Paper Mario one and a half

Chapter 22: Meanwhile…

Bow ran frantically down the street by the bank, searching for any officer, while Goombario, Watt, and Kolorado were looking at a neat picture in the guide.

"Guys, focus!" yelled Bow. "We are, we are…" said the other three, obviously not paying attention.

After they looked for what felt like hours, Bow yelled, "WHERE ARE ALL OF THE OFFICERS!" Her yell attracted an old man, who walked up to her. "Simple, there aren't any in this section of the town!" replied the old man.

"Why not?" asked Bow.

"Because of the name of the section. God, don't you know anything?" replied the old man.

"Look, we are new here. This is a section of the Mushroom Kingdom that we never explored. Care to explain everything?"

"Fine. This section is called Criminal Alley. It is called that because lots of robberies and other crimes happen often in this section of the city. There are even lots of hotels called stuff like 'Gun n Sleep', or 'Maniac Shelter', or even the lame hotel 'Bang Bang Bullets'!"

"Why are you in this section of the city, then?"

"It is only to get a rocket launcher. They only sell it in 'Missile Nissile', which only exists here."

"That still doesn't explain why there aren't any officers here."

"USE COMMON SENSE, GIRL! Do you REALLY think the section would have hotels and gun shops if officers were here! Would there be over 500 bank robberies a year if officers patrolled the streets! Officers don't come here because they are too scared that they will die."

"SO, THESE LAZY BASTARDS SIMPLY LET A LOT OF PEOPLE DIE, AND DO NOTHING ABOUT IT!"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"ARGGG!"

Bow then stormed away, steaming, with the rest of the group. They then walked on the sidewalk and found a sign posted on the side of a building. It was covered in blood and small grafitti lines.

Total Amount of Wanted People for Criminal Alley: 328

If you have any information about any of the criminals, please don't share it to us.

The Police

"As I thought, they are lazy." said Bow, and then she slapped the sign and crumbled it up to pieces and threw it on the ground. Suddenly, a vehicle came screeching around the corner and stopped by Bow. A guy came out, but a button on Bow saying Criminal Number 591. Your prize: a free Uzi. When the guy left, she threw it off her chest and told the others to follow her.

They returned to the robbed bank, to find, very surprisingly, Mario's body slanted on the wall, obviously spiritless (he is at the Hero's Haven, remember)! Bow ran up to him and she touched a blue barrier around him. "Good, he's not dead. The blue barrier means that he was sent to the Hero's Haven to train before he returns to Earth." When she saw the bewildered looks on the others, she added "I read books."

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Meanwhile, at a dark castle, Luigi (the REAL one) is huddled up in a dark jail cell. "Man, I really wish that I wouldn't have gotten kidnapped." And he thought back to what happened after the kidnapper snatched him in the Prologue. Time for a flashback!

"No, I won't go with you! Let me go!" yelled Luigi as he strained to escape from his kidnapper. "No, you will come, Luigi, whether you want to or not." The kidnapper then dashed out to the street and jumped into his 18-wheeler. "I almost forgot!" said the kidnapper, and he dropped the bomb-ready car by Mario's sidewalk (the car that exploded on him in Chapter 1). Back inside the 18-wheeler, the kidnapper drove quickly around the corner, out of Mario's view. Suddenly, he untied Luigi and then pressed a button to strap on Luigi an un-takeoffable seatbelt. "I only did that so the cops wouldn't think I am kidnapping someone." He then drove on some more along the road (BTW, he was oddly following the road rules and the speed limit) until he found a McMushrooms. "Yay, food!" He then very quickly went by the drive-through and bought 2 Large Shroom Meals and 2 Super Sodas. "Here Luigi, this is food so I don't look like a bad guy." Luigi then ate the food, which tasted delicious!

After the food, the trip got boring. Luigi boredly stared out the window for 3 hours until they at last arrived at the destination: Bowser's Castle over the horizon! Hey drove over the hill and sped on the street between houses in the city 'Koopaville'. Finally, the car parked at the door of Bowser's Castle. The kidnapped pressed the button to get rid of Luigi's evil seatbelt, and then he tied Luigi up again and made him fall asleep with fast-acting pills. When Luigi was asleep, the kidnapper carried him into the jail cell he was in now and put an electricity and fire-free force field to prevent escape. Basically after this, 10 uneventful days passed with Luigi having little food. This then ends up to where he is now.

