Well, the war's over. Yeah, that's right, all us little gundam boys get to fly to our respective homes with a nice little pay-off from the doctors or the government or someone out there. But see, there's where the problem lies. We all had to go home. Separately. Alone.
Except for Trowa and Quatre. What, you didn't think my blonde little buddy would let his knight in shining armor get away, did you? That little brat could convince a snake to give up it's scales if he wanted to. And then Trowa wasn't exactly happy with the idea of going back to being a suicidal clown again. So Trowa moved in with Quatre and convinced the circus to set up on Quatre's land three or four times a year. And, just in case Trowa got a little homesick, Quatre bought him a whole damn zoo! That's love for ya, putting wild and dangerous creatures in your back yard. Not that the beasties would ever hurt Quat. Trowa would never allow that, but it's still gotta be freaky.
Then I guess Wufei isn't technically alone either. Sure, he's got his own apartment, but he's not the only one who sleeps there, if you know what I mean. Wufei's not an extremely social sort of person, but there have been rumors that a certain long-haired blonde former-prince has been spending a lot of time with him. Not really surprising, knowing Wufei's strict sense of honor and his strange encounters with Treize. I kind of had a feeling he would seek out someone who could understand him, and Zechs was probably the only person who completely could.
Me? Well, I didn't hang around long. Three days after the war ended I took the second part of my motto and ran for it. Nobody even knew I was going until I was gone. Hell, I didn't even know I was going until I reached halfway to no where. But that's what life's about, right? New places to see, new stories to tell. And if it just so happened that I didn't have to finish an old story because of said new one, well, who was I to complain? The guys were nice enough, but I didn't need them at my back all the time, watching me. Trying to cheer me up or help me out. Especially since they all knew about my... crush.
Don't laugh, the God of Death gets crushes too. He just fell a little hard this time, that's all.
Guess you're about as confused as Hell right about now, huh? I suppose it might help if I started at the beginning. Or perhaps focal point is a better word, because I'm not really sure where the story begins, and I've already said that it never really ended. But there is one person the whole story revolves around.
Heero Yuy. My perfect soldier. Or, at least, I wanted him to be mine. I had every intention of confessing my feelings for him as soon as the war ended. I knew that if I did it before then I would have been refused. Flat out denied. Hell, I might have been shot at. Heero would have thought I was trying to distract him, which would have brought him to the conclusion that I was an enemy, and, in the usual zero-system manner, I would have been eliminated, by either death or abandonment. So I waited for him to come back that night, right after the last battle. It was the point at which I knew it was finally over for ever, and I was ready to start a new life for myself, one without death and destruction. I wanted to be normal, happy, and, most of all, with the man I loved.
But he never came back. Finally sick to death of worry and anxiety, I "borrowed" Quat's car and went to look for him. Of course, I had my own wheels, but... Heero had them. It was an antique, custom motorcycle that I had built out of spare parts and a shell of a motorcycle that got lost in transit to a museum. It had some new stuff and some old stuff, but it was basically the same as it had been when it was first built, I thought. The damn curator of the musem couldn't have done better when it came to fixing and restoring things. It was my pride and joy, and I had gone a little wild with the paint job, not worrying quite so much that it looked old on the outside. It was jet black, with leather seats and the handlebars molded to look like horns. It had tiny black wings jutting out the back of the seat. "Duo's Devil" was written in blood red letters on the sides of it. I often wondered how many drivers I made piss their pants, seeing that thing coming in the rearview. Still, I knew it was just a bike, and I wasn't much more attached to it that I got with my other possessions. I had simply put a lot of time and effort into the bike, so I kept it close most of the time, hoping it wouldn't get crushed by a mobile suit or destroyed in an explosion. It had been in a warehouse near our last safe house so, when Heero felt the need to get away, I lent it to him.
Ok, he took it. Whatever. It was the wings that gave it away. They were sticking out of a bush and shining in the lights of the car when I went looking for Heero. What, did you really think I'd be able to wait around until he got back to proclaim my everlasting lose? Yeah, that lasted about half an hour before I gave up and went to find him. Still, I don't know what possessed me to look for him at Relena's, for I was pretty certain they weren't a couple, but look I did. And that's where I found them.
