Petra: I really like this story. I mean, I'm really proud of myself... especially of this chapter. I love the way it ends and I think I write really great prose in this particular one.
Kati: *sniffles* Poor Heero-kun! I know how it feels to be in love but not have it returned. *glares at Petra*
Petra: Hey! You can't blame me for things I have no control over!
Kati: *haughtily* Can too!
Petra: *sigh*
DEDICATED: For the dreams that die and have no one to mourn them
WARNING: Angst. Sorry peeps.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Gundam Wing, but this is my story...
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I'm Glad I Didn't Tell You: As the Sun Sets
"What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?" -Langston Hughes; Harlem
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._
Three days later here I am, once again, standing at an airport watching you about to board a plane. You don't need me anymore, you have your own friends and your own life; your piloting days are behind you and now you're a lawyer who went to the best school in the country. No one needs me. My life was put on hold until you came back but I didn't stop to think that once you stepped away from me you would get your own life. I didn't stop to think because, to me, you are my life. Stupid, really, to think that someone like you would really care for me, that you would put your life on hold for a soldier that's lost in the waves of peace.
I can't help it but the memory of that dream two nights ago flickers through my mind. That night after the party was over and it was just you and I left; you were sprawled on the couch, taking up more space than humanly possibly, and I was slumped in the chair beside it. I must have fallen asleep cause the next thing I knew, I was dreaming. I had had too much to drink, my body not used to the alcohol anymore; the tolerance for alcohol that Dr. J had forced into my systems to make me use to drinking had long since disappeared. You moved closer to me until there was only an armrest in between us and then, suddenly, you'd leaned over and kissed me. It had started out as just a press of lips against lips, but it had soon turned into something more, as your tongue pushed its way past my lips into my mouth. Too soon for me you had pulled back and then, in whispered voice, told me that you'd loved me for the longest time. Then, gently, as though you were afraid to scare me you stood up and took my hand, pulling me up, and tugging me to the bedroom…
I blink and you're laughing with the stewardess. There that dream ends, and here all dreams end. I feel as if I'm drowning in my sorrow and I can't help but want to scream, at anything, at everything, just scream until I can't scream anymore. A hand waving in front of my face makes me blink and I realize that you're standing in front of me smiling. "You alright, 'Ro?" you ask, you're head tilted slightly to the side. No, I'm not alright. You're leaving and you're not coming back, how can I ever be alright? Don't you understand…? I nod as I silently repeat inside my head: I'm glad I didn't tell you, you're free, go and fly, and you'll never have to live with the burden of my feelings.
You look up as your flight is called for the final time and then you turn back to me, smiling a bit sadly as you look at me. "It was great to see you again, Heero. Thank you for coming." I nod and we stand there for an uncomfortable moment until I can't help myself and drag you into a hug. One more touch, one more feeling, please just let me have one more perfect moment before you take everything away from me; all my hopes and dreams, before you kill the humanity inside of me, the humanity that took so much to find.
You stiffen at first, and I fear that I've overstepped some unspoken rule, but before I can pull back your strong, steady arms wrap around me. For a moment that is far too short we hug and then you pull back, my arms unwillingly letting you go. You smile and then take a deep breath before shoving a piece of paper in my hands. "Heero, please don't read that until my plane is gone. I don't want…" You close your eyes as though in pain. "I'm not going to give you my new address or number and I'm going to change my email." I know you can see the hurt in my eyes, but what you're seeing is nothing compared to what I'm feeling inside me. I always thought the phrase 'my heart broke' was stupid and untrue but at that moment I found that it wasn't; I felt my heart shatter, as though someone was squeezing my lungs and heart together, and I heard it too, the sound like that of glass falling onto the ground. "The reasons are in the letter… just… I'm sorry." You dart forward, giving me another hug, and I imagine that you bury your face in my hair before you turn away and, without looking back, walk onto the plane and out of my life, taking everything that's precious to me with you.
