It's Just you're Subconscious


Chapter Twenty: Memories in a Box

Sienna felt her limbs being pulled at; she could hear her muscles and bones straining against something or someone pulling them. She could only see blackness, her eyes were squeezed shut, as if it would help the pain; her teeth were clenched on her tongue, making it bleed. Her mouth was now filled with blood, she couldn't feel anything under her, she was levitated in the air, she threw her head back in pain as she felt another tug at her limbs, and she was choking on her blood as she let out a blood curdling scream.

Then it all stopped.

Everything was now in a blur, the pain was gone, and the blood was no longer filling her taste buds with a sour yet sweet sensation, her teeth and jaws no longer hurt from clenching them so tight. Everything seemed to be on rewind at a fast rate of speed. Then it stopped, she found herself talking happily to Kat who seemed nervous about something. She paid no heed and kept talking. Kat was wringing her hands, and looking around, it was starting to worry Sienna.

However, she was cut off by screams, and cold cruel laughter. It all went black and she couldn't see anything, she saw flashing images of Sirius and Ana, James and Lily, and Remus being struck by a spell, from someone she couldn't make out. She felt herself let out an anguished scream, at seeing Remus fall to the ground his face a mixture of anger and pain.

Sienna screamed bloody murder as she flew up from her bed, in a cold sweat; she looked around and found she was in the safety of her room. It was messy like always, the soft glow of her lamp was on. Her Advanced Potions book lay in her lap from where she had tried to study; her window was open letting a soft autumn breeze in.

The horror was gone. She wasn't in pain, Remus had not been struck by a spell, and it had only been a dream. It wasn't real; she was safe in her room, away from the horror, away from the pain. It had been so real, like her premonitions of her and her friends dying. Her jaw actually hurt as if she had clenched it in her sleep.

She pulled off a sweater that she had been wearing before bed, she was still in a cold sweat, chills of horror and emotion ran up her spine, teasing her, and making her remember the horrifying images of her dream. Once she pulled the sweater off, all she had on was a white tank top, and some light shorts. She shivered involuntarily looking around, still seeing the images in her head.

She squeezed her eyes shut, but it only made it worse, she calmed her breathing down a little and sat on the bed staring off into space, as if in a trance. She hated these visions, and dreams, they were a curse to her. If they were premonitions, why couldn't someone else have them? They were too much for her to handle sometimes; they gave her splitting headaches afterwards, and paranoid feelings. Some people might call having premonitions a gift, she found it to be a curse. How could she stop what was to come anyway? Was it really realistic to be able to stop what was to come? Would the events happen anyway, because there was no way to change what was supposedly to come?

It didn't take long and Sienna's Mother came running into the room, in her nightgown a look of fear on her face.

She ran over and held Sienna's sweaty face in her hands in a motherly fashion, fear and concern etched on her face. Sienna stared back into her Mother's eyes with a sort of emotionless hollow look that sent chills down Mrs. Costello's spine.

Sienna's eyes looked dark as if she didn't care anymore. As if this nightmare had shaken her so bad, that it had sent her into a downward spiral. As if it had shaken Sienna's soul, right down to the core. Mrs. Costello didn't like it; she didn't like this whole Witch and Wizard thing.

It seemed to be hard on Sienna she seemed to have trouble dealing with it, as if the Wizarding world was much more complicated then her own world. Mrs. Costello hated it, she wished she could take her daughter's pain and fears away, as the years went on Sienna seemed to be pulling away, and she seemed more quiet and hollow. Emotionless even, though, she tried to hide it from her parents, a Mother always knows.

Whatever was happening in this Wizarding World, Sienna shouldn't have had to go through it, at only Seventeen. Whatever it was that was bothering Sienna and driving her mad like this, Mrs. Costello had a feeling she couldn't stop, she had a feeling she couldn't protect Sienna from this, like she had been able to protect her from other things.

"Sienna, are you alright?" She asked, sitting on the bed, still holding onto Sienna as if her whole life depended on it. She brushed her hair out of Sienna's face, and tried to get rid of the sweat.

Sienna stared back for a moment quietly and then slowly a smile reached her face, as she grabbed onto her mother's wrist, even though she was smiling she still had that scared defenseless hollow look in her eyes. "Fine Mum, just a nightmare, go back to bed." She said smiling, and caressing her Mother's wrists, as if trying to soothe her and tell her it was going to be alright.

