Disclaimer: See chapter one
Updated:Friday 30th September 2005
Beta'd by: 3-legged Dog
A/N: Well, my laptop has finally gone anddone it! It is now officially a paperweight (long story). I am now officially borrowing my Dad's laptop until my final semester (ever) of uni finishes,upon which time the old man seems to think I will no longer require a computer...(!)Thankfully I've kept all my important files backed up on my USB drive ever since the virus fiasco of two months ago so I haven't lost any work.However, as I have been bending over backwards trying to get all thepainfulmajor assessment pieces out of the way before the end of semester so I can spend as much time as possiblefinishing this storybefore I have to give the PC back, I haven'tdone the review responses for Chapter Four yet. Choosingthe lesser of the two evils I decided to honour the posting date for this chapter and delay reviewresponses by a couple of days. I should have them in your respective in-boxes by the end of the weekend.
Chapter 05: Meddlesome old men and the casualties of their ways.
When they had arrived back at Grimmauld Place, all a tumble of blushing faces and tangled limbs, the hallway was deserted. A cursory check of the kitchen door told them, emphatically, that an Order meeting was taking place. The adult occupants of the house may as well be on Mars.
After saying goodbye to Estella's friends, who were all due to return home with their timed Portkey, the remaining teenagers – now out numbered by the number of redheads in the room – retired to the library on the second level which, funny enough, the teens had been using as the base of their operations. Rather than stay with them though, the twins exchanged a quiet word before excusing themselves hurriedly, only to return a few minutes later looking crestfallen.
"What's up?" Ron looked at his brothers, sensing their disappointment.
"Oh, just something we've been working on wouldn't work." George sighed.
"Well it's not that it doesn't work," Fred cut in, shooting his twin a reproachful look. "It worked on this room… it just can't get through the Impenetrable Charm on the kitchen door."
"Well funny that," Hermione drawled, barely looking up from her book. "It is a Impenetrable Charm, after all!"
"Just what were you trying to do?" Harry looked at the twins curiously, sparking them off into a full-blown explanation on their latest invention, 'Extendable Ears'.
By the end of the twins' explanation, Estella was looking pensive.
"What is it?" Harry looked at his, well, he wasn't quite sure what to call her, and raised a brow. "You thinking about messing with the wards again?"
"Huh?" Four faces looked at them in confusion, prompting Estella to recount the situation she'd been in that morning, and how she'd opened the locked bedroom door.
"I know what you're thinking, but it won't work." Estella shook her head. "Dad knew before I did that I'd twisted the wards… the house may not like him enough to grant him full authority, but he can still sense when I try to mess around."
"Yeah, but Estella…" Harry's voice trailed off, lest he reveal her father's identity as a Marauder to the Weasley twins, who were still largely in the dark. "I am sure he wouldn't mind if you did. Like, he'd probably even be proud… you know he got up to worse at our age."
"Harry…" Estella looked at him warningly. "It doesn't pay to be presumptuous. Yes Dad can take a joke, but there are certain things where even he must draw the line. Just because we haven't found that line yet, doesn't mean it isn't there."
"Aw, come on, Estella!" The Weasley twins pouted, pleading with her. "What's the fun in being a teenager if you don't test your parent's limits? How will you ever get to know what your father will allow if you don't actively look for that line?"
"Yeah," Ron added. "What's the worst he could do if you crossed the line anyway? Fred n' George are always crossing the line with our parents and they are still in one piece."
"Yes, but Ron…" Hermione leapt to Estella's defence. "This is not some domestic family thing… this is the Order. This is Professor Dumbledore's authority!"
"Gee, you speak of him as though he is some deity!" Fred leered. "Yes, it is Dumbledore… but come on, we've been in his office enough times to know he can appreciate his students' sense of adventure."
"He is a Gryffindor, you know…" George added, as though that excluded the wise old wizard from ever coming down hard on them.
"Still… as the niece of a Slytherin, I think that the closer we hold our cards to our chest, the better." Estella reasoned. "If Dad knew it would only keep him on his guard, compromising what we get to hear… that's if he doesn't blow his lid about it and ship me off to Siberia whenever there's a meeting." She frowned. "There's got to be another way…"
As though summoned, 'another way' promptly presented itself in the form of Kreacher, who appeared in the room as if on cue.
"Mistress Black! Mistress Black!" Kreacher beseeched his favoured owner deploringly. "Kreacher is not to be telling Mistress Black what is happening in the kitchen!"
"I already know what is happening, Kreacher." Estella sighed; slipping into the role she and the others knew to be an act to retain the volatile elf's favour. "Those horrid Mudblood loving friends of my father's are plotting against all that my Grandmother held dear, right?"
"Oh, Mistress Black!" Kreacher was completely oblivious to the dripping sarcasm in Estella's tone and bowed low at her feet. "You is always knowing the scheming ways of your abominable father. How my old Mistress would be proud!"
Estella rolled her eyes at the bemused teenagers before looking back down at Kreacher, who had his face pointed at her feet.
"Kreacher," she said, an idea forming in her mind. "You said you cannot tell me what is happening in the kitchen… does that mean you can hear it?"
"Kreacher is cleaning the pantry, Mistress Black." Kreacher told her, scowling under his breath about the horrible Weasley woman who was encroaching on his beloved Mistress' kitchen and befouling it with her ways. "Kreacher is hearing things from there, Mistress. Things that would concern Mistress greatly!"
"Me?" Estella reeled back slightly. "They are discussing me?"
"Kreacher is bound not to tell Mistress." Kreacher looked at her evenly, an almost smug look on his face. "But Kreacher can…"
"-help me hear it." Estella eyes lit up, smiling brightly at the scheming House Elf.
"No one is thinking to ward the Elf entry points." Kreacher informed her suggestively, and Estella immediately grinned at her friends at the ramifications.
Motioning for a set of the extendable ears from the Weasley twins, Estella ushered Kreacher out of the room and down to the ground level of the house, the others hot on her heels.
"Now Kreacher," she began as they came to an innocent looking pillar behind the stairs. "Do you think you could take this little ear here…" she held out the extendable ear to him. "…and wiggle it under the pantry door and into the kitchen without anyone seeing? I'll need to hold on to this end, but there should be enough length, don't you think?"
Kreacher assessed the device in his hand. "Kreacher believes this to be plenty long enough, Mistress." He said. "If you is to stand here with your end Kreacher will honour his Mistress' wishes."
"Thank you, Kreacher." Estella nodded to the elf, who bowed clumsily and slipped through a hole in the wall that had not been there before, promising to return with the transmitting end of the extendable ear at first signs of the meeting adjourning.
Sure enough, just as Estella had predicted, when the wall closed up behind the elf, a thin line of string with the receiving end of the extendable ear poked from the seemingly solid brick as though it had always been there, like some stray chord of Muggle electrical wire. As the innocent looking earpiece came to life, buzzing with the faintest whisper of voices as she held it in her hand, Estella smirked at the others.
"Success!"
A hastily wrought plan of action and discussion on logistics later, and the teenagers were taking turns listening through the ear. When no adult came running to put a stop to their listening, it was immediately apparent that they had slipped in under the radar. That said, the teenagers didn't stop themselves from concocting an elaborate cover for their location. The living room immediately adjacent the shady alcove in the hallway was opened up, with those waiting to use the ears indulging in quiet games and other activities. Ron and Harry had even gone so far as to bring down their summer homework in the effort to make their quiet presence in the room justified. If anyone asked either of the burly teenagers why they were studying in the living room and not the library, they would be inclined to answer that it was because the living room was closer to the kitchen, and thereby their meals, rather than the several flights of stairs separating the library from where they ate. To further legitimise things, the glass paned double doors were opened out into the hallway, and the teenagers made the said space a part of the room by placing a lamp and an armchair in the corner closest to the elf's hidden entrance. With any luck, no one would really notice, let alone care, that said items of furniture had not always been there. Whoever's turn it was to use the ears thereby sat in that chair with either a book or Estella's walkman… though they hardly have needed to worry with such counter measures since their listening post was not within direct view of either the entrance hall, or the stairwell to the kitchens.
Estella, having been the one to facilitate their feat, was the first nominated to listen through the earpiece, and after her first turn, was surprised when an ashen-faced Harry motioned for her to come back and continue. Nothing could have prepared her, however, for what she was about to overhear; she was eternally grateful for Harry, who went at lengths to make sure the others left her alone until she was ready to pass the ear piece on. Kreacher, for all his neurotic failings, had not been wrong in his assessment that what they were saying would concern her.
"I do not believe it wise to include the children at this time." Estella could hear Dumbledore's slightly condescending voice speak in a quiet tone. She needn't have strained so hard to hear what was said next, though.
"With all due respect, Albus," her father' heated voice countered. "They are my children and I will tell them what I see fit; and there's not a damn thing you can do about it."
Estella leant back in her chair, heartened by her father's determination. She had an inkling that her father would bring up his intentions to tell Harry about the Prophecy and be met with contention. The argument on what to tell Harry had taken up most of her first time with the earpiece, and though she was unsurprised to hear the matter being discussed further, she couldn't help but wonder what prompted Harry to hand back the earpiece to her.
"I do wish you would consider my suggestion, Sirius." Albus continued wearily. "She is too young to shoulder such a burden. It is unfortunate that Selina's diary proved so revealing. That was unexpected."
