AN: Last chapter didn't go over as well as I had hoped. But I guess that's what I get for not updating for almost 3 months. Oh well. Here is the next chapter; I hope this one proves to be a bit more entertaining than the last. Sorry that this chapter is a bit shorter, though. I wanted to get it out before Christmas Eve.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except this laptop and this story!

Question: How many of you have a LiveJournal account? I would love to get to know some of you better through LiveJournal. My user name is RockitGirl but you won't be able to read it unless you're on my friends list. Let me know if you want to be on my friends list by reviewing!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

UPDATE 12/15/04: lol, anyone who has listed me as a friend under RockitGirl has added the wrong person. I forgot that FanFiction . net does not show certain keys on the keyboard, including underscores. Well, if you added RockitGirl delete her and add Rockit(underscore goes here)Girl. My LiveJournal username is Rockit(underscore)Girl.

Sex and Drugs

Chapter 9: Lost Dreams

I don't understand, Kagome thought while biting her lip nervously. There's just something that doesn't add up. Why would Kikyou act this way?

Kagome started and a shiver traveled down her spine. She felt uneasy. She rose into a sitting position and looked around for any sign as to why she felt so uneasy and then looked at Inuyasha sleeping on the ground. It wasn't like she was cold; on the contrary, she was quite warm. So why am I shivering?

A smile spread across her face. Sensing no danger Kagome laid back down into Inuyasha's waiting arms and then snuggled into his chest. He sighed and Kagome felt immediately content. If he didn't sense anything then there shouldn't be anything to worry about, right?

But still, even as Kagome forced her eyes closed, telling herself over and over again that there was nothing to worry about… there was something amiss. I've got to be imagining things. There's no other explanation.

Kagome fingered the crystal that now resided in her pocket and frowned. She couldn't deny or ignore the new feelings Inuyasha provoked. He was making her feel… what, she didn't know, but he did nonetheless, and that was a big deal. She didn't think herself capable of feeling anymore.

Even with these new found feelings, the empty and painful void inside her lingered and refused to go away and a terrible wave of depression washed over her once more. It was nice to forget her troubles and to ignore them was heaven, but she had to face the facts that they still existed and couldn't be fixed. Nothing and no one could fix her problem. Who would believe her? Not even her family believed her. Kikyou…how could you betray me like this?

Her eyes began to tingle and water like they did more than she would admit. Why did things have to get so complicated? It had only been little over a month since she moved out of her house and started living on her own, and yet everything had grown much more complicated since then.

A tear fell down the curve of her cheek and Inuyasha stirred. He was the main reason why things had gotten complicated. It would have been so much easier if she had ended up hating his perverted playboy guts. Kagome tried as hard as she could to convince herself she didn't like him.

But whenever he was near she felt funny. She didn't know if she wanted to murder him or kiss him half the time. Her palms would either get sweaty or they'd twitch in anticipation when she wanted to hit him.

"What am I going to do?" She croaked out in a hoarse whisper, laden with tears. What is there to do, she asked herself.

Then there was Kikyou. Kagome and her loving sister never got along too well. They never tried to and definitely didn't deny the fact that they'd rather never see hide or hair of one another.

And now all of a sudden she shows up out of no where and is trying to do what is best for Kagome? I think not.

Kagome wrapped an arm around Inuyasha's torso for comfort. Just being with him was comforting. His masculine scent drove her crazy, and to be this close with him felt so taboo. It was taboo. She could never be with him. But she wanted to be. For the first time in Kagome's life she felt the urge, the desire to be with a man. It was another new feeling. And it scared her shitless.

But Kikyou's right. I'm not allowed to have a normal life. I can't have a normal life. I can't have him…. Kikyou's words daunted her and haunted her: "You won't have a boyfriend! You won't ever experience the love and joy of marriage, intimacy, and children!"

Another tear slid down her cheek as the full impact of Kikyou's words settled in. There was no way someone like Kagome could ever become close to another person, let alone a man. She could never experience what Inuyasha made her feel. I feel so lost… I can't find my way out… which way do I go? How will I ever… survive? alone?

