Sorry it's been so long! Working on other projects stole my attention, but Jess and Gillian are never far from my thoughts... I definitely have more to write for this story, I just don't always have the time, but I do have my plans. Thanks again for reading!
"Jess? Everything ok?" asked Lorelai.
Jess pinched his eyes closed. He must be crazy. Even though Lorelai had warmed to him more over the years, there was still going to be that thing between them. Him breaking Rory's heart, her never fully trusting him. There was too much angst, too much history.
"Fine…" he said. "Listen, if you're busy or something, I know it's early."
"No, no busier than usual. Just catching that worm and toting that barge. What's up?"
"This is stupid, I shouldn't have called." He stood and started pacing.
"Ok then…"
"Not you're stupid, I'm stupid."
"I didn't insinuate either stupid."
"Listen, I'll let you go…"
"JESS," she broke in. He stopped pacing and sat back down on the bench. "You obviously called for a specific reason. This number isn't exactly on your speed dial. Now come on, spit it out."
"I… I hate my father."
There was dead air on the line. "Ok…"
"I ran into Jimmy last night. He came to see me. Luke would tell me to ditch the loser and never speak to him again. I need a nonpartisan opinion. I know you didn't always get along with your parents."
"Ah."
"I'm gonna go now..."
"Now don't be that way," said Lorelai. "Don't go doing that 'go into your dark dungeon' or whatever 'Jack Kerouac, beatnik loner, too cool for school' thing you do."
Jess looked at the phone in surprise.
"I'm flattered you called," said Lorelai.
"Yeah?" he asked surprised.
"Yeah. Parents are hard. You and I seemed to have lucked out in that department. One set, too controlling, the other set, well not controlling enough."
"Thanks a lot," he said with a smirk.
"What did he say?"
"Nothing really. His step daughter said they were coming to the open house today."
"Oh."
"What does he want anyway? To apologize? To say, once again, that he's a crappy father? It's been said. It's been shown. I'm over it."
"Sounds like it."
"I don't know. What do I say to him? You have no right to come back here and disrupt my life with my wife and my daughter. I'm a better father than you ever were."
"I think you know exactly what to say. Listen, Jess, Luke and I… we're so proud of you. You don't need affirmation from me, but despite our rocky start, you've sort of blown me away with how you've grown. You deserve the best. If I can offer one piece of advice though…"
Jess beamed inside. No, he didn't need to hear it, but he cherished it all the same. "Hey, I called you didn't I?"
"Don't do that thing where you run away from saying the hard things. Say what you need to say, and then if need be you can get out of there. But don't be James Dean."
"You always used to call me Sal Mineo."
"Well, if the hair fits."
Jess smirked again, and ran his hand through his locks, longer now.
"Listen," said Lorelai. "Remember when you stole my beer and called me a slut?"
He rubbed his eyes. He hated to be reminded of all his assholery. "Our introduction you mean?"
"Not your most winning moment, but you know what I remember from that?"
"What?"
"I remember thinking… I'm looking at me."
"What?" he asked again with a different inflection.
"A male, smelly me with enough mousse and hair gel that would make even Andre Agassi say 'easy there pal', but me none the less. The me that didn't give a damn about anyone else. The me that was so afraid my heart would be exposed that I pushed everyone away. The people that mattered most to me or should have."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because we're alike you and I. That's why I was so afraid of you. I was afraid you'd hurt Rory the way I'd hurt everyone in my life that I loved."
"And then I did."
"Yes, you did. And I wanted to kill you. But you've grown, changed. You have a family now. You own a business. You married up."
"I did at that." Gillian's green eyes, her concern so concentrated in them this morning made his stomach flip. He loved her so much. No one was in his corner like she was.
"You and Luke have a relationship now," said Lorelai. "You love each other like Rory and I love each other."
"Ok, we're steering into Hallmark territory now."
"You and I both ran away. But we both worked hard and made a better life for ourselves than what our parents envisioned for us. And now you have a chance to say what you need to. Tell your dad how he hurt you, not just that he did. Tell him you needed him…"
Lorelai continued on while Jess pushed the tears that were sliding out of his eyes back into his skin. He wasn't crying. This field was just dusty.
"And finally…"
"Yeah?" he asked wincing.
"Don't be a stranger."
Jess swallowed the lump in his throat. "Th- thanks Lorelai."
"You're welcome."
"Bye."
"Bye."
He heard the phone click on the other end and smiled. He let a few more minutes roll by as he stared at the green grass on the field.