"If you are suggesting that my wife did not take proper precautions in keeping the prophecy secret then I must object!" Sirius scowled defensively as a murmur of remarks from other Order members made Estella's, and so likely her father's, blood boil. "No one could ever have read that diary… no one except for Selina or Estella…" her father paused, and Estella had to listen intently to catch what her father said next. "As for your suggestion, Albus, under no circumstances will I Obliviate what little connection my daughter has to her mother!"
Her father's voice had gotten louder with each syllable, and it took all of Estella's resolve not to penetrate the wards locking the kitchen door and storming in there to confront the meddlesome headmaster who dared suggest such a thing. No wonder Harry had handed it back to her. They must have moved on from talking about Harry and what to tell him about the Prophecy and started talking about Obliviating her as soon as she'd handed the Extendable Ear to Harry.
"She knows too much!" an unidentified voice cut in. "You should not have given her the book!"
"It wasn't mine to give or take." Sirius echoed her earlier words. "In fact, it was always hers to begin with… and if anyone is to blame here, it is you Albus, and you know it!"
"Ah, yes, I do seem to recall encouraging young Selina to write in the book after the events of that Christmas." Albus admitted, though any smug satisfaction Estella could draw from the interfering old man being taken down a peg was nullified by the implication that all in the Order knew she had gone to the past – an open revelation that seemed rather unfair in light of the fact that she had had to keep it from her friends for such a long time. What was it with adults thinking kids couldn't be trusted?
"Sentimentality aside, Black, do you realise the risk?" Another voice addressed her father crudely. "In any event, she won't even remember, so what harm could it do?"
A rustle of voices murmured their agreement with the stranger's assessment, but Estella's attuned ears were quick to pick up on her father's building growl.
"My mind will not be swayed." Sirius said stubbornly. "Estella knows. Accept it… and with it, acknowledge that I will not have one of my children know while the other is kept ignorant."
"You only have one child, Black." The same obnoxious voice of dissent leered, and Estella heard the scraping back of chairs.
"I may not be Harry's father," Sirius hissed, and he must have slammed a fist on the table because a loud bang carried through her earpiece. "But James and Lily trusted me to make these sorts of decisions. If you hold any semblance of gratitude for their deaths, then you will respect their wishes!"
Estella could only nod in agreement as she noted her father's voice rising again. Inwardly, she began to wish that the Extendable Ears had eyes, too… the vivid picture in her mind of her infuriated father making some snot-nosed, arrogant jerk squirm was something she would love to add to her memory pool. Her father could be quite the intimidator… that much she knew… though whether it was from years as a Marauder, his Auror training, or an acquired defence mechanism courtesy of his jailers she was not entirely sure.
"All right, I will concede your right to your daughter." The acclaimed leader of the light relented, and Estella could just see him standing at the head of the table, waving his arms about like a conductor orchestrating his players. "But I must insist about Harry… it would not be advantageous for him to know at this time."
"You must consider what a burden such knowledge would be on his young shoulders." A voice Estella recognised immediately as Molly Weasley's piped in with all the superior, opinionated grace as only a mother who had raised so many children could have.
"What about what he will think of us when he does find out? He needs to be prepared, and you know it!" Sirius shot back. "Albus, I only just got my family back, and I refuse to build a relationship with them based on lies and deceit!"
"Well, well, aren't you changing your tune from last meeting." A new voice challenged, and Estella immediately wished they'd moved back to Grimmauld Place sooner. Up until now, Remus and her father had always attended the steadily more frequent meetings only as needed – and never together - so that the teens could stay at home.
"What happened last meeting?" her godfather's voice entered the conversation for the first time, his tone clipped and pensive. The fact the last meeting had been held over the full moon was something Estella had found a trifle insensitive. That Remus had not even the option of attending, nor had anyone fill him in on its agenda since, was even more peculiar. Estella knew that both her father and Remus made a point of keeping each other abreast at all times – the pair often caught out having hushed conversations when they thought the two teenagers living under their roof had gone to bed.
"Something I regret." Sirius huffed.
"You regret the implications of our last discussion, Sirius?" The headmaster sounded concerned, cautious even.
"Of course I bloody well regret it!" Sirius blasted back, his grip on his temper having finally slipped. With a tone of self-reprimand, he goaded. "I cannot believe I actually let you talk me into it!"
"Talk you into what, Sirius?" Remus sounded about as alarmed as she was.
"Can we please move onto something else? It's bloody done with now and there's nothing I can do to change it, damn it." Sirius asked desperately, and Estella could sense from his tone that he'd be prone to doing more than just shout if push came to shove. Remus, knowing his friend well, had evidently known better than to press her father for details at that time for he did not rephrase his question.
"Oh don't sound so victimised, Black, it's not like you didn't do everything you could to get out of doing it." That same, antagonistic scowl from the unidentifiable Order member assaulted her ears and once again Estella wished she were in the room so that, in the very least, she could put a face to the voice. She scowled as it continued its poisonous diatribe. "From what I recall, you left it to Snape."
"I should never have consented."
"Well at least that we can agree on." Molly Weasley cut in, her tone both sympathetic and admonishing. "How is the poor child? Has she spoken of it?"
"Of course she hasn't." Her father hissed, his voice cracking. "She doesn't realise I knew all along what happened with Severus…" he paused, and Estella could almost swear she heard him choke back a sob. "…that I condoned it... at your bloody behest Albus, but allowed it all the same! How in the hell am I supposed to get close to my own daughter now? She's not used to coming to me about things, that much is abundantly clear, and yet what do I do? Create a situation where she is compelled to keep something from me! Oh, what have I done?"
"Allowed what, Sirius?" Remus demanded, apparently ignoring the body of Sirius' self-reprimand. "What happened with Severus? Will someone please tell me what the hell happened last meeting?"
"Estella was tested."
Estella gasped in shock and yanked the earpiece from her ear, not able to listen any more. The Weasley twins, having seen the movement, darted forward for their turn, oblivious to her building distress. Her eyes, however, had locked with Harry's, who was sitting closest to the hallway facing her. After seeing the imperceptible shake of her head as she darted her eyes from Harry to the Weasley twins and back again, the bespectacled Gryffindor intercepted the pair and pulled them back. Smiling apologetically at the twins for her premature actions, Estella then reluctantly put the piece back in her ear. As much as she didn't want to continue listening at this point, she didn't particularly want the others to know, either.
"I didn't want to do it, Remus!" Sirius was pleading with his friend, and it dawned on Estella that Remus did not know what had transpired over the past week. "Merlin I wish you had been there, you would have stopped me from being so stupid!" her father's voice turned venomous. "I don't know why I didn't realise it sooner! You… you planned the meeting on the full moon so that I couldn't count on Remus for guidance! Don't deny it!"
"Sirius… Remus…" Albus Dumbledore was at an uncharacteristic loss of words. "An unfortunate coincidence, nothing more, I assure you. Had I known you valued Remus' advice so much I would have insisted we reconvene…"
"Bullshit." Her father cursed, muttering something unintelligible under is breath and causing Estella's eyes to widen at the shock of his profanity. Sure, she had heard her father curse when he'd thought she wasn't around, but she'd never envisioned him using such language in the presence of his former headmaster… though right at that moment, she could hardly blame him.
"Sirius is right." A firm voice that, much to her chagrin, Estella could not place save it was one of the people who had been at her house that night she'd snuck out to Hermione's. "You pressured him into making a decision and didn't give him time to think it over."
The earpiece became flooded with noise as the kitchen below erupted into a heated debate, no one voice distinguishable through the eavesdropping device.
"Silence." Albus' voice hushed them like a bunch of obedient dogs, and Estella could not help but to think magic had been involved. "While I regret the methods by which the decision was made, I stand by the reasons it needed to be done."
"Ridiculous." Her godfather hissed lowly, and Estella got much comfort from the hint of anger in his voice. Remus Lupin was habitually quietly spoken and well mannered… so that he was now hissing and virtually growling indicated to all who knew him that he was more than just extremely angry. He continued, "Nothing could justify such a pointless, inhumane practice being subjected upon a child."
"Remus, I appreciate that you were not present at the last meeting, so I will digress." Albus said in a sickeningly condescending tone that Estella was sure did not go down too well with her godfather. "But as I explained at that time, it was… and is… vitally important for Severus to maintain favour with Voldemort."
"What's that got to do with anything?" Remus asked testily. "What does it have to do with Estella?"
"I believed that if Severus could, without request, present Voldemort with the news of recent events in Estella's life, volunteering the results of her testing, it would work wonders towards securing Tom's trust."
"But what would Voldemort care about Estella's magical development?" Remus scowled. "He bloody well wants her dead! He's cast the killing curse at her each time they've met!"
"Yes… and each time she got away." Dumbledore had an uncanny knack of pointing out the obvious at the most inopportune of times. "And if I know Tom as well as I think I do, then I fully suspect that she has subsequently piqued his curiosity."
"But why?" Remus continued in his puzzlement. "Voldemort did not request the information. He might not have cared to know at all."
"He most likely would have asked it of Severus in time…"
"But why jump the wand?" Remus scowled again. "Surely you did not insist on a child's suffering and a potential family breakdown in the name of one man winning a few points with a crazed, insane lunatic?"
