The Talk

For months, I had been afraid to leave Bella's side for even a minute. She had been under the protection of my family – and, I grudgingly allowed, the wolves' protection as well – ever since we had discovered that she was being hunted by James's mate, Victoria. The vengeful vampire had sent an intruder into Bella's house and had created an army of bloodthirsty newborn vampires to attack my family in her attempt to kill both myself as the vampire who'd killed her mate, and the human girl whom she blamed as the reason for his death.

Just the day before, I had killed Victoria and the intruder while my family and the wolves had destroyed her army. Bella had finally rejected Jacob completely and had fully accepted our engagement. Neither the wolf nor his pack were a threat to her or our happiness together. The only creature that threatened her life now was myself. I was destined to take her life from her, but though I had delayed her change many times, the only thing that was stopping her anymore was my insistence that we be married first.

The date was set: August thirteenth. In just two months, I would make Bella my wife. I laid beside her on her small bed, just as I did nearly every night, but this night was different. This night, we were officially engaged. Her parents had both agreed, and my sister already had Bella's wedding dress hanging in her closet. This night, as my human girl lay sleeping in my arms, I looked toward the future with more hope than I had felt in a very long time. There was no need to fear that she would be stolen from me, or that she would choose another path. The only things that I feared were what her choices would mean.

Once we were married, I would change her into a vampire like myself. I had seen more than my fair share of newborn vampires and knew from experience how strong the need to drink human blood was, especially in those first months. I was terrified that, like my mother, my sister, and my brothers, she would be unable to resist.

I knew what killing humans had done to me, had seen Esme weeping after every kill she'd made, and had seen Emmett's remorse when he'd taken human lives. Except for the occasional accident, Alice had stopped killing long before she and Jasper had found us. Unlike his tiny mate, Jasper still found our way of life difficult, but I knew that each kill weighed on his conscience just as those I had killed did on mine.

Like me, Rosalie had killed out of anger and vengeance, but unlike me, she hadn't drunk the blood of the men who had harmed her. And unlike me, she, alone of my family, felt no remorse for the deaths which she had caused.

And Bella? When I gave her what she had asked of me time and again? How would the murders she would inevitably commit affect her and the way she saw herself? The way she saw my family? The way she saw me? If she was right and we retained our souls - as Carlisle had insisted all along - what kind of damage would murdering humans do to her soul? The same kind I had done to mine? Or worse, because I had not asked to become a vampire, whereas she wanted this fate.

As much as that worried me, I had a more immediate concern than preventing Bella from killing, for there was one other demand Bella had made before she had been willing to agree to marry me. She wanted me, as I wanted her. I sighed, frustrated and scared. How was I going to keep from killing her on our wedding night? I pulled myself away from her and leapt from her bedroom window. I needed to speak with my father.

Leaving her with no protection for the first time in months felt wrong, but there were no longer any other threats to her life; Bella was safe. Sprinting along the familiar path toward my home, I wondered if Carlisle would even be there, or if he'd still be tending to Jacob's injuries. We had set his bones after a member of the army had broken nearly every one of them on the right half of his body, and Carlisle was keeping a close watch on the young man. We couldn't exactly take him to the hospital. Not only did werewolves heal extremely quickly, but their bodies also ran at a temperature that would cook a human's brains.

Jasper was waiting for me outside of our house when I got home. He was worrying about Esme. She was sitting on our couch with her knees pulled up to her chest and her eyes closed while she dug her fingers into a pillow.

He began speaking as soon as he saw me. "You need to talk to Esme."

Frowning, I asked, "Why? What's wrong with her?"

"She won't talk to me, so I can't be sure, but the emotions coming from her have me concerned. I told her that she didn't need to worry anymore. All of us are fine. The wolf was the only one hurt, and I can't conceive that she is worried for him, but I'd swear she was grieving like one of us had died."

"I'm sure she is grieving," I said with a sigh and ran a hand through my hair. "Where's Carlisle?"

"Still at the wolf's."

I groaned in annoyance. I had really wanted to talk to him.

