found, however, were more reasons to question Tatsumi's departure. Like his closet, for instance, that was practically full. He hadn't taken a single suit with him, as far as Tsuzuki could tell. What had he taken then? It was common knowledge that the blue eyed man did not own a lot of casual clothes, certainly not enough outfits for an undeterminably long holiday. And he hadn't even emptied his fridge! Either Tsuzuki had seriously misinterpreted Tatsumi's words, or he was being chased by the mob, or some such.
He rolled over to his side and groaned. Now he was really out of ideas. For all he knew, Tatsumi could be in danger and there was nothing he could do to help him or even confirm it. He'd spent most of the night trying to convince himself that he was overreacting but, in the end, his mind had only managed to come up with numerous scenarios, some of which were simply ridiculous and none of them at all encouraging. If he had to be completely honest, he'd have to say he was starting to resent Tatsumi. He could have just told him, flat out, that he wanted him to stay away from him for a while- or forever, it didn't matter. He could have simply shut Tsuzuki out completely, instead of ignore him for weeks just to pop up to say he was going in such a conspicuous way. Why couldn't he just be straight forward?! For once!
It was always the same with Tatsumi; Tsuzuki could never be sure of anything that had to do with him. He would catch the other man staring at him and, for a moment, he'd think there was something to those gazes then, a split second later, Tatsumi would look away and just pretend nothing had happened; he would lean closer to him, stare at him with so much tenderness, filling Tsuzuki's heart with hope, and then he would just wipe some food of his face and say something politely humiliating; they would be starting to get along, to grow closer, and the asshole would just push him away.
The violet eyed man sat up abruptly, slamming his fists into the mattress with a determined expression that didn't really match his true feelings. 'To hell with him,' he thought, not daring to speak the words out-loud, lest he see himself forced to hang on to them. "If he doesn't want anything to do with me, then I don't want anything to do with him!!' Seriously, though, just how much of that crap could he take? Tatsumi might have very well been sunbathing on a gorgeous beach miles away from any type of civilization while he was there, worrying like a moron. Just the thought of that particular possibility made Tsuzuki want to get up and trash Tatsumi's sock drawer or something. Sweet, sweet revenge!
Tsuzuki lay back down. He was tired, and not just from Tatsumi's antics- though if you considered why he'd been sleep-deprived in the first place, and why he'd had to get up extra early, you could also pin that down on the blue eyed man. The bed wasn't that comfortable, but it wasn't painful either. He curled around Tatsumi's pillow and sighed wistfully. He could really stay there for hours. It was ironically comforting to be in Tatsumi's bed, even if he'd had to wait for the other man to escape town and sneak into his apartment to end up there- which, really, spoke volumes of his love life. Tatsumi probably changed the bedclothes twice a day and he'd never been one to use anything remotely similar to cologne, yet the bed still smelled like him. It was so faint and so personal at the same time. It smelled a little like coffee, a little like paper and a little like cheap soap, all under a distinct aroma that was only Tatsumi's. it was wonderful and enough for Tsuzuki to forget his previous anger. He felt his eyes drifting close of their own accord.
Catching himself in time, he reached out for the phone on the nightstand. There was no way in hell he was going to work without sleeping a little bit and it wasn't like anyone would really miss him, as far as workload was concerned. It would be a miracle if they assigned him with any work at all. Another of the Post-Kyoto sequels, and one that he didn't usually protest. With a bit of effort, he pushed himself up on one elbow and dialled the number. As soon as it started ringing, his head fell back onto the pillow and he stared dumbly into space, as most people do while on the phone.
"Moshi, moshi?" came Hisoka's raspy and grumpy reply.
"'Soka?" Tsuzuki asked needlessly. "It's me."
"It's you, who?" Hisoka barked, annoyed. Apparently, the boy hadn't woken up fully yet. Well, it was a little early. Tsuzuki smirked.
"Is anyone calling you 'Soka without my permission?"
He could almost hear the boy's green eyes rolling upward.
"Baka."
"Ah! See? I knew you'd recognise me!!" he joked. He didn't give Hisoka time to reply; he didn't want his eardrums to suffer. "I was just calling you to let you know I won't be going to work before noon, at the very least."
