Petra: Read. There's not much else to do.
Kati: Review if you want, I guess
DEDICATED: For the gundam pilots; I would set them free of their memories and guilt if I could.
WARNING: Angst and one refrence of abuse
DISCLAIMER: I don't own it. Just this story.
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If You Could: Never Be
"The troubles of the young are soon over; they leave no external mark. If you would the tree in its youth the bark will quickly cover the gash; but when the tree is very old, peeling the back off, and looking carefully, you will see the scar there still. All that is buried is not dead. The barb in the arrow of childhood's suffering is this--its intense longliness, its intense ignorance." -Oliver Schriener; Story of an African Farm
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Artemis turned back and winked at Duo before she and Heero went through the door to the kitchen. There, she dumped the bag on the counter and began to the process of asking where the things in it went before placing them where Heero said to. For a while all that was heard in the kitchen were questions on where food went but, finally, Artemis turned to Heero and, with a serious look on her face said, "Odin-kun, we need to talk."
Heero froze right as his hand was about to put a box of cereal in a cabinet and simply stood there for a moment before finally putting it down slowly and then, carefully, turning to Artemis, a little fear shining in his eyes.
"It's about Duo-koi, isn't it?" he asked, his hand going up to clasp the necklace he was wearing in a move that she was beginning to realize was an unconscious nervous gesture. This time it was a small crescent moon with a rose in the middle.
Artemis nodded and then pulled herself up onto the counter, so she was sitting with her legs crossed. "He doesn't know how you feel. He doesn't know how he feels. He's so confused right now…"
Heero looked down, the pain in his eyes flickering off and on. "I've… I've tried to show him… like how I hugged him this morning but… I'm afraid to tell him right out, afraid that it might scare him away."
"He's scared you're going to turn back into who you were before." Heero looked up in shock, his eyes wide. "He's afraid that when he tries to touch you, you'll hit him."
"I would never-"
"You did… before. Just for just *trying* to touch you…" Heero turned away and stared out the window that was at the end of the kitchen. "He's afraid that you'll tell him how you feel and then, when you get your memories back, you'll say it didn't mean anything. That it was a mistake, perhaps."
"Was I really that cold and cruel?" Heero asked, turning back to look at Artemis with pain that almost overflowed out of his eyes and Artemis could just barely bight back the cry of shared grief that almost escaped her lips.
"You weren't being cruel… it's just…" She sighed as she searched her heart and mind for a way to explain. "You were falling in love with Duo and, while you didn't mind the feelings, the soldier inside you didn't like them and saw them as a weakness. Now, as the soldier is needed at the present moment, people rarely saw anything other than him and you rarely let your real self out. So, when Duo tried to touch you, and caused all these new and frightening feelings inside you, the soldier saw it as a weakness. It couldn't eliminate the weakness, though, because as a partner on the missions he was a strength that you could not afford to lose. The soldier, however, wouldn't allow the touching and used the only way he knew how to get Duo to stop; he used pain, though it was only mental and emotional. Though he touched you less and less, he never really stopped, until the soldier got even more cruel and hurtful till, right before you lost your memories, you physically punched him into a wall."
Heero stared at her and let out a small cry that turned into a choking sound, before he leaned heavily against the counter, staring in her direction but not really seeing her. "I don't deserve someone like him," Heero whispered, "I don't deserve his smiles or his eyes or the way he always seems to know just what to say when everyone is feeling depressed..."
Heero looked up in shock as Artemis, now standing next to him, pulled him into a motherly hug, stroking his hair as he let a few tears fall. He was wrapped in the gentle smell of a moonlit night and vanilla and, while part of his mind wondered how Artemis had gotten so close so fast without him knowing, the other part of him could only feel the pain at what he done to Duo.
"You should tell him," Artemis whispered into his hair. "Maybe not right now, because you would scare him, but… soon. I don't know how long he's going to last if you keep him guessing… it's already driving him crazy." She kissed him gently on the forehead and smiled, saying, "Why don't you go and get Di-chan and then just stay in there with Duo-kun?"
Heero nodded and took a deep breath, composing himself Artemis figured, and then walked out the door--or almost walked out the door.
