Hey, everyone! Sorry for the really long wait…I've been having evil blockage with this story…and then I sort of thought it sucked in every way…but hey, those of you who reviewed really inspired me to attempt to write this next chapter. beams
Thank you to Hutchy (thanks for that idea…), Darks Light (thanks for all your kind words, they really made my day…), and CreativeChilde (it's always cool to get nice reviews from authors who rock…) for reviewing!
Hope you enjoy this chapter!
Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade; it belongs to Aoki Takao.
Chapter Eight
Max's POV
I would have been so enthused about the All Starz coming tomorrow, but my joy was dampened with all of the personal issues with Kai. I suggested to Ray we tell them they can come another time, but Ray told me to forget about it. He reasoned they would want to know why their visit was suddenly cancelled, and that Kai was normally quiet anyway.
I woke up early, and meandered down the desolate hallways to the kitchen. I felt so isolated in the silence with nothing but my thoughts. I sat down quietly with my breakfast, and ate by myself.
I finished and cleaned up, then headed back down the hallway to see why no one else was up yet. I thought for sure at least Kai would be up. I wondered if suicidal thoughts mess with your sleeping patterns.
Nervously, I stopped in front of my captain's door and knocked hesitantly. No answer came, so I tried again, and softly called Kai's name. Minutes later, I still got no response. I was afraid by what I might see if I opened the door, but I forced myself to do so anyway, with a call of "I'm coming in".
To my surprise, the room was empty. I stood in the doorway, visually scanning the entirety of the room to make sure Kai wasn't there. My interest peaked, but I told myself it was no business of mine to snoop around in Kai's room—or anyone's room, for that matter.
I turned around on my heel and gasped when I saw Hilary behind me. She had her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face.
"Maxie? What were you doing in Kai's room?" she asked inquisitively with a hint of anger.
"I just wanted to know where he was. I haven't seen him all morning, and I figured he would be in his room." I looked over my shoulder at the empty room. "But he's not."
Hilary's arms dropped to her sides and relaxed, and her face brightened. "Oh. I thought you were going to go through his stuff or something."
"Oh, no. But I was thinking about it," I admitted with a sheepish smile.
Hilary returned my smile. "Well, don't. Anyone else up yet?"
I shrugged. "Not so far as I know."
She nodded. "I'm gonna get some breakfast, then." She strolled off down the hall.
I closed Kai's door lightly, and went off to Tyson's room. I knocked on the door, calling for him.
I heard him groan, and then mumble, barely audible, "Five more minutes…or hours…yeah…hours..."
A small chuckle came to my lips. "Tyson! Can I come in?"
"Whatever…."
I swished open the door and stepped inside, clicking it closed behind me. Tyson was laying, sprawled out, on his bed, eyes closed. One of his eyes opened a slit. "Heya, Maxie."
"'Morning."
"Why are you getting me up so early?"
"It's nine, Tyson."
"That's nice."
"Isn't it?"
"Mm-hm."
"C'mon, Ty, don't you want to get an 'early' start on the day?"
"Fine, if you're so insistent." Tyson sat up and yawned, flexing his arms. "Let me change my clothes."
With a smile and a nod, I wandered down the hallway, leaving Tyson by himself and wondering if he would actually get out of bed.
Ray and Kenny weren't in their rooms, but I found them in the kitchen with Hilary. Tyson came in soon after.
Tyson questioned of no one in particular, "Where's Kai at?"
We all shrugged in response, getting a bit downtrodden at the mention of our friend.
"What if…he's…well…he could be trying…or he could be…" Tyson couldn't get the words off his tongue.
"You don't think he would try to…," Hilary trailed off, too.
Everyone was silent.
"Maybe we should have been supervising him," Kenny whispered.
Kai's POV
I got up early the next morning, around five AM. Everyone was probably sleeping peacefully, but I didn't really care what they were doing.
I shut the door of the bathroom and flicked on the lights, blinking to adjust my eyes to the new light. I stared closely at myself in the mirror, examining every inch and detail of my body. I noted the faded black semi-circles underneath my crimson eyes. Feeling my abdomen, I knew I was seriously underweight.
Switching off the light again, I left the bathroom. My stomach yearned for food, I realized, but I refused to eat, even if Ray wasn't worth pleasing anymore; after all, there was still Tyson.