Everything between that and the time your plane begins to move is a total blank. I don't remember any feelings, any thoughts; nothing. I said something that night, when I was drunk, I must have. I can't feel a single thing and, even though I know that I'm crying, I can't feel the tears or the paper that is clutched tightly in my hand. I'm glad I didn't tell you because, even if it was inevitable, I'm glad that I got what little time I had with you. I turn away from the view of your plane taking off, clenching my fists, and realize that I'm still holding tightly to the paper. I smooth it out and see my name scrawled across the front of the folded up paper. My finger moves up to one of the corners, ready to unfold it, but I pause. Do I really want to know what you think of my love? My finger pulls away and, after taking a deep breath, I slowly let go, watching as the paper flutters to the floor before I turn away. I look back once before I let myself run; I've been running from my feelings for a long time, this was just a momentary lapse, I'll just take and bury the broken pieces of my heart beneath a hostile exterior again but this time I'll know better. This time, I won't let anyone get through, especially not boys with long golden-brown hair and eyes that remind me of the sky as the sun sets.
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IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.
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Petra: How'd you like it?
Kati: Tell us.
Petra: And no flaming!
Kati: That's right. Now... Thanks to:
CURIOUSDREAMWEAVER: I really like this story too, one of my favs, to tell the truth. I like how it turned out, though I'll admit that even I'm a little surprised how it gets from point A to point B... or even what point B was.
PEWP: I'm sorry... but this just isn't a long chapter sort of story. It's not supposed to be long or complicated. The feelings are there, simple, and for everyone to read. Love is an incredibly simple thing, it's us human who complicate things.
LBx2003: ^_^ Thank you, I was very frightened that I would have an angry mob with forks after me. *laughs* ^_^ Oooo... Gravitation? I've heard that that manga's supposed to be really good. You're going to have to tell me, 'kay? Is it worth buying? ... Though, you know what I've noticed about manga... they're really good but the endings always leave me disappointed. Like, Marmalade Boy, I was going to buy it until the ending. Or Chobits. I don't know.... maybe it's just me.
TWIGHLIGHT1: I think, that inside Heero-kun would be a very sweet person simply because he doesn't know that he's doing so. Emotionally, he's like a child, and most people do view children as sweet. That's always how I see Heero-kun when I think of him acting emotionally... I go, "How would a child act?" But, of course, sometimes his emotions are clouded by his reason...
KELP SODA: Yes, ch. 2 was a daydream/wistful thinking on Heero-kun's part. How'd you like this chapter?
DRAGEN EYES: More... well... it took a while but it's here... and that's all that counts... right?
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."
-Rose Marie Ledam
~Petra Megami Assari~
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess*
Kati: *sniffles* Poor Heero-kun! I know how it feels to be in love but not have it returned. *glares at Petra*
Petra: Hey! You can't blame me for things I have no control over!
Kati: *haughtily* Can too!
Petra: *sigh*
DEDICATED: For the dreams that die and have no one to mourn them
WARNING: Angst. Sorry peeps.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Gundam Wing, but this is my story...
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._
I'm Glad I Didn't Tell You: As the Sun Sets
"What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?" -Langston Hughes; Harlem
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._
Three days later here I am, once again, standing at an airport watching you about to board a plane. You don't need me anymore, you have your own friends and your own life; your piloting days are behind you and now you're a lawyer who went to the best school in the country. No one needs me. My life was put on hold until you came back but I didn't stop to think that once you stepped away from me you would get your own life. I didn't stop to think because, to me, you are my life. Stupid, really, to think that someone like you would really care for me, that you would put your life on hold for a soldier that's lost in the waves of peace.
I can't help it but the memory of that dream two nights ago flickers through my mind. That night after the party was over and it was just you and I left; you were sprawled on the couch, taking up more space than humanly possibly, and I was slumped in the chair beside it. I must have fallen asleep cause the next thing I knew, I was dreaming. I had had too much to drink, my body not used to the alcohol anymore; the tolerance for alcohol that Dr. J had forced into my systems to make me use to drinking had long since disappeared. You moved closer to me until there was only an armrest in between us and then, suddenly, you'd leaned over and kissed me. It had started out as just a press of lips against lips, but it had soon turned into something more, as your tongue pushed its way past my lips into my mouth. Too soon for me you had pulled back and then, in whispered voice, told me that you'd loved me for the longest time. Then, gently, as though you were afraid to scare me you stood up and took my hand, pulling me up, and tugging me to the bedroom…
I blink and you're laughing with the stewardess. There that dream ends, and here all dreams end. I feel as if I'm drowning in my sorrow and I can't help but want to scream, at anything, at everything, just scream until I can't scream anymore. A hand waving in front of my face makes me blink and I realize that you're standing in front of me smiling. "You alright, 'Ro?" you ask, you're head tilted slightly to the side. No, I'm not alright. You're leaving and you're not coming back, how can I ever be alright? Don't you understand…? I nod as I silently repeat inside my head: I'm glad I didn't tell you, you're free, go and fly, and you'll never have to live with the burden of my feelings.