I prayed then. I pray a lot, but it's not the hand's on knees praying. It's really more of a monologue in the back of my mind. Course when you look at it that way I've prayed for, "Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!" a lot in my life. It's not like anyone was ever really going to answer me. God doesn't watch out for my kind, so it was never really God I was trying to reach. Somewhere deep in my soul, I had always hoped that my message would be relayed to Father Maxwell or Sister Helen. Just knowing they were listening to me was comfort, even if they couldn't help. I prayed that he wasn't going where I thought he was. I prayed that his shadow wasn't sneaking across the lawn. I prayed that he wasn't sneaking up to Relena's room. I prayed that she wasn't turning on the light and going to him. I prayed that they weren't embracing. By the end there it was more like denial than prayer. I waited as they embraced and I waited as they walked away from the window to where I couldn't see them. I waited almost an hour. When the lights went out and Heero still didn't sneak out, my heart stopped. It can't really beat when it's been torn in two, now can it? I went back to the safe house and went to sleep. Tears wouldn't come, so I didn't make them. I slept most of the next day, contemplated suicide a lot, and went hunting for something to eat. The day after that some guys came to take Heero's things. Just barged in like they owned the place and took everything that belonged to that asshole who was too good to even come say goodbye to his comrades. But, hell, if I were screwing the queen of the world I wouldn't be getting my own bags either. They took Heero's laptop and what little clothes he had and his armory of guns. But they didn't get his stuffed bear. It was old, ancient even. A completely cotton deal with no mechanics in it, something that hadn't been done for nearly fifty years. One of its eyes was missing, and it was ruffled, torn, and so dirty it looked close to black when it should have been tan. But, still, there was something soothing about it. Something deep and calming. Innocent and loving. Something pure.
I snagged it out of the corner of Heero's closet before they got to the room. He always hid his bear, maybe because he was embarrassed by it or because he was afraid it would be stolen or damaged. Always pulled it out and slept with it after a rough mission, though. It was the most personal possession he had. I didn't really want to steal the bear, but the was something inside me that thought Heero would feel almost violated if someone else touched his bear. I know that includes me, but I thought he'd feel worse if it were a complete stranger than if it were me. At least, I hoped he would. Afterwards, I half thought about running down and shoving it in one of the trunks for the guys to take, knowing Heero would miss it, but then my temper finally flared. If he wanted his bear back he sure as fuck could come and take it from me in person. That little statement kept me alive. I had to live so I could give Heero his bear back. Yeah, I know, kind of dumb when I left and made sure no one could track me a day later. I just couldn't take the sympathetic looks Trowa was giving me, the way Quatre kept trying to get me to do something or go out, and the way Wufei was actually trying to be nice. Worst of all, I couldn't take being so close to them together. Heero and Relena. The knight and the princess. I could think of things they might be doing and it just made me sick with jealousy. Because I never saw them. I think maybe if I had just seen them together, happy, I would have been alright. I wouldn't have been happy about it, but I would have been able to leave Heero and move on with my life. His happiness would have meant more than my obsession. But I never saw him again. And since Relena left the public eye and moved away, I could only assume he went with her. I never gave up searching for him. Even months after the war I searched for some sign of him on the net, but nothing came up and I wasn't willing to hack Relena's computer and see if he was there. I wasn't quite ready to do something illegal to find him. Close, but not quite there. Besides, I was still hoping to find him alone. I mean, really, I knew they were together, but he had to get out on his own sooner or later, didn't he? So there was, what, a fifty-fifty chance that I could talk to him alone? I mean, I wasn't going to try to steal him away from Relena, but I needed to know, to really know, that he was happy.
