A/N: Today we're tackling one of the more main characters-Lori and just looking at her view on the world. Everyone hates Lori, but I personally loved her character and thought she was really a great mother and well-written, and I cried when she died. She wasn't perfect, but none of these characters are, and that's what makes them so beautiful. We're gonna move through season 1 characters relatively quickly, so we're looking at a potential 100+ chapter fic. It depends on what I choose. Mostly sides, but main ones are important, too.

I also hc that Lori's ghost was there watching over Rick because she knew he needed her while he grieved and she wanted to make sure he was okay and moved on before she herself could move on.

Next chapter: Carl Grimes.

Chapter 9: Lori Grimes


She is a woman.

She is a wife.

She is a mother.

Lori knows that not everything she does is right, angelic or perfect. She can't be perfect. She's a human being, after all, and when she and Rick have their fights, it reminds her of how human they both are, and eases her fears that she's "not doing enough" as a mother.

In truth, she nitpicks everything she does and says, and worries over whether what she does is good enough.

'Am I a good enough mother to Carl? Does he hate me? Did I say the wrong thing to Rick? Did I make sure Carl got enough in his lunch today? Did I yell too loudly at Carl last night for not picking up his room? Did I remember to do this errand?'

Because when you're a mother, you tend to worry yourself to death and nag about things. It's a constant, continuous job of worrying that you're not good enough, that you're not enough, and when her husband had such a stressful, tenuous job-that of being a police officer, one of the most dangerous jobs of all of them-she had to worry.

There could be a time where he doesn't come back alive, where he doesn't come walking through that doorway, smiling and hugging her. This is an ever present reality, and she worries over it eternally. At the same time, she fears for Rick's sanity, and the things that he sees worry her, bother her-she can see that it stresses him out, has changed him.

He's more on edge, he's more bothered easily, he's more anxious-she knows that what they do-can change them forever. She's not surprised when they start fighting more-Rick literally is stressed out by his job all the time.

All she can do, all she can try to do, is to comfort him and be there for him and their son.

It doesn't bother her that people think she should be looking for a job-she has a job, that of wife and mother, and she chose this position. She wasn't forced into it, Rick didn't force her at gunpoint to marry him.

Lori loves Rick so much that she can't bear to think of life without him. It's why it hurts when she starts reciprocating Shane's feelings-because she feels that Rick isn't paying attention to her anymore, that he doesn't care about her anymore-she knows it's wrong.

And then comes the worst day of her life-worse than the dead rising from their graves-her husband is shot and unconscious and comatose-at least he's not dead.

She was paralyzed by grief when Shane came and told her the news.

She almost felt like dying herself. Being without Rick was horrible.

Visiting him, seeing him there, in that state-seeing him not move, not say anything at all, was a curse, a bad dream she couldn't escape.

She kept hoping, praying that he would wake up and this nightmare would end, but it didn't come.

He was still unconscious.

And again she worries: 'What if this is permanent? What if I never get to see him again, see him smile, hear him laugh? What if he never gets to see Carl grow up? What if?'

She cries herself to sleep almost every night, at least until Shane starts seeing her, and she gets involved, but by this time, the world has ended, and Rick is dead, or so he says.

She trusts in his word and sleeps with him, although her heart still beats only for Rick and she regrets so much-so much she wishes she could take back and do over. She is such a failure as a mother.

And then, he returns-and then she knows, she knows he's not blind, that he can see what happened between Shane and her. He tries to pretend it didn't happen, but both of them know. The looks he gives her, the tension between him and Shane afterwards, it's obvious.

It's not her fault, she didn't know he wasn't actually dead, and now that she knows, it's over. It's back to being by her husband's side.

They get attacked, they have to leave.

Then Shane tries to...tries to assault her. It's horrifying, and terrifying to think about.

She can't believe he would ever do something that vile.

Then Sophia goes missing and Carl gets shot, all in one simple damned day.

She knows she shouldn't have let Rick go with Carl alone, but she said yes. That's all on her conscience, knowing that her son is fucking shot and bleeding out. Any mother would feel the same way. Yet see how she shielded Carol from being harmed by those walkers.

She supports her husband's efforts to find Sophia, because Lori is a mother and understands what Carol is going through. She speaks up when people doubt him and chews them out, because how dare they NOT see what a great person Rick is, how wonderful he is.

She knows how wonderful he is.

Discovering she was pregnant was a shock.

She almost went through with getting rid of the child before deciding not to.

The worst part was not knowing whose child it was. She thought it was Shane's, but she never told Rick. She didn't want them to fight anymore than they already had.

Oh god-Shane killed Otis.

Her, her former lover, could never do something like that-but then she imagines the rape scene in her head, remembers how he pointed the gun at Jenner, remembers how he attacks those walkers-and all trust in him is erased.

He's dangerous now. He's dangerously obsessed with her.

He could kill her, kill all of them.

Why did she let herself do this?

It's all her fault.

So she tries to make things right in small ways.

She fights, even when she's pregnant.

She is saddened at seeing Patricia die in front of her, and mourns Dale as much as anyone else.

She mourns Sophia and shields Carl from seeing what happens to his friend.

She doesn't slap Rick's hand away out of disgust at him, but at what he's become, and because she needs time to digest that Shane, Rick's BEST FRIEND, brother in all but blood, could ACTUALLY try to kill her husband. A man she trusted, do that?

That was what made her need time alone. She was glad Rick told her the truth, she could never be afraid of him, she was only afraid of the truth and disgusted that Carl had to use a gun (because a child should never have to kill anyone, the thought alone sickens her, and Carl killed a man he looked up to).

Why doesn't Rick see how his son is becoming?

At the prison, there is more horror, but then she has to give birth.

She trusts Maggie with the rest, knowing she might possibly die.

It's okay, this child will live.

Carl is by her side.

She just wishes Rick was here to see her one last time.

"You are brave. You will conquer this world!" She assures Carl, because she loves him, despite her mistakes, despite her flaws, Lori Grimes was full of love and compassion for everyone around her. She loved the world so much, she was willing to sacrifice her life for her child's.

She endured the pain and agony and spent her last breath ensuring that her son would be okay and never had to suffer as a walker.

She watches him. She watches him.

She sees how he suffers without her.

She sees how he snaps at everyone.

So her spirit lingers on for a while, watching over Rick, until he can pull himself back together. She even visits the grave of T-Dog to say thank you to a wonderful friend.

She loves him still. So, when he no longer needs to see her, she has ascended to heaven, where she awaits him.

All she did was love everyone.

Is that bad?