Controversy Loves Company

A/N: Many thank yous to everyone who reviewed. Especially to: lilmisssushi because she generously offered her soul, hand in marriage, and hard labor in turn for a quicker update but unfortunately thanks to school I couldn't update any faster, Gin-inu for being a better friend than I deserve, Claud-kun for being the coolest, and MagenChitenKyoten for being my beta and an all around great friend- but um Kaibasgirlx, who asked if I needed a beta, hell, I'm probably gonna need all the help I can get XD so you can take that as a yes. Oh and I'm sorry if I've been irritating any of you on AIM (Trina…Alyssa…MoGo…) –AsianOne

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Okay so I didn't float all the way home. I power-walked a good half of it and managed to ditch Ino while she stopped in to Safeway at 11:00 at night to lie on the floor of the produce aisle and read People magazine. But I'd say that was the closest I've ever come to floating in my lifetime.

I arrived back at my apartment late: late enough to earn two very disappointed glances from my own purgatorial Doublemint twins.

Chika scowled at me, "You're late."

Chika is the annoying one.

Iori is the obnoxious one.

I have to remind myself because the fact that one is a guy and the other a girl is not enough for me to tell them apart.

I try not to look at them unless I'm wearing a helmet, seatbelt, and can call in Hulk Hogan for backup.

I keep him on speed dial.

Iori scoffed and threw a wooden spoon carelessly onto the kitchen counter. "And you ruined my Ragu!"

Iori insists that he is not gay, merely metrosexual.

I believed him, because I firmly believe that you can't stereotype homosexuals, that was, until I walked in on him in a particularly awkward position with a Joe Boxer model.

"I'm sorry. I was unaware that my absence could cause your Ragu to spiral into a dark emotional abyss and die." See, I'm not good at apologies. If social ineptness is hereditary my parents must have been hermits.

"Ew," Chika shrieked and I feared for the lives of glass tableware everywhere. "Wash your face, your face is all shiny and your mascara is running and you look disgusting!"

"I'm a slave to the hottest guy in the world with no pupils," I told her truthfully, my puny brain just reconnecting with the events that happened earlier. It finally really sunk in.

"So? Wash your face."

"Well, this doesn't exactly happen everyday!"

"How did it happen?" Iori gasped, intrigued.

"I don't know. But I'm damn proud of it," I told him proudly.

"She ruined my Ragu." Uninterested, Iori went back to complaining. I don't mind- it's what he does best.

"She is so rude!"

I lazily ignored Chika's instruction, too tired to wash my face, brush my teeth, change out of Ino's latest line of hooker wear, and climbed in bed and began thinking.

Like I could go to sleep after that happened.

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A hopeless romantic, I aspired to someday find someone who could appreciate me for who I truly am.

And one day in a land far, far away that blind, deaf, mentally challenged man would sweep me off my feet into his scrawny, pale arms.

Together we would limp off into the sunset short of breath and searching the horizon for the closest Starbucks.

Unfortunately recent changes in my life have forced me to settle.

Pity.

I'm just going to have to suffer.

Suck it up.

Be a man.

Throw in the towel.

Watch my standards melt into a puddle of failed ambitions.

Add another number to my list of lost causes.

Trade in my dream dork.

Replace the small, high pants bum for tall, dark and handsome.

Check that out, I rhymed.

My wit astounds.

Not to prematurely cut to the chase and end this delightful rant, but I am the slave of the world's most dashing bachelor.

Neji.

Nejiiiii.

Neeeeeeeeeeeejiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

Say it with me.

It's delicious.

"What are you thinking about?"

Hot breath on my earlobe.

Sexy voice.

Long fingers, lazily brushing the stray hair away from my eyes.

Now, think hard, who could that be?

I jumped out of my skin and squeaked like a rat. A rat in love. A rat ready to spend its life in a dark alley with the hairy, flea infested rat of its dreams. The bubonic plague has never been so sexy.

It takes my mind a time lapse of one year to register an episode of Gray's Anatomy- and it's only fair if I get as much time to let other thoughts register

It finally sunk in.

Someone was in my bed with me.

Who it was, I knew very well.

"What? Are you some kind of stalker or something!" I growled, throwing the covers off my body, getting out of the bed, and crossed my arms protectively by the bed stand.

"I got tired of waiting for the blonde girl to leave so I invited myself in," he ignored my comment.

"Oh yes, and please," I rolled my eyes, "help yourself to my virginity while you're at it."

"Don't flatter yourself, Haruno," he propped himself up on his elbows, "tonight I did your ego a huge favor," he narrowed his eyes, "don't make me regret it."

"You did my ego a huge favor!" I threw my head in to an obnoxious, fake laugh, "do you really think that kissing your ass, being at your every beck and call, against my will, will really up my self-esteem meter? Because I'm sorry you're greatly mistaken."

He got out of bed and the next thing I knew I was pinned against my own wall.

"You talk big for a slave at my mercy," he growled. I could feel his breath on my lips.

Cue for Sakura: blush! Blush like you've got an infinite supply of all the redness in the world!

I looked up suddenly, interested in the well-being of my wall-paper.

He hooked his thumb under my chin and pulled it down so my eyes could meet his.

"I could do anything I wanted to do to you right now," he mused.