But that was all after I left. I just couldn't take the pain any more. Everywhere I went I found something that reminded me of him! He was just freaking everywhere! So I gave up. I surrendered. I grabbed my stuff and took a shuttle to no where. It wasn't like I could have stayed much longer anyway. Trowa and Quatre were heading for his estate at the end of the week and Wufei had already went off to the mountains to, "...properly lay Nataku to rest," then he was of to the Preventers. Quatre had, of course, offered me a room at his house, but I think even he knew I would rather eat my foot than accept. I drifted for about a month, drinking and staying in run-down apartments, watching the news every single night just to possibly catch a glimpse of the man who took my heart and the princess who took him. However, the problem with apartments is they only exist in populated areas. And the problem with populated areas is people. And the problem with people is sooner or later, they notice you're not exactly normal and then you're not welcome anymore. I finally settled down after this guy calling himself a vampire hunter tried to kill me. Crazy nut job. It specifically states in the vampire hunter contract that one must only hunt vampires. Lunatic. That's when I found my haven. I was thinking about going back into the scrap-yard business, but I wanted my own place. I put in a call to Howard and he told me about one of his buddies who had recently died. He left a scrap-yard to his son along with a house and about eighty acres of land. The only problem was that the yard was on some sort of plateau way up in the mountains, and it was too steep for anything but trucks to get in or out of and too gusty for any planes to safely fly or land. So somebody would have to drive a large, heavy truck down steep, winding paths with thousands of dollars of scrap or equipment in the back. But, when you've piloted a mobile suit, not just in space but on Earth and under water, driving a truck is nothing. They don't call me Shinigami for nothing. And... Hell... I could never pass up a bargain. I also bought my bitches at that time. Now, most ladies would be horribly offended by the man of their life saying something like that, but not my girls. 'Course, it helps that they can't understand a word I'm saying, but what the hell, right? I mean, they don't care and it makes me feel big pimpin' or something like that. Then again, though, you really don't get bigger pimpin' than a Gundam pilot, do you?
Wing and Scythe, the smallest two puppies in the pound. Yeah, yeah, I know, kinda mushy for a former pilot, but it couldn't really be helped. Wing has long white fur with blue eyes, but not cobalt like Heero's, almost sky blue. She's also got a pair of chocolate colored marks on her back that look like wings. Scythe is dark brown, almost black in some places, with chocolate eyes. She's got a scar shaped like a scythe over her left eye.
I never really intended to get two puppies at the same time, of course. Honestly, when I went into the pound I was looking for a cat. It was right before I started my job in the mountains, and I'd been in need of some company, but I wasn't really sure I could handle the responsibility. I mean, I had never had a pet, and half the time people had to yell at me for forgetting to feed myself. So, I had figured that cats are pretty resilient creatures, and if I did a bad job taking care of the little guy he could just run away and take care of himself. Not so with puppies, who will stay with you through thick and thin, but are completely dependant on you.
But what was I to do? Underfed and skittish, they only had two days left. How could I turn away those big eyes, looking longingly at me, the way I had so often looked at the rest of the world? I bought them, and that was the end of it. Or so I thought. There was a lot more to dog ownership than I had originally banked on. I had to buy food and toys and beds and all kinds of junk they eventually chewed through anyway. I must have bought six books before I left the city just on puppy care. Luckily for me they were both mixed breeds, so they were pretty sturdy and didn't have any of the defects that the purebreds often run into. Unfortunately, something in that mixed blood of theirs was huge, because they grew to be about thigh height. I was actually pretty lucky I had moved to such a remote place, because those two needed more room to play and frolic than they could have ever gotten in the city. Their training was another challenge to me, and required yet another trip to the bookstore. I knew when I got them that I would need them as watch dogs, but I had seen enough of my friends torn apart by dogs to know I wouldn't be able to handle either of them coming back with blood on their jaws. Luckily enough the girls were smart, and they picked up on things pretty quick. I read some books on training police dogs to get the general idea, but I was pretty sure that the girls were smart enough to know what I wanted. So I rigged up some dummies and, using commands of "Bad!" and "Good!" taught them what to do when a stranger came around. I even gave the dummies guns, because I wasn't willing to let my dogs get shot if some nut decided to shoot 'em. So they learned to bark at strangers, corner them, and even bite their feet, but they wouldn't do any real damage unless they saw a gun or a knife. And they tore the hands off both the dummies with those, so I didn't even want to think of what they'd do to a real person. I kept searching for Heero, but my hope was dwindling and I only spent a few hours a night looking for him. I also had his bear cleaned and repaired. It wasn't cheap, I'll tell you, to find someone who could clean an antique toy in this day and age, and I had to go half way around the world to find him, but he did damn fine work. I didn't want Heero to come back and find the bear a mess, though now I wasn't sure he'd even recognize it. Still, the guy guaranteed me it'd last another hundred years, more if we sent it in for repairs every fifty. After a while I eased back into friendship with the other guys. I really missed Quatre and was glad to be able to see him. He helped get my business going and kept me up to date on the latest gossip. Trowa called me when things got hectic with Quatre. Even with all the animals around he sometimes got lonely, and I was more than happy to have him. A lot of times he'd come take a vacation at my house if he was feeling claustrophobic in the city with Quatre. We'd walk and look at the full moon together. Wufei came out to my place a lot, too, but he wasn't as much fun. He always came when work was getting too stressful, to recharge himself. He'd spend most of the day sleeping or meditating in the sun. Sometimes I was sure he did both at the same time. But it was nice to have his company too, and when he was up to it I always harassed him. We'd have rollicking good fights. Even without Heero, things were good. Except for the gaping hole in my heart that I had come to know would never be filled. Oh well, I'd live. I still had to give Heero his bear back.
