Last Night
It was August twelfth, and my long wait was nearly over at last. The out-of-town guests had flown or driven in. The various dresses, suits, and tuxedos were hanging in closets, ready for the biggest day of my existence.
Alice, Esme, and Rosalie had been whirlwinds of energy, cleaning the house from top to bottom. They had elicited Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett's help in shifting our furniture upstairs so the living room could accommodate the wedding party, while I had been summarily kicked out of my own house, with the instructions not to return until it was time for the wedding.
I was exultant. Bella and I were getting married tomorrow!
I had already been spending nearly every night in Bella's room since our return from Italy, but since her acceptance of my proposal, our nights had become less than chaste. Not caring in the slightest that her father was in the next room, we would lie together on her small bed, our lips moving in unison. It was often all I could do not to tear the thick blankets off of her. I wanted so badly to feel her skin on mine, and they were preventing me from being as close to her as I wanted to be. Sternly, I reminded myself that I didn't have much longer to wait and left the blankets where they were.
Though I kept her bundled up to prevent her from being chilled by my cold skin, and to prevent me from being tempted to act improperly, there was nothing stopping her from pushing the lines of our relationship as far as I would allow, and she would do to me what I so wanted to do to her - expose my skin to her touch.
Bella took advantage of my abstraction with the taste of her mouth to undo the buttons of my shirt. Only taking my mouth from hers long enough to allow her to breathe, or so that I could trace her face and neck with my lips, I felt her yanking the fabric over my head and pulled away from her just far enough so that she could complete the maneuver.
She unceremoniously tossed my shirt to the floor, and I picked up where I had left off, this time with the flame of her hands caressing my bare back. The first time she had done so had nearly been more than I could stand. Every night since, she had managed to divest me of my shirt, and would run her hands over my chest and shoulders, pressing her palm flat against the small of my back.
What I had told Carlisle was more true with every passing day: I wanted her!
Despite how scared I was, there was a part of me that was glad she had talked me into our agreement. Even if we would have eternity to be together as husband and wife once she was turned, I had fallen in love with Bella while she was a human and had had my first kiss with her as a human. I loved to feel the heat of her hands, her skin so warm on mine. I loved listening to her heartbeat and loved even more the way it would race when I touched her. The scent of her hormones, the blush on her cheeks, her very human reactions to the man in me - not the vampire - everything about her attracted me, and I wanted to experience her love while she was human.
No man in the history of the world could have looked forward to his wedding night as much as I did. No man in the history of the world could have feared that night like I did, either. No matter how desperately I wanted to make love to Bella, I was terrified of what would happen to her when I did.
Those fears were only made worse as I lay beside her and found myself forgetting to be gentle or to let her breathe. Though I would never willingly bite her, the scent of her blood was a growing flame in my throat that the taste of her kisses only enhanced. I couldn't ignore the reality that I was a vampire, though Bella seemed oblivious of the fact.
And I loved and feared that about her, too.
Traditionally, the groom was not supposed to see the bride on the day of the wedding until the ceremony itself. Unlike most nights, Bella could not fall asleep in my arms, and nor could I spend the entire night kissing and touching her. Tomorrow, yes. But tonight, I had to leave my Bella to sleep alone and spend my last night as an unmarried man away from the girl I loved. I hated the thought of leaving her embrace and clutched her tighter to me.
As though she were able to read my mind, she whispered, "I miss you already."
Traditions be damned! There was little that was traditional about us anyway, and I didn't want to go. "I don't need to leave. I can stay..."
"Mmm."
I captured her lips again, preventing her from speaking further. Bella's body spoke to me though; her heart raced, and her breaths were more like gasps. Though I didn't need oxygen like she did, my breaths echoed hers, and my chest heaved with the force of my desire for her. Each time she breathed out, I breathed in, feeling her warm breaths soothing the burn in my throat. I released her, moving back just far enough that I could see her face. Her eyes were closed, but her lips were just parted, her face turned toward mine expectantly. When I didn't kiss her, she opened her eyes and looked into mine.
Bella had the most beautiful eyes. Far too soon, they would turn red, but for now, they were a rich, melted chocolate. I could have stared into their depths for the rest of my eternity, if only that were possible. In order to keep her for eternity though, I had to change her into a vampire. Even if she did manage to do the impossible and resist ever killing, once I changed her, I would lose those brown eyes forever.
Although I found my family's gold to be beautiful too, I would miss her brown eyes, among so many other human things. I would miss the way her heart pounded against my chest, the way her body radiated heat, and the smell of her breath and skin. As I stared into her eyes, I tried to picture what she would look like with golden eyes - something that Alice had never shown me. She had only ever shown them to me as the vivid red of a newborn.
I tried to imagine what it would be like when her body was as silent as her mind was. I breathed her in and wondered what she would smell like, and what it would be like to kiss her without my throat aching with thirst. I wondered what it would be like to be able to kiss her without fear. She smiled, her brown eyes filling with love for me. Though her human strength could not move me, when she pulled on me, I had no choice but to yield to her touch, and she pressed her soft lips against mine once again.
