A/N

Hey y'all!

There's a reference made in this chapter and others about Edward and medical school that was inspired by Jessica314's Tale of Years series - the 1950 story to be specific. They're Midnight Sun prequels (since it's Edward's pov, not Bella's) and the whole thing is so wonderful! For the full story surrounding the addition of each member into the Cullen family, I highly recommend giving her series a read. She's detailed all of the major events in the Cullens' lives before Bella in a way that I think we all wish SM had, but in her place, I submit Jessica's series as canon events, they're that good. Seriously, I can't gush enough about it. If you like my story at all, you'll love hers.

Thanks for reading!

~L


26. Desperate Measures

We were back at the house within minutes. The beautiful mansion that had once been my haven, my refuge, the place where I had said vows of love to my Bella, was where I now got to watch as she died. I strode through the living room to where Bella sat, worriedly watching my approach. I carefully brushed my lips against the top of her head. My hand curled itself around her face, and she pressed her cheek into my palm.

Her breath was warm on my hand when she sighed, "I'm sorry."

"Love, you have nothing to apologize for. None of this is your fault."

"It's not yours, either," she responded with more strength in her voice than I had expected.

I was sure it was deliberate, that she was doing everything she could to appear healthier than I knew her to be. Abruptly, her actions made a strange kind of sense to me. She always tried to protect the ones she loved, and in trying to appear healthy for me, she was doing what she could to protect me.

The first day in our meadow, I had been certain that she'd been afraid of me, but she had covered up and denied her fear to put me at ease. When James had been after her, her first concern had been the safety of her father, not herself. When she'd been made to believe that the sadistic monster had her mother, Bella had run to sacrifice herself to him, to exchange her life for Renee's.

When I'd thought her to be dead, she'd risked her life to save mine by coming to Italy, to prove to me that she was alive in the only way I could have believed. She'd begged to be included on the battlefield when the army had been after her so that she could act as bait for the newborn vampires. She'd sliced her own arm to distract Victoria while I'd fought against the vindictive vampire.

Everything, every single thing that she had ever done had been to protect those she loved, even at the expense of her own life. Why should this time be any different? I didn't understand why she would love the fetus, but then I didn't understand why she loved me, either. I only knew that she did.

Ah, God, how I loved her.

I forced my face to smile for her before leaving the room to join my brothers in their fruitless search for something to save Bella's life. Instead of choosing an old text on myths to read, I snagged a new edition of Perinatal Medicine. Although obstetrics was not Carlisle's preferred field, he was not one to neglect such an intrinsic part of a human's welfare. When I'd studied this same material during my own rounds of medical school, it had been rather cursory as I'd had no intention of ever working with pregnant women, much less delivering babies.

Wishing now that I'd paid the material the attention it deserved, I settled myself against a wall and began to read.

Before I'd finished with the first chapter, Carlisle stepped into his study and fixed me with a worried stare. Our argument in the woods was fresh in his mind, and he was - rightly - concerned that killing one plan had only caused me to hatch a new one. An eyebrow raised when he made note of the name of the book I was reading.

Determinedly nonchalant, I kept my eyes on the book and turned another page. "It'll have to be delivered eventually. Wouldn't you prefer a nurse who has studied the material recently?"

Bella will need you more than I. Rosalie and Esme can assist me, and no doubt will insist upon it.

"All the same. If I'm to help either of you, I'd like a refresher course, and this is the next best thing." I waved the book at him and resolutely returned to reading.

He grunted, not appreciating my belligerence, but as I wasn't shouting or badgering anyone, he left me and my brothers to our pointless reading to go run another equally pointless panel of tests on Bella's blood.

We weren't going to find anything new, because there was nothing to be found. All the legends said the same things. We were killers; end of story. It was a truth which I had always known. I was a killer. The members of my family were all killers. Perhaps it could be argued that Carlisle had never killed, but he felt the weight of responsibility for all of our murders.

What was it Esme had said to him? Guilt by proxy? Yes. Exactly. And by refusing to act now, he would be just as responsible for Bella's death as I was for putting the demon that would kill her there. As Rose and Esme were for supporting her decision to keep it. As Emmett was for supporting them. As even Jasper and Alice were for seeing the truth and not acting to prevent it.

When Bella died, we would all be responsible.

There was only one way to save her, and if I had to do it alone, then damn it, so be it.

Carlisle had called my plan reprehensible. Perhaps it was, I allowed, but standing by and letting her be murdered was far more shameful than killing the thing that would kill her, whether she wanted it to live or not. If she were dead, she would neither care nor be there to stop me from destroying it for killing her. Far better to do so now and face her wrath later than to wait and experience her death a second time.

