15. Distractions
"How about we just take it easy today?" Bella suggested as she eyed me over her breakfast.
"That's probably a good idea. I didn't think you were ever going to wake up this morning." Though it hadn't been very long after the sun had set that I had placed her into the bed, the morning had been well underway by the time she'd stirred. She rewarded my acceptance with a broad smile which I returned. "Feel up to lazing on the beach?"
"Absolutely." Her eyes were speculative and dancing with mischief when they met mine.
I merely smiled serenely. I was certain I would be able to get her into the water, and an ocean swim had always been tiring to the humans whose memories I had heard.
The previous day, Bella had been under the protection of the jungle canopy for the most part, but if we were going to be swimming in the ocean again, she should apply plenty of sunscreen. As I had done before our first swim around the reef, I helped her apply the thick stuff, carefully controlling my reactions to touching her skin.
We spent a good hour simply laying on a large blanket by the ocean.
How often had I imagined her like this? All my long months away, I had pictured Bella by the ocean. Though I had tried to imagine how she would smell, I had failed to even come close to the reality of Bella's sweetness enhanced as it was by the hot, salty air. I'd walked beside her on the beach when we'd visited her mother in Florida, but as beautiful as she had looked in the moonlight, there was something special about the way the sun affected her. Perhaps because I was a vampire, and we avoided sunlight, so that - ocean or no - I rarely had the chance to enjoy the way it enhanced her colors and smells. I tried to be unobtrusive as I watched her soak up the sun.
Unlike my skin, which repelled the sunlight, her creamy skin drew the sun's rays to her, even those that had first hit me. A fine sheen of sweat covered her skin, along with the coating of protective lotion, and with the rainbows thrown from my skin onto hers, she was dazzling. Radiant. A shimmering angel, gracing the beach with her presence. Almost glowing with her own inner warmth, her temperature climbed until she felt warmer without touching my skin than the tropical air which surrounded me.
Just as I grew concerned that she might burn, she flipped over onto her back.
"Mmmm," she sighed. Her eyes were closed, and there was a smile on her lips. She tucked her arms under her head, raised one leg so that it was cocked, and wiggled her hips, seeming to adjust herself in an attempt to get comfortable again.
Unable to stop, I stared at her, just watching as she moved and wishing I dared to touch her hair as it was blown about by the light wind. The sun affected it too, bringing out the hidden red in her normally dark chestnut hair. My eyes traveled down her body of their own accord. When they made it back to her face, I saw her watching me from the corner of her eyes. Her smile widened into a rather victorious smirk, and I realized her aims had not changed direction, only her tactics had.
Grinding my teeth together, I looked away from her. As I gazed across the surface of the ocean, I spied a disturbance. "Look, Bella!"
She rolled back over and squinted toward where I was pointing. "What am I supposed to be seeing?"
"Do you not see the fins?"
She shook her head.
"Hmm. I suppose it is too far for your eyes."
She scowled playfully at me.
"Would you like a closer look?"
"At what? Sharks?" Her voice was higher pitched than normal, but I laughed calmly.
"No. Porpoises."
"Oh!" A delighted smile crossed her lips and a look of curiosity entered her eyes.
Springing from the blanket where we had lain, I held out my hand to her. "Let's go for a ride." I snagged the blanket after she stood and led her back into the house. Retrieving her snorkel, I pulled her back to the dock and the waiting boat.
"We're not gonna swim?" She looked between the snorkel in my hand and the boat we were heading for in confusion.
"We are not. You will."
"Um. Why - ?"
"They don't like me."
"Huh?"
"They can sense danger to themselves, unlike some people I know." I grinned at her and raised an eyebrow.
She wrinkled her nose. "You wouldn't hunt them, would you?"
"They don't know that." Trying to imagine myself trying to drink from one of those creatures, I laughed and shook my head. I doubted they would taste very good, and there was a lot of blubber I would have had to get through to reach a vein. Not exactly appealing. Plus, when they surfaced, they didn't really smell like anything, other than the ocean. Though I enjoyed the way the salt smelled, especially when mixed with Bella's floral scent, that didn't mean I wanted to drink the ocean water nor anything that tasted like it.