I couldn't imagine anything that could make me want to leave. "Definitely staying," I whispered against her lips.
"No, no. It's your bachelor party. You have to go," she whispered back.
I knew she liked the idea of me leaving just as much as I did when I felt her hand knot in my hair and the one which rested against my back press harder, pulling me closer to her. I reached up and ran my fingers along her soft cheeks, enjoying the warmth from her blush.
I shook my head slightly. "Bachelor parties are designed for those who are sad to see the passing of their single days. I couldn't be more eager to have mine behind me. So there's really no point." How I had longed for this day! My own loneliness aside, living with three perfectly matched couples had been difficult when I was the only single one among them. Now, we would be four couples, and my family would be complete.
"True," Bella sighed, her warm breath against my throat sending a light shiver through me.
My shiver turned into a shudder of almost unbearable pleasure when her hand left my hair and slowly ran down my chest and stomach. Unable to help myself, I caught her mouth once more, telling myself again and again that I had to wait. It was just one more day after all, and I had already waited for so many thousands of days. I could handle one more.
Couldn't I?
I was abruptly unsure that I could when I felt her warm tongue tracing my lips. My body wanted to respond to hers, and I ached to taste her tongue with mine, to pull more than just her breath into my mouth. But I couldn't, not until she was changed. My breath escaped me, and I pulled away from her.
"Wait," she protested. She squirmed to free herself from her blankets until she had one leg free and wrapped around my waist. "Practice makes perfect."
I couldn't help but to laugh against the skin of her throat. "Well, we should be fairly close to perfection by this point, then, shouldn't we? Have you slept at all in the last month?"
"But this is the dress rehearsal, and we've only practiced certain scenes. It's no time for playing safe."
My muscles tensed, and my adoring stare turned into an angry glare. She never considered the dangers in which she placed herself! Whatever it was that had allowed her to fall in love with a vampire had robbed her of any sense of self-preservation. Was this why she was so certain that she would survive the next night? Was it because she couldn't comprehend anything as truly being threatening to herself? Her best friend was a werewolf, and her fiance was a vampire who had come close to killing her on so many occasions. Why did she have to refuse to ever take her safety into account? It was hard to trust her when her views were skewed in the way that they were.
"Bella..." I tried to find it in me to argue once more that what she wanted - what we wanted - was dangerous.
"Don't start this again," she said, fiercely. "A deal's a deal."
I shook my head, feeling the terror of losing her shoot through me like my veins had suddenly been filled with ice. "I don't know. It's too hard to concentrate when you're with me like this. I - I can't think straight," I admitted. "I won't be able to control myself. You'll get hurt."
"I'll be fine," she insisted.
I tried again, "Bella..."
"Shh!" She stopped me by pressing her lips against mine.
Though I couldn't argue a third time, I tried to keep my perspective as I kissed her, to concentrate on her as I would need to do the following night. I tried to be aware of her touch without being overwhelmed by it, to taste her lips and nothing more, to feel her against me without the need to hold her tighter, and tighter, still.
Managing to pull myself away from her mouth, I murmured, "How are your feet?"
Her instant response was, "Toasty warm."
I tried not to grin at how rapidly she'd answered. After she had resisted agreeing to marry me for so long, I felt the need to hear her reiterate that this was truly what she wanted. "Really? No second thoughts? It's not too late to change your mind."
Her eyes grew wide, and a smirk played about her lips. "Are you trying to ditch me?"
I laughed at her teasing tone. "Just making sure. I don't want you to do anything you're not sure about."
"I'm sure about you," she insisted. "The rest I can live through."
I watched her, wondering how she could be so sure about that. She already missed her mother, and she had grown so close to her father over the past year and a half. "Can you? I don't mean the wedding - which I am positive you will survive despite your qualms." I grinned at her, holding back my laugh. Sobering, I continued my questions. "But afterward... what about Renée, what about Charlie?"
She heaved a long, drawn out sigh. I had voiced this same argument to her many times, and I had no doubt that she didn't really want to hear me bring it up again, but becoming a vampire was a one way street. Once I bit her, there would be no going back.
"I'll miss them," she admitted.
"Angela and Ben and Jessica and Mike," I pressed her.
"I'll miss my friends, too. Especially Mike. Oh, Mike! How will I go on?"
Even knowing that she was teasing me, I couldn't hold back my growl. I had brought the horrid boy up, but to even hear her joke about missing him was irritating.
She giggled, knowing how I felt about him, and pleased at having elicited such a response from me. When she spoke though, her voice was serious. "Edward, we've been through this and through this. I know it will be hard, but this is what I want. I want you, and I want you forever. One lifetime is simply not enough."
Though I loved the way her voice sounded as she insisted that she wanted me the way that I wanted her, I knew the consequences of her choices. I had lived them. "Frozen forever at eighteen."
"Every woman's dream come true."
I shook my head. That was such a human concept! The reality of being an eternal teenager was far less of a fairy tale. "Never changing... never moving forward."
"What does that mean?" she demanded.
I was silent for a moment, thinking of everything that I could never give to her, of everything that my family had missed over the decades, of the things that we could never be. When I was finally able to speak, my words were halting and slow. "Do you remember when we told Charlie we were getting married? And he thought you were... pregnant?"
