Chapter 10: Suicidal
When self-worth goes away, depression comes to play. Takes place after all of the previous events.
After HTTYD2
Eret is away on a fishing trip with his father and crew.
Amalie is in the Great Hall, chatting with her friends while a storm rages outside.
"Has anyone seen Becky? She and I were supposed to go to the docks together to meet Eret soon."
"I haven't seen her all day. Ruff, Tuff, have either of you seen your sister?" Hiccup asks.
"No. I mean, we saw her leave her house this morning. But we haven't seen her since then." Tuffnut says.
"I don't know about you, but I'm getting worried." Ruffnut says.
"I am, too. When she was first here, did she ever...?" Amalie starts, not able to finish her sentence.
"She did, unfortunately, try to commit suicide. Tried to drown herself. That's the main reason we brought her into our family. We worried about her. We still do." Tuffnut says.
"Ruff, you okay?" Fishlegs asks, as Ruffnut looks very worried.
"I've got this feeling that something's wrong...I'm gonna go look for her." Ruffnut gets up.
"I'll go with you, sis." Tuffnut follows his twin and they head out of the Great Hall. They see their mom looking up at something, looking shocked, almost to the point of tears.
"Mom, what are you looking at?" Tuffnut asks. The twins follow their mom's finger, which is pointing up.
Becky is standing on a ledge on top of the Great Hall. It was the highest point she could get to without her dragon or without exhausting herself.
"No...no no no no no. Tuffnut, we have to do something!" Ruffnut says before putting her hands to her mouth.
Hiccup notices a crowd forming and comes out of the Great Hall, Astrid, Valka, Amalie, Fishlegs and Snotlout following him.
"What's going on out here?" He follows the twins' eyes.
"Oh, gods. No..." Hiccup says.
"Chief...what do we do?" Snotlout asks.
"Ruff, Tuff, go see if you can talk her down."
"Got it." Ruffnut and Tuffnut hop on Barf and Belch to get to the top of the Great Hall.
Hiccup turns to Amalie.
"Amalie, go meet your brother at the docks. Get him here as soon as possible."
"On it, Chief!" Amalie runs towards the docks.
"Mrs. Thorston, we're going to do everything we can to save your daughter." Hiccup says.
"It's just like when she was first brought into our family. Except now she has a husband who loves her. Chief, why is she doing this?" Lily Thorston asks in tears.
"I don't know. But we will stop at nothing and we will do whatever it takes to save her." Hiccup says.
Amalie is at the docks, waiting for her brother's boat; she sees it in the distance.
Your boat can't come fast enough, Eret Amalie thinks.
It arrives, and Amalie goes to her brother.
"Amalie, I should've known you'd be here to welcome Dad and me home...but where's Becky?" Eret asks.
"Eret, you have to come with me. She needs you." Eret nods at his little sister and follows her.
Ruffnut and Tuffnut are on the ledge on top of the Great Hall, a few feet behind their sister.
Eret and Amalie run up to the crowd.
"No...no...not her. Not my Becky."
"Eret." Hiccup walks up to them.
"Chief...what...what's going on? Why is she up there? Why is my true love trying to kill herself?" Eret asks.
"We don't know. If we can talk her down, we'll get some answers."
"And if we can't?"
"Eret, we will stop at nothing to save her." Hiccup turns to Snotlout.
"Snotlout, get on Hookfang and position yourself below Becky. Get ready to catch her if she jumps." Snotlout nods and gets on Hookfang.
Ruffnut and Tuffnut stay behind their sister.
"Becky...sis?"
Becky turns.
"What are you guys doing here? Don't come near me! I will jump!"
"Sweetheart, no one down there wants to see you up here." Tuffnut says.
"I know they don't. Which is why I'm going to jump. So they won't have to strain their necks to look at me."
"This isn't the end, Becky. There are so many people that care about you." Ruffnut says.
"Like who? Who cares about me? If any of you cared, you would have stopped Hiccup from banishing me!"
"Hiccup only banished you to protect you!" Tuffnut says.
"If you hadn't been banished, you never would have met your true love, the love of your life!" Ruffnut says.
"Oh, gods, Ruffnut. Don't you get it? There's no such thing as 'true love'! It's just what society wants us to believe!"