You look up as your flight is called for the final time and then you turn back to me, smiling a bit sadly as you look at me. "It was great to see you again, Heero. Thank you for coming." I nod and we stand there for an uncomfortable moment until I can't help myself and drag you into a hug. One more touch, one more feeling, please just let me have one more perfect moment before you take everything away from me; all my hopes and dreams, before you kill the humanity inside of me, the humanity that took so much to find.
You stiffen at first, and I fear that I've overstepped some unspoken rule, but before I can pull back your strong, steady arms wrap around me. For a moment that is far too short we hug and then you pull back, my arms unwillingly letting you go. You smile and then take a deep breath before shoving a piece of paper in my hands. "Heero, please don't read that until my plane is gone. I don't want…" You close your eyes as though in pain. "I'm not going to give you my new address or number and I'm going to change my email." I know you can see the hurt in my eyes, but what you're seeing is nothing compared to what I'm feeling inside me. I always thought the phrase 'my heart broke' was stupid and untrue but at that moment I found that it wasn't; I felt my heart shatter, as though someone was squeezing my lungs and heart together, and I heard it too, the sound like that of glass falling onto the ground. "The reasons are in the letter… just… I'm sorry." You dart forward, giving me another hug, and I imagine that you bury your face in my hair before you turn away and, without looking back, walk onto the plane and out of my life, taking everything that's precious to me with you.
Everything between that and the time your plane begins to move is a total blank. I don't remember any feelings, any thoughts; nothing. I said something that night, when I was drunk, I must have. I can't feel a single thing and, even though I know that I'm crying, I can't feel the tears or the paper that is clutched tightly in my hand. I'm glad I didn't tell you because, even if it was inevitable, I'm glad that I got what little time I had with you. I turn away from the view of your plane taking off, clenching my fists, and realize that I'm still holding tightly to the paper. I smooth it out and see my name scrawled across the front of the folded up paper. My finger moves up to one of the corners, ready to unfold it, but I pause. Do I really want to know what you think of my love? My finger pulls away and, after taking a deep breath, I slowly let go, watching as the paper flutters to the floor before I turn away. I look back once before I let myself run; I've been running from my feelings for a long time, this was just a momentary lapse, I'll just take and bury the broken pieces of my heart beneath a hostile exterior again but this time I'll know better. This time, I won't let anyone get through, especially not boys with long golden-brown hair and eyes that remind me of the sky as the sun sets.
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._
IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._
Petra: How'd you like it?
Kati: Tell us.
Petra: And no flaming!
Kati: That's right. Now... Thanks to:
CURIOUSDREAMWEAVER: I really like this story too, one of my favs, to tell the truth. I like how it turned out, though I'll admit that even I'm a little surprised how it gets from point A to point B... or even what point B was.
PEWP: I'm sorry... but this just isn't a long chapter sort of story. It's not supposed to be long or complicated. The feelings are there, simple, and for everyone to read. Love is an incredibly simple thing, it's us human who complicate things.
LBx2003: ^_^ Thank you, I was very frightened that I would have an angry mob with forks after me. *laughs* ^_^ Oooo... Gravitation? I've heard that that manga's supposed to be really good. You're going to have to tell me, 'kay? Is it worth buying? ... Though, you know what I've noticed about manga... they're really good but the endings always leave me disappointed. Like, Marmalade Boy, I was going to buy it until the ending. Or Chobits. I don't know.... maybe it's just me.
TWIGHLIGHT1: I think, that inside Heero-kun would be a very sweet person simply because he doesn't know that he's doing so. Emotionally, he's like a child, and most people do view children as sweet. That's always how I see Heero-kun when I think of him acting emotionally... I go, "How would a child act?" But, of course, sometimes his emotions are clouded by his reason...
KELP SODA: Yes, ch. 2 was a daydream/wistful thinking on Heero-kun's part. How'd you like this chapter?
DRAGEN EYES: More... well... it took a while but it's here... and that's all that counts... right?
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."
-Rose Marie Ledam
~Petra Megami Assari~
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess*