"I see," Hisoka said carefully. "And why is that?"
"I had an awful night. I'm just staying in bed for a while longer."
"Liar," Hisoka shot back, rather angrily, taking Tsuzuki by surprise. "You're not even at home."
"What?!" Tsuzuki gasped, horrified at being found out; though it was more out of habit than anything; he hadn't really been lying, had he? "'Soka! Don't tell me you can also read my mind through the phone!"
"I have caller ID, baka."
"Oh!" Tsuzuki laughed nervously, feeling a bit stupid. "So," he hesitated. "You know where I am?" As much as he hadn't been lying about sleeping in, he really didn't want to get caught trespassing private property, did he?
Hisoka took a moment to reply.
"I don't know the number," he said finally, though he didn't sound too convincing. "Are you in trouble?" he finished softly.
Tsuzuki smiled broadly, hearing the obvious concern on his friend's voice.
"Nope!" he said cheerfully. "I just can't tell you where I am at the moment. I'll tell you later, ok? I wasn't lying though. I really am just going to sleep."
"Ok," Hisoka sighed in mock-defeat. "I'll tell Konoe. But don't even think I'll do your share of the work."
Tsuzuki couldn't help chuckling at that, even Hisoka let out a small snort as he realised what he'd said.
"Work? Yeah, sure. Why not?"
"Yeah. I'm seriously considering playing hooky myself," Hisoka said with a serious tone that had Tsuzuki laughing loudly.
"Go 'Soka!" he cheered. "You'll turn up to be a great disciple!"
"In your dreams, baka. Which reminds me," He took a deep breath. "I should let you sleep and head off. Some of us are still showing up on time.
"Thanks, 'Soka," Tsuzuki said in earnest. "See ya later."
"Later."
As soon as he hung up, he fell deeply asleep.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Tatsumi knew he was dreaming. It was one of those dreams in which you feel as aware s if you were still awake and, since he hadn't seen or felt any of the usual traits of his nightmares, he'd decided to go along with it.
He was in his bathroom, or some generic bathroom he'd associated with his own. He didn't quite remember how he'd got there, but he instinctively knew why he was there, and it was with that realisation that he'd started to suspect he was dreaming. He was naked, his body covered with sweat and his muscles more relaxed than he could remember them ever being. He felt drowsy and tired, yet utterly sated. There was only one explanation, he'd done it, and it could only be in dreams that he'd do such a thing and openly admit he'd liked it.
And he'd liked it; the struggle, the fight for dominance he inevitable won, the body underneath him wriggling madly. It had been frenetic, so violent and so beautiful at the same time, and he'd felt a sort of morbid fascination with the other's every whimper and moan, with every plea and contortion of his face. He'd thrived on it.
Something wasn't quite right, though. He was staring at his reflection in the mirror, trying to figure out what was off with it, and the more he studied his image, the more dirty he felt; both physically and emotionally. Perhaps that would have been a good time to shake off the dream, to wake up, but he was already to wrapped up in it. Blindly, he turned on the faucet and begun scrubbing his hands viciously, trying desperately to remove the other from his skin.
His eyes scanned every inch of the face before him, but he couldn't focus his mind on solving the puzzle, as his attention kept diverting to his hands, even while he wouldn't look at them. He wouldn't be able to think, he knew, as long as that hot, sticky fluid clung to him like glue. But he just couldn't wash it off; no matter the amount of water or soap he used, no matter how hard he scrubbed. Hissing in both frustration and pain, he finally managed to tear his eyes from the mirror to look down. Tatsumi gasped at what he saw, as it all clicked. He'd half expected his hands to be smeared with white, but it was reed; blood; his blood, all over his hands, arms, everywhere.
He remembered then, what the struggle had really been about, what the whimpers had really meant. He'd really done it. He understood, the; his eyes shot back up to his reflection and he saw himself, his silverfish white hair, his mismatched irises and that positively insane smirk on his face.
'You're not that different than me, are you?' asked his reflection.