Pathetic. I know.
Guess you're about as confused as Hell right about now, huh? I suppose it might help if I started at the beginning. Or perhaps focal point is a better word, because I'm not really sure where the story begins, and I've already said that it never really ended. But there is one person the whole story revolves around.
Heero Yuy. My perfect soldier. Or, at least, I wanted him to be mine. I had every intention of confessing my feelings for him as soon as the war ended. I knew that if I did it before then I would have been refused. Flat out denied. Hell, I might have been shot at. Heero would have thought I was trying to distract him, which would have brought him to the conclusion that I was an enemy, and, in the usual zero-system manner, I would have been eliminated, by either death or abandonment. So I waited for him to come back that night, right after the last battle. It was the point at which I knew it was finally over for ever, and I was ready to start a new life for myself, one without death and destruction. I wanted to be normal, happy, and, most of all, with the man I loved.
But he never came back. Finally sick to death of worry and anxiety, I "borrowed" Quat's car and went to look for him. Of course, I had my own wheels, but... Heero had them. It was an antique, custom motorcycle that I had built out of spare parts and a shell of a motorcycle that got lost in transit to a museum. It had some new stuff and some old stuff, but it was basically the same as it had been when it was first built, I thought. The damn curator of the musem couldn't have done better when it came to fixing and restoring things. It was my pride and joy, and I had gone a little wild with the paint job, not worrying quite so much that it looked old on the outside. It was jet black, with leather seats and the handlebars molded to look like horns. It had tiny black wings jutting out the back of the seat. "Duo's Devil" was written in blood red letters on the sides of it. I often wondered how many drivers I made piss their pants, seeing that thing coming in the rearview. Still, I knew it was just a bike, and I wasn't much more attached to it that I got with my other possessions. I had simply put a lot of time and effort into the bike, so I kept it close most of the time, hoping it wouldn't get crushed by a mobile suit or destroyed in an explosion. It had been in a warehouse near our last safe house so, when Heero felt the need to get away, I lent it to him.
Ok, he took it. Whatever. It was the wings that gave it away. They were sticking out of a bush and shining in the lights of the car when I went looking for Heero. What, did you really think I'd be able to wait around until he got back to proclaim my everlasting lose? Yeah, that lasted about half an hour before I gave up and went to find him. Still, I don't know what possessed me to look for him at Relena's, for I was pretty certain they weren't a couple, but look I did. And that's where I found them.
I prayed then. I pray a lot, but it's not the hand's on knees praying. It's really more of a monologue in the back of my mind. Course when you look at it that way I've prayed for, "Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!" a lot in my life. It's not like anyone was ever really going to answer me. God doesn't watch out for my kind, so it was never really God I was trying to reach. Somewhere deep in my soul, I had always hoped that my message would be relayed to Father Maxwell or Sister Helen. Just knowing they were listening to me was comfort, even if they couldn't help. I prayed that he wasn't going where I thought he was. I prayed that his shadow wasn't sneaking across the lawn. I prayed that he wasn't sneaking up to Relena's room. I prayed that she wasn't turning on the light and going to him. I prayed that they weren't embracing. By the end there it was more like denial than prayer. I waited as they embraced and I waited as they walked away from the window to where I couldn't see them. I waited almost an hour. When the lights went out and Heero still didn't sneak out, my heart stopped. It can't really beat when it's been torn in two, now can it? I went back to the safe house and went to sleep. Tears wouldn't come, so I didn't make them. I slept most of the next day, contemplated suicide a lot, and went hunting for something to eat. The day after that some guys came to take Heero's things. Just barged in like they owned the place and took everything that belonged to that asshole who was too good to even come say goodbye to his comrades. But, hell, if I were screwing the queen of the world I wouldn't be getting my own bags either. They took Heero's laptop and what little clothes he had and his armory of guns. But they didn't get his stuffed bear. It was old, ancient even. A completely cotton deal with no mechanics in it, something that hadn't been done for nearly fifty years. One of its eyes was missing, and it was ruffled, torn, and so dirty it looked close to black when it should have been tan. But, still, there was something soothing about it. Something deep and calming. Innocent and loving. Something pure.