"That's what he did, Moony." Estella could hear her father's voice whisper to her godfather dejectedly. "Oh, what have I done? If Estella ever finds out, I'll never forgive myself…"
"You had better hope Estella doesn't find out." Remus said curtly. "For right now I don't know what to think of your stupidity. I am quite frankly appalled, Albus, that you would insist upon all these secrets. Why not tell Harry of the prophecy? Why not be up front with Estella about the testing and let her make an informed choice…without risking a relationship she is only just beginning to develop with her father? Whatever did Severus tell the child? Or did he simply test her and Obliviate her afterwards?"
"No matter what, Remus, I will not permit Estella's mind to be altered." Sirius informed his friend. "I don't disagree with what you did after she fell from that broom, but you of all people know how that backfired. I won't risk that again anymore than you would. I may be stupid, but I am not that stupid"
"Indeed." Remus muttered, before rephrasing his question. "What does she believe to be the reason for her testing?"
"That Severus was driven by Lucius Malfoy's insistence." Albus stated. "Which, in itself, is not entirely a lie for I am sure that as soon as Estella reached an age where her maturation could not be denied, Lucius would have began to pressure Severus for information for his own purposes."
"Why?" Remus challenged. "He only wants her dead too! You know full well the state she was in when she returned!"
"That she was alive after a day in Lucius' company, gentlemen, is telling in itself." Dumbledore mused openly. "I suspect that there is more to Mr. Malfoy's intentions towards the child than meets the eye. On the contrary, I believe his actions to be driven by a desire to control her."
"You do realise that Estella would likely have volunteered her cooperation had all this been explained to her." Remus said wearily. "If she was aware that you wanted it done to ensure her uncle's safety within Voldemort's circle, she wouldn't have hesitated. I just don't see how the lies are justified. She's too smart to be kept in the dark. Are you that concerned, Albus, by how your students regard you, to let your true intentions with them be known?"
Estella did not bother to listen for any response for she had well and truly heard enough (though inwardly she was happy that her godfather was speaking her mind). Yanking the earpiece from her ears with so much force that it pulled the string taut, snapping the connection entirely, she rubbed at her eyes, which were burning heatedly as though she'd been forgetting to blink for the past five minutes. As much as she tried to convince herself that the snippets of conversation she had heard were incomplete and thus prone to being taken out of context, Estella could not deny the weight of the words swimming around in her mind.
Albus Dumbledore had not only coerced her father into commissioning her uncle to conduct her magical testing, but worst still, they had all felt the need to lie to her about it. Throughout Estella's unconventional upbringing, one of the things she had been raised to abhor was the act of lying. She was both discouraged from being dishonest, and was respected the same courtesy and openness in return. Though her uncle would condone misdirection and shameless twisting of the truth – which is, she supposed, how the man justified his ambiguous explanation for his need to test her – he openly despised lying. Her godfather, too, had set an early precedence in being open and honest with her also, though now, after hearing what her father had said in passing about an apparent broom incident she'd had whilst with her godfather but could no longer remember, she was beginning to doubt the werewolf's integrity.
The double whammy of finding out she had been lied to by both her father and godfather tore at her… as much as her uncle played a more active role in this as anyone, she could not, however, see past the man's look of self-reproach as he carried out what she now knew to be Dumbledore's orders. Though he had misled her to believe it was at Lucius Malfoy's insistence that she be tested, she could not deny that her uncle's answers had been statements, mostly hypothetical, and it was as much her fault for not asking more pointed questions. In hindsight, she realised with a crushing force, that her lingering suspicions at the time had not been unfounded… the recent revelations of Dumbledore's deceit bringing to mind an obscure passage from Hogwarts: A History by which it was written that only Hogwarts staff – or those with access to a Floo within the school's exclusive Internal Floo Network – could send letters via fireplace.
What unsettled her even more than the lies and the secrets, was the attitude of one Albus Dumbledore. Her uncle had always warned her against becoming too close to the man who would one day stand to be a figure of utmost authority in her educational life at Hogwarts. In hindsight, she could see that there must have been more to it than her uncle wanting her to revere the headmaster and not look upon him as some lovable grandfather sort that she had favour with. But no matter her detached wariness – a paranoia, it could be said, that her uncle had instilled most prevalently in her character – never in her wildest imaginations had she'd never thought him capable of such undermining actions. Forthcoming and a venerable resource for advice yes, but manipulative and insistent upon it? No.
It was no wonder her father had seemed so at ease after she'd pointed out to him that he had overall authority over her and Harry. Dumbledore had obviously been taking advantage of his position in her father's life to impose his parenting advice on Sirius. After 12 years in Azkaban, coming out to find himself raising first one, then two teenagers, her father was always questioning his parenting ability whenever it came to the big, important decisions. She therefore suspected that her father was vulnerable to taking the advice of someone perceivably knowledgeable and infallible as Dumbledore, and that Dumbledore, being so all-knowing and annoying with his innocent looking twinkling eyes and alluring, harmless-old-mentor demeanour, had been fully aware of that weakness and took to Sirius like a sculptor palming malleable clay. It had taken an innocent observation from his daughter to cause the paradigm shift in Sirius' perception, thus giving him back the confidence to think for himself.
It was just a shame it had come too late to prevent him from making such a horrible mistake.
So caught up in her thoughts was she, that she was completely oblivious to George and Fred's dismay when they saw their prototype had been accidentally destroyed. Harry and Hermione, being somewhat more aware of the aghast look on her face and vacant, lost expression in her eyes to realise that it was not brought on by the severing of their listening device, were instantly more concerned and trying to ply at her for answers of a different kind. Locking eyes with Harry, she muttered something unintelligible about needing some time to sort through what she just heard, and brushed past the congregating teenagers, making for the staircase.
"Wait! Not fair!" The oblivious Weasley boys protested, stampeding after her. "Least you can do is tell us what you heard!"
"Nothing that concerns you." Estella snapped, echoing Kreacher's earlier words and casting a meaningful look at Harry as she emphasised specifically the last word she spoke. "Now if you'd be so kind as to excuse me, I would like to be alone."
"Were they talking about you?" The ever-tactless Ron pushed on, his omniscient Gryffindor curiosity not knowing where to draw the line.
"None of your business." Estella said coolly, before gesturing towards the kitchen door. "I am beginning to think that perhaps the adults ward the door for a reason. Some things we are just not meant to hear."
"And yet you did, so out with it!" one of the Weasley twins – Estella was too on edge to acknowledge which – demanded of her.
"Guys… maybe we should leave Estella alone." Harry suggested, pulling them aside so that Estella could pass. "Are you okay, Estella?"
Allowing herself a small smile, Estella sighed. "Confused as hell and royally pissed off, but other than that…" she trailed off. "Right now I've half a mind to blast my way downstairs and demand some answers for myself, but to be honest I don't know if I can be bothered with them anymore."
"Who, the Order?" Another of the twins piped up.
"Their grasp of politics… of standard, human rights, is questionable, to say the least." She said dismissively, still intent on not divulging details but knowing they'd hardly let her alone if she did not give them something to feed on. "They seem obsessively intent on coddling us and keeping us all in the dark… at all costs."
"Like we needed to overhear a conversation to get that impression." Ron rolled his eyes, while Hermione's eyes narrowed at her with an uncanny clarity as the bright young witch drew her own astute conclusions.
"Guys, let it rest." Harry stood between Estella and the Weasleys, bodily blocking their attempts to crowd around the confused girl.
"Yeah, Harry's right." Ginny shot Estella a look, not quite knowing what had spooked Estella so much, but somewhat identifying with the look of complete and utter desolation on the young Ravenclaw's face. "Leave her alone. If we had any business in knowing, she'd tell us."
"Yes, Ginny, I would." Estella nodded slightly, before backing away even further. "Harry, could you tell Dad when you see him next that I am in my room and wish to speak with him?"
She waited for Harry's affirmation before finally excusing herself and walking up the stairs with a contemplative deliberation in each step.
By the time the soft knocking of her father roused her from her thoughts, Estella was not of any clearer mind about what she wanted to do with the information she now knew. While part of her wanted to yell and scream and let her feelings become quite clear to those who had hurt her, the other part of her resented their actions to the point where she felt they did not deserve such honesty. When she saw the drawn, tired expression on her father's face, however, another feeling rushed at her heart. She found she couldn't bring herself to be open with the man at this time because, by the looks of him, what she had to say to him right now would surely crush him. Instead, Estella bit her tongue and bode her time… yes she was still infuriatingly mad at the man – and at the very least she was owed some answers – but such a confrontation, she felt, could wait until she had a clearer mind about what she'd heard and had calmed down a bit.
"You all right, kiddo?" Sirius looked at his daughter warily, worry clouding his eyes. "Harry said you wanted to see me?"
"Does something have to be wrong with me to want to see you?" Estella cut back, perhaps a little too shortly than she had intended.
"Estella?" Sirius brow furrowed, and he took a step towards her, to where she was sitting on the edge of the bed, her hands clenched into little fists as they rested on her knees.
"I need to ask you a favour…" Estella began, thinking of a cover to account for her mood. "I need you to bunk with Remus for a while. I don't want to share my room tonight."
It was a matter of fact that Ginny and Hermione's things had been moved into the room shortly after Sirius and Remus' arrival at the house.
"What?" Sirius' eyes narrowed in confusion… he had been sure Estella had been getting along fine with Harry's friend Hermione and the Weasley girl.
"It's nothing against them, it just feels wrong." Estella sighed. "I share a dorm all year, I don't think I should have to do it all summer too. It's bad enough we can't go out and do normal things."