She snickered. "And he thought about shooting you. Admit it - for one second, he honestly considered it."
I didn't share her amusement and watched her sadly.
Her expression sobered. "What, Edward?"
"I just wish... well, I wish that he'd been right," I admitted.
"Gah." Her exclamation was almost one of disgust.
"More that there was some way he could have been right," I pressed. "That we had that kind of potential. I hate taking that away from you, too."
She didn't answer me for a long minute. I stroked her cheek and let my hand trail down to her waist, though it was wrapped in thick blankets. I passed a hand across her stomach, imagining it swelling with child - with my child. I felt my jaw clench. Wishing for things that could never be was ridiculous, but that had never stopped me before, and didn't now.
"I know what I'm doing," she said, firmly.
My eyes flashed to her face. "How could you know that, Bella? Look at my mother, look at my sister. It's not as easy a sacrifice as you imagine."
"Esme and Rosalie get by just fine. If it's a problem later, we can do what Esme did - we'll adopt."
I sighed, and considered telling her that Rosalie didn't get along childless nearly as well as Bella believed. Esme was happy being our mother, but as she had so recently pointed out to me, we were all grown and required very little actual mothering. She had never sang us to sleep, nor baked us birthday cakes, never had to kiss away a scrape, nor nurse us through a cold. I had vague impressions of my human mother doing something similar for me, but these were dull and blurry, and could have belonged to anyone. They certainly didn't seem to be mine anymore.
Angry at everything I was stealing away from her, I growled, "It's not right! I don't want you to have to make sacrifices for me. I want to give you things, not take things away from you. I don't want to steal your future. If I were human - "
She stopped my angry words with a soft finger placed against my lips. "You are my future. Now stop. No moping, or I'm calling your brothers to come and get you. Maybe you need a bachelor party."
I smiled as her hand left my mouth and traveled back into my hair, stroking the untidy mess away from my face. "I'm sorry." This was the night before our wedding, and here I was arguing with her, practically trying to convince her not to go through with it. "I am moping, aren't I? Must be the nerves."
"Are your feet cold?" Her eyebrow quirked, and I grinned.
"Not in that sense. I've been waiting a century to marry you, Miss Swan. The wedding ceremony is the one thing I can't wait - "
...brother of ours thinks he's getting out of this, he's got another thing coming!
...just have to drag him away from her kicking and screaming if need be.
...sounds good to me! You hit him with a good dose of fear while I toss him over my shoulders. He'll be ours before he knows it!
"Oh, for the love of all that's holy!" I growled.
"What's wrong?"
"You don't have to call my brothers," I explained through my teeth. "Apparently Emmett and Jasper are not going to let me bow out tonight."
Her hands tightened around me briefly and then fell away. "Have fun," she muttered.
I watched through his eyes as Emmett jumped up to hang from the eaves and slowly raked his fingernails across the glass of the window pane. Bella shuddered against me at the noise.
"If you don't send Edward out, we're coming in after him!" Emmett drawled with a sinister hiss.
"Go. Before they break my house." Her body shook against mine as she laughed.
Only my Bella could find such a sound coming from a vampire amusing. Rolling my eyes, I forced myself to pull away from her warm embrace, scooping my shirt off the floor as I stood. Shrugging back into my shirt, I paused to stare at my bride-to-be. The next time I would look at her beautiful face, she would be dressed in the gown my sister had chosen for her - and had successfully kept hidden from me - and walking down the aisle toward me. I leaned close to her so that I could brush my lips against her forehead.
Breathing in her scent one more time, I told her gently, "Go to sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow."
Her mouth twisted and her nose wrinkled. "Thanks! That's sure to help me wind down."
Stalling, not wanting to leave, I couldn't stop my joy in saying, "I'll meet you at the altar."
"I'll be the one in white." Her lips spread into a wide smile, and I felt a swelling of excitement in my chest as I snickered at her attempted nonchalance.
"Very convincing."
C'mon Romeo! Let's go! We're thirsty, and Bella needs to sleep.
Can't stay all night, bro. Get a move on!
Tearing myself away from her eyes, I crouched and launched myself out of her window. Using Emmett's own eyes as a guide, I aimed myself at him and landed right on his shoulders.
He cussed and reached for me, but I jumped off of him before he could touch me and landed in front of him in a low crouch, grinning and growling. "Brat." He sank down into a crouch that matched mine, waving me toward himself, tauntingly. Bring it!
Bella's low voice floated down to my ears like an angel's call directly from heaven. "You'd better not make him late."
We circled each other several times until Jasper stepped between us. "Save it for the hunt, guys," he admonished with a chuckle before launching himself upwards to perch outside of Bella's window. "Don't worry, Bella. We'll get him home in plenty of time."
Abruptly, the excitement I was feeling eased as Jasper spread a calm among the three of us. I guessed Bella was more nervous than she was letting on, and Jasper could sense it.
Amidst the sound of the rustling of her blankets, I heard her voice again. "Jasper? What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You're not taking him to a strip club are you?"