"When I said help yourself to my virgintiy I didn't mean literally," I said between gritted teeth, surprised at myself for being so bold.

"But I won't."

"Glad to hear it."

His face was nearing mine, his lips so close I could almost feel them. Almost.

"Do you know why?"

"Do I want to?"

He chuckled, "Brave girl," he traced my lips lightly with his fingertip, "I respect that."

"Get on with it." I said impatiently.

Then we crashed in to one more of those mind-blowing kisses. And if you've ever been kissed you may know what I'm talking about. Being kissed so hard that you think your lips might fall off, that you might just get carried off in the wind a second later because you feel like you could float away in a mere gust of wind, that you've indeed been missing something great for most of your life.

He almost kissed me like that.

Almost.

But just enough to leave me light-headed and fighting for air.

"Because I don't need to force myself on women," he whispered in to my ear, his teeth barely scraping against my earlobe, "sooner or later they all beg for it"

Truer words never spoken. Unfortunately.

Before I could say a word he turned, opened the door of my bedroom, walked past a shocked Chika, an infatuated Iori, and showed himself out.

"Neji"

The door slammed shut.

Total silence filled the apartment.

Iori broke it.

"Get his number. We can play poker!"

I rolled my eyes at him and glared.

"Smooth, Elton," I called to Iori, closing the door.

Like I'd be able to sleep after that happened.

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"Fatty get up!" Chika sing-songed from the kitchen, "You'll be late for school."

"Just a second mom, let me round up the other kids and I'll get out of my jammies." I said under my breath, opening my closet to pull out the school's hideous uniform.

Only it wasn't there.

Only there was nothing but a skimpy skirt, roughly about half-the size of my normal uniform skirt and the bikini top Ino had given me for Christmas.

I gritted my teeth. Neji was so dead when I got my diary back.

I'm gonna kill him so dead he'll be dead! I thought vengefully in my head, a sadistic smile plastered across my face as I peeled off the tube top I didn't bother to take off the previous night.

"Chika!" I yelled.

"What, fatass?"

"Can I borrow some clothes?" I said meekly, poking my head out of the door.

"Look, just because you don't own anything nice doesn't mean you can leech off of me" she said hotly.

"Ior-"

"No. Fucking. Way." He said immediately.

Iori was not a morign person and the only reason why he was up was because he has decided that the light at eight in the morning best complements his soft facial features.

I agreed because he was holding a chocolate bar at the time and I thought he might share.

I thought wrong.

Pouting, I looked at the only thing left in my closet.

The diary. I told myself. The diary.

There was no way I was wearing those things.

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Grumpily, I made my way to the world's oldest, crappiest car known to the world. Walking seemed like an impossible task in a skirt so short and tight, the skimpy bikini threatened to break at any moment but I was determined to make it to the car before sundown.

Eventually I got there.

Eventually.

But at least now I had a new respect for hookers. They made it look so easy, "Shaking it", moving around, and all.

The car groaned as I tried to start it.

"C'mon," I crooned to the ancient station wagon, "please start!"

And it did. Only to die in front a bunch of angry looking punks who exploded in to laughter when they saw what I was wearing.

"Fuck you!" I screamed, jumping out of my station wagon and kicking it for the "angry" effect.

How dare they laugh at me. Just because I have naturally pink hair and happen to be driving the world's crappiest car in a hooker outfit does not mean I have to suddenly become a freak show!

One boy stepped foreward, "having car troubles, Pinky?" He grinned.

I pretended to smile sweetly, "Yes, I am. You boys wouldn't mind giving me a lift would you?"

He shook his head and continued grinning like a…fox.

I pointed to a black Dodge truck covered in Band Sticker, filled to the brim with empt beer bottles,"That wouldn't happen to be your car, now would it?"

The boy nodded, still smiling, not dropping his act for a second.

"Now, just out of curiousity how many days do you wake up thinking 'how many ways can I fulfill that no-good, rotten, bad-to-the-bone, punk sterotype today?'"

"You read my mind." He said, picking me up, bridal-style, in one swift motion.

Laughter.

I squirmed, "Put me down." I growled.

"If Pinky says she needs a ride she'll get one," he assured me, gripping me tighter.

"The school is like a mile from here, you idiot, what about the car! Why can't you take me to school from the car!" I said, squirming even more, praying to god the top would'nt break.

"It's not mine."

I did a double-take, "But-Wha-You said-" It sunk in, "Oh my God, you've got to be kidding me," I mumbled, crossly.

"'fraid not. Welcome to Naruto's delivery service." He said happily, jogging slightly to the school, a little less than a mile away.

"Pull over," I muttered, "I think I need to vomit."

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A/N: Eh…Not really happy with it but oh well. I haven't been in a writing mood cuz I'm just not in a writing mood, I guess. But I seriously always get a laugh that I'm writing romance. Everyone's like "write what you know" and here I am writing about romance, like I know anything about that. I like people solely for their looks. I'm shallow. Also, in other news, the preview in the first chapter was actually for the third chapter. SO you won't find out what I mean 'til chapter three so ha! If you have any questions my AIM is Laurenouisty add it and ask away. Sorry this chapter isn't good- you should never try to type a chapter for a fic you haven't planned out yet, listen to Atreyu, and drink orange juice while having a headache- things come out crappy like that.