Disclamer:sadly, I DO own hellsing!

Secret sevrice: say you don't.

Author: will you keep quiet about my ailen army Secret sevrice:yes.

Author:i don't own hellsing, FMA, Fooly cooly,naruto,the boondocks,buger king, but I DO own rukra!

Truth or Dare

Characters:Integra,Arucard,Walter,Schrondinger,Jan,Luke,Naruto,Rei,Edward,the Harkonen fairy, and Pip.

One day in the "living room" of the Hellsing house sat Arucard and Seras were drinking beer when a portal opened and Integra,Arucard,Walter,Schrondinger,Jan,Luke,

Naruto,Rei,Edward,the Harkonen fairy, and Pip all fell out the portal in a pile.

Naruto:what the hell!

Integra: dammit! I was almost done with my paperwork too!

Fairy(I'm just writing fairy for the Harkonen fairy) :...MEATY BULLET BATTLE! HALCONEN AND JACKA-

Arucard: shut the fk up!

Schrodinger: let's play truth or dare!

All: ...uuuhhh...why?

Schrodinger: because I quit vorkin' for fatso.

Seras: can someone move this fairy off me?

Jan: he's dead.

Walter:of course he's dead, ninny!

Jan:WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! he called me a ninny-

Schrodinger: TRUTH OR DARE,NOW.

All:ok,ok.

Seras: k, who goes first?

Integra: ME! MEMEMEMEMEME!

All:WTF!

Integra: I dare Arucard to do the cowboy dance( you know, where the cowboy jumps and shoots his guns in the air)

Arucard: Yes, master. that mutha fka!

(Arucard does the cowboy dance and then sits down, humiliated)

Integra: how was it?

Arucard: KILL YOU.

Seras: my turn! I pick shorty!

Edward: WHO ARE YOU CALLIN' SO SHORT THAT AN ANT IS

GODZILLA TO ME!

Seras:sorry...

Arucard: I think I'm deaf...

Edward:bit...I dare Seras to make-out with Big Red here!

Jan:hey,you stole my line!

Seras: ok! (Seras gets up and makes out with Arucard)

Integra: interesting...

Luke: sweet!

Jan:sweet!

Luke: sweet!

Jan:sweet!

Luke: sweet!

Rei: SHUT THE HELL UP!

All O.O...

Rei: what?

All: nothing,nothing...

Naruto: it's my turn, believe it!

Schrodinger: and here comes the insanity!

Naruto: I dare Integra to lap dance Pip!

Integra and Pip: oh yeah/no fking way.

All: you gotta!

(So Integra did and no descriptions ok?)

Pip: nice.

Seras: where's Integra?

Pip:somewhere singing about fairies, I guess.

Fairy: this I gotta see.

Arucard: I thought you were dead!

Fairy: so?

Walter:gaghhhh...

All:AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!...

Integra: I killed all the demons! Yay!

(Integra then commits suicide and gouhls took over the world. Kidding!)

Alucard: die!(He kills integra clone)

Alucard:anyway, I think we finally found a way to survive anything!

Seras: we hired stunt doubles.

Author: no, you guys were mudered by a crazed Integra.

All: WE WERE NOT!

(Seras shoots author and his twin takes his place)

Author: on with the fic!

Jan: my turn!

Seras: oh god.

God: what?

Seras: HUH?

God: what do you want?

Seras:oh...errr...nothingbye!

(God vanishes)

Alucard:well tha-(I'm writing Alucard now because it says that on the official site)

Jan:MY TURNNNNNNN! MYTURNMYTURNMYTURNMYTURNMYTURNMYTURNM-

All:ok,god!

God:stop calling my name!

Jan: I dare Rei to smoke two cigars and drink three beers!

Rei: NO.FKING.WAY.

Jan: you have to, it's a dare!

Rei:alrigh'(rei does it)

Rei: ngh...I..feel.. fun...ny...

Pip:hey rei, do you wanna go to my room we coul-

BAM!

(Rei just wacked pip with a rusty shovel)

Rei:...nghgh...fkin' pedo...p..hil..e..uhhh.

Ed: uh, Rei?

Rei: I love you!(she then glomps on ed)

ed: ahhh!W-

roy essence: fullmetal,be happy you have a girlfriend.

Ed: OH,GIVE IT A REST CONLEL CRAPPER!(Ed breaks image up)

Alucard:well,that was very interesting?

Pip:uhhhh...oh yeah, it's my turn!

Seras:shoot- WAIT NOT LITERALLY!

Pip:oh. I dare everyone to say the name of everyone they like!

All: wha!

Integra: I like-

author:cliffy-

alucard: dammit,NO CLIFFYS!

Author:ok,ok!

Integra: I like luke.

All:WTF!

Integra: WHAT, I LIKE HIM YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT!

Alucard: no. I like seras.

Seras: I like alucard.

Jan:the evil cotton candy is coming! Run!(jan runs into wall)

seras:well,uh...

Naruto:am I even in this?

Seras:yeah.

Naruto:i dare alucard to hit luke upside the head!

Alucard:sure!

THUMP!

Integra: you little bastard!(integra then beats the livin' st outta alucard)

alucard :ow...

Integra: thal'ii teach ya!(she then glomps on luke)

AHHHHH! Wait,cool!

Jan:sleepy faries fly fat...

All:O.O

JAN:WHAT?

Ed:we-(a portal opens and shinji, alphonse, winry, mustang, riza, saskue, sakura, kakashi, ino and gendo all fall out)

all new:WTF?

Seras:wanna play truth or dare with us?

New's: sure.

Ino:my turn!

What, ino-PIG!