But the sweetness of Lorelai's words started to melt away and Jimmy's unwelcome presence invaded his mind again. Tell him how he felt huh? He knew if he opened that box that it was bottomless and he would never be able to close it again. He checked the time and cursed out loud, then flipped his keys in his fingers and got back in his car.
…
"Hello?" asked Liz.
"Liz, hey, it's Gillian."
"Oh hey Gillian, what's going on? How's my favorite daughter in law? Is everything ok? Is little Lizzy ok?"
"Lizzy's fine. Hey, I'm sorry to bug you on a Saturday, but I have a question for you."
"Shoot, other daughter of mine."
"God, I don't really know how to ask this but… when Jess got into his moods when he was a teenager, do you have any idea… like…"
"Why he did?" asked Liz.
Gillian sighed. This felt like a betrayal but this was a different mood than she'd ever seen him in and from what he'd told her, it was very like his teenage years. "Yeah. I was just thinking about it. Like research for my new story."
"I know I haven't been the perfect mother," said Liz.
"Liz, I'm not trying to imply…"
"No, I'm saying it because it's true. My Doula taught me to dig deeper. To be the parent that she needs now that she's fourteen. I've really grown these last couple years. TJ helped me, Luke helped me. And now I feel like I'm finally in the zone you know? I just wish I could have done that for Jess."
"I know you do," said Gillian. She bit her lip. Once again, Liz was making it about herself. This was a mistake.
"But listen, you called about my guy."
Gillian pulled the phone away from her ear and looked at it stunned. Was Liz willingly reverting the conversation back to Jess? "Em…"
"Ok, back to your question. When Jess was in those rebellious fazes, I'm pretty sure it had a lot to do with his dad."
Gillian closed her eyes. Of course. It was about little Whatsit, but it was about his doubts. Maybe it was her crazy craving last night triggered some memory or some feeling. She shouldn't feel guilty, it wasn't her fault, but she did. She looked over at Lizzy, eating oatmeal on her stomach, so completely owning Jess's heart. She hated this freakout because she didn't know what it meant for them. "Ah. Of course. Well that makes sense."
"It's a shame that they never got on the same page."
"Liz this has been so helpful. Thank you. I'm sorry to bother you on a Saturday, I know it's probably busy on the circuit this year…"
"Oh nah, the Ren Faire can wait. I'm actually on my way to see you."
"What?"
"Yeah, me and Doula, we're taking a break from the Faire and we're on our way to your open house! Should be there right on time."
Gillian put her hand over her heart. Oh God. Dammit Liz, she was not prepared for this.
"Yeah, we had some time away from the Ren Faire, and you know we thought, 'let's go to Jess's open house! Now that's what I call providence. You calling me, we're on our way to see you…"
"Hi Gillian!" came Doula's voice from inside Liz's car.
"Are you surprised?" asked Liz.
Gillian pursed her lips and closed her eyes. Well, there went talking to Jess today, right out the window. "You could knock me over with a feather."
"Oh good! Well I got a stuffed dragon for Lizzy, it's all rainbow and shiny… can't wait to see her."
"Ok, um sounds good… I'll let you drive now."
Gillian hung up the phone and threw her hands in the air with a growl.
"Mommy, why do you sound like the monster from my cartoon?" asked Lizzy rolling to her side on the carpet.
"Mommy's just frustrated. You remember what we do when we're frustrated?"
"Call daddy a bastard?"
"Lizzy! No!" God what an example she was setting… "We acknowledge that we're mad and then we talk it out."
"But Daddy didn't talk it out."
"No he didn't. Sometimes we're not ready. But when we're ready, we talk it out."
Lizzy got up from the floor and walked over to Gillian hugging her leg. "Do you want to talk it out with me?"
Gillian's heart melted. Her sassy girl had the biggest heart. "Thank you Bug. Not right now. But I appreciate the offer. I love you."
"Love you mommy."
Lizzy lifted her arms and Gillian picked her up and gave her a kiss. "Mommy has to get ready. Can you bring your bowl to the sink before babysitter gets here?" Lizzy nodded and wiggled out of Gillian's arms and ran to the tv again.
Gillian headed upstairs to throw on some clothes but her stomach was in knots, and it wasn't just little Whatsit. She had no idea what to do. If he came to the open house in that dark mood with Liz and Doula there, and more importantly their investors and authors and book buyers. And finally, what did it mean for their family? If he was having doubts about baby number two, she didn't know if she could handle that. She got dressed and checked her phone. No word from Jess, but Jasmine their babysitter had called and texted that she needed to cancel.
She fell backward onto the bed. And now Lizzy had to come with her, and she needed to leave in five minutes.
"Lord, give me strength," she said.