Emmett glared up at our brother. "Don't tell her anything!"
Using his distraction, I got in a hard shove and chuckled as he was forced to take a few steps away from me.
A strip club?! Ugh. If I had any desire to gawk at naked women, I could easily do so without stepping into a place where they sold their looks to leering men. Just thinking of what I would see in the minds of the men in such a place made me shudder. The only woman whose naked body I had any interest in seeing was Bella's and, with another surge of excitement, I thought that by this time the next day, I would be able to do just that.
"Relax," Jasper said, reinforcing his calm to counter both Bella's nerves and my own. "We Cullens have our own version. Just a few mountain lions, a couple of grizzly bears. Pretty much an ordinary night out."
Taking advantage of Jasper's position outside of Bella's window, I looked through his eyes, eager to catch one last glimpse of my bride-to-be. She was still wrapped in her blankets, her hair disheveled, and her cheeks flushed with her easy blush. Even from where I stood, I could smell her overwhelming floral scent, and I inhaled deeply, tasting her blush in the air.
"Thanks, Jasper."
My brother dropped back down to join me and Emmett. We buffeted each other's shoulders a few times before sprinting away from Charlie's house. Unable to contain my excitement, I raced at my full speed, quickly outdistancing both of my brothers. Crouching low, I pushed off from the ground hard, propelling myself upward through the branches to grab hold of the top of a tree with a loud whoop which I wouldn't have been surprised if Bella could hear, even from that distance. Letting go, I dropped back to the ground, landing in their path just before they caught up to me.
"What took you so long?" I teased.
Emmett was concentrating on the bears he was about to catch and didn't slow his run as he barreled up to me until he swerved at the last second to tackle me to the ground. We rolled a few times, breaking several small trees. Laughing and grappling with each other, using our legs and arms to try to pin the other, Emmett's excessive strength gave him the advantage, and I wound up face down with him sitting on top of me, my arms in his iron grip.
"Damn!"
"Hah! Gotcha!"
Radiating amusement, Jasper leaned against a tree, smirking at us.
"Get off me, Emmett," I grumbled.
Say Uncle!
"Uncle, damn it, now get off me!"
"Who's your favorite brother?"
I struggled, but couldn't twist out of his grasp. "Jasper is, you big oaf."
Jasper doubled over, laughing and pointing at Emmett. "See? Told you so."
"Tsk, tsk. Wrong answer." He dug a knee into my ribs, and I grunted and hissed.
"Let go of me, Emmett."
"Who's. Your. Favorite. Brother?!" He punctuated each word with another jab of his knee into my ribs.
Shaking my hair out of my eyes, I craned my head around to glare at him.
"Come on, Eddie," he taunted, drawing the words out. "Say it."
"Don't call me that," I growled through my teeth.
"Say it!"
"Ugh, you are, alright? Now get off!"
"Hah!" He grinned at Jasper. "I'm his favorite." Leaping backwards, he landed in a defensive crouch as I sprang from the ground to land in a similar pose.
Jasper snorted. "You're only his favorite because you had him pinned. He said I was, first."
Scoffing, I straightened and stalked away from them, brushing the dirt, twigs, and leaves off of my clothes as I went. "I don't particularly like either of you, so it's really a matter of who I dislike less at this point."
They glanced conspiratorially at each other, but I jumped out of the way just as they rushed me. Laughing, I gave them both a good shove before taking off toward the mountains, once more. I wasn't running at my top speed this time, allowing them to catch back up to me, and we all shared a grin as we climbed into the higher elevations to find some prey. We passed several groupings of deer and a few elk before finally coming across the scent of a lion.
Mine! I felt a rumble in my chest and tasted my flowing venom.
Jasper sighed. "This is his party; I suppose we should let him have first dibs."
"Nu-uh. I pinned him. I say I get the first." Emmett crouched, preparing to launch himself in the direction of the tantalizing scent of my favorite prey.
Before he could move, I was clinging to his back with my teeth at his neck. "Think again, slow poke!" I hissed in his ear.
He reached over his shoulders, but I snapped at his hands as they got close to my head. He crashed backwards into a tree, but although it was knocked over, I wasn't budged. With one arm wedged securely under his chin, I freed the other just long enough to rub my knuckles across his scalp. He twisted around, trying to grab me by the leg to haul me around himself, but I shifted my position before he could reach me and chuckled at his futile attempt.
...both distracted. Guess it's mine!
Hearing Jasper's plan, I released Emmett and blew by Jasper, calling, "I don't think so!" over my shoulder. By the time they caught up to me, the lion was wrapped in my arms and my nose was buried in its fur. The cat growled and hissed, but its protests were barely audible over the sound of my snarl. Though I barely felt them, its claws were scrabbling against my chest as it snapped at my arms and twisted about, trying to fight its way free.
"Hmm." Jasper contemplated me. "You think we can get it from him before he can drink it?"
Emmett flexed his arms and rolled his head as if he were still capable of cracking his neck. "Oh, yeah."
"Don't even think about it," I warned them.
Oh, I'm thinking it, alright! Emmett grinned at me, picturing himself pinning me again, this time with his teeth at my neck.