Tears made their way down her cheeks freely now. Unable to stem the flow Kagome let them go and silently cried in Inuyasha's arms, giving him one last squeeze before rising. Her tangled hair swept over his slumbering form. He began snoring softly; Kagome couldn't help but grin a little. Perhaps it's best this way.

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"Kikyou, what news have you got for me? Make it fast, we have five minutes before the call is tracked."

Kikyou sighed, annoyed. "What is with you and the whole five minute tracking thing?"

"What news do you have?"

Giving up Kikyou replied, "She's not budging an inch. She's in complete denial, father."

"You've got to get her to come home."

"Why can't you talk to her? Maybe she'll listen to you?"

"She won't listen to me. I've tried already, Kikyou. You are her last hope. You need to get your ass in gear and convince her – in any way possible – to come back! DO IT!"

"Y-yes, father. I will try. But how?"

"By any means necessary, Kikyou." He snapped. "Make her realize she does not belong there. She does not belong anywhere but home."

Kikyou heard a click and the line went dead. The dial tone echoed in her ear and she was more resolved than ever to make Kagome see the truth. She was sick. She needed help.

"I may dislike my incompetent sister, but she's still my family. And I will help her in any way I can." Kikyou said with fervor.

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It was well past midnight when Kagome left the safety and comfort of Inuyasha's arms. She would be back, though. She couldn't leave a vulnerable and unaware Inuyasha in the middle of the forest right by the lake, but she needed to think. She needed to get away from it all, just to think… just to think.

Kagome pulled her sweater tighter to her frame as another gust of wind rushed passed her, tears still spilling from her eyes.

She only meant to take a short walk, wander a little bit and revel in the quiet and calm of the forest. But her thoughts had caught up to her and she just kept walking and thinking.

It wasn't until something rustled in a nearby shrub that Kagome stopped and took a look at her surroundings. The lake was no where in sight, but the scraggly tree to her right looked familiar… somewhat.

Kagome turned around and headed back the way she came, thinking that she had been away long enough. The cold was starting to get to her, even though she was wearing her jacket. A cloud of frosty white air appeared as she exhaled. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Has that boulder always been there?

Shadows. There was nothing but shadows in unfamiliar surroundings. Strange trees, odd looking ferns, an unfamiliar decaying log to her right.

Which way had she come? Which way was she supposed to go to get back? How come I can't see the lake anymore? Just how far did I walk?

Kagome's chest felt as if it had contracted in fear. A blind panic rose within her as she came to realize she was lost. The air around her felt suddenly colder, the forest so much bigger and less comforting.

There was the crack of a twig behind her. Kagome spun around suddenly, positive there would be a serial rapist holding a bloodied axe with a huge maniacal grin on his face. When she saw nothing she let out a nervous laugh and hugged herself for warmth.

What am I supposed to do? Wait? Wait and hope Inuyasha wakes up, smells me, and follows my trail?

It sounded good, and it was comforting for the moment. But there were just too many different scents and smells from other animals, other creatures, for him to distinguish. How could he possibly find her scent?

Kagome scrunched her face up and almost willed herself to cry, but no tears came, only more panic. Blindly, she began to walk in the direction she thought she had come from, not sure if it was right or if it would only take her deeper into the dark, unfriendly forest.

Stop thinking of the bad things, Kagome. Think about the good things. Think about….

And Kagome walked on, every step in fear, every step very alone. I'll always be alone when I need someone the most. I'm always alone. I am destined to be alone.

The air continued to get colder and colder. Her lungs and throat burned from the cold, but still Kagome trudged on in an unknown direction, hoping for something to look familiar.

"Oh god, I'm so scared…." She whispered in dark. "Please, someone help me." There was no answer, only silence. "Please, someone find me."

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It was the same dream, Inuyasha realized. The one that constantly haunted him at night. The one he knew that had actually happened, but could only remember in his dreams. When he woke he would be drenched in a cold sweat, not knowing why he was so afraid and so angry. He could never remember this dream during the day. Because it wasn't a dream. It was a repressed memory. A memory he could only visit in the dead of night.

It was a terrible dream, and he always watched it as a bystander who was unable to do anything. He hated this dream above all other dreams because it started off so happy. He could still see his mother smiling down upon him so brilliantly and lovingly. Why did it always have to change?