At the door, I slipped on my sneakers, made sure to flip on the hood of my sweatshirt for a rudimentary disguise, and headed outside. The early morning air was crisp, but warmth still lingered. The stars were fading into the sky as it gradually turned blue, and the sun was peering over the horizon. But I wasn't truly interested in the scenery as I jogged down the deserted sidewalk, searching for a particular type of facility.
The sun had ascended quite a ways when I finally discovered a mental therapy office. I inwardly glared, angry at myself for sinking to this level of seeking help from a stranger. But I reminded myself that it would help, and that I was willing to before. Even if that was all desperation because of Tyson.
The lobby of the therapy building was not too lavishly decorated; it seemed average. Price didn't matter really; I was the grandson of a billionaire.
A receptionist sat behind a polished desk, sorting through papers or something. She gazed up at me with deep mahogany eyes.
"May I help you, young man?" she inquired in a soothing voice.
"I need to see a therapist," I stated bluntly, my tone in all it's usual cold glory.
She questioned me further as to my intentions, asking me the kind of a treatment I required. Eventually, she handed me some papers and a pen told me to fill it all out.
I sat in one of the chairs in the lobby, and pondered what the point of a disguise was if I was going to have to give away all of my personal information. I decided to use a pseudonym for a first name, so I scribbled down 'Alexander Hiwatari'. The rest of the information was completely true.
Twenty minutes later, she took the papers and pen back, and I scheduled an appointment for the next available time,a week from this day.
I scowled at the world, disbelieving that I was actually going to go through with this.
later
Quietly, I entered the dojo, only to find everyone sitting anxiously in the living room. They all looked up, relief washing over all of their features.
Ray stood up. "Kai, where have you been?"
I put on a mask of indifference, so no one could read my emotions. I forced myself not to glare at the Chinese boy, as much as I would have liked to. Instead, I tugged at the sleeves of my sweatshirt and muttered, "Out."
"Obviously you've been out," Tyson said, a bit heatedly.
I couldn't help but gaze at the navy-haired teen. He quirked an eyebrow at me. "You alright?"
No words came out of my mouth.
Uncomfortable silence descended, and I studied Tyson openly, who still was staring at me with a cocked eyebrow. Finally, I pulled my gaze from him, only to notice Hilary intently watching me. I swore when she looked away, there was a blush on her cheeks. And I remembered that stupid note Ray had given me days before.
I gawked at Hilary, wondering why on Earth she liked me. Didn't she realized I felt attraction to males?
"Why do you keep staring at Hilary?" Tyson suddenly said defensively, breaking the silence.
I looked back at him, but I noticed Hilary keenly watching me once again, obviously eager to know the answer to that as well.
Something possessed me then,something thatmade me speak very uncharacteristically. I think it was because I felt so lost, I didn't really care if the world heard my feelings for Tyson. "I was just wondering why she doesn't notice that I'm homosexual and don't give a damn about her in the least."
Hilary and Tyson gasped sharply.
Realization seemed to cross the brunette girl's face. Disgust was the only thing on Tyson's.
"But I do rather like someone else," I continued, my mind screaming at me all the while to shut the hell up.
"Get over Tala already, Kai!" exclaimed Tyson loudly, standing up and balling his fists. He turned to Hilary. "And just ignore him! There are other boys out there, ones that are actually straight, that might like you, you know!" His face flushed pink and he diverted his gaze to the floor.
I could feel pieces of my already broken heart explode and vanish, realizing Tyson…liked…Hilary.
Feeling as if I had made such a fool of myself, I stalked out of the room, striding in my usual way, though I knew I was noticeably slouching. Disregarding Ray's calls, I ascended the stairs and entered my room, not bothering to shut the door behind me; I was too confused.
'Tyson hates me…I should have known. Everybody hates me now. No point in going to that therapy.'
I lifted the razor blade from its spot near the wall, still stained with rust-colored blood. I sat on my bed and pulled my left pant leg up. For a moment, I examined the bare, untouched skin, but I proceeded to slitit with the blade.
I gritted my teeth against the sudden sensation—the sudden pain—but I also relished in the relief the feeling of having my blood well up under my self-inflicted wound. Why this pathetic action eased me into contentment and bid away my undesirable emotions, I have no idea.
Again, I created a new cut, watching, fascinated, as life's liquid threatened to spill.
"Kai?" a completely shocked voice came from the doorway, breaking into my mental tranquility. Looking up, I saw Ray—the one I once loved but now hated—standing in my doorway. "Kai?"
"Leave me alone, Ray," I blurted.