I snagged it out of the corner of Heero's closet before they got to the room. He always hid his bear, maybe because he was embarrassed by it or because he was afraid it would be stolen or damaged. Always pulled it out and slept with it after a rough mission, though. It was the most personal possession he had. I didn't really want to steal the bear, but the was something inside me that thought Heero would feel almost violated if someone else touched his bear. I know that includes me, but I thought he'd feel worse if it were a complete stranger than if it were me. At least, I hoped he would. Afterwards, I half thought about running down and shoving it in one of the trunks for the guys to take, knowing Heero would miss it, but then my temper finally flared. If he wanted his bear back he sure as fuck could come and take it from me in person. That little statement kept me alive. I had to live so I could give Heero his bear back. Yeah, I know, kind of dumb when I left and made sure no one could track me a day later. I just couldn't take the sympathetic looks Trowa was giving me, the way Quatre kept trying to get me to do something or go out, and the way Wufei was actually trying to be nice. Worst of all, I couldn't take being so close to them together. Heero and Relena. The knight and the princess. I could think of things they might be doing and it just made me sick with jealousy. Because I never saw them. I think maybe if I had just seen them together, happy, I would have been alright. I wouldn't have been happy about it, but I would have been able to leave Heero and move on with my life. His happiness would have meant more than my obsession. But I never saw him again. And since Relena left the public eye and moved away, I could only assume he went with her. I never gave up searching for him. Even months after the war I searched for some sign of him on the net, but nothing came up and I wasn't willing to hack Relena's computer and see if he was there. I wasn't quite ready to do something illegal to find him. Close, but not quite there. Besides, I was still hoping to find him alone. I mean, really, I knew they were together, but he had to get out on his own sooner or later, didn't he? So there was, what, a fifty-fifty chance that I could talk to him alone? I mean, I wasn't going to try to steal him away from Relena, but I needed to know, to really know, that he was happy.
But that was all after I left. I just couldn't take the pain any more. Everywhere I went I found something that reminded me of him! He was just freaking everywhere! So I gave up. I surrendered. I grabbed my stuff and took a shuttle to no where. It wasn't like I could have stayed much longer anyway. Trowa and Quatre were heading for his estate at the end of the week and Wufei had already went off to the mountains to, "...properly lay Nataku to rest," then he was of to the Preventers. Quatre had, of course, offered me a room at his house, but I think even he knew I would rather eat my foot than accept. I drifted for about a month, drinking and staying in run-down apartments, watching the news every single night just to possibly catch a glimpse of the man who took my heart and the princess who took him. However, the problem with apartments is they only exist in populated areas. And the problem with populated areas is people. And the problem with people is sooner or later, they notice you're not exactly normal and then you're not welcome anymore. I finally settled down after this guy calling himself a vampire hunter tried to kill me. Crazy nut job. It specifically states in the vampire hunter contract that one must only hunt vampires. Lunatic. That's when I found my haven. I was thinking about going back into the scrap-yard business, but I wanted my own place. I put in a call to Howard and he told me about one of his buddies who had recently died. He left a scrap-yard to his son along with a house and about eighty acres of land. The only problem was that the yard was on some sort of plateau way up in the mountains, and it was too steep for anything but trucks to get in or out of and too gusty for any planes to safely fly or land. So somebody would have to drive a large, heavy truck down steep, winding paths with thousands of dollars of scrap or equipment in the back. But, when you've piloted a mobile suit, not just in space but on Earth and under water, driving a truck is nothing. They don't call me Shinigami for nothing. And... Hell... I could never pass up a bargain. I also bought my bitches at that time. Now, most ladies would be horribly offended by the man of their life saying something like that, but not my girls. 'Course, it helps that they can't understand a word I'm saying, but what the hell, right? I mean, they don't care and it makes me feel big pimpin' or something like that. Then again, though, you really don't get bigger pimpin' than a Gundam pilot, do you?