"Odin-kun," Artemis's voice stopped him right as he got to the doorway and he turned, looking at her with a quizzical expression on his face. "Do you know what Duo-kun asked us?" Heero shook his head. "He asked us what we saw when we looked at you, and then he asked what we saw when we looked him. It was an interesting question."
Heero hesitated a moment before asking, "And… what did you say…?"
Suddenly, Artemis wasn't quite smiling; she wasn't frowning, but she wasn't smiling either. "We said," she replied, looking him straight in the eye, "That we see teenage boys with the heart of children and the mind of adults. Young men who shall never be what they could have been and, in the process, have forgotten how to really smile… and they hate themselves for it. Children, yet men, whose smiles will never quite reach their eyes."
Heero grinned but it wasn't a real smile. He took a deep breath and then nodded, only once, but it was enough. Artemis nodded back and then she turned back toward the oven as Heero left the room.
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IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._
Petra: There is, hoped you liked it.
Kati: Thanks to those who reviewed:
PUNKBABE: Okay, you're message about made my day. I mean, come on, how could it not. I about burst into tears. I'm sorry about what I said above but, as you'll see, I've written quite a lot of shorts. Thank you for your encouragement. I will finish... it just might take a while a longer than it would have. Sorry again.
ANN: Hey, girlie. I like you. Short, sweet, and to the point. ^_^ I mean, c'mon people, this is all I ask. Thanks for the encouragement and sorry.
LORA: I like that you got into the story and the fact that you wanted to give me suggestions means a lot. I'm always open for constructive critism; that's how you grow as a writer. As to the fact that I didn't ask the readers to review in the nicest way... well... let me tell you this, it's not very nice not to the review the story. I mean, we would write if no one would read, but it wouldn't be the same. We write, not just for us, but you readers to.
SILVER ANGEL: Girl, I love you to death. You ALWAYS review and you don't know what that means to me. Yeah, that was a nice introspective bit on my part. Thanks for the support, Lord knows I need it.
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."
-Rose Marie Ledam
~Petra Megami Assari~
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess*
Kati: Review if you want, I guess
DEDICATED: For the gundam pilots; I would set them free of their memories and guilt if I could.
WARNING: Angst and one refrence of abuse
DISCLAIMER: I don't own it. Just this story.
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._
If You Could: Never Be
"The troubles of the young are soon over; they leave no external mark. If you would the tree in its youth the bark will quickly cover the gash; but when the tree is very old, peeling the back off, and looking carefully, you will see the scar there still. All that is buried is not dead. The barb in the arrow of childhood's suffering is this--its intense longliness, its intense ignorance." -Oliver Schriener; Story of an African Farm
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._
Artemis turned back and winked at Duo before she and Heero went through the door to the kitchen. There, she dumped the bag on the counter and began to the process of asking where the things in it went before placing them where Heero said to. For a while all that was heard in the kitchen were questions on where food went but, finally, Artemis turned to Heero and, with a serious look on her face said, "Odin-kun, we need to talk."
Heero froze right as his hand was about to put a box of cereal in a cabinet and simply stood there for a moment before finally putting it down slowly and then, carefully, turning to Artemis, a little fear shining in his eyes.
"It's about Duo-koi, isn't it?" he asked, his hand going up to clasp the necklace he was wearing in a move that she was beginning to realize was an unconscious nervous gesture. This time it was a small crescent moon with a rose in the middle.
Artemis nodded and then pulled herself up onto the counter, so she was sitting with her legs crossed. "He doesn't know how you feel. He doesn't know how he feels. He's so confused right now…"
Heero looked down, the pain in his eyes flickering off and on. "I've… I've tried to show him… like how I hugged him this morning but… I'm afraid to tell him right out, afraid that it might scare him away."
"He's scared you're going to turn back into who you were before." Heero looked up in shock, his eyes wide. "He's afraid that when he tries to touch you, you'll hit him."
"I would never-"
"You did… before. Just for just *trying* to touch you…" Heero turned away and stared out the window that was at the end of the kitchen. "He's afraid that you'll tell him how you feel and then, when you get your memories back, you'll say it didn't mean anything. That it was a mistake, perhaps."