His forehead creased into a frown. "She didn't seem to be upset that she killed while we were taking care of the army. She knew it wasn't the same as killing a human, so I don't see why - "

"No, Jasper, it's not that. The girl, Bree. The newborn that Felix killed." The vampire girl had been on my mind since watching her death, and I could see from her thoughts that Esme was also dwelling on the girl's undeserved fate.

"Oh." He grimaced. "Why'd you have to plant that thought into Esme's mind? You had to know they wouldn't let the girl live!"

I thought of the way the newborn vampire girl had protected her knowledge of the wolves, of how she'd silently told me of the Volturi's duplicity, of her bravery in the face of her own death, and heard Jasper's soft hiss as he felt my own grief.

I repeated to him the words that I had spoken to Carlisle as we'd watched Bree's body burning. "She would have made a good Cullen."

He grunted.

"They didn't have to kill her," I growled angrily. "We could have taught her – "

"Yes. And grown our coven even larger in the process. I'm sure Aro would have loved that."

I scowled at him. "She protected us. She knew I could read minds and told me how the Volturi were lying. They had wanted the army to win. They had known where Victoria was, had even visited her! Bree could have told Jane about the wolves and put us all in danger. She could have saved her life by doing so and she knew it, but she didn't, and Jane had Felix kill her for no reason other than her own sick pleasure."

He frowned, not liking to see the Volturi in such a light. He respected the ruling coven as the peacekeepers of our world, despite Aro's desire to have Alice enter his service.

"Aro keeps the peace so that he can maintain power, Jasper. He doesn't need to rule by force when the rest of the world gives him their allegiance willingly. And those who don't keep their mouths shut."

"Of course, he has no need for anyone to speak against him, does he?" He quirked an eyebrow at me since I was the reason that the leader of the Volturi even knew about Alice and her gift. The moment he had taken my hand, he had known all of my thoughts and, through me, had seen all of the visions of the future that I had watched Alice have.

"Well, I'm not planning on shaking his hand again any time soon. Now that the army is dead and Jane can report back that Bella will be a vampire soon, they have no reason to visit us."

Officially? Perhaps not. But that doesn't mean he will ever give up on Alice.

"I know," I mumbled and walked into our house to try to comfort my mother.

Esme didn't look at me when I walked in, so I sat down on the floor beside her with my back against the couch. She concentrated on something trivial, not wanting to let me see what she was really thinking. We sat in silence for several minutes until her thoughts escaped from her careful silence. I saw the image of Bree's red eyes, locked on my Bella and saw the newborn writhing on the ground, screaming from the pain of not drinking the human girl. Or it could have been Jane's stare that was causing her pain; I couldn't be sure which image Esme was seeing.

Trying to make her see the good that had come out of the day, I told her, "Bree's sacrifice assured our family's safety."

was so young… just a baby, really…

I sighed. "I know, Esme. I'm sorry that they killed her too."

could have had a daughter…

"You have two daughters. Rose and Alice both love you. You know that."

old enough that they don't need a mother.

I turned around and put my hand on her cheek. "We all need you, Esme. That will never change."

She sniffed, despite her inability to shed tears. Jasper entered the house, and I felt the sense of peace that he was trying to spread to counteract Esme's sorrow. I was rather glad he wasn't trying to make her happy. The very thought of our coming wedding had me ecstatic already, even if the thought of what followed filled me with fear.

Attempting to help him to cheer her, I said, "And you are getting a new daughter, you know. Soon."

She met my eyes at last and, though her forehead was still creased in a frown, her thoughts stopped dwelling on Bree. Bella's beautiful face flashed through my mother's mind. I saw an image of rosy cheeks, flushed with blood from her easy blush.

Nodding in acknowledgement, I heard the pleasure in my voice as I spoke. "Like Alice said, the date is set. Charlie and Renée even gave their permission today when Bella told them. We're getting married in just a couple of months, Esme! So, please don't be sad." I gave her a crooked grin, my eyes pleading with her not to grieve anymore over the girl we hadn't really known.

