Final Fantasy VII Very Secret Livejournals
Chapter Two- CloudDisclaimer: Again, don't own- characters belong to Square Enix, concept to both Cassandra Claire and Arrmaitee
Author's Note: Well, here's the second chapter, after a ridiculously long wait. I'm actually very iffy about this chapter, but a couple of reviews I received finally pushed me to post it, whatever the reception. As mentioned in the first chapter, I love getting serious concrit, and knowing what parts worked for you and what parts didn't, as well as regular feedback.
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Post 1: Currently on mercenary job, where all colleagues seem insane. Wanton death and destruction was not part of plan; should have listened more carefully when Tifa told me it was a 'hands-on job for someone experienced and agile', but was too busy fantasising. (About Tifa. Clearly.)
Whenever I look up from manly admiration of Barret's fighting skills, am confronted with constant lectures re: suffering of poor. Do not care about poor. Care about ruined fingernails. Will never make it with Tifa at this rate.
Hope my clothes will stay clean while messing around with bombs.
Current Mood: Manly
Comment: You know, if you don't like this sort of 'hands-on' job, I could get you one a lot more, heh, appropriate for someone like you.
-Wedge
Reply: Are you suggesting unmanly things? Because I'm very manly, you know. I have a very manly lineage.
And a very manly weapon.
-Cloud, who is manly
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Post 2: Ugh. Manfully sacrificed self for teammates, and my clothes were ruined. Disgraceful. Next time clearly Barret's turn, as he's unlikely to ever get any with Tifa anyway.
Also have feeling that my mascara has gone everywhere.
(Am slightly more worried about my mascara than getting any with Tifa, but is probably unmanly to say so.)
Met some girl called Aeris, who mentioned meeting me before. Don't remember; she was probably some slum drunk. Had to save her life by throwing barrels around, which am clearly unsuited to, as am far too refined. Still, completed my duty. (Manfully.)
Current Mood: Manly
Comment: You missed completely with two barrels, and hit me with the third!
And I am not a slum drunk! That was only once! A very long time ago! On my birthday!
When my lawyer answers my calls, I am so suing you for libel!
-Aeris
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Post 3: Aeris decided I should dress up as a girl. Reluctantly but manfully agreed, as wearing women's clothes will clearly prove how secure I am re: heterosexuality. Also needed to save Tifa.
Got into Honeybee Inn, where all women were wearing shamefully little. Averted eyes in gentlemanly way, but felt it was my duty to consider bodies of Mukki and others. After all, must cultivate excellent body if Tifa is ever to sleep with me. Should have asked him how he managed such a taut, muscular physique, but for some reason couldn't get the words out.
Some girl gave me a makeover without asking. Mascara once again ruined. Clearly, if a man wants a job done properly, he must do it himself.
Successfully persuaded Corneo I was female, which proves how secure I am. However, Tifa and Aeris burst in just as I was about to kiss him as part of my plan. Maintain that I could have got more information if left to own devices.
Current Mood: Manly
Comment: Say, Cloud, you know what would really prove how secure you are with your heterosexuality?
-Tifa
Reply: I know, but I just don't think I can carry a bigger one.
-Cloud
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Post 4: Aeris was captured; am therefore on a manly rescue mission to save her from horrors of Shinra. (Have considered possibility of post-rescue sex, but feel it would be unmanly to take advantage. Also, would not like her to see that I have taken to wearing bikini briefs full-time. She might not understand the true, manly reasons.)
Barret still set on pointless violence. He demanded that we storm into Shinra, but as I have no need for violence to prove my manliness, we took the stairs instead.
Still fainted at the seventeenth floor, but at least my hair isn't ruined for once.
Current Mood: Manly
Comment: You took the stairs? When I was probably dying or dead? The stairs? How the fuck did you justify that? There's no way you're getting any now!
Possibly ever!
I'm calling my lawyer!
Again!
And the bikini briefs make your legs look fat!
-Aeris
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Post 5: Rescued Aeris, but have decided to wait several months before trying to get any; after all, she could v. easily be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Would be unmanly to exacerbate that.
Have been chosen as team leader. Rather think Aeris and Tifa were disappointed when I chose to travel with Barret instead of them (can hardly blame them); however, must make sacrifices for good of the party.
Spent ridiculously long time talking about my time with Sephiroth. Had to leave out the bits about his manly chest and emerald eyes, however, for fear that they could be misconstrued somehow.
Current Mood: Manly
Comment: Yes, it would be unmanly.
So you'd better not do it, then.
Did I mention that I have chocolate body paint?
-Tifa
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Post 6: Have been forced to act as a soldier in order to cross the sea. Sweaty uniform disgusting, but enjoying proximity to so many other manly men. Am looking forward to our bonding session later.