Her hair was blowing behind her as I angled the boat toward where I had seen the fins. "Why would they think you would, though? I mean, there aren't vampire fish."
"No?" I snorted. "Have you never heard of the leech? Surely Jacob has called me that in your presence on more than one occasion."
She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. "Very funny."
Shrugging, I said, "Dolphins are highly intelligent and people are only just beginning to understand their sonar. They sense that I'm different, unnatural. If I were to join you in the water, they would quickly leave."
"Huh."
The pod sported in the waves that the boat raised as we passed them. I circled the pod in a large arch, hoping to entice them into keeping pace with us. Bella leaned over the side so that she could see them better, occasionally grinning back at me. As curious as she was, they lifted themselves out of the water to study her with their large, black eyes, chattering at Bella in their strange high-pitched dolphin language. I stayed seated in the pilot's chair, trying not to attract their attention. I hoped that, as long as I stayed motionless, they would see me as part of the boat, and not the living-stone hunter that I was.
I brought the boat to a halt and, with only a little encouragement, Bella slipped her goggles and snorkel back on, joining the playful creatures in the crystal-clear water. The dolphins swam circles around the human girl, seeming to be amused when she surfaced. Mimicking her, they would blow forcefully as she audibly breathed out. I crept to the edge of the boat so that I could watch, memorizing the sight. If she had her way, this was the only time she would have the opportunity for such an experience, and was something which I had never done.
Eventually, I tired of watching her in the water without me and slipped into the ocean. As I had predicted, the pod swam at their top speed away from me, leaving the startled girl staring after them in confusion. She looked around and spied me grinning as I advanced on her and a look of comprehension crossed her goggled face. Bella surfaced and swam toward the boat, and I frowned, thinking that she was disappointed that I had ended her fun. Instead of climbing out, she tossed her snorkel set on board and returned to me with a huge smile.
"That was amazing, Edward! Did you see them jumping? They let me touch them! Their skin was weird, like rubber. And did you see the baby one?"
Bella's exuberance was almost childlike, and I couldn't help but to laugh. "Yes, I saw. It looked like you had fun."
She studied me for a moment before reaching for me. "Yes, swimming with the dolphins was fun, but swimming with you is much better."
Sighing, she pressed herself against me and floated while I supported her in the water. As we had done on our wedding night, we floated together, bobbing lightly in the ocean waves. I glanced occasionally at the boat, unconcerned that the current was taking us away from the drifting vessel. We were not that far out to sea, and the island gave me a sense of direction. Without it, the unbroken horizon would have been disorienting. Worried that she was getting too much sun, I began to propel us toward the boat. Bella didn't hesitate to climb in when we reached it, sinking down into the seat, affecting exhaustion.
I couldn't help but to smirk in amusement as I sped us back to the dock.
After fixing herself a light lunch, she expressed another desire to stay in the house. "I don't think I want any more sun today."
"Well, that's good, because I was planning on something special."
Her eyes lit, and she bounced out of her seat with a hopeful smile. "Really?"
I had known she wasn't as tired as she was pretending to be and felt my mouth twisting into a crooked grin as I watched her practically skip across the living room toward me.
"Yes, really. I'm glad you still have your bathing suit on. You'll need it."
Snickering at her disappointed grimace, I pulled Bella out of the house with me once more. We got back into the boat, but this time, I navigated toward the rockier western side of the island. She glared at me the entire time, her lips pushing out into an adorable pout, her arms crossed under her breasts, and her foot tapping against the deck.
When I tossed the anchor over the side, she grumped, "I thought I said I didn't want more sun."
"Don't worry your pretty head, my love. There will be no sun where we're going."
"Um..."
I leapt back into the water, beckoning with my index finger for her to join me when she hesitated. "Don't forget your goggles."
She heaved a sigh, but followed my instructions, eyeing the large waterproof flashlight I carried with distrust.
Tapping my shoulders in invitation, I said, "Grab on tight and take a deep breath."
Her eyes narrowed. "Where exactly are you taking me?"