She gave me a tremulous smile. "Charlie didn't object? I know Bella was afraid of his reaction as much as anything."

I laughed, enjoying the memory. "No."

Alice joined us then, dancing down the stairs to take Esme's hand. "Come and see what I found!" She turned to glare at me as Esme stood. "No peeking! Go back to Bella's."

I grimaced. "I wanted to talk to Carlisle."

"Oh. Well…" Her eyes went blank for a second. "He'll be home in a few minutes. Go wait by the end of the driveway so you can't hear." She wrinkled her nose at me.

"Fine," I gave in, and headed for the end of our three-mile long driveway to wait. Alice wanted to distract Esme from her sorrow with plans of our wedding, plans which the groom should not be privy to.

Leaning against a tree, I remembered the weddings I'd been a part of over the past century and laughed aloud. I had longed for a mate of my own and eagerly anticipated the day when Isabella Swan would become Bella Cullen. I said the name to myself a few times and decided I really liked the way it sounded. My wife, Bella Cullen.

As promised, Carlisle's Mercedes soon turned onto our driveway. He stopped when he saw me, and I leaned over to look through the window that he opened. "Will you come hunting with me?" I asked with a hopeful smile.

"Of course." Let me park, and I will be right back.

I nodded and returned to the tree I'd been leaning against. Aside from the fact that I did need to speak with him privately, I desperately needed to hunt. The stress of killing Victoria, dealing with Jane, and watching Bree being ripped apart and burned had been bad enough, but afterwards, I had helped Carlisle as he rebroke and then set Jacob's bones. Holding Jacob's bleeding body in my hands had been almost more than I could take, and I knew that my eyes were black with thirst.

My father appeared at my side, and together, we sprinted toward the nearby mountains to hunt.

"How's Jacob?" I asked as we ran.

"He is healing as expected. There do not seem to be any signs of infection, but with his high body temperature, it is hard to tell. I think the bones are knitting, but I am keeping him on the morphine drip for now. He was sleeping when I left, so I will go back in a few hours to check him again. Billy has our number if they need me before then."

I nodded, hearing the excitement in his tone at having such an unusual patient.

I had no desire for another deer, but we found a black bear and a few elk which were far more appealing. Once our thirst was satisfied and our prey buried, we stood together as we had countless times before and looked over the mountain range.

"I am guessing there was more to your desire to hunt with me tonight than simple thirst," he said, seeing through me as he always had.

I turned to him with a huge grin. "Bella and I are getting married."

He laughed. "I know. I cannot even begin to tell you how happy I am for you."

I sighed and savored the memories of slipping my human mother's ring onto Bella's finger, of the look in her chocolate eyes as she gave me her hand without hesitating, of the sound of her voice when she told her mother that we were getting married.

"You did not bring me all the way out here to tell me something that I already knew, though. What is on your mind?"

"I need to tell you something, and to ask you something," I began hesitantly.

Go ahead. "I have told you many times, Edward. I will help you in any way that I can. Whatever you need, just ask."

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what I knew would be a difficult conversation. "You know that when I left Bella, while I hunted for Victoria, I encountered several vampires. And that I killed some of them."

"In self-defense."

"Two of them, yes. But the third..."

He sighed, frowning at me. "Why are you bringing this up now? What does it have to do with you getting married?"

"I want to tell you why I killed him. You said you thought I must have had a reason, and I did."

"Edward, you need to let the past go," he said firmly. "Reliving what you did will not change anything."

"I don't expect it to."

"Then what is the point?"

"He was a predator, Carlisle. Like the human men I used to kill, only far worse because the humans had no way to stop him."

"Edward," he whispered, "all vampires are predators. You and I just drank a small herd of elk, not to mention the bear you caught. Vampires elsewhere in the world are killing humans as we speak. We all hunt for our prey."

I shook my head angrily. "He was different. He wasn't just after their blood. Seattle, for whatever reason, seems to have a population of humans who are fascinated with the idea of vampires. They have clubs, for Pete's sake! I went into a store where they even sell bags of fake blood for the humans to drink. They like the idea of becoming what we are." I scoffed in disgust.