A twenty year old Inuyasha stood alone at a park, his clothing and vision in black and white and gray. The wind blew through his hair roughly and a swing set creaked and squeaked off in the distance. There were no children playing in the park that day, the weather was too abysmal. Tiny rain droplets fell on him and left a wet trail down his black coat and white hair.

He could do nothing but watch. But how he wanted to stop it from happening again and again.

Any second now they would come, and he would be forced to endure the same torment he lived through back then and every night since then. He couldn't bare the thought… but he couldn't turn away… he had to watch.

A mother and her child walked towards the park, hand-in-hand. The child was singing a happy tune, a tune he could no longer remember, but so desperately wanted to.

In the mother's other hand was a battered umbrella. There was a bent wire, and a patch covering a hole. The wooden handle often gave the mother splinters, Inuyasha remembered. The umbrella was, after all, nearly ten years old.

The mother began to laugh when the child started singing made up words because he couldn't remember the actual lyrics to the song. She smile down upon him sweetly and fondly, then whispered to him, "I love you, my little angel."

Inuyasha smiled nostalgically and glanced at the child who wore an old, stained yellow rain coat that was almost two sizes too small. Then Inuyasha frowned, knowing that money was so tight for the mother and child that the only meal they ate was dinner and that clothes came from an old lady named Kaede who took pity upon the mother and son.

He couldn't bear to watch any more. No more, Inuyasha pleaded. But no words came out of his mouth when he pleaded. He squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as he could and willed himself out of this nightmare and back into the real world. When he opened his eyes again he found that he was still stuck in this hell.

The young boy, no older than 5, swung his mothers arm around and began to skip across the wet grass and into the park with his mother. He tripped and fell to his knees, mud staining his jeans. There was a happy glint in his eye, almost like a child's on Christmas day. It was so rare that the child was allowed to go to the park and play. It wasn't often that he was allowed outside.

Inuyasha tried turning away from the dream, but a force kept him from moving. He had to watch this again. And he would have to watch it tomorrow night… and the night after. But he would never be able to remember it when he woke. He could remember nothing.

The boy ran towards the see-saw and sat down on one end, not caring that the water on the seat soaked through his pants. He begged for his mother to join him, and she laughed while closing her umbrella and setting it aside. She sang the same happy tune the boy did and wiped away the water on the opposite end of the see-saw.

Inuyasha frowned again as he watched the mother and her child play on the see-saw while singing. It was a year ago that day the boy's father left, deserting the mother and child without an explanation. Apparently his love for his son wasn't as great as his desire to be away from the prejudice he endured.

But the young boy seemed so happy and carefree.

After a few moments time the child grew bored of the see-saw and jumped off. The mother landed with a thud on the other end and started to laugh.

Thick gray clouds laden with rain rolled overhead and the tiny rain droplets grew large, soaking the mother and child to the bone. Inuyasha looked at his shoe in sorrow, fully knowing the mother would suffer from pneumonia in two weeks time. Inuyasha forced himself to watch on, entranced by the dream just as much as he was entrapped.

The child ran quickly over to the swings and hopped on. The mother walked over slowly despite her young boy begging to be pushed. She began whistling and looking around, taking her time, while her beloved son continued to beg.

The boy cheered when his mother finally made it to the swing set and began to push.

Inuyasha began to seethe in anger as he continued to watch. It just wasn't fair. Why did such bad things have to happen to such a good family? He started taking small steps towards the mother and child. In the dream he could only go forwards, not backwards, just like time could only go forwards, not backwards.

Inuyasha didn't want to watch any more, but he was resigned to his fate and continued to watch, even as two policemen began to stroll into the park, swinging their sticks and chatting.

Why did such bad things happen to such good people? Why?

The mother and child continued to play on the swings and ignored the two policemen. But the mother was no longer smiling and creases on her forehead became much more prominent as the two men came nearer.

So far the policemen took no notice to the mother and child figuring they were just an ordinary family playing in the public park. Inuyasha wished it had stayed that way.

Why did such bad things happen to such good people?