"Even though, I have to admit: it could've been worse." said Luigi. He sat on a bench and waited for 3:30 PM, his lunch hour. At 3:32, the Koopa came in and save Luigi an expired roast beef sandwich and stale milk. "Ugg." thought Luigi.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

"Well, kidnapper, here is your pay!" says Bowser, and he hands over 210 coins to the kidnapper of Luigi. "Hey, can't we drop the secrecy in our OWN CASTLE!" complained the kidnapper. "No, because some fellow servants might be putting their ears where they shouldn't be."

The next day, Bowser came down to breakfast at his throne room when the kidnapper barged through the doors with a newspaper. "Hey Bowser, check out this heading! I think you will like it!" Bowser then reads it, and smiles.

DEFEAT OF LEGENDARY HERO FROM A MERE BANK ROBBERY!

Yesterday at 2:18 PM at a local bank in Beachville, local hero Mario Mario (age 24) was found dead in a bank that was robbed previously that day. Reports from people have said the death was a murder, and any information on the murderers will receive a 250 thousand coin reward.

"Hey, Mario is not dead! He is simply at a different place called Hero's Haven! He will be back!" yells Bow (age unknown). It is clear that this poor ghost is paranoid from his death, thinking that some "Hero's Haven" was like an alternate heaven.

The people watching also explained how the murder happened, but their version was highly unlikely. Search for the real story is going strong.

If you are wanting to hear the witness's fake version of the real story, turn to Page A5.

"This has to be the best day of my life!" says Bowser, and he goes to page A5 while smiling very happily.

MARIO'S DEATH SHAKES ENTIRE MUSHROOM KINGDOM

After Mario's death, we were able to record an interview from the news crew and the witnesses. Here is the interview:

"Alright, can you tell us exactly how Mario died?"

"Sure. We saw with out own eyes Mario duking it out with one robber, but it was much too strong for him! He was getting pounded by the robber, so he transformed into Fire Mario. So he then-"

"Wait, did you say Mario transformed into Fire Mario? I thought he needs a Fire Flower to do that!"

"I don't know how, I just know he did. Anyway, Fire Mario then started a faster fight with the robber, then very suddenly, the robber transformed into an orange skinned alien!"

"Orange-skinned alien? Yeah right."

"Seriously, he was an alien with silver horns and a pointy snout and-"

"Are you going to tell the truth or lie to me?"

"I AM TELLING THE TRUTH!"

"NO YOU ARE NOT!"

"ARRGGG!"

After that conversation, the witness attacked the news interviewer. The witness entered prison for 10 years for assault on a person and a 740 dollar fine for lying to what should be a serious interview. ()

"Ohhh man, this cracks me up!" laughs Bowser. It wasn't hard to say he was enjoying the story.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Meanwhile, on the same morning when Bowser got his newspaper, Kooper was in his big house, wondering what Mario was doing. He then went outside at newspaper time (9:30) and dropped his coffee when he saw the breaking news headline DEFEAT OF A LEGENDARY HERO FROM A MERE BANK ROBBERY. After Kooper read it, he said "WHAT! How DARE they not listen to the story from the EYE WITNESS AND for not listening to Bow! I'm holding a trial against the writers of this story!" Kooper then angrily hopped into his shell car and drove to the mayor's house.

"I want to issue a trial against the writers of this story!" and Kooper shows the story to the mayor. "Alright, but don't think you will win. The trial will be held on Thursday, September 11, 2004 at 9:30 AM. Don't be late!" said the mayor. "Got it. Cool, the trial starts in two days! I better go find a good lawyer!" And with that, Kooper ran back into his car and began the search for a lawyer.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Finally, Mario and Jink walked to a hotel after they exited, rented a room, and fell asleep instantly and waking up 8 hours later at 7:30, unaware of the huge amount of shock down on Earth thinking he is dead.