Much though I hated the idea, it was one thing for Bella to want to be a vampire. She knew that my family drank animals, and intended to never kill a human – whether she would be successful in that endeavor or not. These others didn't know there was another way. If they got their wish, they would be human hunters. It baffled me that any humans could want to live on the blood of people.

"This one – I never even found out his name – he would go to the clubs to meet his prey. He would charm the women, and when he got them alone... Well, I can't exactly call it rape because they were willing. At least, at first." Briefly, I met his wide eyes. "When I got to know him and saw what was in his mind, I couldn't allow him to live. What if... What if Bella had gone to Seattle?" I trailed off in a whisper.

My Bella was fascinated with the dangerous creatures which inhabited her world. And, for whatever reason, we were drawn to her as well. My family, Aro, Jacob and his pack, James, Laurent, Victoria, Riley, and an entire army had all been drawn to her. And, of course, me. The biggest possible danger in her life was the vampire who was in love with her.

"Bella is safe now," he said gently. "You are getting married soon, and then she will join us. Our family is strong. No one will harm her."

"I might."

"Changing her into a vampire will not kill her, Edward!" He crossed his arms and glared at me. What do I have to do to show you that you are not dead?!

"That's not what I mean."

"What then?"

I hesitated before admitting, "She wants a honeymoon."

He chuckled, but his eyes held a look of confusion. "Most brides do."

"Before I change her into a vampire."

"That is understandable. While she is still human you can take her wherever you wish. Not such an easy task with a newborn vampire."

Grinding my teeth, I stressed, "A real one. The kind every other couple has." I looked back into his eyes and saw my face in his mind. I saw the fear in my eyes and the comprehension in his as he took in my meaning.

"Oh."

I turned away from him, clenching my fists.

"I see." Though he tried to hide them, I caught images in his mind of his own honeymoon with Esme.

I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. "Not helping, Carlisle," I said through my teeth.

Sorry… He began mentally reciting the latest medical text he'd read, keeping his thoughts of himself and Esme private once more.

After a moment, he took a breath and spoke in his low compelling voice. "I do not need to tell you that love is a powerful emotion, even among humans, but especially among our kind."

I shook my head. I was well aware of that fact.

"Love and sex don't always go hand in hand for either species, as you also know."

I nodded.

"The Seattle vampire whom you killed obviously had no emotional attachment to the women; therefore he was neither affected by them, nor concerned with their safety."

"Obviously," I muttered.

"Just as you were not affected by Tanya."

I scoffed. "Not for her lack of trying."

"What I mean is, it will not be the same with Bella as it was with – "

"Wait, what?!" My jaw dropped open as I spun around to gape at him.

"I will admit, when you didn't fall in love with Tanya, Esme and I wondered if... Well, I know that you were angry with me in the past for changing you when you were so young."

"So you thought, what? That I wasn't even old enough to form any kind of an attachment like what you and Esme had? Or Rose and Emmett?"

Forgive me, Edward. We were worried about you.

"If you'd had any idea of what I had to put up with from their minds, you would have known why I wanted nothing to do with her, or her sisters." I glared at him with my hands clenched into fists at my sides. "Nothing."

He blinked at me for a moment, and I knew he understood what I was trying to tell him. Finally, he laughed softly and clapped a hand to my shoulder, shaking his head. "I wish you would have told me! Why do you think we stayed with them for so long? Esme was so relieved when we left, as were Emmett and I, but we kept expecting the two of you..." ...to make it official. "To be honest, I was quite surprised when you demanded that we leave."

"Unbelievable," I muttered. "When did I ever give you the impression that she and I were anything more than friends?"

"You did not. But she did!"

"Of course she did! She didn't like being rejected. It hurt her ego."

"Neither can you tell me that you liked being alone. Even if it is not in your nature to be so cavalier as to engage in casual intimacy, there is much to be said for finding comfort in simple companionship."

I stared at him, incredulous. My family hadn't liked the fact that I was single any more than I had, and I'd seen all of them picture me with one of our female vampire friends or another throughout the years, including Tanya. I was not shocked so much that he'd thought it, but that he'd actually believed it had happened!