Smirking for a moment, I thought about keeping it a surprise, but then thought it might be better if she were prepared. "The island has an underground network of caves that are only accessible from the ocean. We've explored the system and there are open spaces where you will be able to breathe." Seeing her look of uncertainty, I tried to reassure her. "Just fill your lungs. Breathe out slowly on the way and you'll be fine."
Taking in a shallow gulp of air, she wrapped her arms and legs around me again, and I swam us closer to the towering edge of the cliff. "Breathe, Bella," I said with a laugh. Feeling her chest expand against my back as she took a fuller gulp of air, her arms and legs tightened in preparation, and I warned her, "Ready?"
She nodded against my neck, and I dove under, flipping the light on and finding the deep black opening at the base of the cliff. Except for the light which I carried, the underwater cave system was pitch black. The filtered light from the entrance only reached in a short way, and once that was gone, even my enhanced eyes wouldn't have been able to see anything without the light I had brought. I did need some light with which to see. I felt her lungs releasing some of their stored air as I propelled us toward the first of the open caverns. She wasn't even out of breath when I surfaced. Turning my head to look at her, I was pleased to see that she was smiling in amazement.
"This is just a pit stop. The next one is a little farther. Ready?"
She nodded firmly, adjusting her hold on me again before sucking in another lungful of air. The first passage had been just that: a tunnel leading from one place to another. As I swam toward the next open cavern, the cave's intricate features began to appear. The flashlight caught the stalagmites, stalactites, and columns, sending back reflected sparkles just like my skin. Turning my head at her tap on my shoulder, I watched her reach toward one of the columns and angled toward it so that she could touch it if she wished. When I paused, she ran a light finger over the surface. She met my eyes and grinned, a few bubbles escaping her mouth as she did. I sent up a stream of my own bubbles as I laughed at her before continuing on to the next open cavern.
This one was much larger, and her exclamation echoed when we surfaced. I shined the light around the ceiling slowly, then aimed it back at the water. Parts were crystal clear, but our path was clearly visible in the trail of disturbed silt which I had stirred up. Grinning at her again, I was about to suggest that we move to the next cave when she squirmed around so that she clung to my front. Bella pulled her goggles off looping the strap over her arm and began blinking and wiggling her nose. I laughed and ran a finger along the creases the mask had left in her skin.
"You weren't kidding about the lack of light," she whispered.
I shook my head, momentarily stunned speechless by the closeness of her mouth to mine.
For once, she didn't try to kiss me. My beloved Bella simply closed her eyes and leaned her head close to mine, so that our cheeks pressed together. Closing my eyes too, I let myself relax into her embrace, forgetting for a moment that I was supposed to be resisting her advances. But she wasn't making any. Floating in the warm, still water in the cave, the only sounds were the light slapping of the waves against the sides due to my slight movements and, of course, Bella. Her breathing and heartbeat echoed in my ears, and I wasn't sure if the acceleration that I heard was from her, or simply the repeating sound of her living body bouncing around the otherwise silent cave.
Between our return from Italy and our wedding, I had never resisted kissing Bella. So long as she had been willing, I had kissed her as often, and for as long as I had wished. Now that we were married, I felt that doing so was prohibited. Chucking under my breath, I thought of how everything in our relationship ended up being backwards.
"What's funny?" she whispered in my ear.
"You."
She pulled away to look at me in confusion. "But I wasn't doing anything."
"Perhaps I should have said, 'us,' then."
The line between her brows formed, and I ran my finger down it, then continued along her cheek and down her neckline. Her body shivered against mine, though she tightened her arms around my neck.
"And how, exactly, are we funny?" she pressed.
I couldn't answer and shook my head, smiling slightly. I looked back into her eyes to find them watching me, her expression inscrutable. For no reason apparent to me, her body suddenly warmed against mine. Studying her face, I found myself conflicted and was forced to war with the opposing parts of me. I would kill her if I kissed her. But I wanted to kiss her. Bella was my wife. She wanted me to kiss her. But I couldn't.