Wing and Scythe, the smallest two puppies in the pound. Yeah, yeah, I know, kinda mushy for a former pilot, but it couldn't really be helped. Wing has long white fur with blue eyes, but not cobalt like Heero's, almost sky blue. She's also got a pair of chocolate colored marks on her back that look like wings. Scythe is dark brown, almost black in some places, with chocolate eyes. She's got a scar shaped like a scythe over her left eye.
I never really intended to get two puppies at the same time, of course. Honestly, when I went into the pound I was looking for a cat. It was right before I started my job in the mountains, and I'd been in need of some company, but I wasn't really sure I could handle the responsibility. I mean, I had never had a pet, and half the time people had to yell at me for forgetting to feed myself. So, I had figured that cats are pretty resilient creatures, and if I did a bad job taking care of the little guy he could just run away and take care of himself. Not so with puppies, who will stay with you through thick and thin, but are completely dependant on you.
But what was I to do? Underfed and skittish, they only had two days left. How could I turn away those big eyes, looking longingly at me, the way I had so often looked at the rest of the world? I bought them, and that was the end of it. Or so I thought. There was a lot more to dog ownership than I had originally banked on. I had to buy food and toys and beds and all kinds of junk they eventually chewed through anyway. I must have bought six books before I left the city just on puppy care. Luckily for me they were both mixed breeds, so they were pretty sturdy and didn't have any of the defects that the purebreds often run into. Unfortunately, something in that mixed blood of theirs was huge, because they grew to be about thigh height. I was actually pretty lucky I had moved to such a remote place, because those two needed more room to play and frolic than they could have ever gotten in the city. Their training was another challenge to me, and required yet another trip to the bookstore. I knew when I got them that I would need them as watch dogs, but I had seen enough of my friends torn apart by dogs to know I wouldn't be able to handle either of them coming back with blood on their jaws. Luckily enough the girls were smart, and they picked up on things pretty quick. I read some books on training police dogs to get the general idea, but I was pretty sure that the girls were smart enough to know what I wanted. So I rigged up some dummies and, using commands of "Bad!" and "Good!" taught them what to do when a stranger came around. I even gave the dummies guns, because I wasn't willing to let my dogs get shot if some nut decided to shoot 'em. So they learned to bark at strangers, corner them, and even bite their feet, but they wouldn't do any real damage unless they saw a gun or a knife. And they tore the hands off both the dummies with those, so I didn't even want to think of what they'd do to a real person. I kept searching for Heero, but my hope was dwindling and I only spent a few hours a night looking for him. I also had his bear cleaned and repaired. It wasn't cheap, I'll tell you, to find someone who could clean an antique toy in this day and age, and I had to go half way around the world to find him, but he did damn fine work. I didn't want Heero to come back and find the bear a mess, though now I wasn't sure he'd even recognize it. Still, the guy guaranteed me it'd last another hundred years, more if we sent it in for repairs every fifty. After a while I eased back into friendship with the other guys. I really missed Quatre and was glad to be able to see him. He helped get my business going and kept me up to date on the latest gossip. Trowa called me when things got hectic with Quatre. Even with all the animals around he sometimes got lonely, and I was more than happy to have him. A lot of times he'd come take a vacation at my house if he was feeling claustrophobic in the city with Quatre. We'd walk and look at the full moon together. Wufei came out to my place a lot, too, but he wasn't as much fun. He always came when work was getting too stressful, to recharge himself. He'd spend most of the day sleeping or meditating in the sun. Sometimes I was sure he did both at the same time. But it was nice to have his company too, and when he was up to it I always harassed him. We'd have rollicking good fights. Even without Heero, things were good. Except for the gaping hole in my heart that I had come to know would never be filled. Oh well, I'd live. I still had to give Heero his bear back.
Pathetic. I know.