Tatsumi stumbled backwards, shaking his head, feeling his lungs burn as he found it harder and harder to breathe. And, just as it happens in dreams. He was suddenly back in the bedroom, in front of the blood soaked bed, in front of Tsuzuki's torn form. He fell to his knees. Those lifeless purple eyes stared right into him, questioning, hurt. In his hand was the knife, coated with the crimson fluid. Tatsumi tried to scream, but no sound came from his throat.
He'd really done it.
Tatsumi cried out hoarsely and sat bolt upright in bed, panting. For a moment, he thought e could still feel Tsuzuki's blood on him; he rubbed his hands against the sheets, as he sobbed uncontrollably, his mind still too fogged by the nightmare to let his inhibitions towards the act stop him. Soon- though surely not as soon as he'd liked- his mind cleared out and he realised he was already awake. While this didn't stop him from crying, it sure helped him to calm down considerably.
It had been, by far, the worst nightmare to date. There was a big difference between dreaming about letting Tsuzuki die and killing him himself, even if it didn't seem like it. A big difference. It was no surprise that he was covered in cold sweat; it was no surprise he felt an urgency to take a shower. He jumped out of bed, shrugging off his pyjamas as he made a run for the bathroom. Once there, he took particular care not to look in the general direction of the mirror. Lucky for him, he was Japanese; one day without shaving wouldn't hurt him.
It wasn't until he was under the stream of hot water that his breathing seemed to go back to normal, if only barely, and he was able to analyse what had just happened. What the fuck had just happened?! He'd never, ever, thought about ending Tsuzuki's life! And yeah, sure, he was capable of murder, if he was properly motivated, but slaughtering was hardly his style. It had been just a stupid dream that had had as much to do with his emotions as if he'd had a wet dream about Konoe. And he would have been able to disregard it, if it hadn't been for a tiny detail.
It hadn't been an accident that his subconscious had compared him to the good doctor. The more he thought about it, the more he found he was alike Muraki in many aspects. They shared the same unyielding determination, the same cool-headed nature, the same obsession. Only one thing kept him from going mad with self-loathing, and that was that he'd never force himself on anyone; but now he wasn't sure if that wasn't just so because of his aversion to all things sexual.
It didn't really matter, though. He didn't have to like himself, he just needed to keep himself under control and that was why he was there. He wouldn't accomplish anything if he paid attention to dreams and the like. He would not, could not, give his mind any credit at the moment. He was in the process of repressing major issues, after all; of course the bitch would fight back. He would win in the end, though. He always did.
Tatsumi stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. He still avoided his reflection, just for good measure, but he was feeling a bit better. He walked back into the bedroom, drying his hair lazily, and pulled his suitcase from under the bed. He stared at the neatly folded clothes, trying to decide- as he had the night before- if it was worth unpacking. Eventually he just picked up a white shirt and a pair of kakis and let the decision for later. As he dressed, he couldn't help gazing out the huge window at the side of the bed; he certainly wasn't used to waking up with the sight of the sea in front of him, red from the rising sun. He walked closer to the glass to better admire the view while he finished buttoning up his shirt. It was still a little early; Tsuzuki was most definitively sleeping, but the rest were probably starting their daily routines.
It was still a little early; Tsuzuki was most definitively sleeping, but the rest were probably starting their daily routines. It was so weird to know he wouldn't be joining them that morning. How would he handle a day without nothing to do? His fingers were already itching for a calculator, just at the thought of it. Who would see to it that Tsuzuki and Watari didn't over-budget? Would anyone remember to make sure there were always good pastries in the break room? His breathing hitched a little at the image of the entire department collapsing after just few hours without him.
He was starting to seriously consider picking up his stuff and running back when something caught his eye that made the thought fly out the window, literally. Down at the beach, he saw a figure strolling across the shore. It was too far away for him to distinguish them clearly and the sun, practically behind this person, made it even harder, but Tatsumi guessed it had to be the inn-keeper, since he doubted there were any other living creatures for miles around. He was a little surprised to see him up already, considering the state he'd been the night before, but it was very likely the young man simply hadn't slept at all.