"Was I really that cold and cruel?" Heero asked, turning back to look at Artemis with pain that almost overflowed out of his eyes and Artemis could just barely bight back the cry of shared grief that almost escaped her lips.
"You weren't being cruel… it's just…" She sighed as she searched her heart and mind for a way to explain. "You were falling in love with Duo and, while you didn't mind the feelings, the soldier inside you didn't like them and saw them as a weakness. Now, as the soldier is needed at the present moment, people rarely saw anything other than him and you rarely let your real self out. So, when Duo tried to touch you, and caused all these new and frightening feelings inside you, the soldier saw it as a weakness. It couldn't eliminate the weakness, though, because as a partner on the missions he was a strength that you could not afford to lose. The soldier, however, wouldn't allow the touching and used the only way he knew how to get Duo to stop; he used pain, though it was only mental and emotional. Though he touched you less and less, he never really stopped, until the soldier got even more cruel and hurtful till, right before you lost your memories, you physically punched him into a wall."
Heero stared at her and let out a small cry that turned into a choking sound, before he leaned heavily against the counter, staring in her direction but not really seeing her. "I don't deserve someone like him," Heero whispered, "I don't deserve his smiles or his eyes or the way he always seems to know just what to say when everyone is feeling depressed..."
Heero looked up in shock as Artemis, now standing next to him, pulled him into a motherly hug, stroking his hair as he let a few tears fall. He was wrapped in the gentle smell of a moonlit night and vanilla and, while part of his mind wondered how Artemis had gotten so close so fast without him knowing, the other part of him could only feel the pain at what he done to Duo.
"You should tell him," Artemis whispered into his hair. "Maybe not right now, because you would scare him, but… soon. I don't know how long he's going to last if you keep him guessing… it's already driving him crazy." She kissed him gently on the forehead and smiled, saying, "Why don't you go and get Di-chan and then just stay in there with Duo-kun?"
Heero nodded and took a deep breath, composing himself Artemis figured, and then walked out the door--or almost walked out the door.
"Odin-kun," Artemis's voice stopped him right as he got to the doorway and he turned, looking at her with a quizzical expression on his face. "Do you know what Duo-kun asked us?" Heero shook his head. "He asked us what we saw when we looked at you, and then he asked what we saw when we looked him. It was an interesting question."
Heero hesitated a moment before asking, "And… what did you say…?"
Suddenly, Artemis wasn't quite smiling; she wasn't frowning, but she wasn't smiling either. "We said," she replied, looking him straight in the eye, "That we see teenage boys with the heart of children and the mind of adults. Young men who shall never be what they could have been and, in the process, have forgotten how to really smile… and they hate themselves for it. Children, yet men, whose smiles will never quite reach their eyes."
Heero grinned but it wasn't a real smile. He took a deep breath and then nodded, only once, but it was enough. Artemis nodded back and then she turned back toward the oven as Heero left the room.
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._
IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._
Petra: There is, hoped you liked it.
Kati: Thanks to those who reviewed:
PUNKBABE: Okay, you're message about made my day. I mean, come on, how could it not. I about burst into tears. I'm sorry about what I said above but, as you'll see, I've written quite a lot of shorts. Thank you for your encouragement. I will finish... it just might take a while a longer than it would have. Sorry again.
ANN: Hey, girlie. I like you. Short, sweet, and to the point. ^_^ I mean, c'mon people, this is all I ask. Thanks for the encouragement and sorry.
LORA: I like that you got into the story and the fact that you wanted to give me suggestions means a lot. I'm always open for constructive critism; that's how you grow as a writer. As to the fact that I didn't ask the readers to review in the nicest way... well... let me tell you this, it's not very nice not to the review the story. I mean, we would write if no one would read, but it wouldn't be the same. We write, not just for us, but you readers to.
SILVER ANGEL: Girl, I love you to death. You ALWAYS review and you don't know what that means to me. Yeah, that was a nice introspective bit on my part. Thanks for the support, Lord knows I need it.
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."
-Rose Marie Ledam
~Petra Megami Assari~
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess*