Unexpectedly terrified, I gasped, and my hold on the struggling cat loosened. I dropped the beast and found myself fending off a blond fury of hands, feet, and flashing teeth. Using the moves he had taught me, I managed to block Jasper's attempts to grab me. I got a leg up and between us and shoved it into his chest hard enough that he took a couple of steps backward. In the space I'd gained, I ducked down to grab his legs and threw him into the air just before Emmett wrapped his arms around me. This time though, I was hunting, and determined not to wind up face down on the ground again. I squirmed in his grip enough to get my arms around his head and hauled him over my shoulder. He landed on his back with a grunt, just as Jasper came at me again.
He was still projecting fear, and I found myself backing away in reaction. Only the knowledge that he truly meant me no harm kept me from turning tail and running. I could easily imagine what it must have been like for the newborns whom he had fought against for the first part of his life. Aside from his training, Jasper's talent made him a deadly adversary, and his mate was the only one I'd ever seen who could truly best him. Emmett was also subjected to the fear that Jasper was blanketing the area with and was cursing as he scrambled out of the way, no longer a threat to me.
Of course, the nature of Jasper's talent made him vulnerable to its effects, too. Fighting off the false terror, I grinned tauntingly and forced myself to bring forth my feelings for Bella - not a difficult task, all things considered. In the face of the overwhelming love I felt for Bella and my excitement over our upcoming wedding, he lost his defensive stance and a smile tugged at his lips, but rather than use the opportunity to attack him, I launched myself in the direction of the fleeing lion. Our tussle had only lasted a few minutes, and the large cat hadn't gone very far.
As the beast sprang toward a low hanging branch, I moved into its path so that it leapt right into my arms. I had my teeth in its throat before it could let out more than a grunt. Savoring my victory as well as the kill, I slowly drained the cat of every last drop of blood. A good hunt was always better for a tussle, and having a bit of real competition from my brothers made it all the more satisfying. They found me as I tucked the lion's body under a pile of boulders.
I grinned broadly at them, seeing in their minds that my chin was dripping with lion blood and, for once, not caring. Instead, I flaunted the fact that I had fed and they had not. "Come on, boys, the next round's on me! The night is young, and I'm still thirsty. Let's see if we can rustle up a bear or three."
Sounds good! Emmett's playful thoughts turned predatory at the image of his favorite prey, and we spread out slightly, sniffing out the next animals who were destined to satisfy our thirst.
Several hours later, having glutted ourselves on several bears and elk apiece, we lounged beside one of the still lakes that dotted the mountain range, taking turns skipping stones across its surface. We could have also fed on a pack of wolves which had crossed our path, but after the events of that spring, I couldn't bring myself to kill any of them, so we stuck to thinning out the bear, elk, and lion population. Despite passing up the wolves, we were all happily full, and my eyes were just as light as theirs were, perhaps even a shade lighter due to the lion.
I had wanted to drink as much as possible that night so that I would have the longest time I could manage before needing to leave Bella's side to hunt over our honeymoon. After all that I had drunk already that night, I didn't think I would have managed so much as a rabbit at that moment, had I been so inclined, even if I could have stomached the taste.
As far from civilization as we were, the stars had no competition other than the moon in lighting up the sky. I lay on my back with a sigh, tucking my hands under my head as I stared at the display overhead. My field of vision was filled with a deep, velvety black blanket which was strewn with millions of glittering diamonds. In less than twenty-four hours, I would be seeing an entirely different set of stars. I sighed again, feeling my sense of excitement increase. As Jasper stretched out beside me, I glanced at him and saw a grin that mirrored my own.
Jasper's first decades had been miserable ones, full of fighting, fear, and hatred. Even once he had left Maria's army, he still had been subjected to the terror of his victim's dying emotions. Living on animals might mean being constantly thirsty, but at least the animals didn't subject him to their dying emotions, any more than they did me with their dying thoughts. I was grateful that he and Alice had found our family, both for his sake as well as my own. Without him, the army we had fought that spring would surely have won.
And now, he had a happy, sweet wife, just as I would soon have a wife of my own. I repeated her new name to myself in anticipation, Bella Cullen.
Jasper chuckled as he unconsciously responded to my emotions.
Emmett flopped down between us. "What's funny?"
My grin broadened. "Everything."
He snorted. "I don't know what you're so excited about."
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because I'm getting married?"
"So? You're not planning on changing Bella until you get back. I mean, sure, the island's nice, but you already spend all your time with her." He sat up and flicked another flat stone across the surface of the lake. "Being married is more than changing names and addresses."
"You would know."
"Yep."
"Emmett," I groaned. "Could you at least try not to picture Rosalie?"
"What? It's not like you haven't seen her before."
"Honestly, I try not to."
"Whatever. Rose is beautiful. You can't tell me you've never looked at her."
"There's a difference between looking and seeing. I can't help but to see, but I don't want to look! And certainly not at you."
Jasper snorted. "Rose may have a pretty face, Em, but you don't know how incredible it is to feel Alice's love. Just being around her is like coming home to a warm house and dry clothes after being caught in a freezing snowstorm."