Mrs. Costello frowned to herself, it wasn't supposed to be like that she was the one that was supposed to calm her daughter down, she was supposed to soothe, and tell Sienna it was supposed to be alright.

It was all so wrong, and there was nothing she could do.

Her lips thinned a little bit, and she puckered them and looked away from her daughter, pulling her hands away and setting them neatly in her lap, looking down. "Sienna, every year you go to that school it gets worse. I know about that evil wizard, you've told me about him, maybe you'd be much safer here, at home." She said softly.

Sienna looked over at her Mother through hooded eyes, contemplating what her Mother said, "No, I wouldn't be." Sienna replied it was all she was going to say. She wouldn't worry her Mother into a frantic tizzy that Voldemort also killed Muggles. It wasn't just the Wizarding World in danger. She wouldn't tell her Mother that, and put her through that terror, the same terror Sienna was going through.

Sienna was slightly annoyed, she had come home to put this behind her for a bit and relax, and here it was cropping up again, and it had settled down for a while. Now out of the blue it happens again, sending Sienna into another slight depression. At least until she saw her friends again, they seemed to be the only ones that were able to bring her spirits up.

Mrs. Costello looked over at Sienna sharply, "Then how am I supposed to protect you? I regret the day, I sent you to the school. I was proud, until I found out what this is doing to you. I can't protect you from this." She snapped.

Sienna stood up quickly untangling herself from her sheets and slamming her History of Magic book to the ground, "Mother," She said sharply, "For the most part, I am a happy person. I'm a teenager, things seem worse then they are. I will get through it. You can't protect me forever, you can't. You can't protect me from everything; you need to get over that." She said sighing heavily.

Mrs. Costello stood from Sienna's bed clasping her hands behind her back, "Don't talk to me like that." She replied evenly, "I'm you're Mother, and it's a Mother's prerogative to want to protect their young. Is this you're first nightmare?" She asked studying Sienna's face.

Sienna looked her evenly in the eye and said, "Yep." Lying to her Mother, to keep her Mother from worrying was no problem to Sienna.

Mrs. Costello sighed, "I want you to leave that school." She said wearily.

Sienna shrugged and sat down on her bed again, "No, I'm not leaving; In fact, I'm safer at Hogwarts with Professor Dumbledore there." Sienna reasoned.

"Sienna, I'm you're Mother, don't tell me 'no'." She replied a tone of frantic fear in her voice as if she knew she would loose this battle.

Sienna sat up, since she had laid down, "Mum you can't make me, not go. I'm 17, an adult in the Wizarding World. It's my choice, I'm going." Sienna feeling that finalized it lay back down.

Mrs. Costello glared at the lumpy form that was her daughter, "Sienna, you're not going, I won't take you." She said.

Sienna shrugged, and sighed, "Fine, I'll have Mrs. Potter take me then, I'm going. I'm not leaving to a Muggle school, away from my friends. No." Sienna said the thought of it made her depressed about hardly ever seeing her friends.

Mrs. Costello stared at the lump for a moment, realizing she had lost the battle, that no matter what she did she couldn't stop Sienna, she couldn't protect her, she couldn't take her pains away like she did when Sienna was little; when all it took was to give a kiss and a hug and everything was okay.

That was over. Sienna was now an adult, and Mrs. Costello couldn't do anything, she had to let go, but she didn't want to.

Mrs. Costello felt on the brink of tears for her daughter, what if she left after Christmas and never came back? What if something happened to her? Mrs. Costello's life was Sienna and her husband, if Sienna was gone, she wasn't sure she could bear it. "Fine. Go. I'll be damned if I take you though." With that she turned and left, closing the door quietly behind her. She was angry, but she wasn't angry at Sienna, just the situation.

After Mrs. Costello left, Sienna finally let out a sob. She didn't like to anger or worry her Mother, but the thought of never going to Hogwarts again was unbearable. "Mum…" She whispered, she wanted nothing more then for her Mother to protect her; she wanted to hold onto her Mother forever. Sienna felt she couldn't though, she knew it would only put her Mother in danger.