Tatsumi turned to leave, hoping he wouldn't have much trouble in finding the coffee. Maybe the young man had even made a fresh pot? He only paused to retrieve his dirty pyjamas to take them down to wash and he was out the door. He almost yelps, startled, when he almost bumps into Kaede on his way out, as the young man himself left the adjacent room. Now, that was odd for at least two reasons. One, there was no way he'd come back from the beach, climbed the stairs, got into a room and walked out in the time between Tatsumi's sighting and that moment, but that could be easily explained; the man he'd seen hadn't been him. What bothered Tatsumi a little was that he knew, for a fact, that Kaede's bedroom was downstairs. The young man had told him this the night before in case he needed anything. And while the inn was his, and he was free to come and go as he pleased, the guilty look on the man's face when he realised Tatsumi had caught him suggested there was more to it than a morning run.
Kaede's eyes- they were a greyish green, he noted- darted nervously around, as if he was looking for an excuse for something, giving Tatsumi even more reason to believe he'd walked into something fishy. Still, the blue eyed man didn't feel at all threatened by either Kaede or his secret, just curious and slightly amused, so he decided to give the young man a break, for the time being.
"Good morning, Saiga-san," he said with a pleasant tone. "I was just heading down for breakfast."
Kaede nodded and took a deep breath, calming himself a little.
"Good morning. Did you find the room to your liking?"
"Indeed," Tatsumi said as he and Kaede began climbing down the stairs. "This place is very beautiful, and the view is just breathtaking. It's a wonder it hasn't become the most popular spot in the area."
Kaede lifted his chin proudly with the hints of a smug smile tugging at the corners of his lips, and Tatsumi thought he looked more alive for a moment.
"It was. There was a time when it was practically impossible to get a room. The place was packed up with tourists from all over, and they always left wanting more."
Tatsumi wasn't at all surprised to hear this; the brochure had been that of a successful place, not the ghost it had turned into. It did stirred his curiosity even more, though.
"What happened, then? I doubt a place like this can simply go out of style."
The young man lowered his eyes sadly and his entire demeanour seemed to darken.
"Life happened," he whispered, and didn't say another word the rest of the way down.
Now Tatsumi wasn't just curious, he was set out to find out what was going on.
Tsuzuku
Reviews!!!
dodger-chan: they are short, aren't they? Especially compared to 'A smile...' They'll get longer as we go, I gather. All I can say to account for Tatsumi's behaviour is, there's always a reason for everything! Huggles!
bitter green-tea: Ah, perhaps I'll change the genre later, but that only if I can't make it horrible enough, lol. We'll see as we go. Hugs and thanks for the review!
fireun: I'm glad you like the characterizations! And yeah, I thought a change in dynamics would work nicely, provided I managed to do it right. Huggles to you!
Schatten Wolfendorf: Ahoy! Que es eso de los piratas? Cuéntame, cuéntame! Ah, te quería preguntar, vos tenès un blog? Es que estaba aburrida y me busque a mi misma en internet- estaba muuuuy aburrida- y encontré este sitio tuyo. Que bonito todas las cosas lindas que decís! 'blush' Y no se, capaz que se enoje Tatsumi, pero creo que lo va a perdonar - Besos!
Zatken: Never apologize for being tortured by school. I myself have to get ready for finals, but at least, as from today, I don't have to go to classes anymore. YAY! Let's hope you keep liking this story. Hugs!
panatlantic: I'll go to great lengths to provide you guys with your fix of- in this case, heh heh- Tatsu goodness. Hugs!!
Bakayaro Maniac: hey, was it you who sent me a few 'A smile' drawings? Umph, I can never remember everyone's other names, and then I feel awful about it. Anyway, I'm still not sure it 'something' will happen, if you know what I mean, with Tatsumi and Kaede, but if it does, it'll be a little more complicated than that. Hugs!
lyn: Hola! Gracias por dejar review, aunque ya me hubieras inflado el ego el finde. Casi no actualizo esta semana, por que se me escaparon mis perritos T.T, pero por suerte ya los encontré!! Nos hablamos por eso del otro fin de semana? Ah, y gracias por las palabras de aliento; a un escritor nunca le viene mal un poco de eso!! Besos a vos y a Sei, decile al monstruo que lo quiero aunque no me deje estornudar!
Ja Ne!