"I know you'd rather be home, kiddo, but since Moony and I need to be here for meetings so often now, it's safer for us all to stay. We're all put out, believe me; and Harry has to share too…" Sirius frowned, for he did not want to be seen as favouring one child over the other and right now Estella was sounding particularly self-absorbed and pretentious.
Sensing this, Estella looked at her father pointedly. "Harry's situation is different. The Weasleys are his friends. I don't really know these people and it's not fair that I should have to be forced to cohabit with them when my own friends can't even stay over. Come on, it's not like I am asking you to share a room with my uncle! You and Remus are like brothers, right? I thought there wouldn't be a problem."
Sirius sat down heavily next to his daughter who, it did not escape his attention, shifted away from his touch.
"Estella, what's wrong?" Sirius asked, his concern deepening. "Is there something else?"
"Why are they even here?" she snapped suddenly. The party had been nice, there was no doubt about that, but since her friends had to leave, she was of the mind that the others had overstayed their welcome. To now spend her summer surrounded by so many people when she'd been denied her father for so many years just seemed so unfair, and given her mood, she was prone to irrational thought. "Are there any prophecies about them or some other reason in particular that Dumbledore wants to add them to his puppet show?"
"Estella!" Sirius was surprised by his daughter's tone. Not entirely unsympathetic, but surprised she had come out with it. He rubbed a hand over his face as he struggled to find a diplomatic response. "Their parents are actively involved in the Order, Estella." He said. "With meetings being so frequent now…"
"Hermione's parents aren't in the Order." Estella pointed out. "They aren't even magical!"
"All the more reason for her to be here!" Sirius said exasperatedly. "Surely you realise the risk on her life! He would do anything to get to Harry; including going after his friends!"
"Oh, so my friends are unimportant, then?" Estella frowned, feeling dreadfully foolish that she hadn't even stopped to consider the risk a Muggleborn witch had, living in a non-magical home such as Hermione's. Too far gone to ever admit defeat, however, she pushed on. "What if Voldemort goes after my friends, knowing that it would draw me out, which will then draw Harry out…"
"We have considered that possibility." Sirius admitted, "and decided it was a negligible risk. You are not as open about who your friends are as what Harry is. It is unlikely Voldemort will think you would be as affected-"
"What, so everyone thinks I'm a cold, unfeeling, friendless git then?" Estella pushed herself off the bed and skulked over to the shadowed corner of the room, where she fell into a wingback and stared out the window. "You try living as the niece of a double agent and see how you come off, then!"
Sighing wearily, Sirius rose to his feet slowly and turned around towards his daughter. Before he could open his mouth to speak, however, Estella stilled him with a hand.
"Don't." she said, turning her head to look at him with a steely gaze. "Just go."
"But… Estella?" Sirius ran a hair through his thick, wavy locks and took a tentative step forward. "I've never seen you like this… you're worrying me, kiddo…"
"Yes, well, no offence, but there's a lot about me you don't know, Dad." Estella half scowled, looking him in the eye for the first time. "Just like there's a lot I don't know about you."
Upon seeing the heated look in his daughter's eye, Sirius reeled back, rising to his feet to place distance between himself and those fathomless orbs of his daughter. "I know, sweetheart…" Sirius struggled to find the words, and Estella could see the guilt flashing across her father's eyes. "But I'm trying, really I am."
Estella stared at him for a long moment before nodding in defeat. Save starting her full-blown rant, she'd already said too much.
"You'd think I'd know better." Sirius said suddenly, a reminiscent light flickering in his eyes as he attempted to lighten the mood. "Your mother always commanded a wide berth when she was PMSing…"
Estella couldn't help it. Something inside of her snapped. "You just keep telling yourself it's only PMS." She said darkly, her tone glacial as she returned her gaze out to the dark fog outside. Her hands compulsively gripped the edges of the armchair, her fingers itching to throw something at the clueless, insufferable man before her. The red hot anger she'd felt prior to her father's admission into the room began to flood her veins and the tenuous grasp she had on her humanity – the part of her heart and soul that was loath to make her father sad – was beginning to slip. Settling for looking him squarely in the eye, she took a deep breath and instantly regretted her next words.
"You have no idea."
"No, I don't." Sirius admitted dejectedly, and Estella did all she could to stop herself physically slapping herself for being so dense; of all the ways to send her father running back to Dumbledore for advice.
"Do you want me to call for Remus?" he asked, shifting his weight nervously from foot to foot as the uncomfortably silence between them dragged out.
If anything, Estella's glare intensified at her father's suggestion and she found a way to redeem herself. "Just because Moony has known me longer, Dad," she whispered hoarsely, her frustration becoming known. "It doesn't bloody well mean he holds the answers to everything! When will you stop second-guessing yourself and start acting like a real parent?"
A pained, bleary look coming over Sirius' eyes, and the Animagus was at a loss for words. Gaping openly at his daughter's uncanny ability to effortless finger what was wrong with him, he was awash with a sense of failure. How was it that a 13-year-old girl could be so damn perceptive when he was supposed to be her father and the one reading her like a book? Just when he thought he was beginning to have her pegged, she went and did something unexpected, and he was at square one again.
As he sighed despondently and excused himself from the room, promising to see to the other girl's sleeping arrangement so that his daughter could get the alone time she craved, Sirius was oblivious to the fact that he was not alone on that proverbial square one.
When Estella didn't come down for breakfast the next morning, the house was abuzz with speculation. Unnerved by the look in her eyes the night before, Sirius was reluctant to impose himself upon his daughter, uninvited. Remus, too, was inclined to let Estella come down on her own steam… having known from experience that to all try and rouse her would only result in her feeling smothered, but the teenagers weren't as easily convinced.
"I can't believe she kicked Ginny and Hermione out!" Ron was incredulous, having ranted on about spoiled, only children all morning. "No wonder she gets along so well with Malfoy, the git."
"Shut up, Weasley." Harry was at his last tether with the big-mouthed Gryffindor and had taken to calling him by his last name, much like Estella did when she was irked. "I know Estella. She has her reasons."
"Yeah, but mate, you've only lived with her for a couple of weeks." Ron pressed on. "You can't possibly know her that well."
Harry sighed, for as much as he hated to admit it, his friend was right. "Yes, but just trust me on this, okay?" he sighed. "You didn't hear what they were talking about last night. I am sure Estella just needs the time alone to sort things out in her head."
"Balmy if you ask me." Ron said with a tone of finality before turning around to Ginny and challenging her to a game of chess.
Harry could only stare after Ron as he departed, shaking his head at the redhead's attention span. Beside him, Hermione mirrored his actions.
"Harry, do you think Estella is all right?" Hermione asked once they were alone… the twins having sequestered themselves in their room shortly after breakfast to repair their extendable ears. "I understand if you don't want to tell me, but can I at least ask what it was that made you hand those ears back to Estella? It's obvious to me that whatever she heard has her shattered."
"There's something she knows…" Harry muttered, after making sure no adults were around. "Something she found out by accident… something Dumbledore doesn't want her to know."
"So?"
"He… he…" Harry looked around again nervously, before leaning in close to Hermione's ear, "wanted Sirius to obliviate her."
"What?" Hermione leapt back in shock, a look of disbelief on her face. "Are you sure that's what you heard? I mean, I wouldn't put it past an invention of the twins to twist the words it is conveying."
"I thought of that too," Harry admitted. "But even they wouldn't pull a prank like this. We all saw how shaken up Estella was afterwards… they would have come clean straight out if that were the case."
"But what is it that she could know that Dumbledore would want to keep secret so badly?" Hermione whispered.
"I don't know." Harry frowned. "All I know is that it involves a book of her mother's and that Sirius was pushing for permission to tell me too. He doesn't want secrets between us."
"Well that sounds reasonable…" Hermione frowned. "But maybe Dumbledore has reason..."
"If Dumbledore was justified, then I doubt Sirius would be so against wiping Estella's memory of it." Harry pointed out.
"What are you going to do?" Hermione asked as Harry backed away, a determined look on his face.
"I'm going to go talk to her, what do you think?" he said distractedly, before fleeing the room.
"Oh, it's you." Estella didn't look up from where she sat on the windowsill, staring out of the grimy window. "I suppose you want to know what's going on, then."
"Well, I do have a few questions." Harry sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed farthest from the door so that he could face her. "Since I gave you back the earpiece, I think I'm entitled to ask."
"I can't tell you what was in my mother's diary, Harry." Estella looked at him; tell tale rings around the eyes suggesting that she hadn't slept a wink the night before. "I fully acknowledge that you have every right to know, but it isn't my place to tell you."
"So what, you're just going to keep it to yourself until Dumbledore finally convinces Sirius to obliviate you, is that it?" Harry was frustrated at the non-disclosure. "Put yourself in my shoes, Estella. I would tell you!"
"You can't say that without knowing the facts first! Damn it, Harry." Estella scowled. "You think I don't want to tell you? I made a promise… and unlike other people in this family, I honour my word."
"Then why have you shut yourself up here like a recluse and thrown the girls out?" Harry asked.
"Merlin Harry, do you think that the only thing bothering me is Dumbledore wanting Dad's permission to obliviate me and my angst at having to continue keeping a secret from you?" Estella laughed mirthlessly. "If only those were the only things I had to worry about!"
"There was something else you overheard?" Harry frowned. "You want to talk about that, then?"
