"This was not a pleasant death." Warrick and Grissom shook their heads. "The ant venom most likely made him hallucinate. In the end, he just ran out of air."
"Anything unsual about the body?" Grissom asked. Oh, so since I'm dead I don't have a name anymore?
"Actually, yes. On his left wrist there's a series of old and recent scars." Nick felt his left arm raise up and tried to pull it back down. He didn't want to accept the fact that he wasn't in control of his body anymore.
"Self abuse?" Grissom asked, already knowing the answer.
"Most likely."
"What a coward." Warrick said, and Grissom and Doc shook their heads in agreement. Nick tried to scream, but there was no air in his lungs. "Why didn't he just let me help him?"
"It's too late now." Grissom's voice faded, and everything went black.
Nick sat up and looked around him. When he realized he was once again on the couch and not in the morgue, he took a deep breath and ran a shaky hand through his hair. Just another nightmare. He looked across from him and saw Warrick asleep on the loveseat. He smiled with relief in knowing he hadn't woken him up because he had had another nightmare. He looked down at the scar that ran across his left wrist, and anger flared up inside him when he got the sudden urge to add to it. He ran his thumb back and forth over it, trying to make it disappear. He got up and silently walked into his bedroom and sat on the edge of his bed in front of his dresser. He opened the small top middle drawer. He sighed as he reached in and pulled out the crumpled pack of ciggarettes. There were only 4 left, and that made Nick angrier. There wasn't much reassurance in the fact that that pack had lasted him quite a long time. Nick titled the pack and the razor fell into his hand. He stared down at the tiny blade Jayce had given him one day when Nick was over his house.
"Come on man. Trust me. It doesn't hurt, it makes the pain go away."
"I don't know J. They put people in hospitals cuz of this."
"Don't worry about it Nick. It'll help you more than it's gonna hurt you."
Nick remembered how bad it stung that first time, but it had helped. Then he remembered walking into Jayce's room and seeing him lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood. He remembered how Jayce's mom hadn't even cried. He took a deep breath and put the razor on his scar, as he's done too many times before, but he didn't move it. He hated how comforting the cool blade felt. He closed his eyes and remembered how scared Warrick had been and how he had promised to stop. The image of him lying on the floor with a deep cut in his wrist and Warrick looking down at him made him start shaking. I'm not gonna do to Warrick what Jayce did to me. Jayce was my best friend...Warrick's my brother. He doesn't deserve to be hurt like that. Nick took the blade off his wrist and held it in his left hand. He looked down at the ciggarettes that were on the bed next to him. He picked them up and stared at them.
"You okay?" Nick jumped at the sound of Warrick's voice. His hand involuntarily clamped down on the razor.
"Ahh...fuck..." Nick dropped the blade onto the bed and examined the tiny cut on his palm. Warrick slowly walked over to the bed and sat down next to Nick.
"You smoke too?" Nick nodded and hung his head. "Is there anything else I should know about you? Do you have a wife and kid somewhere?"
Nick shook his head and fought back tears. "No."
"Nicky..." Warrick wrapped his arm around Nick's shoulders. "I can't help you if you don't let me."
Nick looked up at Warrick. "I wasn't gonna do it. I just had a dream that I didn't make it and Doc Robbins showed you and Grissom the scars and you got mad at me..." Nick looked back down at the floor.
"I'm not mad at you bro. I'm here to help you, no matter what. How long have you been smoking?"
Nick closed his eyes and a few tears fell down his cheeks. "Since college. It's not like I smoke a pack a day...it's not even a pack a month..."
"Just too hard to quit?"
"No, I've quit hundreds of times."
Warrick laughed. "How about you do it for good this time?"
"That's probably a good idea."
"I have an idea." Warrick got up left the room. He came back a few seconds later, and took the crumpled pack of ciggarettes and the blade from Nick. He took the last few out and threw them in the trash with the razor. He reached into his pocket and put the coin in the pack and handed it to Nick. "There ya go."
Nick smiled. "Thanks man." Warrick sat back down next to Nick.
"Ya know...I thought about suicide before." Warrick said slowly, his voice was quiet. "I never knew my dad, and my mom died when I was little. I lived with my grandmother, and I was such a burden on her...I couldn't understand why my dad wasn't around. My grams never talked about him...hated him for what he did to me and my mom. I don't get why he didn't want me..." Warrick's voice cracked and Nick felt his heart shatter. He pulled Warrick it to a tight hug.
"That was the biggest mistake of his life. He has no idea what he missed out on. You're a great guy Warrick. It's not your fault he couldn't see that."
"How did you do that?" Warrick said, pulling away from Nick.
"Do what?"
"People always told me it wasn't my fault and other bullshit, and I never believed them...but you...I can't not believe you...I'm sorry...I'm whining about someone I've never met and you've been through more than anyone and you can somehow make me feel better..."
"That's because you've helped me so much. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. This works both ways 'Rick."
Warrick smiled. "I know." Warrick hugged his brother again before Nick stood up and stretched.
"I need food...why don't you cook us up some more of that fantastic bacon and eggs and I'll sit on the couch and wait?"
Warrick stood up next to Nick and playfully put him in a headlock. "What would my famous bacon and eggs be without your burnt toast and stolen coffee?" They went into the kitchen and made breakfast. After they ate, Warrick challenged Nick to a game of Madden 2006.
"Oh man, you know I can wreck you at this game."
"Last time was a fluke and you know it. You cheat anyways, you run the same damn play almost everytime."
"Not my fault you can't stop it..." Warrick threw a pillow at Nick and turned the PS2 on. Nick won the first game, and Warrick took the second. "Damn it." Nick said as Warrick kicked the winning field goal. "Best 2 outta 3?"
Warrick smiled. "Nah. Let's leave it in a tie."
Sorry I brought back the 'dark Nick' again, but I only did it to show he was getting better. The actor who plays Nick recently quit smoking and I decided to give it a try. Sorry this chapter wasn't too good, I'm kinda running out of ideas. I wanna finish it up soon, I start school Wednesday. Comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated.