Luck was not on the mother and child's side that day and soon enough the two officers began walking in their direction.

If only the small boy had worn a hat that day, then maybe the two men would have left them alone?

The mother sensed the danger and immediately beckoned her child off the swing. She tried shielding him from the officer's view but was unsuccessful and was soon tapped on the shoulder by the bigger of the two men.

Inuyasha watched in agony as the mother smiled and tried acting nicely while holding on to her child and shielding his head to the best of her ability. One of the policemen sneered and revealed a silver tooth while gripping the boy's sleeve and dragging him into view.

The mother mouthed something to the officer and he let go of the child. She embraced her son and glared at the men who stared, wide eyed in contempt at the boy. Two fuzzy white ears were perched on top of the boy's head for all to see, a canine tooth rested over his bottom lip in warning.

More rain fell from the skies and on to the already soaked mother and child. A car drove down the street and into a puddle which promptly splashed onto the sidewalk.

The smaller of the two officers tried to separate the child from his mother but was met with a strong resistance. They struggled and the bigger officer joined in and eventually had the young boy in his grasp.

The mother yelled and fought tooth and nail trying to get at her little boy. A lonely tear fell down Inuyasha's cheek as he watched one of the men slap her across the face hard enough to knock her over.

Inuyasha breathed in shakily and watched the men hit the mother with their sticks and kick her in the gut. The boy was roughly thrown aside and into the metal leg of the swing set. He did not get up.

The mother screamed and then took a blow to the head and was knocked unconscious. The two policemen continued to beat her even as Inuyasha closed his eyes and allowed the tears to fall down his face without shame.

Why did such bad things happen to such good people? Better yet, why did such bad things happen to his mother?

Inuyasha had had enough. He started to walk away just as the image started to get a bit fuzzy.

Inuyasha woke with a start. He scrambled up frantically and looked around for the reason why he was so scared and so angry. A salty droplet of sweat fell from his forehead and into his eye making it sting and burn.

He slumped back down into a crouching position and allowed his body to shake uncontrollably. He breathed in deeply a few times and soon the shaking subsided for the most part and he began to reflect on what just happened. He tried to remember, but couldn't.

Sometimes Inuyasha would wake in the middle of the night like this. He would always feel ready to murder someone and ready to cry and run away in fear… all at once. It had to be a dream, but he couldn't remember the dream and didn't think such a bad dream existed.

"Damn it! Why can't I remember?" He asked himself while hitting his skull with his fist. But nothing ever came. It was as if the dream never occurred and he would just randomly wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat ready to beat something.

Inuyasha sat on the ground. His knees were bent and he placed his heat between his legs to keep it from throbbing so much. I'm still in the forest, Inuyasha realized. Then slowly, memories started coming back.

I asked Kagome to come in here with me. I wanted to give her mom's crystal. I'm pretty sure I did…. Yeah, and I held it up to the moon so she could see it.

But when Inuyasha looked around for Kagome there was no one in sight. All he saw was the lake in front of him and his jacket on the ground next to him that he and Kagome were using as a blanket. Where's Kagome?

Inuyasha closed his eyes and sniffed the air a few times trying to find her scent. It wasn't easy, but eventually he found it, and it was old. She left a while ago. But surely she wasn't stupid enough to go far without him? And surely she wouldn't have just left him lying there unprotected?

An even greater fear grew within Inuyasha.

Where's Kagome?!

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AN: And look at that! I got this out on Christmas Eve! I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday! This is my present to you!

ellebaby6: Thanks very much. :) There will be a lemon to "spice things up" but I won't be able to post it on I have this story posted on for that reason. When I post a chapter with a lemon or lime scene I will let you know at the beginning of the chapter and I will post a link to the story on so you won't have to search. And this wouldn't be a very good romance story if they didn't eventually get together, now would it? ::wink wink::

Disoriented Mind: Is Kikyo delusional, or is she just playing along with her father you ask? Well, I can't really say. I would be revealing way too much. Whether she's playing along with her father or is delusional is crucial to the ending. So if I told you I would also be giving away a part of the ending. You'll have to live with speculating for the time being.