And why not? I abruptly wondered, angry. Why can't I kiss her? I had done so on many occasions before. Never once had I hurt her by simply kissing her. Yes, I had come close in the beginning, but I had learned to control my instinctive reactions to her before. Why couldn't I do the same now? And if I was going to change her sometime in the next month or two, depending on how events played out when we got home, I would need to be in complete control of myself. Smelling her blood and resisting drinking it was one thing. Tasting it and resisting was something else. But I had done that before, too, hadn't I?
Could I kiss her and resist allowing it to go any farther? And if I couldn't, how could I expect to change her when the time came? Wasn't it less dangerous to her life to relearn how to be close to her without hurting her than to allow this need for her to continue to build, unchecked?
Before the thoughts had even finished playing out, I found my lips pressing against hers. The decision to do so had seemed to make itself. My hands stopped swirling in the water and plunged themselves into her hair. Light flashed crazily around us and some portion of my brain registered that I had dropped the flashlight. Despite being soaked in the ocean water, her powerful freesia scent filled the cavern and overwhelmed my senses.
Her response was instant and something I should have predicted. Bella's breath was a sharp inhalation that quickly turned into a gasping pant as she clutched herself tightly to me. Her fingers knotted themselves into my hair, pulling me closer to her, pressing our mouths more firmly together. When I didn't pull away, they left my hair to travel over my body, her gentle fingers seeming to leave trails of scorch marks behind them from the heat they emitted. Bella's legs wound around my waist, and I was surrounded once more by her inviting body.
Ah, God, how I wanted her! The flimsy fabric that separated us would never withstand my strength and it took everything in me not to rip the bikini off her. Her mouth opened against mine and, unable to help myself, I met her tongue with my own, just briefly, but it was enough to send her heart racing. I felt myself losing the battle against my restraint and tried to unwind her from around me, but my hands slid themselves along the smooth skin of her legs instead. I tried to tell her we should stop, but my mouth kept moving in time with hers. My brain was screaming for me to stop, but my body had other ideas.
"Mmph," I mumbled in protest, though I wasn't sure which part I was objecting to; my feeble attempts at stopping or my desperate need to keep going.
She pressed herself tighter to me. Bella's legs were locked around my waist, and it would have been so easy to give in. A simple shift of her body's position against mine, a tug of fabric, and a gentle thrust and I would be inside of her again. But this was certainly not the place! I didn't even have anything to brace myself against. Assuming I could avoid crushing her bones in my hands, I wouldn't be able to concentrate on keeping her head above water. If I gave in now, not only would she be in danger of being crushed by my monstrous strength, but she would surely drown.
Frantically, I pushed my need for her away at the same time as I pushed her away from me. Half a second later, I couldn't see, smell, taste, or feel anything except the utter darkness of the submerged cave and the sea water in which I floated, reeling from my body's reaction to hers.
Damn it! I must have been the world's biggest fool! What had I been thinking?
Fighting my instincts, I stayed perfectly still, though the new and powerful monster inside of me fought harder for control of me than the red-eyed one ever had.
Bringing back my memories of the sight of Bella's bruised body, I firmly retook control of myself, one protesting muscle at a time. Eventually, I let out a sigh, my breath escaping from me in an unseen stream of useless bubbles. In control once again, I was ashamed. It was bad enough that I had almost taken her, here, in this cave, but then I had left her! How long had I been gone, while she floundered in the dark? I spun in a circle. From which direction had I come?
The water was murky from the silt I had stirred up; I could feel it against my skin, even if I couldn't see it. There was no current, no light, no sense of place or anything to give me a clue about which direction I needed to go.
"Damn it," I muttered. The bubbles that escaped my mouth rolled along my body, and I realized the air I held wasn't as useless as I had thought. Breathing a little bit more air out, I felt the bubbles rise toward my feet. Flipping over, I was pleased that - at the very least - I now knew which way was up. But I still didn't know which way was out. Carefully scanning the darkness, I caught the barest hint of grey - just a smudge that wasn't quite the absolute black of the rest of the water around me. Heading for it, I saw the grey turn into a hazy brown and finally identified the flashlight where it was half buried in the loose, silty bottom of the cave. I grabbed it and looked around, spying Bella's legs as they slowly scissored against the cave wall.
Mortified, I surfaced so slowly that I didn't create more than the slightest ripple. Bella was clutching the wall, her eyes squeezed tightly shut and her mouth twisted into an unhappy line.