"Well, since it concerns me, I have no qualms in telling you." Estella sighed, motioning Harry to sit in the armchair by the window so that they could be closer. Waiting until he was sitting down comfortably, she continued to stall. "You want anything to eat or drink? Kreacher's been waiting on me hand and foot all morning. I can assure you he won't try to poison you."
"No, no, I'm fine." Harry shook his head. "Mrs. Weasley put on a huge breakfast. Quit stalling."
Estella rose and crossed to her desk, where Kreacher had left some bottles of Butterbeer for her to drink at her convenience. It would not have done for Kreacher to be seen making multiple trips to the kitchen on her behalf. Handing him one wordlessly, she reclaimed her seat on the sun-warmed windowsill and began to explain about her suspicions that both her father and godfather had kept things from her. After briefly asking his thoughts on the broom situation, she moved on to more recent matters.
"I was tested for my magic." She said quietly, "while I was at Hogwarts with… with my uncle. You do know what that means, don't you?"
Harry nodded, mortified. "How? Why on earth… are you all right?"
"I'll be fine." She assured him, patting his knee. "Child's play compared to the games Lucius Malfoy plays."
"Does your Dad know? I mean did he know before the meeting?" Harry asked, catching on quickly that the subject of her testing must have come up the night before.
"Well that's just it, Harry… I thought he didn't know." Estella's voice became shaky as she struggled to hold onto her emotions. "I thought Uncle Severus was acting alone… that his hand was forced by Malfoy after something stupid I did while at the school." She waved away his unasked question, making a mental note to question her uncle about how he'd known she'd sent a letter to Draco. Then again, she would no longer put it past the headmaster to have intercepted her mail and made a point of referring to its unreadability in his note to her uncle. Caught by the satisfaction that her precautions had prevented the nosy old coot from reading her mail, she smiled wistfully, even though her eyes were unnaturally bright. How it must be driving the old man nuts, not knowing what she'd written to Draco.
"No, that doesn't matter now…" her voice trailed off, and she turned away quickly to brush away the tears forming in her eyes. Taking a deep breath and looking Harry back in the eyes, she continued. "What I found out last night, Harry, was that it wasn't Lucius Malfoy forcing my uncle's hand… it was Albus Dumbledore." Harry gasped. "And what's more, they needed to get permission from Dad, first."
"So, Sirius knew?" Harry was beside himself.
Nodding violently, Estella didn't care to stop her tears now, the jerky movement of her head causing droplets of tears to forgo a salty trail on her cheeks and fly directly onto her knees instead. "He didn't want to do it." She said, more to try and console herself than reassure Harry. "But I just don't understand how he could ever consent! Does he really think so little of himself that he lets Dumbledore make decisions for him? About what's best for us?"
"That manipulative bastard." Harry cursed, wasting no time in sitting himself on the windowsill next to Estella and wrapping his arms around her, letting the distraught girl sob into his shoulder. "That kind of explains why Sirius was yelling at him so much while I was listening."
"Yes, I think Dad has learnt from that mistake." Estella tried to focus on what good had come out of the experience. "I don't think he'll be following Dumbledore's advice so blindly in future."
"Dumbledore mustn't be too pleased about that." Harry frowned.
"He wasn't." Estella agreed, smirking slightly. "But there's not a whole lot he can do about it… Dad is completely within his right to exercise his exclusive authority over us. He is a free man now – there's nothing anyone can hold over him."
"I never thought Albus Dumbledore to be the sort to exploit people's weaknesses to get what he wanted." Harry frowned. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was more like something Voldemort would do."
"No, I wouldn't go that far." Estella admitted reluctantly. "I am sure Dumbledore means well… he is just as human as the rest of us though, it seems… and people like Dad and Moony are getting a glimpse of that. Like Dumbledore has such an interest in your life because you're Harry Potter… just like he had a finger in how I was raised because my uncle's status as a spy was important to him."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Well let's just say that I think Dumbledore would go to any length to ensure my uncle kept the favour of the Dark Lord." Estella cited the subject of her testing as a prime example. "I have a feeling I would have had to follow in my uncle's footsteps and become a spy too had my father not been exonerated. There would have been no way for me to live with another guardian since Remus can't be my guardian on paper because of his lycanthropy. Unless I wanted to compromise my uncle's loyalties, I would have had to go along."
"That's intense." Harry's eyes went wide. "Do you really think it would have come to that?"
Estella nodded, reminding him of how she had to act the part of a loyal Death Eater's child for the first two years of her education at Hogwarts and how Dumbledore had only encouraged it.
"It must have really messed with your head… essentially being raised two different ways at the same time." Harry marvelled.
Estella shrugged, her mind regressing back to the conversation she'd had with her father late the night before. 'You are not as open about who your friends are as what Harry is,' her father had said. Was she really so impartial and indifferent towards her friends that people would think she would be unaffected if anything ever happened to them? Were her friends even aware of how much she cared? She was roused from her darkening thoughts by Harry, who was desperately trying to draw her attention away from the feelings he must have been able to see written all over her face. For some reason she could never quite seem to put her mask up around him… perhaps it was because they were just so similar in all that they had respectively been through that they had a unique way of understanding each other.
"Well here's hoping Dumbledore stops trying to meddle in our lives now we have Padfoot back." Harry said hopefully, as he toasted Estella with his bottle and took a swig. "Sirius deserves the opportunity to be a parent after all he went through. Have you told him what you overheard?"
"No." Estella looked away, her eyes downcast, her hand pausing mid air as she faltered in her toast. "I was too mad to think straight last night… didn't want to say something to him that I would regret. He looked so fragile when I saw him … like he was terrified of me. I think he knows he screwed up royally."
"He wouldn't, um, you know…" Harry pushed his glasses up his slippery nose and regarded her with a sidelong look. "Screw up so royally with me?"
"You mean consent to having you tested?" Estella quirked a brow, and Harry nodded. "Harry, short of feeding you a love potion and locking you in a room with a member of the opposite sex, there's not a great deal of control he can exert in your situation."
Harry pulled back the neck of his Butterbeer bottle mid-swig and sniffed at it suspiciously, his eyes fleeting from the door, to the bottle, to Estella, and back again.
"Oh Harry please," Estella shook her head at his theatrics. "If anything, they would want to keep you a virgin indefinitely so that Voldemort couldn't find out your strengths. Not that the tests actually prove much of anything, mind you. It's a load of codswallop. That's why those of us with half a brain don't see a point in it anymore."
"Are you still mad at him?" Harry asked once the heat in his face had dissipated from when Estella had looked in square in the eye and spoken openly of his virginity. "I don't know how I would feel if I knew I'd been lied to like that."
"A little…" Estella sighed. "But he's my Dad, you know? I can't stay mad at him. It wasn't his fault."
"What do you mean?" Harry frowned. "He could have said no. He could have stood firm… Merlin knows he is stubborn enough."
"But is he, Harry? Is he really stubborn enough to withstand Dumbledore's insistence?" Estella looked at him evenly. "He's not had the chance to raise us properly… you know how worried he gets when he thinks he is stuffing something up! Remus and Dumbledore are probably the only two people he would trust for parenting advice, and Dumbledore took full advantage of that. It's him I blame, if anyone… Dad trusted that Dumbledore had my best interests at heart, when really he didn't. Everything that man does is motivated by getting one over on Voldemort."
"But what about Remus?" Harry asked. "Surely he would have set your father straight and stopped Dumbledore from-"
"He would have, if he was there that meeting." Estella said bitterly. "He was absent because of the full moon… Dumbledore claims it was all a coincidence and that had he known Sirius wanted Remus' opinion on the idea he'd have waited for a decision, but if you ask me, it all sounds a little too convenient."
Harry swore a few more derogatory terms aimed towards the Headmaster's sneaky dealings and compulsively flattened his fringe over his scar. "Are you sure you can't tell me what Dumbledore wants to keep from me?" Harry asked. "I mean it has to be something he wants to keep from me, right? I don't buy that he wants to Obliviate you just to keep balance."
"You're quick." Estella grimaced. "But as much as I want to rub Dumbledore's nose in it, I promised Dad."
"Yes, but after what he did, surely you cannot still be to intent to respect his wishes." Harry pouted. "Come on… just this once."
"No, Harry." Estella sighed. "Don't you see? As soon as I start lying by breaking a promise like that, I am as bad as them."
"So? Sirius is older… he started it."
"Yes, but I know better, don't I?"
"It's not fair." Harry scowled.
"I know it's not," Estella sighed after a slight pause. "But I am sure if you confronted him about it, he couldn't deny it."
"But would it be a good idea to let him know we were listening?" Harry frowned. "I mean I don't want to confront him until you're ready to talk to him about what you heard. I have a feeling he'll seek you out as soon as he suspects we've been listening in."
"I'll talk to him after lunch." Estella set her empty bottle aside and rubbed her hands on her thighs before getting up decisively. "If he doesn't pull you aside for a chat after that, I'll show you tomorrow."
"Show me?"
"I promised my father I wouldn't tell you, Harry." Estella grinned slightly. "But I said nothing about showing you. I have full power to alter the privacy charms on my mother's diary… I can do it and say with all honesty that I thought you might like to read my mother's recollections about your infancy and how James and Lily were with you."
"There's other things about me in there?"
"Of course there are, Harry." Estella said sadly. "They all doted on you… the only reason I haven't shared the diary with you was because of what is in there about the secret Dumbledore wants kept… but right now I don't give a flying hoot what Dumbledore wants and it would give me great pleasure in getting one over on him."