Attempted to spy on others while talking in locker room, in hope of discovering important details; however, was so busy focusing on manly muscles of my comrades that I didn't remember what was said.
Probably not crucial.
Current Mood: Manly
Comment: ...were the muscles crucial?
-Yuffie
Reply: It's important for a manly man to know his opponents' bodies inside and out.
And that's what I am.
Manly.
-Cloud
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Post 7: Have been to Costa Del Sol and Golden Saucer, escaped from prison, and defeated Turks; however, all I can feel is the burden of leadership. Have discovered it is v. difficult being manly and heroic when one has things like clothes, nails, mascara, and perfectly-positioned hair to consider.
Am halfway tempted to give leadership to somebody else; however, Barret would sacrifice me for good of the Planet, and Yuffie would sell us as slaves for materia.
Cait Sith a possibility?
Current Mood: Manly
Comment: Oh, Cloud, that would be wonderful! We could forget all about the Planet and just focus on us! Forever!
I'll even steal Tifa's body paint for us to use!
-Aeris
Reply: ...sing Ho, for the saving of a Planet!
-Cloud
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Post 8: Have discovered that my hometown of Nibelheim is apparently not destroyed. Was convinced that I was right; however, am no longer certain.
Contemplated possibility of having been completely mesmerised by Sephiroth and unaware of what was going on, but am unwilling to mention this to others, as am certain that Yuffie may have already been questioning my sexuality, and this may exacerbate problem.
(Am of course both manly and heterosexual, but others may not see it that way. Would happily prove heterosexual manliness with Tifa or Aeris at a moment's notice, but as I am leader, would be unfairly taking advantage.)
Current Mood: Manly
Comment: I hate to point this out, but I'm fairly sure that Yuffie stopped questioning anything in Costa Del Sol.
-Red XIII
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Post 9: Aeris is dead.
Would have expected to feel manly anguish and grief, but am instead strangely relieved (and annoyed at new bloodstain on my clothes). Keep muttering 'one down, two to go' to self for no reason. Will avoid mentioning this to teammates, as it may result in unnecessary psychiatric help.
Current Mood: Manly
Comment: Oh, my God! You're in shock! Don't worry, darling! We can still communicate!
Our love just has to transcend the pleasures of the flesh from now on!
-Aeris
Reply: That actually sounds strangely appea-
Er. I have to go stand guard. To make sure Sephiroth doesn't come back and kill more people. I'll be here if he does. Being manly. He won't be able to resist my onslaught.
-Cloud
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Post 10: Have apparently been unconscious for v. long time, which explains lack of updates.
Tifa was apparently taking care of me, and she said I could thank her however I liked; however, she told me to go away when I brought her a large box of chocolates. Feel shocked. Always thought my understanding of women was excellent for someone so manly.
During my unconsciousness, we got a new airship. However, am not allowed to pilot it as Cid says, 'You'll &!in' crash it!' Think that Cid needs to be more secure in his masculinity.
(Also convinced that Vincent is v. definitely gay.)
Current Mood: Manly
Comment: -sings despondently-
There ain't no getting off on this train I'm on...
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Post 11: Told everyone to go home for a week, to work out their reasons for fighting. Planned to spend time looking at manly pictures of swords and guns and using my home manicure kits, but plans were disrupted by Tifa.
Was shocked when, in middle of an intense discussion re: Cid and Vincent, she tried to kiss me. Pushed her away and earnestly explained that I would be taking advantage; however, she was v. v. persistent. When I pushed her away for the third time, she stalked off, muttering that she never thought the rumours might be true.
What rumours?
Current Mood: Manly
Comment: All men attempt to conceal and repress the darker sides of their natures. I myself, in fact...
-Vincent
Reply: You think I'm a vampire?
-Cloud
Comment: What Vinnie means, Spiky, is that you're gay.
Or that he's gay.
Or both.
-Yuffie
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Post 12: Tifa no longer speaking to me or anybody else. Somewhat glad of this. Am currently in the North Crater, and must not be concentrating upon romantic entanglements. Very bad for focus.
Would like to reiterate manliness and heterosexuality. Others seem convinced of opposite, but if I defeat Sephiroth, that will be clear proof.
Have considered showing them my bikini briefs as proof, but again, could be taken the wrong way.
Current Mood: Manly
Comment: Don't worry, Cloud! I have faith in our love! It can defeat all obstacles!
-Aeris
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Post 13: Sephiroth now dead.
However, due to status as hero, despite clear manliness, have received approx. 2,000 solicitations from males, and only 13 from females. (Seven of aforementioned females thought they could convert me from 'homosexual way of life'.)
Have tried in vain to point out clear heterosexuality.
Am seriously considering priesthood.
Current Mood: Manly
Comment: I don't think they'd even let you in.
-Yuffie