"Bella?" I called softly.
She spun to gape at me, her eyes wide and terrified. "Edward? Oh, Edward, I'm sorry!"
Stroking across the cave to float close to her, I shook my head in astonishment. Why was she apologizing to me? "No, Bella, no. Love, you have nothing to apologize for."
"B-but you left. I m-must have - "
Carefully, reminding myself once more of the glass nature of the woman I loved, I placed a finger on her lips. Sternly, I shook my head at her. "I am so sorry," I whispered. "Leaving you here like that, was utterly reprehensible. Can you forgive me, please?"
Her eyes held their familiar look of startled confusion. "Of course." She watched me, her brows pulling together into a worried crease.
I sighed and shook my head, ashamed once more. "This makes all three, doesn't it?"
"Three what?" she whispered.
"All three days that we have been here that I have ruined with my behavior."
Her eyebrows drew together and she shook her head. "You haven't ruined anything," she said firmly.
Smiling slightly, I stroked her cheek. Knowing that I would never deserve her, I found myself staring at her in confusion. Why did she love me? Why wasn't she scared of me? Or, at the very least, angry? "How are you not angry with me?"
Bella looked away from my eyes and blushed. "I am."
I took my hand from her face, trying to find a way to apologize again, when she'd already said I was forgiven.
Her eyes flashed back to meet mine. "I'm angry that you stopped."
"Don't be ridiculous!" I snapped.
"Then don't you be!"
"Bella, I would have k- "
"If you were going to kill me, Edward, you'd have done it by now, so please, spare me that excuse."
"That I have not yet is a miracle. You have no concept of the danger I would put you in were we to - " I stopped, my throat closing over the words. I wanted so desperately to make love to her again that just thinking the words hurt. Saying them was impossible.
"I think I do," she insisted. "What you just did proves it."
Mortified once more, I hung my head in shame.
"You didn't hurt me. You haven't. You couldn't. The very fact that you left just now proves me right."
"How can you see it that way?" I demanded.
"Because that's the way it is."
We stared at each other, both struggling to understand the other.
"Please, Edward. Take me back to the house. Make love to me."
My eyes widened. "No. Don't ask me that! Can you not just... enjoy being here with me?"
"I do. I am."
"Then stop asking me to hurt you!" I growled at her, furious.
Bella's lips trembled as they pushed out into a pout. She looked away from me before mumbling, "I think I dropped my goggles."
Waiting for only a moment before turning away, I dove back under the water, searching the bottom for any sign of the colorful piece of plastic. Spying a waving end of the strap, I snagged it off of the floor of the cave, shaking the silt off as I rose slowly back to the surface. Making sure they were clean again, I handed them to her with a crooked half-smile.
"Thanks," she muttered, pulling them back into place. She took a deep breath before meeting my eyes again. "I believe you have a cave to show me."
"Did you still want to?"
"You're the one who wants me to enjoy being here. So, let's go."
Sighing at the loss of the carefree atmosphere we'd had when we'd entered the cave, I shook my head. "No. You said you would rather watch a movie. I should have listened to you earlier."
Rolling her eyes, she insisted, "Show me the damn cave, Edward."
Feeling a smile tug at my lips, I held out my hand to her to pull her into place against my back, but hesitated before doing so, eyeing her warily.
"I'll be good, I promise."
Brushing my fingers against her cheek, I kissed her quickly. "I love you."
"That's why we're here."
Unable to help myself, I laughed at her. "Goggles in place?"
"Yup."
"Take a deep breath, then."
Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and inhaled deeply, and I dove once more, quickly passing through the murky water I had already disturbed to reach the more fantastic cave formations farther in. We stopped in the various caverns, including those with room enough we were able to leave the water and climb around for a short way. By the end of our explorations of the island's little cave system, our good spirits had returned. She didn't try to kiss me again, or tempt me into doing what we both wanted, but I had little doubt that it would only be a matter of time before she formed a new strategy. Though I didn't want to cut our time on the island short, I found myself eagerly anticipating what the end of our honeymoon would mean. The end of one would be the beginning of another.