"Why don't you just show me now, then?"
"Because I want to give Dad a chance to tell you first." She told him simply. "Like you said, Harry… he deserves the chance to be a parent."
"Fair enough." Harry agreed.
"But Harry…" Estella called him back as he turned to leave. "Let's not let on that we overheard anything, shall we?"
"I don't understand," Harry murmured, faltering in his step. "How are you going to let your Dad know that you know what he did without telling him you overheard?"
"Harry, you're forgetting who my uncle is." Estella rose to her full height and crossed her arms across her chest, her face twisted into a very Snapesque smirk. "All those years of keeping up my uncle's cover were not for naught, my dear Gryffindor."
"What are you going to do?" Harry asked reverently, altogether relieved he was not in his godfather's shoes at that time.
"I don't know yet." Estella answered honestly, her arms falling to her sides. "But I know I will think of something. I don't want anyone knowing we can hear the meetings, and I especially don't want Dumbledore to know that we know he's every bit the meddlesome old coot my uncle is always saying that he is."
"Why not?" Harry asked dumbly, his baser Gryffindor impulsiveness wanting nothing more than to storm into the old man's office and do some damage.
"Why, think of the fun we could have, Harry!" Estella grinned evilly. "Playing Dumbledore at his own game!"
"I was glad to see you at lunch, sweetheart." Sirius, predictably, had leapt at the chance to talk to his daughter alone as soon as he'd seen her drift off into a room free of the other teenagers. "I'm still worried about you, you know."
"I know." Estella wasn't giving him any rope.
"So, uh…" Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, irritated by his own shortcomings, and fumbled his words. "You know I'm here for you, right?" He sounded almost desperate in his need to assure her of that fact constantly. "You know you can talk to me, right? And… and… if you don't want to tell me anything… if you'd rather tell someone else… I won't be offended."
Estella watched on passively as her father struggled with his words, constantly pausing and looking at her as though anticipating the reassurances she had previously been so quick in offering. When she could torture her father no more, she cleared her throat.
"Why wasn't Uncle Sev at the meeting last night?" Estella asked him suddenly, catching him by surprise.
"What?" He shook his head, not knowing where she was coming from. "How… how do you know he wasn't there?"
"He came by the house while me and the guys were watching videos." Estella said casually. "If I didn't know better, he was skiving the meeting because he wasn't happy about something."
"Maybe Dumbledore sent him on a errand and he was rather put out to find the house full of teenagers?" Sirius offered weakly.
"Oh, so it's not because he was pissed off about being made to test my magic then?" Estella hit the nail on the head and watched with a mix of satisfaction and sadness as her father physically stumbled back into a nearby wall. Without even giving him a chance to recover, she flipped a hand towards the door and suggested in a cool, emotionless tone that he ward the door.
Sirius' hands visibly shook as he pulled out his wand and stuttered a quiet assortment of impenetrable and locking charms on the door before falling heavily onto an ottoman and burying his head in his hands.
"How… how did you find out?" Sirius asked shakily, forgoing the pretences as he avoided her gaze. Even in his stupor he knew it would be foolish to try and deny that he knew about it now.
"Does it matter?" Estella sat on the arm of the chair in front of him and absently toyed with the wand in her hand. It wasn't that she wanted to hex her father or anything, but rather the feel of her wand in her hand tended to centre her emotions as much as the small slither of wood was intended to channel and focus her magic.
"How?" Sirius' voice squeaked in desperation and he looked at her pleadingly. "Please?"
"I figured it out." said Estella flippantly. "What, you think I wouldn't?"
"How?" her father repeated dumbly, his mind evidently reeling too much to make sense.
"Lucius Malfoy could not have sent a letter through the Hogwarts Floo." Estella said simply. "And Slytherins may be cunning, but even they would not be able to take the loose words of a Hufflepuff and draw such a accurate conclusion."
"What?" Sirius looked at her, a puzzled expression on his face. Clearly he had not been privy to the final details of her uncle's cover story.
"The cover story." Estella supplied. "I had my doubts."
"Oh." Sirius frowned, and then added without thinking; "but Severus can fool Voldemort! He can't have raised your suspicions."
"So?" Estella quirked a brow. "Voldemort is a certifiable idiot. I don't see the comparison. Besides, what's to say my uncle was really trying his hardest in his attempts to deceive me? He does make a point of not lying to me, which is more that I can say for other people in this family!"
Sirius had the good graces to look down, his cheeks reddened. "I can… I can explain."
"I'm sure you can." Estella said in a matter-of-fact tone. "But you needn't tell me. It was Dumbledore, wasn't it? He talked you into it, didn't he?"
"How?" Sirius stuttered at her again, and Estella had to fight the urge to roll her eyes at the circles their conversation was going in.
"Because I know you would never do it otherwise." Estella said confidently. "And from certain things I picked up from my uncle's demeanour, I knew straight away that he wasn't doing it for his own benefit. Nor do I think for a moment that he would have acted on your request alone. You, unlike Dumbledore, don't have that kind of power over him."
"But wouldn't that have made you believe that it was… that it was Malfoy making him?"
"At first, yes…" Estella admitted. She had, after all, bought her uncle's story until she'd overheard differently. Sure, certain things didn't quite sit well with her – such as how the letter could have been from Lucius and how her uncle couldn't concede to her suggestions to get out of doing it – but she had believed what she'd wanted to believe at the time.
"Then what happened?"
"Yesterday, when he showed up at the house, he wasn't just mad because he found the house full of teenagers without an adult around." Estella said… and it was true, for the more she thought of it, the more she realised that there was something more to her uncle's mood; and once she'd overheard what she had of the meeting, her first thought was that Severus was deliberately absent to avoid the fallout.
"It's true, he did skive the meeting." Sirius admitted. "I can't blame him… people were checking to make sure it wasn't a full moon when Remus found out. No one had ever seen him so mad… there's no telling what he would have done to Severus."
"So Moony didn't know then." Estella surmised trying to uphold the impression that she was still finding the finer details out. "Let me guess, all this was planned at the meeting over the full moon; how thoroughly convenient for Dumbledore."
"What… what do you mean?" Sirius looked at his daughter in surprise, because once again she had managed to zero in on his sentiment.
"Oh don't insult me." Estella rolled her eyes. "It's blatantly obvious that Dumbledore was waiting for when you would be prone to making a rash decision. Hell, I had tea with both he and McGonagall while I was at the school and he agreed wholeheartedly with McGonagall when she said that you lot – meaning you, James and Remus – thought and acted as one while you were at school, none of you seeming to function without first consulting the others. So, given that you are still new at this parenting thing and Remus has known me my whole life, Dumbledore would have to have the brain of a Flobberworm not to realise how much you depend on Remus. He could have scheduled the meeting for earlier in the day, or postponed it so Remus could be there, but he didn't; he did it deliberately."
"You think?" Relief flooded Sirius' voice… his own suspicions seeming all the more valid when echoed in the mind of his daughter.
"You mean you doubted it?" Estella gave him an incredulous look. "Dad, whatever he did to make you agree to it, he was playing you, you do realise that, don't you?"
"I suspected it." Sirius nodded. "Last night I challenged him about it… but I still don't know if I want to believe it. He has an answer for everything, that man does."
"Oh I'm sure." Estella sympathised, her tone too knowing. "But I hope you realise that he's interfering in something that really isn't his business! Dad, just because Harry is who he is, it doesn't make him a public commodity… I mean if Dumbledore has enough of a hold over you to make you go against what you know is right for me, then I hate to think of how he could influence you when it comes to Harry."
"I know, Estella." Sirius crumpled, his hands half reaching for her, but then relenting, as though he no longer had the right to seek comfort from the child he had let down. "I am so, so, sorry. I don't know what I was thinking… your mother would never forgive me."
"You trusted Dumbledore to guide you?" Estella acknowledged sadly, inching forward towards her father as he nodded, his face turned down from her. "I don't think I will ever understand how you could allow yourself to be taken advantage of like that, how you could doubt yourself so much to think you even need his help, but if it's any consolation, I don't blame you."
Upon hearing his daughter's words, and feeling the slight brush of her knees as she leant towards him, Sirius could hold back no more; his arms reaching out for her suddenly and pulling her into his lap. Embracing her like there was no tomorrow, he began to tremble with emotion.
"I don't deserve you." He sobbed into her shoulder, clawing at his awkward hold on her as though to lose his grip would mean to lose her forever. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He muttered the words over and over, as well as vowing never to listen to Dumbledore again on such matters.
"So you'll tell Harry then?" Estella said softly, wiping her own tears on her father's robe and tugging his head up so that he would look at her.
"Too right I bloody well will." Sirius said passionately, nearly throwing Estella from his lap as his body surged with intent. "No more secrets. I swear on your mother, I won't make the same mistake. Never again."
"Good." Estella smirked at him. "Because if you still refused, I'd be forced to show him Mum's diary myself." She smiled at his shocked look. "Not that it would have been breaking my promise, Dad!." She matched his raised brows with an arched set of her own. "I promised I wouldn't tell Harry. There was nothing said against showing him."
"That's it." Her father scowled, a familiar light returning to his eyes. "I am having serious words with that blasted Sorting Hat."