She couldn't bear hardly seeing her friends again, she would be filled with insecurities of Ana and Lily making a new friend, never hearing James call her "Sienna Poo," again never hearing Sirius' dirty comments, and most of all Remus finding someone new.

After an hour of silent crying Sienna fell back to sleep, and albeit she was happy it was dreamless.


The next day Sienna felt a little better at the prospect of her friends coming over to her house to do something. Otherwise it would have been dreadfully boring. Sienna's mother had been quiet for most of the day, and her Father seemed to be in a foul mood.

Not Good.

Especially when you're planning on telling Daddy Dearest you're dating one of you're best friends.

A very over protective Daddy Dearest.

Till about 3: 00 PM Sienna sat around the house, or read or tried to get some Homework done, but she felt like her stomach was in knots. She really was dreading telling her Father about Remus, but she couldn't keep it from her parents forever.

She was an adult.

She had a right to date.

Right?

Sienna sighed heavily knowing that no matter how much her parents had previously liked Remus, he was now dating their daughter and thus forth her Father was gonna put Remus through hell.

Oh the joy.

Sienna was currently laying her head on the kitchen table trying to devise ways to tell her Dad she was dating. She put her chin on her hands that were lying on the table and started to rack her brain.

"So basically Dad, Remus and I are dating." Sienna would say nervously.

Silence…

"What do you plan on doing for a living son? How will you provide for my cupcake? Will you be able to provide, and do you have a 7 year financial plan?" He would ask.

Sienna sat up straight in the kitchen chair and shook her head that definitely would not work.

"Dad you know Remus? The guy I've been friends with since I was 11. Well, I'm proud to announce Remus is courting me." Sienna would sweet-talk.

"Do you treat her like a lady? You better. I expect you to pull out her chair when she sits down, what do you think about sex before marriage? I think you should wait, till 3 years after you marry. I don't want you bragging to you're buddies." He would say which would make Sirius and James snigger.

Definitely not the way to go.

Sienna groaned and looked up towards the ceiling, there was no possible way she could tell her Father about this without him going all over protective on Remus.

Wasn't her Father in the Navy or Army?

Sienna tried to remember but couldn't, her face fell even more, if he was he'd probably be a drill sergeant to Remus.

Dear God, I'm dead, my relationship will be over, every other guy I bring home, my Father will scare away, all men will know about me, and fear my Father, I'll be forever dateless, I'll never talk to Remus again, and I'll end up a spinster living with Ana as a third wheel; as she starts her family with Sirius. She thought melodramatically.

Her self-pitying thoughts were broken by the doorbell ringing.

Shit, they're here. Oh God, oh God, oh God. This is it; I have to tell him, IT'S ALL IN THE NAME OF LOVE.

I'm getting way too sappy.

She sighed standing up as her Mother ran out of the kitchen from making fudge, to answer the door. Good, she has fudge, dad loves fudge, I'll tell him when his mouth his full of it.

Mrs. Costello wiped her hands on her apron and opened the front door with Sienna behind her. Remus, Ana, Sirius, Lily and James were all standing there bundled up due to the cold weather outside. They all smiled and Mrs. Costello allowed them in, as they took off all they're stuff and put they're coats and boots in the closet.

"Would you all like some fudge, I've made?" Mrs. Costello asked offering a smile.

Remus nodded first along with the others, she told them to sit down at the table, and then she ran into the kitchen to grab the fudge. At this time Mr. Costello came walking in and sat at the table with them all.

Sienna's nerves were high-strung, she started wringing her hands. Thankfully James and Sirius were there to lighten the mood.

"So," James began, "You must be happy about Remus and Sienna's relationship." James said grinning at Mr. Costello.

Sirius nodded, "Yeah, they're so cute when they kiss." He crooned winking at Sienna who looked horrified.

Oh Sweet Merlin I'll kill the idiots, if they don't get killed by my Father. She thought sending glares towards James and Sirius.

Remus blushed and looked down at his hands and Sienna just kept glaring, Ana leaned back in her chair thoroughly enjoying this, Lily kicked James under the table.

Mr. Costello looked over at Sienna, she couldn't tell what he was thinking or feeling, he just stared at her, he slowly raised an eyebrow.

She laughed nervously, "James, Sirius, I was waiting for the right time to tell him." She said glaring at them. James and Sirius laughed nervously.

