proprioception (noun) - perception or awareness of the position and movement of the body.
Ryan and the Doctor talk about how she's responded to his dyspraxia since she met him and the ways that it differs from most people's reactions.
Set after the events of S11E02 - The Ghost Monument - Part One of The Somatosensory System
Ryan was standing awkwardly at the top of the hexagonal stairsteps in the first room they'd entered a few hours before as he watched the Doctor working down below. After a quick tour of the main areas of the ship they'd been left to explore the TARDIS and after losing track of Yaz in the library, and Graham somewhere around the third sauna they'd come across, Ryan found himself back in the central room where the Doctor was actively fiddling with the controls.
After nearly ten minutes of standing quietly he tried coughing lightly in an attempt to get her attention, but the Doctor continued on with her work as if no one was there. He briefly considered going back to find Graham or Yaz, but he knew he wasn't all that likely to get a chance to talk to the Doctor alone if he didn't take this one so with a soft sigh he settled on trying to let her know he was there by asking a question. He hadn't known her for long but she seemed like the type that wouldn't leave a question unanswered. "Hey Doctor, how's it going?"
"Absolutely fine." The Doctor replied confidently before something on the other side of the console began beeping incessantly and she rounded the large pillar to pull down on a lever with a grunt. "Just working to get the navigation systems back online, but they're being a bit temperamental about it."
"Oh." Ryan replied, sounding a bit disappointed. "Suppose you're a bit busy just now then."
"Nonsense." The Doctor shook her head, hitting a series of buttons before looking back to Ryan and tilting her head in curiosity. "Did you need something?"
"No." Ryan denied instantly and there was a long silence - occasionally punctuated by a protest from the computers across from him - before he backpedaled and asked, "Well… actually… could I ask you about somethin'?"
"'Course Ryan Sinclair." The Doctor replied, taking a biscuit from the dispenser below the TARDIS console before spinning on the heel of her boot toward him. "What can I do you for?"
Ryan simply stared back at her for a bit, seeming as if he might change his mind about whatever he wanted to ask and bolt from the room instead before he eventually mumbled, "Do you remember back on Desolation, when we were in those tunnels and we had that ladder to climb?"
The Doctor raised an eyebrow at his question, clearly confused about how he could think she would have forgotten as she polished off the custard cream in her hand before nodding and replying, "It did only just happen."
"How'd you know what I needed to hear?" Ryan blurted out, staring down at his shoes as he continued with a rambling explanation. "I mean… it's only that you seemed to understand that I just needed a bit to get my brain and my body sorted out and no one ever gets that. They're always tryin' to talk me out of things or just do them for me instead of waitin' until I've even had a real shot. It just seemed like you… knew what that's like is all."
She knew all too well what it was like to have your body move in ways entirely differently than you expected it to. Each regeneration brought with it an adjustment period as you got used to the way your new body worked, and the most recent regeneration had been a hell of an endeavor. Suddenly her legs were too short to make a jump properly, her arms all of a sudden unable to reach the top shelf in the TARDIS kitchen, and her center of gravity was now just low enough to be almost constantly disorienting. While the last week had helped her get a better sense of control over her new body, she still regularly felt like it had a mind of its own.
"I told you I'd just been a bloke when I first met you and I meant it." The Doctor reminded him with a smirk. "This body? I've had it about a week and when I tell you it doesn't seem to have a clue what I'm asking for when I try to move it about, I expect you'll understand just what I mean."
"Sucks don't it?" Ryan grinned widely at her familiar description.
The Doctor chuckled at that. "Indeed it does."
Ryan watched as the Doctor rounded the console once more to slam down on a button that had started flashing rapidly as a new beep reverberated through the room before he spoke again. "That focusin' on something else, though?" He asked, waiting for the Doctor's nod of acknowledgment before continuing. "It really helped. Everyone is always just telling me to focus on what I'm doing but that just amplifies the disconnect between what I'm tryin' and what ends up happening. How did you know it would work?"
"I didn't, but I can never focus too hard on what I'm s'posed to be doing when there's other things to be thinking about." The Doctor smiled with a small shrug. "But I'm glad it helped, Ryan. Truly. That's absolutely brilliant!"
Ryan shrugged off the encouragement before quietly admitting, "It's just nice to have someone who understands for once."
"I do a bit." The Doctor conceded before sobering as she met his eyes. "But I want you to know that I get that it's not the same. I can work through it pretty fast because the reason my mind and body aren't working together is because of a massive change that I'm not used to yet."
"Meanwhile, I'm hopeless." Ryan chuckled miserably, trying to break the severity of her gaze.
"No, that's not what I meant." She shook her head quickly, her tone just as serious as it had been before. "I haven't brushed up too much on human history in your decade, but it's another century or so before humans get around to reasonable views on health and disability. I expect you've been through a lot just trying to get by and I don't want to diminish that."
Ryan cringed as memories of childhood bullies and repeated failures in sports bubbled readily to the surface and he slammed his eyes shut in an attempt to keep them at bay. He had limited success in shutting them out, but as the Doctor continued to explain herself he felt the familiar warmth of his grandmother's constant reassurances and support throughout it all radiating through her words.
"Don't let anyone tell you you're wrong or hopeless because you're different. I've met millions of people - human and otherwise - and I can assure you that there's nothing wrong with you Ryan Sinclair." She said earnestly, pausing to look down at the console for a moment before a grin spread across her face as she looked back up to him. "Well… you're a bit trigger happy. But that's something we can work on."
Ryan burst into laughter himself, raising his hands in surrender as he acknowledged her point. "Fair enough, fair enough." He opened his eyes again and met her gaze before he quietly suggested, "I think that you and Nan would've gotten on swell."
"I think you're right about that." The Doctor smiled softly. "Grace was some of the best of humanity. I could tell that right away."
Before Ryan had to come up with a response to the emotional proclamation from the woman across from him, Graham excitedly thundered back into the room with Yaz hot on his heels and the pair launched into a series of questions that finally ended when Graham asked, "Doc, did you know there's a library in the pool?"
The Doctor froze abruptly at that, her brow furrowing in concern as she anxiously asked, "Is it actually in the pool?"
"Well no—" Graham tried to explain himself only to be immediately cut off again.
"What a relief!" The Doctor laughed heartily. "You can't imagine how long it takes to dry the books out when the library ends up in the pool."
Yaz shook her head in confusion. "Wouldn't it just be easier to not combine the library and the pool?"
The Doctor shrugged as she rounded the console to fetch another custard cream from the dispenser. "The TARDIS has at least a dozen pools and more than twice that number of libraries." She explained casually. "Besides, what if you want to read in the pool?"
As Yaz and Graham continued to pepper the Doctor with questions about the truly impossible spaceship they'd found themselves on, Ryan was lost in his own thoughts again. Getting thrown into space and surviving an incidental race to the death on a desolate planet was indescribably awesome, but he knew that wasn't what he'd remember most about this adventure once they made it back to Sheffield. He'd remember this alien that fell into his life and stayed there long enough to remind him what it felt like to be truly seen at the time when he needed it most.