"Rose is more than a pretty face!"
"I'm not saying she's not, but she's no Alice."
"Alice is pixie dust and fairy lights. Rose is fire."
I snorted. "Rosalie is a temperamental blaze that can take down anything in her path."
Emmett shrugged. "I like having a strong woman. She's the only one capable of keeping up with me."
I groaned at his mental images once more. "Please, Emmett? For my sanity? Could you try not to imagine her like that?"
Who's imagining? I'm remembering.
"And that's better... how?"
He snickered. "You are such a prude, Edward."
"Seriously," Jasper agreed with him. "You're a hundred years old. Don't try to act like you're such a sweet, innocent, young thang," he drawled.
"I don't need it rubbed in my face," I muttered, fighting back my nervousness.
Emmett guffawed. "That's what she said!"
Rubbing my forehead, I said, "Must everything be about sex in your mind?"
"Uh, yep. Because it is. You think it's money or politics that drives the world? Nope. It's procreation, baby. That's why it's called a sex drive."
"Then why do you and Rose bother?"
"Eh, procreation, recreation. It all comes down to the same thing in the end." He started snorting. "And that's what she said, too! Hah!"
"Emmett! You let Esme hear you talking like that and she'll toss out every television we own before you can blink."
"Good Lord. If you aren't the most uptight creature on the planet, little bro, then I don't know who is. Sometimes I think Rose is right." ...never let me live it down if I lose this bet...
Jasper sat up and scooted around so that he was facing us. "Right about what?"
"Oh, nothing you need to worry about. It's just a little bet me an' Rosie have."
"Fine, don't tell me. But you're wrong. Uptight doesn't even cut it. I've seen nuns who were more easy-going. Come on, Edward, what're you so nervous about?"
"Eddie's nervous? Why?"
I rolled my eyes and rummaged for another rock, but didn't answer them.
Catching my increasing embarrassment, and Emmett's amusement, Jasper's eyes darted back and forth between us. Smirking at me, Jasper taunted, "Edward, if you were a human, you'd be blushing right now! He can't be thinking anything you haven't heard before. What's going on?"
Groaning, I muttered, "Leave it alone, guys. It's none of your business."
Emmett gasped. "No. Seriously? There's no way."
I heaved a sigh.
"You can't be a virgin. Nu-uh."
"And why not?"
"We lived with the Denali's for years! You can't honestly tell me that Tanya never succeeded in - "
"Damn it! Just shut up, Emmett!" I stood and stalked toward the lake. "Ugh! Why does everyone assume that Tanya and I did anything together?"
"Uh, 'cause she's a hot succubus, and she wanted you. Jeez, the reason she wasn't goin' after me an' Carlisle wasn't just the fact that we were married men. She had her eyes on you from the start."
"And I had absolutely no interest in her! Just because I was single did not mean I was interested in what she wanted. I thought I had made that perfectly clear."
He shrugged. "Foreplay. Sometimes the chase is the best part of the hunt."
Running my hands through my hair, I held my breath, trying not to launch myself at him. "She might have wanted me, but she didn't want... me. I didn't want to be just another conquest, aside from the fact that I found her mind unpleasant."
"But, dude, you're a dude."
I snarled, "And you're obnoxious, as per usual. Not everyone has to be promiscuous, Emmett."
...swear there were times when I wondered if you weren't waitin' for Mister Right, instead.
Turning back to glare at him, I spoke through clenched teeth. "That. Is. Not. Funny."
"Oh, come on! You and Tanya made so much sense! None of us could understand why you insisted that we leave unless you just truly weren't interested."
"I wasn't!"
He raised his eyebrows and spread his hands. "Aaaand that's my point."
"I wasn't interested in her. That doesn't mean that I didn't appreciate a beautiful woman. It's just that... they were all the same. Silly, shallow human girls who were only interested in making themselves look better. The sisters weren't any better! They were only interested in feeding their various hungers, whether blood or men or, more commonly, a combination of the two, despite their more recent change in diet. I wanted a woman who wasn't superficial, who could see past her own reflection, someone who was good, but who could forgive the fact that I was, well, not."
"Are you sure Bella should be the one wearing white tomorrow?" He had his hands over his mouth, but Emmett's eyes were twinkling and his shoulders shaking.
His face completely serious, Jasper deliberately imagined me in one of the many wedding gowns Alice had dressed Rosalie in over the decades. "I guess they should both be in white. The question is, which one should be wearing the dress?"
Unable to control himself any longer, Emmett fell backwards, rolling on the ground as he howled with laughter. Despite being furious with them, I abruptly felt like laughing, but resisted. I knew the reason for the feeling even before Jasper collapsed beside our brother, holding his stomach and shaking with raucous laughter, too.
"Ha, ha. Yes. Very amusing. Let's all laugh at the only guy in the world who has any decency left. Jerks." Growling, I turned my back on them while they continued to feed off of each other's amusement at my expense.
Eventually, gasping and wiping his eyes as if they were capable of shedding tears, Emmett sat up. "Bro! No wonder you're not in any hurry to turn Bella. You don't know what you're missing!" He leered at me and began a vivid run-through of every woman he'd been with before encountering the bear that had ended his life.