With one confrontation squared and put behind her, Estella moved onto her next target. Remus, to her understanding, had left early that morning on a supplies run and had yet to return. Her behaviour over the past few days already establishing a somewhat antisocial pattern, no one thought anything of it when she extricated herself from the main group of teenagers in favour of isolating herself in the formal reception room closest to the front door. It was a room that the younger occupants of the house had come to avoid on account that its occupants were habitually disrupted with the comings and goings of people through the front door, but that was precisely the reason Estella had gone there.
The late afternoon sun was sending amber rays of light through the shutters and the smells of that evening's meal were already wafting their way up the staircase from the kitchen. Though Estella had been waiting now for the better part of the afternoon, she'd yet to get past the opening chapters of her book; which was one in a series of seven she'd decided to reread over the summer break.
'Where is he?' Estella shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her tailbone having become sufficiently numbed.
Almost like clockwork, a telltale shadow passed by the drawn curtains, foretelling the presence of someone at the door. Sure enough, a muttered incantation could next be heard and the doorknob was coming to life. Straightening herself up in her chair, Estella assumed a mask of nonchalance and glanced up at the door casually. Though it could have been any number of people about to let themselves into the house – for indeed many 'false alarms' had presented themselves to Estella as she sat in eager anticipation – somehow she just knew that this time it was her godfather.
"Hello, cub." Remus noticed her presence immediately, and Estella had to fight to pretend that she'd simply been reading her book and not waiting for him to return. "I didn't expect to find you here."
"Why not?" Estella quipped, "I'm stuck here for the rest of the summer, aren't I?"
"No, no," Remus shook his head lightly, and with one swift movement he deposited the carpet bag he'd been carrying on the floor where it proceeded to walk itself down to the kitchen to be unpacked; he in turn crossed the threshold into the room. "I mean here, in this room. You weren't by any chance waiting for your old godfather, were you?"
"What? Oh, I am just doing some reading," said Estella unconvincingly.
Quirking his lips at her knowingly, he flicked his wand at the ceiling, lighting the lanterns that hung there. "Is that better?" he asked, entering the room and shifting her legs slightly so that he could sit next to her. Placing her legs back down atop his lap, he fiddled with her toes. "It's all right, you know, if you've been waiting for me. I can understand how unusual it must be to be around so many other children during the holidays like this. It's certainly a difference from the quiet summers we've had in the past, right?"
Estella sighed. Somehow he always managed to anticipate things she didn't even realise she'd been thinking. "I was waiting for you," she admitted, clenching her toes as Remus began to feather his fingers over them, trying to solicit a laugh from her. "I just didn't want you to think…"
When it was clear she was not going to continue, Remus stilled his hand and looked at her worriedly. "Think what, cub?"
"I don't know." Estella scrunched her face up into a frustrated scowl. "Mrs. Weasley is always on my back about not being like all the others. I guess I was just worried that you might have something to say about it too."
"Well to let you in on a little secret," Remus leaned in towards her. "I am not Molly Weasley."
Estella let out a breath she didn't realise she'd been holding and chuckled dryly. "Clearly not." she looked him up and down amusedly before allowing her insecurities to shroud her again. "But… so… you don't think there's something wrong with me?"
Frowning at this sudden turn, Remus turned his head so that he was facing his goddaughter fully. "What makes you think there was ever anything wrong with you?"
"I'm not like all the others." Estella shrugged. "I actually like being alone… and every time I've tried to get away for a while Mrs Weasley gives me these looks… like I've just spouted two heads… and she clucks her tongue. I swear it's a bloody compulsive twitch…"
Remus snorted at that and stilled her words with his hand. "Stop." He smiled at her gently. "There is nothing wrong with you, you hear me? Molly Weasley wouldn't know her Wolfsbane from her Monkshood, so you shouldn't pay any attention to her."
"But she has so many children, surely she'd know what was normal." Estella bit her lip. Though this wasn't exactly what she'd planned on cornering her godfather about, the woman's constant fussing over her, urging her to go join the others had been on her mind all afternoon. Shortly after she'd finished her conversation with her father and skulked into the front room, Molly had come across her sitting by herself and, having not being able to convince her to join in whatever noisy game was echoing through the house from the upper levels, had promptly dragged Sirius into the kitchen for 'words'. Estella had watched the kitchen stairwell from her place behind her neglected book with barely hidden curiosity, her mind becoming increasingly agitated by the inability to use magic outside of school to amplify the muffled voices she could only just hear. When, soon enough, her father stormed out of the kitchen, the stomping of his feet indicative of his mood, Estella had felt the hairs of her neck stand up. Smirking at his daughter ever so lightly, the change in his demeanour as he'd seen her watching him anxiously was visible.
"Don't worry," he'd told her, his head jerking impatiently towards the stairwell. "She won't be bothering you again."
With that, her father had excused himself for purposes of 'spending some time with Harry' (meaning he was going to go tell Harry the prophecy), and Estella was left twice as confused as before. No doubt he'd been quite animated in telling the Weasley woman where she could stick her opinion. As time had proven so far, whatever her father had said was enough to stop the woman so much as looking at her as she passed by the room throughout the afternoon. But that said, it didn't stop Estella from wondering just who was right; and with her father busy with Harry and the teenagers knowing better than to overcrowd her when she hadn't sought them out herself, she found she had began to miss Mrs Weasley's bothersome overtures.
"Estella, have you even been listening?" an exasperated sigh drew Estella's attention back to the present. "Molly Weasley may have a lot of children, but she doesn't know you. She has no experience raising just one child, and hence has no idea on how a child raised without a million siblings to squabble and share with is likely to act."
"I suppose you're right." Estella sighed in relief, the tension slowly easing from her joints. "I'm glad you're back… waiting for you all afternoon was clearly messing with my head."
"Aw, did you miss me that much?" Remus drawled, his candour belying his deeper sentiment. That his goddaughter could be so affected by his absence made leaving her all the more harder; however he had no choice but to do it. Yet that she even missed him at all now she had a father and a boy who was practically her brother was all the more heartening. Though he was loath to admit it, his biggest fear was having the one person who meant most to him in the entire world, forget about him.
"Don't flatter yourself." Estella sneered at him in a similar tone, neither truly wanting to dissect the intricacies of the situation. After a comfortable pause, she shook her head. "I don't know what's wrong with me lately… caring so much 'bout what people think."
"I'd call it growing up." Remus smiled at her. "That and you're whole world has been turned upside down lately – you're entitled to stumble as you find your feet."
"Oh really?" Estella smirked back at him. "I would have said that I have been spending entirely too much time around Gryffindors. It's clearly addled my perspective."
Laughing heartily, Remus pinned her ankles down with one hand and tickled her feet mercilessly with the other.
"Stop! Remus, stop!" Estella couldn't hold her laughter in anymore as her godfather's deft fingers sought out all the sensitive points on her feet.
"Not until you admit that Gryffindors are the best!" Remus growled at her. "Say it!"
"They are the best!" Estella managed to gasp out, and Remus relinquished his hold slightly. The expectant arch of his brow highlighted that he was still waiting for the full admission. "…the best… Ravenclaws are the best."
"That's better." Remus let go of her feet entirely before doing a double take. "Wait a minute!"
"Oh no, please no more!" Estella tucked her feet under her knees as she sat cross-legged. "Tell me what you did today."
"Oh, just the usual, boring, bothersome stuff." Remus waved it off dismissively. "Though I must say that I think you would be much more interested to hear about the rather revealing conversation I had with Albus this morning after breakfast."
Estella straightened up in her seat and gaped wide-eyed at her godfather.
"I take it, from that look, that you know what I am talking about, mmm?" Remus reached into the pocket of his Muggle jacket. "I must admit I was quite surprised - well more like shocked, really - to learn of what you did while visiting with your uncle."
Estella froze. Surely Remus would not think to broach the subject of her testing so casually; let alone be grinning at her proudly as he did it. But as much as she racked her mind to try and pinpoint what else he could be referring to in such a hoodwinked manner, she came up blank.
"I would never have believed it unless I had seen it for myself." Remus continued, pulling his hand out to reveal a small, flat square object. "I find I must confess that I have wrongly underestimated you. I apologise."
A sarcastic comment about the insincerity of her godfather's 'apology' died on her lips when she caught sight of the photo frame in the man's hand. "That meddlesome old coot!" she scowled. "He promised not to tell!"
"Ah, but he didn't tell me anything, my dear," Remus winked at her, effortlessly slipping into the headmaster's trademark mannerisms. "He simply showed me."
Ever so suddenly, Estella was given a whole new insight into how her father must have felt earlier that afternoon when she'd exploited the same technicality with him in regards to her own promise. "It's not what you think." she said defensively, inwardly marvelling at how the conversation had steered itself back to where she'd wanted it to go without having even tried. Confronting the werewolf about the memory he took away from her would be so much easier now he had brought up the subject of her flying himself. "I was experimenting."
Oh," Remus looked almost disappointed. "So you don't harbour a secret passion for flying that you'd simply not told us about."
"No." Estella shook her head. "I most certainly won't be trying out for the Quidditch team any time soon." She snorted. "So that's what Dumbledore was doing with his wand then! There I was thinking he was trying to slow me down or something!"
"Slow you down?" Remus peered at the photograph more closely, examining the animated loop from all available angles before putting it down in defeat. "Just how fast were you going?"
"Um, how fast does the Firebolt go?" she asked innocently, smirking when she saw her godfather's brows rise above his hairline, his features lighting up in barely contained surprise as he surveyed the picture again. It seemed almost a shame to confront him about past matters now.