Kagome's Twin: Hmmm, is Kikyo being told lies? Or is Kagome really psychotic? Hmm, naw… she's being told lies, lol.

Kasha-TheInuFreak: Don't worry, they'll get together relatively soon. I'm guessing in a couple chapters or so. Maybe 2 or 3. It depends on how evil I'm feeling. Anyway, there will be a lemon and perhaps a lime. But I won't post it on because of the restrictions. I like my lemons graphic (I'm a pervert, haha) and I highly doubt would take kindly to an NC-17 fanfic. When I post the chapter with the lemon I will post the clean version on and the lemon version on I will let you all know which chapter is the lemon chapter at the beginning of that chapter. I will also post the link to the lemon version on

iNiGmA: Yeah, I'm pretty sure Inuyasha is going to stay this way. I don't think he'll revert back to his really perverted ways. He's beginning to realize how he truly feels for Kagome.

inuyashaNkatie: As of now I plan on majoring in Occupational Therapy or Physical Therapy. Things could change, however. ::shrugs:: You never know. And my advice to you? GET THOSE COLLEGE APPLICATIONS IN EARLY!!!! Take it from someone who knows. It'll really help your chances at getting into the school of your choice, especially if the school does rolling admissions.

cheshire grin: Thanks so much. :) I appreciate it a lot. If I were Kagome I'd be beating Kikyou up too, but Kagome is very passive, not aggressive… so I don't think she's beat anyone up other than Inuyasha.

ANIMEGAL310: lol, your review made my day. It was very amusing. Thanks. :P :P :P

Lily: Are you kidding me?! Of course there will be a happy ending! I mean, well… hmm, I have two ideas in mind for the ending. One is a really cheesy, romantic happy ending, and the other one is a happy ending but kinda not. It'll leave room for a sequel. I have yet to decide whether or not I want to write a sequel.

Bianca: Yeah… ::sigh:: there's a lot of homework in college, especially towards finals. In 4 days I typed up 54 pages/12,874 words. I didn't know it was possible for me to type up so many papers in such a short amount of time.

Schiko: How do I write so good? Really, you flatter me. I'm constantly being compared to Rozefire's Dead Famous, but my writing still needs a lot more work to compare with her story. Writing comes naturally to me. I have never had trouble writing stories before, and with each year that passes I become better and better. All it takes is patience and practice.

Inu&Kag: Kagome will eventually realize that Inuyasha does care for her, but not until the ending I'm afraid.

drake220: Thanks very much. And please don't worry. Your review didn't seem rude to me and it certainly didn't offend me. Every person is entitled to his or her own opinion and you were merely just expressing yours. As a writer I have to accept the fact there will be critics and there will be fans. I have an open mind and think from both sides. You expressed your opinion, I expressed mine. There's nothing wrong in that. :)

Inuyasha's Kagome: Kikyou will eventually understand. Eventually she will realize that it was all her father's doing and that Kagome isn't really sick. She won't realize it until the end, of course, but she will nonetheless. Ya know, every time I read one of your reviews I am astonished. Your insight on this story is very accurate for the most part and it always pleases me to see that readers understand the deeper meaning of this story. It isn't just about sex or rape or abuse. It's more about trust, love, secrets, strength, etc. It really pleases me to know that you understand this. And as for Kagome being wise beyond her years…. I think someone can be wise but still be young. I also think that going through experiences is what makes a person wise. It's difficult to explain, really…. I think that those who suffer from certain tribulations in his or her life can make the person wise and mature. The same goes for a person who has gone through many less troubling experiences, but has gone through many experiences nonetheless. Make any sense? This topic is getting very psychological and I could talk for hours about the psychological aspects of intelligence and being wise…. But instead I think I'll stop here, lol.

Numisma: Thank you, and I think you're right. Authors on don't really write enough about the characters and dialogue. Dialogue, of any form, is essential in a good story. I felt the best way for readers to understand Kikyo and Kagome's relationship better was to devout the majority of a chapter to them arguing. Reading your review made me realize I got my point across.

Bluespark: No, I don't think there really is a stone like that. I made it up. I kind of crossed an opal and a quartz crystal to make the stone in my story, lol. But it would have been really nice if there really was a stone like that.