"You are not helping, Emmett!" Seeing Jasper recalling his days as a soldier in the Civil War, I groaned, "And neither are you, Jazz! You act like I haven't spent the last century trying not to watch people having sex, including the both of you!"
Trying to regain control of himself, Emmett held back his chuckles long enough to say, "But, Edward, why bother waiting to change her? I mean, you know it's going to happen. Don't you want to be with her?"
Closing my eyes and fighting back a shiver, I sat back down and wrapped my arms loosely around my knees. "You have no idea how much I want her."
"Well, then - ?"
Reading my emotions, Jasper snickered. "I don't think Bella will hurt you, even with her newborn strength. What could you have to be afraid of?"
"Hurting her."
"Newborns are tough. Surely you know that."
I sighed and clenched my teeth.
"Come on, bro, spit it out," Emmett said. "Something's eating at you. What's stopping you from changing Bella the first chance you get? You know she's not going to change her mind. Get her newborn year out of the way so you can start really enjoying what it means to be a vampire."
I scowled at him.
"Something you've never done."
"No, Emmett, I do not enjoy being a soulless, bloodsucking demon."
He rolled his eyes. "You're lookin' at it the wrong way. You always have."
"And how do you expect me to look at it? We kill for blood!"
"And humans breed and kill cows and pigs just so that they can eat their flesh. How is that any different?" He shrugged. "Yeah, we've all drunk human blood, but so what? It's what vampires do. Our family chooses not to, even if we do make the occasional mistake. Or, well, some of us have. But not our brother, the Master of Self-Control here. Oh, no."
I made a disgusted noise in the back of my throat. Master of Self-Control, indeed.
Jasper raised his eyebrows and said, "Do you think if you were still a human hunter Bella would have fallen for you at all?"
"Assuming I was able to not kill her that first day? I don't know. She doesn't see things the way normal people do."
Groaning, he punched my arm. "Edward Cullen! This is your bachelor party! Do I need to make you stop moping?"
"I think you should, Jazz. I'll hold him down, you blast happiness at him, and maybe, just maybe, Bella will have a smiling groom waiting for her at the altar."
"Naw, I think Bella had the right idea. Let's take him to a strip club. It's not that far from here to Seattle. Make him see what he has to look forward to!"
"Gross, Jasper! Bella is nothing like those women. It's a good thing I know you're kidding, or I'd take an arm off you for that."
Leaping to his feet, he crouched and waved me toward himself. "I'd like to see you try!"
"Hmph."
Taking pity on me at last, Jasper returned to sit beside me and nudged my shoulder with his. "Listen, Edward. You've just got stage fright. I get that you want her to enjoy the experience, but if you aren't sure how - "
"Jasper," I cut him off coldly, "with all that I have seen over the past century, I don't need pointers on how to have sex. Just because I never have doesn't mean I won't be able to when the time comes."
"Then what's this reluctance for? Your emotions are all over the place. You're excited, happy, scared, and as randy as any teenager I've ever seen."
I shoved him hard, but he just laughed.
Sitting on my other side, Emmett growled, "It's like pulling teeth from you sometimes, Eddie."
"Don't call me that!" I snapped.
Emmett grinned at me, unrepentant.
"Talk to us, Edward," Jasper prompted me. "I know we give you a hard time, but we're your brothers, and that's our job. But you're clearly terrified. Why?"
I sighed. "There's a reason why I'm not turning Bella right away, aside from the fact that I don't want to change her at all."
And? they both prompted me.
"She - we - want to have a wedding night like any other couple would," I admitted.
"While she's human? Before you change her? Kinky." Emmett snickered. "And here I thought you were a prude! Hah! You plannin' on biting her then, too? Man, that'd be the ultimate fu-"
I launched myself at him and had him pinned to the ground before he knew that I had moved. "Watch your mouth, Emmett. That's my bride you're talking about."
He chortled and smirked at me over his shoulder. "Look, I just mean, I thought you were planning on waiting to change her. You have sex with her while she's a human, and if your plan isn't to change her right after, or during, how exactly do you expect her to survive?"
Slowly, I released him and sank back to the ground.
"That's why you're scared," Jasper observed. "You're not afraid you'll hurt her; you're afraid you'll kill her."
"Well, duh! If Rosalie wasn't indestructible, I know she wouldn't have survived our first night!"
"Emmett," I groaned, closing my eyes and rubbing my forehead.
He blinked innocently. "What?"
I glared at him.
"Bro, I knew her past. Ain't like I was rough. 'Sides, you all blame me, but she was the one who started rippin' the walls down, not me. Well, not at first!"
Jasper started snickering. "Maybe you should've said it's a good thing you're indestructible!"
Emmett's face broke into a wide grin. "Hell yeah, it is!"
"If you two are quite finished..."
"We're just saying what you already know, bro. Bella's fragile. How you haven't killed her yet is beyond me, but what you're planning is just tempting fate."
Sighing and closing my eyes, I mumbled, "It was the only way she would agree to marry me."
