Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade; it belongs to Aoki Takao.
Watching Him In His Field Of Memories
5
Max's POV
Sunshine blinds me as I wake up to another day. Sitting up, I blink wearily. Another day…just the thing I don't want to face. It's just one more day we can scratch off without Kai.
Looking at the bed next to me, I can't help but smile, seeing Tyson sprawled on his bed, oblivious to anything around him. I'm glad at least he's not being affected at night by this. I, for one, am quite…well…traumatized, I suppose is the word.
Days just go by, pointless and meaningless, because Kai is all I can think about. The way he was so strong, he could take anything…and now, the way he's….
And nights are just as bad for me. I look forward to sleep after a long, dull, worthless day. But sleep is no escape. For now, I dread what I'll see in my dreams, or nightmares.
Sometimes, all I see in a dream is Kai, just as he is in the hospital. And occasionally, I can hear what he's saying, but it's incomprehensible. It's quite odd. But I think that idea got into my head because yesterday Tala called us and relayed his individual visit with Kai to us.
Oh, and that's another thing. We've agreed that we all would like a visit with Kai alone. The Demolition Boys get to go first, since they were friends with Kai at the Abbey long before we were in his life. I'm anxious about my turn. What do I do? What do I say? He probably can't hear me. But from what Tala said, he'll be able to feel me. And who knows, maybe that's his first sign of recovery, so by the time my turn comes around, he will be able to hear me….
Shoving this to the back of my mind, I lift myself up, and venture into the kitchen area of the large apartment Mr. Dickenson rented for us. Ray is sitting there, by his lonesome, guzzling something from a mug. Coffee, probably.
Because of the fact that Ray usually shared a room with Kai when we stayed at hotels, Ray seemed to be his closest friend out of all of us. And it shows, the way he is reacting. It seems he can't get any sleep at night, just stays up, drinking coffee and thinking about who knows what.
My worry for him is displayed clearly on my face when I ask him, "Did you get any sleep last night, Ray?"
The Chinese boy looks up to meet my gaze. "A few hours."
I nod understandingly, and slump into a chair across the table from him.
"If there's anything you want to talk about, Ray—" I begin, but he cuts me off.
"No, I'm fine, Max," he lies blatantly. "Really, if you want to worry about someone, other than yourself, I would pick Tyson."
"Tyson?"
"Yeah." Ray sighs. "He's been trying to cover up his emotions on this whole thing by acting the way he normally does. But it's obvious that he's pretending. If you're going to confront anyone, confront Ty'."
Gulping hard, I nod again, realizing what Ray says is true.
Many interminable minutes pass, and I find myself staring at the clock, watching the hands tick slowly around their circle.
Ray finishes his coffee, and sets the empty mug in the sink with the ever-growing pile of dirty dishes we've neglected to clean. Sitting back down, he yawns, exposing his catlike fangs.
"If there's anything you need to talk about, Max, I'm available," Ray informs me seriously. "And people tell me I'm a good listener."
Nodding, I gawk at my hands in my lap, feeling compelled to spill out my feelings to my friend.
Instead, I put on my trademark smile, and look up, about to tell him I'm okay, but he beats me to words.
"Seriously, Max,"—his voice sounds solemn—"don't hide behind your smile the way Tyson is. This is eating him up, and I don't want it to do the same to you. So talk if you have to. Or at least think about it."
All I can do is stare, faux smile fading. Again, I nod, pondering when and what I should tell him.
Satisfied, Ray stands. "I was thinking, maybe we ought to train some today. Kai would want us to train, don't you think?"
The last sentence is spoken quietly.
"Yeah. He's gonna be really mad at us for laying off our training, isn't he?" I question, allowing the corners of my mouth to tug up slightly, genuinely this time. Ray returns the smile, watching me fondly.
"He sure is. I'll take over our training regimen for now, okay?"
"Sure."
My raven-haired pal wanders off, yawning. I watch him disappear through a doorway, frown returning to my features.
There's so many—too many—problems to worry about. Too much burdening our souls.
Kai's…well, I hate to say this, but basically…he's gone insane.
Tears prickle my eyes at the thought.
And Ray…. Clearly, he's having trouble dealing with life right now. He's not getting enough sleep or proper nutrition….