"Eret loves you. He cares about you so much."
"If he cares, then why isn't he the one up here?"
"Because we care, too! We're your siblings! We love you, too!"
"You only took me in when no one else would! Admit it! You took me in because you pitied me! You still pity me because of what I went through with Drago!"
"Sis, we took you in because you tried to kill yourself, not because no one else would! We don't pity you, we care about you and what you went through with that monster! And we wanted you to feel like you weren't alone!" Tuffnut says.
"Where were you? Huh? Where were you when Drago was hurting me?!"
"We wanted to search for you! But we thought you were dead, so we didn't!" Ruffnut says.
"Yeah, because even you guys - my own siblings - believe I'm too weak to survive."
"That's not true! We believe that you're strong enough to get through this! You're strong enough to get through the pain you're feeling! Please. You don't have to do this." Tuffnut says.
"Becky, think of Eret! He'll be devastated if you die! He needs you! We need you. Your pain is only temporary. But the pain we'll feel if you kill yourself - that will be permanent." Ruffnut says.
"If Eret needs me so badly...if he needs me so badly...then he can catch me himself."
Becky jumps off.
"No!" Ruffnut reaches out to grab her sister, but misses.
Snotlout catches Becky, but she pushes herself away from him, falling. He rushes after her, determined to catch her.
"No...no no no no..." Eret runs towards his wife.
He barely catches her in time, careful to catch her head as well.
He breathes a sigh of relief as he sees that she's alive, and Eret collapses from exhaustion.
~.~
An hour later, Eret is at his wife's bedside in Gothi's hut, waiting for her to wake up, as the fall became too much for her body and knocked her out. Ruffnut, Tuffnut and Amalie are also there.
"Eret, whether Becky realizes it or not, you're a hero. You saved her when we couldn't. Thank you." Ruffnut says.
"I appreciate it. You're welcome and thank you."
"She also said that if you need her, you'd be there to catch her yourself." Tuffnut says.
"How right she was. I'm just glad I caught her in time." Eret pauses, tears welling in his eyes.
"If...if we lost her...I don't know what I would've done. She's my entire world."
Eret looks at his wife, seeing her stir.
"Speaking of..."
"We'll leave you two to talk." Tuffnut says, ushering Ruffnut and Amalie out of the room.
Becky slowly opens her eyes.
"Hey, love."
"Hey."
"How are you feeling?"
"Like I have a huge weight on my shoulders."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I...I...feel so ashamed. I'm so sorry, Eret. I'm so sorry. I was just so tired of being in pain. I know you said you'd be there for me. And I know you told me that if I killed myself, then the pain would be passed over to you and to the people I love. I was just so blinded by the pain I was in...by the guilt I feel about my son and Anthony...I just couldn't bear it anymore. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." Becky breaks down, and Eret doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around her.
"You're alive. And that's the important thing. I love you so much. I love you so so much. Just let it out, my love. Just let it out. I've got you. I've got you." She begins to sob into her husband's shoulder.
They stay in silence for the next few minutes.
"Easy, my love. Easy." Eret tells his wife as she clings to him.
A few minutes pass before Eret speaks again.
"My Becky, no matter how small the pain is, whether it's back pain, or flowering pain, or anything at all, you can cry and I will hold you. You can always always come to me when you're in pain."
"I'm here, my darling, I'm right here. I promise you."
"It hurts. It hurts so much."
"Shhh. I know, baby, I know. I know it hurts. I'd give anything to take your pain away."
Becky puts a hand to her back.
"Breathe, my darling. Breathe. I've got you. I've got you."
"Eret...if I can't handle this pain...I...I don't think I'll ever be able to give you children. I'm sorry...I'm sorry I'm such a failure."
"You're not a failure, my darling. You're not a failure."
The two resume sitting in silence for the next several minutes.
Soon, Ruffnut and Tuffnut come in.
"I'll leave you three to talk." Eret kisses his wife's head and leaves, leaving the Thorston siblings alone.
"Guys...I'm so so sorry. I should've just come to you, but I didn't. I'm the only one to blame here."
The Thorston twins don't respond to their sister, but instead wrap their arms around her as a fresh set of tears starts rolling down Becky's cheeks.
The three sit in silence, not knowing what else to say or do.
Several minutes pass before anything is said.