Sienna turned back to her Dad, "Dad, I was going to tell you today, I just wasn't sure how." She said laughing nervously looking quite pale and as if she was going to faint at any moment.

"When?" Mr. Costello asked.

"Pardon me?" She asked.

"When did you start dating?" He asked evenly as if trying to control himself.

"O-oh, U—um, middle of S-s-s-s-September just before the first Hogsmeade Weekend." She stuttered, playing with the edge of the tablecloth.

"Why didn't you write and tell me?" He asked.

"We thought it would be better to tell you in person." Sienna replied wiggling her legs back and fourth nervously.

Mr. Costello then focused on Remus, "Treat her well, son?" He asked.

Remus was clearly intimidated by Mr. Costello although; Sienna's Dad did have that way about him. Remus swallowed hard, "Of course." He replied.

Even though Remus had met Mr. and Mrs. Costello before it was like they were first meeting again. "Are you going to be able to support her?" He asked.

This is when Sienna knew she needed to jump in, because if she didn't Remus wouldn't make it. She couldn't tell her Father that she probably would end up having to work because Remus couldn't get a job, with him being a werewolf. She wasn't about to tell her Father about her boyfriends 'furry little problem.'

"Oh, of course, he wants to be an Auror at the Ministry of Magic, it's got great pay." She said lying.

Mr. Costello raised an eyebrow, "I didn't ask you, cupcake." He said smiling at Sienna and then turning back to Remus, "Is that true?" He asked.

Remus swallowed hard and choked out a, "yes." It really sounded more like a squeak, but Sienna was too anxious to really be able to tell.

Mr. Costello narrowed his eyes, having a feeling these two were lying, but didn't push it. Sienna was a horrible liar, "You didn't pull her chair out." He said.

Remus furrowed his eyebrows, "Excuse me?" He asked.

"When she came in and sat down here, you didn't pull her chair out for her, like a gentleman should." He replied.

Remus looked like he wanted to run out the door and it was then Sienna decided that her friends wouldn't come here anymore but she'd go their houses. "Dad you know I hate to be babied." She said trying to pass it over.

Mr. Costello shifted, "It doesn't matter, he should have at least offered, and if you two have kissed like," He said turning to Sirius, "Sirius has stated, it better not have gotten any farther then that. No sex before marriage and if you hurt my baby girl, you'll have me to deal with." Mr. Costello said as Mrs. Costello came in with the fudge.

Remus looked relieved so did Sienna, Ana was sniggering behind her arm, and Lily was somewhat amused as well. James and Sirius were afraid at what plot Sienna would come up with to exact her revenge on them.

Mr. Costello smiled, "Did you hear? Remus and Sienna are dating." He said patting Remus on the back smiling.

Dear God, he's moody, he's got to have Bi-polar disorder. Sienna thought slightly amused at her Father's mood change.

Mrs. Costello cooed, "How sweet, Remus you are getting such a delightful young lady, take care of her." Mrs. Costello said setting the fudge down.

"Mum," Sienna groaned at her mother's cooing Remus was amused by it, as her Mother sat down going on about how adorable Sienna was.

"Oh, you should see her baby pictures, there is one where she's sitting in a suitcase chewing on her Father's baseball cap it's so darling!" She said waving her hands around getting teary-eyed.

"Mum." Sienna again, "Stop." She sighed as James and Sirius sniggered.

Ana grinned, "Do you know where that picture is? Could we see some?" She asked knowing Sienna would not be happy. This was going to be amusing for them.

Mrs. Costello grinned, "Of course, I'll go get them!" She replied standing up.

"Mum, please." Sienna sighed.

"Oh, hush Sienna, eat some fudge, you seem to have gotten to skinny, put some meat on your bones." She said walking away.

"Dad, can't you do something about her?" She asked turning to her Father.

He only laughed taking a sip of cold milk, "It won't be that bad Sienna."

Sienna grumbled a little, "I hate my life." She said to herself dramatically.

After a few moments, Mrs. Costello came back with a box in hand, with photos in it; she pushed the fudge plate aside and sat the box down. Everyone but Sienna stood up to look inside as Mrs. Costello looked for the photo she had mentioned.

Lily giggled pulling a photo out looking at it, "Sienna did you have a crush when you were little?" She asked laughing, showing Sienna the photo.