And Tyson is hiding everything, determined to be our comical relief and keep our spirits up so we don't all fall into depression or something. He's built up invisible barriers around his heart, bidding away true emotion.
And Kenny…is quieter, more reserved. He's shut up in his room, typing away at his laptop; we hardly see him anymore.
Sighing, I ponder what I can do. There must be something, right? I'm known for my optimism, why am I letting Tyson do my job?
At this thought, I stand, prepared to take action.
Firstly, I wander to Kenny's room; he's probably up by now.
"Kenny?" I call softly, knocking on his door.
I hear gentle footsteps and the door clicking unlocked. Soon, the small boy materializes in the miniscule gap between wall and door. "Yes, Max?"
His voice sounds hoarse; hasn't been used recently. His clothing and hair are unkempt, far from the usual formal neatness of Kenny's countenance.
"I…need to talk with you."
Following a brief pause, Kenny allows me to enter his room.
Nothing in Kenny's room is out-of-place, though his bedcovers are strewn messily over his mattress and his laptop sits opened on top of them.
Plopping down on his bed, Kenny peers up at me. "What do you need to talk about?"
I close the door quietly behind us, and gaze at my troubled friend. "You."
Kenny's impassive expression doesn't change one bit. "Me?" His tone does take on one of confusion, though.
"Yeah…."
I claw desperately in my mind for something to say, to spur conversation and get him to spill his guts.
"Um…it's just…we're worried about you…," I stutter uneasily. "And, um…we're all having difficulty dealing with this…incident…with Kai…and…I think we just oughta talk to each other about stuff, ya know?"
Kenny nods sagely, lips pursing. Only when he sniffles do I realize he's trying not to cry.
My eyes widen slightly, and I scurry toward him. "Um…so..."
"I don't know anymore, Max," Kenny interrupts, feelings suddenly screaming out on his features. "I just don't know! I feel…I feel…so…gr!" He begins cradling his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. A solitary teardrop makes a beeline for his chin. "I…I feel…awful. I feel guilty. I feel remorseful. I feel saddened. I feel…angry!"
"Um…." I sit down next to him, and place a hand on his shoulder. "Explain…why you feel that way. Maybe I can help you sort it out."
I remember what to do in situations like these from some hardships in my childhood: My parents spoke those exact words to me.
"W-well…"
"Start with…guilty."
"…I feel like there must be something I could have done…to help him."
"…There wasn't anything we could do." In some part of my heart, I admit that I feel the same way as Kenny: Wasn't there something we could have done?
"And remorseful…because I didn't see anything of the sort coming. And I never was a great friend to him."
"…He kept to himself a lot, you know. It wasn't easy to get close. And none of us saw anything coming…. I don't think even he did." Inside: I could have gotten closer to him, I should have tried harder….
"And…saddened…he's in a mental hospital, for God's sake!"
Kenny's little outburst there startles me: That isn't something he would normally say.
Nodding in agreement, I mutter, "True, that's true…. And angry?"
"I feel angry…because there's nothing I can do to help him."
"There's nothing any of us can do to help him now, except be there for him." Inside: Why am I so incapable?
Kenny looked up at me, swiping a tear away. "All we can do is watch…."
Bryan's POV
"How'd it go?" Ian asks me, appearing uncharacteristically eager and interested.
I shrug, not caring one way or another about this whole 'Kai' business. Sure, he's an old friend from childhood…but that's in the past. I don't give a damn about him anymore—he's just another faceless person in the crowd.
"Anything…interesting happen?"
"If you call incessant muttering about Dranzer interesting, than very much so."
"I'm serious, Bryan."
"No. And I didn't bother touching him. Why was Tala touching him anyway?"
"…"
Ian stalks off, shooting me a dangerous look. I know he's annoyed by my typical cool and callous attitude in this whole thing, and so are the others…though I don't understand why. Kai betrayed us before, abandoned the Abbey…and then suddenly he's back. And he didn't even remember us. Then what does he do? Goes back to those snot-nosed brats….
So why do they care?
And…why are they actually acting as though they care? Displaying emotion is weak, they know that better than the rest of the world.
Hell…. They wouldn't give a damn if it was me, so why do they care about that worthless traitor, Kai?