"Do you have any idea how many men she's killed? She was just exactly like the Seattle predator for many, many years. How could you think that I would ever be involved with someone like her?"

Losing his laughter, he said, "Yes, she killed men in her past. Something that you had in common. And you both regretted your past actions and have since lived on animal blood alone."

"So you automatically assumed that two reformed killers should just – "

"No," he interrupted me. "But shared grief can create bonds of love."

"Not in this case," I snarled.

"No. I suppose not."

I sighed and turned away from him again, crossing my arms and grinding my teeth.

"Well, that doesn't really change anything. Except that, if you were not already so deeply attached to Bella, I would warn you that the physical expression of your love could change you." His voice shifted to one of warmth, just shy of laughter. "But she has already changed you so completely, there is no point in worrying about that."

I couldn't help but to smile at that. "I love Bella more than I can even begin to say."

"I know."

I saw in his mind an image of myself sitting motionless and miserable by the Alaskan bay after I'd left Bella. He was remembering his fear that had I been planning to end my life. Of course, I hadn't been at that point, but that was because I'd known that Bella was alive, and I had believed that she would heal from my betrayal. I had hoped that she would lead a long and happy human life, but when old age eventually took her, I had known that I would not be far behind. We all knew, now, that her death would kill me.

There had even been times over the past century when I'd been grateful for my solitary existence for that very reason. If I never had a mate, I would never have to feel the pain of her loss. What a fool I'd been. My bond with Bella was powerful, and the idea of losing her was terrifying, but the joy that she already brought to me was without equal. And once we were married... I shivered in anticipation and dread.

"I want her, Carlisle. Oh God, do I want her," I whispered. I reached down to pick up a rock and closed my fist around it. When I opened my hand, it had been ground into dust. "But I don't even know what to expect."

"I do not imagine you are asking for advice on... how."

I shot him a scathing glare.

"No, I did not think so. You have always been discreet, even when the rest of our family has not." His lips twisted as he recalled Rose and Emmett's early days together. We'd finally built them a home of their own just so that they would stop destroying ours. "But you cannot have avoided seeing the act, not when you have spent the past century hearing people's thoughts."

"Hardly."

"What is it that you would like to know, then?"

"Well, I'm a vampire, and we experience things differently than the way that humans do. Just kissing her is a greater pleasure than anything I ever imagined before we met. Only, how can I keep from killing her? I have come so close on so many occasions, and after what I've seen in Tanya's mind, and that Seattle predator's..." I shook my head, horrified.

He nodded and thought for a moment. When he spoke, it was with a doctor's detached calm. "I do not think I can describe it to you because it is not like anything else. Among our kind, even when there are no emotions involved, sex can be a very powerful thing. Add to that our rarely changing temperaments, and when we do fall in love, the physical expression of that love is exponentially more powerful. You are right to be worried. What you are planning will be dangerous for her."

A low moan escaped me as - far too vividly - I recalled the Seattle predator's victims and was unable to stop myself from picturing Bella in their place. Running my fingers through my hair, I heard the panic in my voice as I whispered, "What was I thinking?! How could I have agreed to this?"

"I know how strong you are, and I am not talking about your ability to crush a rock into dust. I am talking about in here." He walked around to stand in front of me so that he could look me in the eye and place his hand on my chest, above my silent heart. "You keep thinking of how you have threatened Bella's life, but I know that you have saved her life, time and again. You drank her blood to save her life! You are capable of kissing her and holding her without hurting her. I have seen how carefully you handle her - as if she were made of glass. I have never met a vampire with your strength, Edward, but Bella has a strength that matches yours. I have no doubt that she will prove your fears to be wrong."

I swallowed hard, hoping with all my might that he was right.

"But..." He hesitated.

"Go on."

"If... If you are unable to control yourself... Well, I have seen vampire venom do many things. Surely you recall how close to death each of you were when I changed you?" The image of my family members was in his mind. Each of them had been near death when he'd bitten them, their bodies broken and mangled.