Sienna groaned, it was of her and some little boy, who she leaned over and kissed, the boy looked disgusted. "Ugh. No." She said rolling her eyes.

Lily shook her head, "Lighten up, Sienna, if this was anyone else you'd be laughing." She reminded digging through the box again.

She hated when her friends were right.

She really hated it.

She really, really, REALLY hated it.

Ana pulled out another picture and sniggered, "This is cute!" She cooed, Sienna took the picture from Ana and actually smiled herself.

It was a picture of her when she was about five and her Dad was sitting on the couch, and he had her lifted over his head, laughing at her. She also seemed to be laughing in the picture, "Yeah, Dad and I were wrestling around." She replied.

"Oh that reminds me of another," She stood up digging through the box and showed Ana and Lily one of when Sienna's Aunt was over, and they were all wrestling, with Sienna sandwiched in between her Dad and her Aunt.

"That is so freaking' cute." Sirius said looking at it sniggering; he also felt a little pang of jealously, Sienna had such an awesome family.

She had a family to fight with, she had a family to really be there for her and support her. Even though her Dad was over-protective it was all out of love. She had all these memories in a box.

He really had nothing. He looked over to see Sienna laughing and digging through the box as her Mother teased and poked at her over some picture. He wondered why he had to be born into the Black family, where there were so many dark artifacts and they were strict about blood lines.

He had been disowned from his family, the Potters were a nice family, but when it came down to it, they weren't his family; they were his best mate's family. It was at times like these he really wished for his own family.

He wished for a box full of memories and people to laugh and tease with. Sirius was pulled out of his thoughts by Ana, "Hey, Sirius look, blackmail huh?" She teased shoving a photo in his face.

He looked down at it and saw Sienna with a pink Teddy bear taken only about a year ago, and with Sienna on a pink hating frenzy this was funny. Sirius laughed as James looked over at the picture he grinned widely and grabbed it from Ana waving it around, "SIENNA LOVES PINK." He laughed.

Mr. Costello raised an eyebrow, "Of course she does, and her whole room has a bunch of pink items in it." He laughed.

Ana, Lily, Remus, James and Sirius all looked at Sienna who blushed and looked down, "I do not Dad." She mumbled.

He laughed, "Don't be ashamed sweetie." He teased as she stuck her tongue out at him, playfully.

"Oh!" Mrs. Costello exclaimed, "Here it is!" She said handing the photo to Remus, there in the photo was baby Sienna sitting in a black suitcase chewing on a baseball cap. She only had a diaper and T-shirt on, which had been drooled on.

You could see her toothy grin as she chewed on the drool soaked hat. They all took turns passing it around, all of them sniggering, "You were such a cute baby Sienna." James laughed along with Lily.

Remus nodded, "I really like this picture." He whispered to Sienna, everyone else was too busy looking at other pictures to notice the two.

Sienna took the photo from him and looked at it, a smile spread across her face. It was a photo of last year, during Christmas time. Her and Remus were outside with they're friends. But it was a picture of her and Remus in the snow having a snowball fight, both laughing.

Sienna looked over at Remus who grinned and kissed her on the cheek, unbeknownst to them, her Father had been watching.

He took a sip of his milk and smiled a little before returning to talking with James about Muggle sports.

The boy really didn't know that much, he was shocked, and told James sometime he'd have to teach him how to play baseball.

Then James set about trying to explain Quidditch to her Father. Mr. Costello was greatly interested in it, although all the different rules confused him.

"Look this is when Sirius got snow down his pants." And laughed waving a picture around, Sirius trying to take it away from her.

"Give it to me!" He growled. She laughed and tossed it to Lily who giggled and tossed it to James.

"C'mon guys!" Sirius whined.

"No, this is too much bloody fun." Lily laughed as Ana threw the picture back to her.

Sienna grinned, "I know, let's play keep away from Sirius!" She laughed.

"Yea!" James said throwing the picture to Sienna who threw it to Remus who threw it to Ana.

"You all are against me." He pouted, although as he looked around at them passing the picture around, away from him, he smiled a little. He would definitely start a better family with Ana, and all his friends, and then he would have a box of memories to share.


A/N: Okay, the dreams and premonitions Sienna is having will start to become clearer, and will start making sense. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, sorry for the long wait! Thanks for all the reviews.