Rolling his eyes, Emmett exclaimed, "Wait, wait, wait. This was her idea? How did I not guess that?" ...little sister either has guts or a death wish... always thought she was brave, but this is pushing things...
I didn't respond to his thoughts, seeing the sympathetic look in his eyes.
"It's your own fault, you know," Jasper said.
"How do you figure that?" I muttered, throwing a stone out into the water.
"You're the one always insisting that she live her human life to the fullest, telling her all the things she'll miss when she's not human, and never letting her see the good in being what we are."
I glared at him, my eyes wide and incredulous.
"Of course, you don't see the good in what we are, so I guess that's understandable, but even so. You've done everything you can to scare her out of becoming a vampire while acting more human than even Carlisle. It's no wonder she's confused. So, she wants one last experience as a human, while she still feels human emotions. Because you didn't bother to tell her that what she feels for you will be amplified a hundred-fold when she's changed. And you didn't tell her that along with the excessive strength and speed comes enhanced senses, including touch. You've done your best to make her see what she's giving up without telling her what she'll be getting."
"Yes, because I don't need her any more eager to die."
"And that's where you're wrong, as you've always been."
I scowled and rummaged among the rocks for another flat stone.
"You'll see." Jasper leaned back to rest on his elbows, watching as Emmett skipped a few more stones across the flat surface of the lake.
Aware that they weren't being obnoxious about it this time, I watched them remember their various relationships. The memories of human women were blurry, and flat, like watching a black and white talkie. The vampire images were bright, vivid, and full of more sensory input than I really wanted, but even so, I knew that what I saw was a pale comparison to what they had experienced at the time.
"Just ask," Jasper invited me, aware of my curiosity.
"I already asked Carlisle what it was like, but he couldn't tell me. He said it wasn't like anything else."
Emmett snorted. "That's because Saint Carlisle has never slipped."
I frowned at him. "What do you mean by that?"
"Well... I know that you've drunk humans."
I nodded.
"You like lions, though."
I licked my lips, just able to still taste the last one I'd killed. "What's your point?"
"Imagine trying to describe to Carlisle the difference in drinking human blood to drinking deer blood."
Seeing my aghast expression, Jasper shot Emmett a dirty look. "What Emmett means is that Carlisle couldn't describe sex with Esme to you because he's never killed a human."
Emmett shuddered. "Aside from the fact that I wouldn't want any kind of a sex talk that involved our mother."
Jasper snorted.
"What? I know you beat a hasty retreat just like the rest of us when they get all - "
"My point," Jasper interrupted, "is that drinking human blood is about the closest thing I can compare to feeling the way sex feels. It's a very great pleasure. What Maria and I were to each other was false, but that didn't change the fact that it was... well, exciting. But sex with her was nothing like loving Alice. Still, if it hadn't been for the horror I felt from my victims as I killed them, I would say that the ecstasy from drinking them surpassed even what I feel with her."
"You never really found a singer, though, have you, Jazz?" Emmett leered at him.
He shrugged. "Not that I know of."
"Oh, you'd know it, alright."
I shivered at the memory of Bella's taste.
"Yup, see? Eddie knows."
"Bite me, Em."
"Hey, Mister Hundred Year Old Virgin, you're the one who wanted to know what sex was like." His shoulders shook with silent laughter.
Sighing, I pinched the bridge of my nose, grateful that, at the very least, I would not have to hear Emmett calling me that again after Bella and I were married.
"You know, it's a good thing he's taking her to an island with reefs. Maybe while they're there, he can teach her about finding Nemo."
"I dunno, man. I think she'll probably need to teach him!"
"You two are such children. Honestly."
"I'm sorry, Eddie, I just can't believe our little brother is finally going to say yoohoo to the hoohoo."
"Is that some kind of owl? I didn't know he liked bird watching."
"I hear swans are his favorite."
I huffed and shook my head.
"Oh, yeah, he does like watching the chicks, apparently."
"Well, I don't think there are any swans on Isle Esme."
"Not yet, but there will be!"
Glaring at them while they snickered, I said, "Tease me all you want; I'm not ashamed of the fact that I didn't rut around when I was a human, nor that I didn't give in to Tanya and her sisters. What Bella and I have is special, and will be all the more wonderful for the fact that we'll get to experience a first together. I've done and seen so much in my century that she hasn't, that the chances to have any firsts with her will be few and far between. And this one will be glorious."
Jasper chuckled. "You have no idea."
"If it's anything even remotely like what tasting her blood was like, then I'd say I do."
"I said it was the only thing I could compare it to, not that the experiences were the same."
"Mmm," Emmett moaned. "Yeah, sex is great." ...wish Rose was here...
Having no desire to yet again watch him remember having sex with my sister, I stood up, saying, "Okay! I think I'm thirsty again. Anyone want to see if we can find a grizzly this time?"
"Hell, yeah! Black bears are good, but they're no grizzlies." Emmett's grin exposed all of his glistening teeth.
I took off at a sprint before the others had even risen from the ground. I called over my shoulder as I ran, "Last one to the top of Mount Olympus gets the skinny ones!"