Seeing me shaking my head again, he pointed out, "You have already agreed to change her."

Staring at him in horror, I whispered, "Yes. But not like that!"

"Then it will be up to you to prevent such a fate. Do not allow yourself to become distracted by what you are feeling. Even after all these years, making love with Esme is - " he took a deep breath and held it for a moment before he was able to continue, " - overwhelming. If you want Bella to survive, then you will need to be focused on her the entire time."

I frowned. "I don't imagine I'll be thinking of anything but her."

He shook his head. "That is not quite what I meant."

"What then?"

He looked away from me, pursing his lips in concentration. ...can I put this so that he will understand... "When you play your piano, do you concentrate on the individual sounds you are making? The different notes that you need in order to play the song that you have in mind, and exactly where each key can be found on the keyboard?"

Surprised at the direction he was going, I raised an eyebrow and spoke slowly. "Not exactly..."

"Then, do you have a song in mind, know the way that it should sound, and let your fingers do as you have trained them to do?"

I lifted a shoulder. "More or less."

He nodded. "Playing seems to be almost instinctual for you, but you often seem to get rather lost in the music."

"You could say that."

"And yet, no matter how swept up in your music you have ever become, you have never broken any instrument that you have played. But Bella is far more fragile than any piano."

I grimaced. "I'm well aware of that."

"I know. My point is, do not get lost in the music. You cannot let your instincts take over." His serious expression softened, and he smiled at me, his golden eyes warm and full of laughter. "You will need to be aware of every note, each key that you play, and exactly how firmly you press it when you are with her."

"Carlisle," I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I don't need euphemisms."

He laughed, delighted with his comparison.

"You are a hopeless romantic," I muttered, rolling my eyes. "It's a wonder Esme can even stand you."

He grinned at me for a moment before becoming serious again. "There is something else that you need to consider."

I waited in dread, unable to pick up anything other than the image of my face which he kept firmly in his mind as he studied me.

"It is possible that the very act of making love to her will initiate her change. I have theorized that the venom that flows in our mouths and through our veins may be the only type of fluid that our bodies are capable of producing."

"Oh, God, Carlisle," I whispered. I didn't need to see myself in his mind to know that my eyes were huge and my skin paler than normal. I shook my head slowly back and forth, trying desperately to deny that it was even a possibility. How could I be anything other than a demon when, no matter how carefully I conducted myself, making love to Bella would end her life?

"As I said, it is a theory only. Jasper can attest to the fact that vampire venom stings. Esme has never complained of a reaction to me, and nor have your sisters to your brothers. And I think that they would not be as willing partners if it caused them pain."

"I'm sure you're right about that," I agreed, somewhat relieved.

"However, I have tasted Esme's venom, and I felt no pain either, so it could be that it will only sting in an open wound. Which, however slight, there will be if Bella is, ah, untouched."

He paused, and I nodded slowly.

"I only mention it to say that no matter how she comes back from your honeymoon together, she will come back. And if she comes back as a human, which I think is the more likely possibility, you need to be prepared to change her when she asks you to."

"Yes," I muttered. "I don't think I'll be able to delay her for much longer. She's so eager to become a soulless monster." Catching the look on his face, I shook my head, ashamed. "Sorry."

Losing his detached calm, his voice turned hard and angry. "For all that you have the enhanced eyesight of a vampire, Edward, my daughter-in-law-to-be sees you much more clearly than you have ever seen yourself."

I glared at him. "Deny that I am a killer."

"You were, once. You are no longer."

Uncomprehending, I stared at him in silence. How could he not see what I was? How could she not?

"Edward," Carlisle said firmly, "if you were still a killer, Bella would not now be alive."

Grinding my teeth together, I stalked away from him. Yes, Bella was alive at that moment. But soon, I would kill her. One way or another, we would get married, and then my Bella would die. And I would be a killer, yet again. But not of any murderer, rapist, pedophile, or abuser. Not of any vampire, vindictive or otherwise.

No, this time, I would be the killer of my very own wife.