"Sis, we care about you so so much. We've lost you once, and we're not gonna lose you again. We'll make sure of it." Tuffnut says.
"You are our sister, Becky. And no one can or will ever change that." Ruffnut adds.
"It hurts...everything hurts so much." Becky leans on her adoptive brother.
"We know. We know. We're here. I promise we're right here, sis. We're right here."
About half an hour passes as Becky slowly drifts off, leaning on her brother.
Ruffnut and Tuffnut slowly and gently lay her back down on the bed, covering her up with the blankets.
"Tuff...I don't know what I...what we...would've done if we lost her."
"I don't either, sis. But I know that we'll be here for her, no matter what."
The twins turn as they hear a knock at the door. It opens and their mom comes in.
"Mom?"
"How's our girl doing?" Lily Thorston asks, approaching the Thorston siblings.
"She's in pain. Alive, but in pain."
"Our poor girl. I'll watch her. You guys get some air."
"Thanks, Mom." Lily nods at Ruffnut and Tuffnut before they leave. Lily sits at her adoptive daughter's bedside, stroking her hair.
"Oh, my sweet sweet girl. Mama's here. I promise, baby girl. I won't leave you. We'll get through this."
Hours pass before Eret comes back in, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, Frank Thorston, Hiccup and Gothi trailing behind him.
"She's still asleep, poor thing."
"She deserves it. After everything my - our - angel has survived through, she deserves a good rest." Eret says.
Another hour passes before Becky wakes up, and Gothi declares her well enough to go home.
"Thank you for taking care of her." Eret says, helping his wife up.
The group walks down from Gothi's house, Eret holding Becky close to him. Hiccup approaches them.
"Becky, I'd, uh, I'd like to talk to you for a minute." She nods, following Hiccup into his old part of the forge.
"It's been a while since I've been here. I remember sitting in here when you were working, inventing all sorts of gadgets." Becky says, reminiscing on the past.
"I remember those days, too. Becky, why...why didn't you come to me, or someone?"
"Hiccup, I just...I felt alone. I know that I should've talked to someone. But I just felt like everyone had more important things to deal with than me."
"Oh, Becky. Sweetheart, you are extremely extremely important to me. You're important to so many people. We care about you and we don't want you to be in pain...but we also don't want to lose you. Yes, I banished you. But you know why. I was trying to protect you. I was afraid that - crazy as it sounds - Astrid would hurt you. And she's the one who suggested I banished you to protect you. She didn't want to hurt you, and she felt that if you were on Berk, her jealousy would get the better of her. But, in retrospect, I like to think my banishing you was the best decision I could've made. Yes, you suffered. You were tortured, mentally, emotionally and physically. But you survived. You were rescued by the love of your life."
"I guess that's true."
"I remember rescuing you all those years ago. I remember you being brought in to the Thorston family. I remember your banishment...the look of hatred in your eyes for me. I remember seeing you for the first time in three years. I was shocked that you had survived. Glad, but shocked. I didn't expect you to be alive, let alone married to a dragon trapper."
"I know. But he changed for the better. Eret is one of the only reasons I'm still alive."
"He saved you today, you know. If it weren't for him, you'd be...you'd be dead."
"He's the one that saved me? I guess I was in too much shock from almost dying to notice. Hiccup...I can't...I can't bear the thought of losing Eret."
"Have you told him this?"
"No...I...I didn't want to worry him."
"He's your husband. And he loves you unconditionally. You should tell him."
"I will. Thanks, Hiccup."
"You're welcome."
Becky walks off and goes back to Eret.
"Hey, baby."
"Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Of course, love."
Eret and Becky head to a corner of Berk's plaza where they can be alone.
"Becky? Are you all right?"
"No..."
"What's wrong, my love? Are you in pain?"
"Not right now...I just...I can't...I can't lose you." Becky says the last part in a whisper so quiet, Eret can barely hear her.
"My love, I can't hear you."
"Eret, I can't lose you. I can't. It'll destroy me."
Eret sees the tears in his wife's eyes and hugs her.
"My darling, I promise I will do everything in my power to stay with you. Forever and always. I promise." Eret's heart breaks as he hears his wife sob into his shoulder.
"Shhh. It's going to be okay. We'll get through this. I promise. I promise."