I blame that Tyson kid for messing with Tala's head…after he won the Championships. Feh. And then it must have spread to Spencer and Ian like a virus.
Caring is useless…why do they bother?
Especially for Kai?
Hmpf.
Foremost on my mind is…why do I feel on edge about this whole thing?
Hey everyone! It's kinda been a while, eh? (cough-overamonth-cough) Sorry…I got an evil writer's block thing on this. Gr.
I attempted to complete this chapter…and I know it's a little weak. But hey, I wanted to post it…so yeah. I hope it's okay, at any rate.
School's starting up again soon (in three days, sadness) and on the weekends I'll try to work on my fics as much as possible. But the next chapter of this might not—and probably won't—be out for a long while, again. Sorry.
ed: Aw, thank you! Again, I'm very glad you like it! Hope you enjoyed this one! Thank you for reviewing!
DM666: It's inhumane to put a song in a review…because…uh…I dunno. Ask that polar bear over there. :) Nah, I was just, like, happy-hippy-hoppy when I wrote that 'inhumane' thing. :) Thanks for reviewing!
AnimeBando33: Thank you for the kind compliments! I don't know if he'll get better. I really don't know where I'm going with this story, actually. sweatdrop Anyway, thanks for the review!
StarlightPhoenix: Heya! What do ya mean you wish you were as good as me? You're an awesome writer! Seriously, mate! I'll prove it: (Hey! pulls a random passerby over passerby: Uh, yes? me: Isn't she a good—no, great author? shoves 'Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder' into their hands passerby: reads it Yes, yes, this is very good, nice use of words. But who's Kai and Tala and— me: Nevermind that. Thank you for your time. shoves person away) And it was kind of bumming to know that my e-mail's messed up… sigh Thanks for helping me figure that out anyway. And I'm sure you noticed, I really liked your one-shot. Thank you for reviewing!
waterlily: Aren't we all insane? grinsSeriously, though, who has the power to say what's normal? I mean, one person's 'craziness' may be another person's sanity, get it? That's just my fragment of sanity kicking in, you can ignore it if you like. ...Relaxing, eh? Interesting thought…. Hi-5 for you too! Thank you for reviewing!
ghostymangarocker: No, this isn't TalaKai, and there won't be any pairings. The only reason Kai keeps seeing Tala and thinking about him and stuff is because Tala was his best friend in childhood (in my version, anyway). So, in my lil' realm, they were best friends, then Kai forgot about his Abbey life, then they met in the World Championships again, but Kai didn't remember Tala, then Kai got stuck in his mind, and now he's remembering more of his past including his friendships. takes deep breath And that was a long explanation. oO Thank you for the review!
Blood of the Wolf: Yay, I have a fan:) Hey, thanks for reminding me about the D Boys, I got caught up in writing about Kai's little world and I forgot to write about them. sweatdrop And I'm going to thank you for R&R-ing anyway, because reviews make my day and they're much appreciated! So…thanks for reviewing!
Cathy: Oh wow, it made you cry? Cool! Well, I don't mean it's cool if you cried, I mean it's cool if it was good enough to provoke tears. Thank you for reviewing!
Hazel-Beka: Don't worry about not reviewing earlier, I didn't update until later! And yeah, 'tis frustrating for Kai, not remembering anything. He got this way because in the first season he was remembering stuff about his past, and, in my version here, it was too overwhelming for him, so basically he blocked most memories of anything and got stuck in his mind. Whee. Thank you for reviewing!
Darksouled Saiyanphoenix: Aw, thanks so much:) Have a cookie for your kindness. hands you cookie Peace, and thank you for reviewing!
Kitsune….: Here are the BladeBreakers! Sort of…. People are always saying "Poor Kai" in their reviews, and not just for this fic, because everyone tortures him. XD Random and blatant observation, there. Thank you for reviewing!
Arieru: falls off chair Did I read that right? The BEST FIC YOU'VE EVER READ? YAY! is ecstatic Thanks so much! hands you a cookie You made my day! Thanks for reviewing!
Sweetness, so many reviews! Mwaha! You all have really inspired me to work on this chapter, ne. Please drop a review before you go, don't be shy now. grins
have a nice day
CyborgRockStar