Hunched over Carlisle's desk where he was studying a thick tome, Jasper sucked in a sharp breath. Instantly aware that he was reacting to my memory of Bella's death from earlier that year, I felt bad for causing him unnecessary pain. That she hadn't been dead was beside the point. I had believed it to be true, and the flash of pain the memory caused me felt as real as if her death had been.

"Sorry, Jazz," I muttered when he glanced my way.

Don't apologize, he thought as he shook his head. How you aren't going crazy, I don't know.

"Maybe I am."

"What?"

"Don't worry about it, Emmett."

"Aw, you know I hate when you guys do that!"

"It's nothing that concerns you. Go back to reading."

He shut the book with a loud thump and complained, "We're not going to find anything here!"

"Then by all means, give up and go coo at the demon with Rose," I snapped.

"Touchy, touchy." He stood and replaced the book he'd been reading, but grabbed another and returned to his chair with a frustrated sigh.

Great. Now I felt bad for letting one brother feel my pain and for taking out my anger on the other one. Aware that Jasper was not-so-subtly projecting feelings of determination and hope, I allowed the determination to save Bella to grow. I would save her, and nothing was going to stop me!

As I read, I made a mental note of every piece of equipment that Carlisle had brought home before our arrival and compared his supplies with what the book said would be needed for the removal of a human child from its mother's womb. We didn't have the proper supplies to insert a catheter into her spine, so the epidural was out as was the spinal block. He didn't have the proper medication in any event.

General anesthetic would have to suffice, and as I had told Bella, Carlisle had plenty of morphine. I wished he still had some of the stronger medications he had used to sedate Jacob that spring, but morphine would just have to work.

If I gave her enough of it, the demon would be out and she would be on her way to transforming before she knew what I had done. There was no way the morphine would keep her under long enough that she wouldn't experience something of the three days' worth of burning agony that I planned on inflicting. The medication's effects on humans didn't last all that long, so she would probably feel most of it.

And if she did... I swallowed hard and insisted to myself that it was what she wanted.

I would cause her three days of excruciating pain, and then spend the rest of eternity attempting to make her feel the way she'd made me feel on our honeymoon. God knew I would have suffered a century's worth of the agony of transformation and felt it a small price to pay for the privilege of making love to her even once more.

The demon would be gone, dead and burned and the ashes scattered long before she woke. Human memories faded; perhaps she wouldn't even remember it. Perhaps she wouldn't even remember me. I shook my head. No, that was absurd. I remembered my human mother, and I remembered playing the piano. Surely she would know me when she woke. Surely she would still love me, as I still loved my mother, even after all this time.

As I went over the procedure in my mind, I tried to imagine what it would be like to slice open her stomach. There would be a lot of blood. I was no experienced surgeon. It wouldn't be like with Jacob, where Carlisle had been able to avoid the major veins and arteries. The venom would repair any damage I did, so my concern would be more about moving quickly than with her recovery. She wouldn't be surviving the surgery regardless.

I considered biting her first. Well, after injecting the morphine. That way, the venom would already be in the process of converting her before I began the operation.

I found myself worrying my lower lip. My history with observing operations wasn't without failures. Young and cocky, believing myself in control of the red-eyed monster and not the other way around, I'd nearly killed the first patient I'd observed as he went under the knife. The incident would also have ended in the deaths of the surgeons, the nurses, and any people unlucky enough to have been in the halls as I'd made my escape from the hospital. I shuddered at the painful memory.

Somehow, I'd stopped myself from biting the man and had run away - as I always seemed to do from my problems.

This time, I would be no passive observer, nor would I be the assistant. This time, if I ran, Bella would die. This time, I would be the one slicing my beloved's body open and spilling her blood. I was certain that, unlike in the past, my red-eyed monster was dead.

Not caged. Not tamed. Dead. Bella's death had killed him for good.

Still, bandaging a minor wound was one thing. Performing surgery, on the other hand, would expose her rich, flowing blood. Add to that the knowledge that I would be tasting it when I bit her, either before or after the surgery, possibly both, and I worried that my instincts could overcome my reason.

Carefully, I called up the memory of the time I'd tasted her. I'd done more than taste her; I'd drunk her blood. Oh, and she had tasted divine! Exquisite. Like liquid perfection, or drinking heaven itself. More pure and sweet - even with the morphine and James's venom polluting her system - than anything I'd tasted before or since. She'd been rich and complex, flowery and lightly salty, a combination of freesia and lavender with a hint of strawberry and copper, and so hot, and yet the heat had cooled the fire in my throat like nothing else ever had, and as her blood had spread through my body, her warmth had too, and the wet pulsing of her beating heart had echoed in my ears and mouth and -

"Hey!"