Ino: I dare saskue to make out with me!(ino jumps at him and sakura stabs her in the head with a kunai)

ino:aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Alucard: and that's my cue.(alucard sucks her blood and turns her into a draculina)

sakura:you bastard! Now she won't die!

Integra: she can die if you use silver!

Ed: I dare mustang to sing peanut butter jelly time!

Mustang: no way, shrimp.

Ed: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

(This conversation had to be censored)

mustang:anyways,(snaps fingers and a banana suit appers on him)

peanut butter jelly time!

peanut butter jelly

peanut butter jelly

peanut butter jelly

peanut butter jelly

peanut butter jelly

peanut butter jelly

peanut butter jelly

peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!

peanut butter jelly time!

peanut butter jelly time!

peanut butter jelly time!

peanut butter jelly time!

peanut butter jelly time!

All:O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O

Mustang:what?my turn! I dare ed to sing can't touch me!

Ed:sure!play the music!

Can't touch me!

Cancancancancan't touch me!

Can't touch me!

Jujujujust like the bad guy from lethal weapon 2,

I've got diplomatic immunity, so hammer you can't sue!

I can write graffiti, even jaywalk in the streets! I can ride a loop and not give a hoot and touch your sister's tee can't touch me! can't touch me!

Alucard: what in god's name is he doing?

Ed:can't touch me!

Saskue: I believe that's that's the wors-

ed:stop! It's peter time!i'm a big shot!there's no doubt!light a fire and pee out! Don't like it,kiss my rump! Just for a minute let's all do the bump!

Can't touch me!(and he goes on until its over)

ed:except for you, you can touch me.(winrythrows a wrench at him)

ed: can't touch me! At least not now!

Winry:aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!

Alucard: more people!(he opens portal and naota,hinata,shino,hakuro,kamon,canti,mamimi,amtmosk,and niamori all fell out)

hakuro:what the fk?

Schrodinger: play truth or dare vith us!

All new:sure,why not.

Schrodinger:truth or dare, mamimi?

Mamimi:both.

Schrodinger:who do you like?

Mamimi:niamori.

Niamori:wha? you're a lesbian?

Mamimi:yeah,so?

Niamori: I am too!

Naota: I dare all you ho's to say who you like!

Mamimi:niamori.

niamori:mamimi.

naota:hakuro.

hakuro: Ta-kun(naota).

ino:SHINO, FOREHEAD GIRL!

saskue:sakura.

naruto:hinata.

sakura:SASKUE, INO-PIG!BEAT THAT!

hinata:n-n-naruto.

shino:ino.

Jan:sweet!(he takes out notepad and writes)

hakuro:whay are you wri-

jan:the evil make-up!

Hakuro:sure...

Gendo:this is NOT in the scenario.

Kakashi:i dare gendo to dress up like napoleon dynamite!

Gendo: FINE!(he dress up like napoleon dynamite)

shinji:scary.

Hakuro: I dare Ta-kun to steal all the weapons here!

Naota:fine.(he gets 2 harkoneons,120 AK-47's, a .454 cassul, the 13mm jackal, 300 9mm pistols,

12 bazokas, 20 MP-5's, 400 combat knives,and 13 crosses)

naota:ngargh!gggggrrahhh!grahelp!

Hakuro: nope!(he quits trying)

alucard: my tu-(ANOTHER portal opens and the author and rukra hidestuei,my own character, fall out)

integra: the author!(pulls out AK-47 and pulls trigger)

author:sorry,no!(snaps fingers and flowers fly instead of bullets)

integra: wha-

author: I'm the AUTHOR, I can make you do anything!

Alucard:wwwaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I want my teddy!

Author:see?

Seras:wanna play?

Author:why not.

Alucard: I dare you to sing the barney song!

Author: not a good idea!

Alucard: DO IT.

Author: kay, but I warned you!(I finsh the song and)

rukra:KILL ATAMOSK!(she then kills atamosk)

atamosk:ahhhhh...

Author: she kills when she hears the barney-

rukra:KILL PERSON!(she then kills an innocent bystander)

author:-song or the name B-A-R-N-E-Y.

All:oh,ok.

Ed:barney!

Rukra:KILL GENDO!(you guessed it)

seras: oh my god!

God: stop calling my name!

Seras :kay, sorry.

Jan: my turn!

Seras:ok-wait what!

Jan:I dare seras to marry cotton candy!

Seras:you're insane!

Jan: give me liberty or a TACO !

Seras: here's a taco.

Jan: thanks!

Seras: I put 200,000 packs of hot sauce on it.

Jan:yumm-BOOM!(his exploded from esxseive heat)

seras: woah...

Rukra:cool!

Mustang:barney!

Rukra:KILL MUSTANG!(I just ain't merciful to anyone in this story, am I)

ed :finally!

Winry: barney sai-

rukra:KILL DUMB BLONDE!(no offence to any blondes out there)

winry:AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!(she runs into wall and is out cold)

rukra:good enough.

(walter became 55 years younger, integra married luke, alucard married seras,jan married cotton candy and ate it,mamimi married niamori,hakuro married Ta-kun(naota),ino married shino,naruto married hinata,saskue married sakura,rei married ed, schrodinger married mustang, and rukra killed the priest because a kid said barney.)

Integra: let's all get drunk!(they all get drunk)

saskue:WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!( He is running around naked)

Ino:strange...

Walter:ho!

Ino:WHAT.THE.HELL.DID.YOU.JUST.SAY?

Walter:i'm a pimp named slickback!

Ino:...someone kill me.

Lee:YYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTHHHH!

All:WTF!

Alucard: I summoned him here.i'm goin to buger king.OBEY THE KING!

Integra:I want chicken fries or ill hit you with a bat!

Next chapter up soon!R&R or'll lee will live with you!