"That fast, eh?" Remus' eyes didn't leave the photograph, and Estella couldn't help but wonder what stolen memory he was reliving in his mind. "And, er, how high?"
"Higher than I ever remember going before." said Estella, careful to place specific emphasis on the word 'remember'. Just as expected, her godfather twitched ever so slightly.
Time to go in for the kill.
"You know, I have a very interesting Charms assignment for my homework." she said conversationally.
"Really?" Remus' face lit up in genuine interest, and Estella could tell he was racking his brains to try and recall what he'd had to do for homework when he was in her same year. "So what's it about, then?"
"Various forms of the Priori Incantatem charm." Estella said softly, her brow furrowing. "There's a practical component too. We have to observe the effects of the spell."
"Oh?" Remus' voice was hitched and somewhat strained.
"Yeah, but I didn't think Flitwick would appreciate my eye witness account of what happened when Voldemort and Harry duelled." Estella said flippantly. "Though it was mighty good to see Lily again…" she shook her head to clear the heavy thoughts that were threatening to cloud her mind.
"You couldn't request to be excused from the assignment?" Remus looked at her worriedly, inwardly making a note to have a talk to someone about the tactless choices in the school syllabus.
"Why would I want to?" Estella frowned. "Besides, I already did the practical stuff while I was visiting with Uncle Sev. We were supposed to get an adult to do it because we can't use magic outside of school and such, but I am hoping I will get extra points for doing it myself."
"But, how can you extract all the past spells from your wand?" Remus narrowed his eyes at her. "Did you use your mother's wand?"
"No, no, no." Estella shook her head. "I didn't Priori Incantatem my wand, silly. I didn't choose that form of the charm… I chose to test what spells had been cast on me." She looked at her godfather levelly as he stared at her in shocked silence. "Who'd have thought there'd be so many…" she said, shrugging. "Though it makes sense since you and Uncle Sev had been teaching me to duel and stuff since I was small." She took a deep breath just as she saw the features on her godfather's face begin to relax. "Don't ever recall an Obliviate being in there though… but then again I suppose that was the point, wasn't it, Remus?"
"How did you know it was me?" Remus muttered weakly after a lengthy silence. Much like Sirius, he was reluctant to lie.
"You never could keep a good poker face, Moony; at least from me." Estella sighed. "Care to tell me what it was all about? I am sure you will feel better for it."
"I… I…" Remus averted his eyes, ashamed. "It's not something I particularly care to remember."
"Well it can't be as bad as my moonlit explorations of a certain inhabited Shrieking Shack." Estella said nonchalantly, rolling her eyes at her godfather's stricken look. "Relax, I only mentioned it to remind you how I have never held that against you."
"Yet." Remus whispered, his insecurities sinking in as his fingers began to trace around the carvings on the photo frame on his lap.
"Never." Estella chided him. "Now come on, it can't possibly be that bad."
Remus closed his eyes, his face twisted in the throes of a haunting memory. "Don't judge what you do not know, Estella." He said evenly, his eyes returning to scrutinise his hands as soon as he'd reopened them.
"Can I hazard a guess then?" Estella went on when she detected her godfather's subtle nod. "That it has something to do with flying?"
Guilty eyes flew to hers unguardedly, wide with surprise.
"Don't even try to deny it now," Estella leant forward and grabbed her godfather's chin so he could not look away again. "I was wondering why the meddling old coot would see to giving you a picture of me on a broom and not anyone else."
"Meddling old coot?" Remus emerged from his inward battle of self-recriminations to look at her questioningly.
"Oh just one of the many names Dumbledore's mother couldn't fit on his birth certificate." Estella waved it off dismissively, her face lighting up in a smile when she saw her godfather's lips twitch in appreciation. "But yes, it is a tad curious that he makes a point of giving you this photo and, as you said, revolving a whole private conversation with you about it."
"Whole private conversation?" Remus mirrored back dumbly.
"Well if I remember correctly you actually said 'revealing', but that's beside the point." Estella nodded towards the photograph. "I know it had to be a private conversation though because had anyone else heard, Dad would have been on my back about it all day and you wouldn't have the photo."
"Oh?"
"Yes… and I figured that there has to be something else to it if Dumbledore felt to give you a photo as proof of what I'd done." Estella looked at him knowingly, pleased with herself about how she was able to extract this information from him without either lying nor alluding to the fact she overheard her father mention it. "So I tender my guess that whatever memory you took from me had to do with flying."
"You make it sound like I stole something from you." Remus said coarsely. "When in fact you should never have had that experience to begin with…"
"What, if you had been paying proper attention?" Estella slid the pieces together in her mind – a strange sensation when she still, really, had little idea what she was supposed to be looking at. "By your definition then, was I destined to have a little slumber party with Moony?"
"Slumber party?" Remus spluttered, growling at her softly in a mix of confusion and frustration. "You don't understand, Estella… I had to do it. I didn't want to lose you! I didn't want you to be afraid…"
"Remus." Estella patted his knee with her hand and took his shaking hands into her own. "Perhaps you ought to start from the beginning, hmm?"
"I still don't understand how you figured it out." Remus furrowed his brow, logical thought now coming to him since he had alleviated himself of the weight he had borne all those years. "But then again, I never thought I'd get to see you on a broom of your own volition ever again."
Taking the photograph from her godfather's lax hands, Estella studied her profile, slowly coming to terms with the fact that it was actually her being so… so… adventurous. Part of her felt bad for omitting the fact she'd overheard her father mention her missing memory, but she pushed it to the back of her mind. It was irrelevant now.
"If it's any consolation, I don't completely understand what compelled you to do it in the first place." Estella confided, stretching her legs out again and resting them back on her godfather's legs, trapping him. "OK so Uncle Sev would have done a bang up impersonation of Mrs Weasley being all over-protective and irrational, but a week of putting up with me pining for you and he would have let you come back!"
"And what if he simply Obliviated any memory of you ever knowing me?" Remus exhaled sharply, his deepest, most innermost fear coming to light.
Estella's eyes widened in shock and she looked at her godfather as though seeing him for the first time. "You… you really thought he'd do something like that?" she gaped, but could only grimace as reality set in. "Guess I can't blame you, there." She frowned at the look of resignation on her godfather's face. "You know there's not a snowball's chance in hell of it happening now, right?" She nudged him with her foot. "Not only would a Obliviation of that magnitude earn me a bed next to Lockhart, but there is also quite a few people who would never stand for it."
"I know." Remus whispered reverently, squeezing her ankle as though to affirm to himself that she was real. "You're not mad, then?"
"I'm a little disappointed, to be honest." Estella said sincerely, her keen eyes noticing Remus' body slump a little. "But I think I understand now why you did it."
"Thank Merlin you take after your mother in that regard." Remus looked upon her adoringly, and Estella could tell he meant neither joke nor malice in his words.
"Yes, well, now we have that established, do you think you could give me the memory back now?"
"What?" Remus spluttered, his hands instinctively grabbing her ankles as though she would literally take to flight right before his very eyes. "But you're only just overcoming the fear… I don't want to put it back in you by making you relive it!"
"Well look at it this way, Moony…" Estella sat up a little straighter. "I already have this fear, so what's the worst it could do, hmm? If anything, having the memory back could remind me of what drove me to fly that day… I imagine I would have been rather fearless and unflappable."
"Indeed you were," Remus said fondly. "You loved watching the Quidditch games and you were always begging me to take you up." He paused and looked down guiltily. "I never did though. I couldn't trust myself enough not to drop you. Perhaps if I had, you wouldn't have tried doing it by yourself… I'm sorry."
"Could've, would've, should've…" Estella scoffed, shaking her head. "It's no use beating yourself up over it. There's a lot of things that could have happened differently if certain things had been different. Might I have been on the Quidditch team if I had never gotten on that broom? Maybe. Would I have ever gotten to know my uncle had my father never been sent to prison? I doubt it. Could I have had a different life if my mother hadn't died giving birth? Most assuredly." She sighed, shaking her head sadly at the forlorn look on her godfather's face. "My point is, Moony," she said, taking his chin between her thumb and forefinger and angling his face towards her. "Is that there are some things we might never know and it's no use letting the 'what ifs' eat away at us. What's done is done… we live and move on."
"But I can't help but think I've taken something away from you needlessly." Remus pouted, finding the right words difficult to come by. "You had potential…"
"Stop." Estella placed a gentle hand on her godfather's muttering lips. "Don't do this to yourself! It's not worth it!"
"But-"
"No buts!" Estella chastised him lightly. "Do I look deprived of anything to you? Do I look unhappy? We don't know any differently than the life we've been given, so I don't know why you're making all the fuss."
"I took something from you!" Remus was indignant in his need for self-reprimand. "To protect my own interests!"
"I'm not going to sway you, am I?" Remus shook his head in response. "Very well then… set it right."
"Huh?"
"Give it back." Estella said simply, gesturing towards her godfather's wand. He stared at her blankly, a refusal quick on his tongue, but she stared it down. "I insist."
END CHAPTER
Next Chapter due: Monday 17th October - I know it's a bit of a stretch, but it's the day two of my last assessment pieces are due and I really have to concentrate on getting them done in the meantime.On the flipside, afterthe 21st, I'll have been finished with uni forever (devastating - note sarcasm) and, well, in absence of finding suitable employment I see myself with a bit of spare time... no computer, but spare time (go figure).