"…No." Amazed, Ray gawked at my fresh cuts. I allowed my gaze to settle in his preoccupied eyes, and I searched for some hint at his emotions. Once again, his voice cut into my thoughts.
"How long have you been doing this?"
I gave no reply, simply because I couldn't recall when I began cutting.
The neko-jin stalked in, closing the door loudly behind him.
"Kai, I'm just going to say this bluntly. And it's the truth. So listen up," he began, ogling me and my cuts. I glared at him. Ignoring this, he continued, "I don't know what's running through your head, but whatever it is, is making you do self-hazardous things. None of us want to see you suffer, Kai, so please, don't do this."
We made eye contact; I was still glaring, he looked sincere and pleading.
Apparently, he saw that I wasn't convinced. "Kai," he persisted, "please. Do you think Tala would want you to do this to yourself?"
The razor clacked to the floor, abandoned, as I stood up, my glare intensifying.
"Do not talk about Tala, Ray," I growled contemptuously. Scenarios of all the painful things I could inflict upon Ray flew through my mind. But, for some reason unknown to me, I forced myself to just stay in my place, glaring.
The Chinese boy slightly wavered, pausing briefly. "Kai…we don't want you to continue hurting yourself. Please believe me when I say that we are worried about you."
Ray held steady eye contact with me, not faltering with his gaze for an instant, proving to me that he was sincere. Still unsure I could trust him, I made no response. But I did lighten my glare to a scowl.
Heaving a sigh, Ray diverted his amber stare to my bleeding cuts. "C'mon, Kai, you need to clean and bandage those."
Slowly, I produced gauze from a drawer.
"You need to clean those," Ray said.
"Leave me alone," I muttered, sitting back down.
"No, Kai, you need to clean those cuts," he insisted.
Unexpectedly, he grabbed the gauze from my hands.
"Come on, I'll help you," stated Ray plainly. He scooped up the blade and walked to the doorway, turning back to meet my eyes again.
Reluctantly, I got up and followed him to the bathroom, feeling degraded and pathetic.
'At least I don't love him anymore.'
Ray flicked on the lights and shut the door behind us. Setting the items he held on the counter, he asked, "Have you been cleaning your other cuts?"
"…No."
Ray gave me a concerned look. "You should be."
No reply.
"Where else have you cut yourself?"
I glared again, crossing my arms defiantly.
"Show me," he demanded.
Grudgingly, I pulled the sleeves of my sweatshirt up. Ray's eyes widened a bit. "Oh, boy…," he muttered under his breath.
"Well, let's start with your leg," said the Chinese teen. He pointed at the toilet, and I sat on it with a glare.
Ray's POV
Kai kept glaring at me, and that didn't make me too comfortable. But I persisted anyway in cleaning his cuts.
First, I pulled his pant leg up, and washed the two slits with hot water and soap. Kai scowled, and restlessly shifted his leg a bit at first. When I completed that task, I dried the injuries and wrapped them with fresh gauze.
Standing, I commanded that he roll up his sweatshirt sleeves, and he complied, glaring. I noted that he was just keeping his eyes on me, intense glower on his face, and I read 'hate' all over his features. With a sigh, I knew that it was understandable if he hated me; after all, I had left him when he obviously needed me. Not that at the time I realized just how much he needed me. Still….
I unraveled the gauze, covered with rust-colored speckles, and was quite relieved to discover that none of the cuts seemed infected. Carefully, I cleaned each cut. Kai gritted his teeth against the pain.
Finally, each cut was cleaned and re-bandaged. Kai was glowering at me again, and as soon as I finished, he stood.
"Don't…ever do that again."
With those kind words of parting, Kai left the bathroom and strode toward his bedroom again.
God…I need a break….
That thing with Ray cleaning Kai's cuts was an idea of a faithful reviewer. So, thank you, Hutchy, for giving me that idea! Hope ya don't mind me using it. ;)
Okie, I've contemplated, and I know what the next few chapters are going to be about. You all will just have to wait and see though. ;) And the ending is planned in my mind too, I can't wait to write it. Now I just have to figure out how to string it all together….
Please review…my confidence needs to be further renewed in this fic if it is to continue! I was going to post this chapter and then just discontinue this fic--I've really lost interest. But reading this over and editing it, I've got rejuvenated resolve! Really, I don't know why, but this chapter made me want to continue. So I hope you guys liked it, please tell me!
have a nice day
CyborgRockStar