I opened my eyes to find Jasper standing over me. His hands were trembling and his eyes were a flat black. "What?"

"What the hell are you doing?"

Abruptly aware that the fire raking through my throat was an echo of his, I realized he'd been carried along on my emotional memory of drinking Bella's blood. I was in complete control, with no temptation to go into the living room and drink her, despite feeling his thirst. Smiling with my victory, I knew that I'd be able to save her, to remove the demon, to bite her, and to not drain her.

"Jesus," he said with a shaky voice. He turned away from me, and began to pace the office while repeatedly running his hands through his hair. "I don't know what you were doing, little brother, but don't ever do that again."

"Alice," I called.

A second later, she appeared in the office with us, her mouth dropping open at the sight of her agitated husband. "What happened?" I hate not being able to see! I shouldn't have to ask that question!

"You should take Jazz hunting."

"What happened?" she repeated angrily.

"Nothing. He's just a little thirsty is all."

"That wasn't nothing! You were - I don't even know, but... Damn it, Edward!" He glared at me, furious that I was still smiling grimly. His chest started heaving, and I realized that he was sucking in lungfuls of Bella's scent from where she rested in the living room.

"Alice!" I hissed in alarm.

"Jasper! Jazz, hey! Hey, look at me! Calm down. Shhh." Alice forced him to meet her eyes, and we could see him calming as soon as he did. She grabbed his hand and started to lead him toward the door.

Moving with all the speed of which I was capable, I blocked the doorway. "Alice! Not this way. Take the window." I rolled my eyes, unused to having to guide my psychic sister. Getting rid of the demon would change everything back to normal. I couldn't wait until it was gone.

After they'd left, Emmett grinned at me and asked, "So, what were you doing?"

Smirking, I sat back down and turned to the section on cesarean deliveries. I felt that most of what was in the text didn't really apply to our situation. The book focused on making the incision as small as possible, on avoiding unnecessarily causing an unsightly scar, on carefully cutting away layers of skin, fat, muscles, and membranes to avoid slicing through either the major artery that ran down the length of the uterus or through the child within.

I wanted the fetus dead and if I thought a scalpel would penetrate it, would likely have stabbed it as soon as I wrenched it from her body. As it was, I'd have to administer the morphine, give it time to spread, start a fire, bite her, and only then begin the operation to remove the parasitic growth.

What was more, I'd have to do all of that before my family could stop me.

I looked through Rosalie's eyes to confirm that she was still reclining on the floor at Bella's feet while they talked about children. Bella was sucking on a frozen popsicle Esme had made in the hopes that the slow ingestion of the treat would ward off the vomiting. Rose was telling her about Calgary of all things, but at least my sister didn't seem to be relating how our stay in the city had ended; she was telling her only of the antics of the kids in the children's ward and the first time she and Esme had attempted to make popsicles for them, just like the one Bella was enjoying.

It was soothing to me to hear Bella's laughter, even if it was a weak shadow of her former vigorous giggles.

Rosalie would be a problem. She never left Bella's side. I wondered if she had suspected the lengths to which I was about to go before I had ever considered them. Maybe I should act now. Carlisle had just left for the hospital with the latest samples of Bella's blood to be tested. Jasper and Alice were out hunting, and Emmett was occupied with his book. Esme was reading too - a cookbook. I rolled my eyes in frustration. She wasn't even reading about food for Bella, but how to prepare baby food!

I'd gleaned as much from the perinatal text as I was going to get. Carlisle didn't have many of the specialized pieces of equipment it mentioned. No matter. I would grab her and sprint into the forest, injecting the morphine as I ran. She'd probably be unconscious before comprehending that I'd scooped her from the couch. I was faster than anyone else in my family, and they would never catch me so long as I kept moving. The trouble would be doing what needed to be done once I had stopped.

Perhaps I should wait on the fire. Grab her, then the morphine, then bite as I ran. That way, once I stopped to cut it out of her, by the time Rose or any other member of my family caught me, it would be too late. Bella would already be in the process of transforming, and the fetus would not survive away from her body for long.

Yes, forget all the supplies; they didn't matter. It was speed and stealth that I needed. Morphine and a scalpel and my own venom would be my only tools.

My plan solidified in my mind. Grab my Bella, inject the morphine, bite her as I ran far and fast, cut it out of her, use my venom to repair the damage I would do, and then build the fire. Rip the demon apart if necessary while I waited on the fire to take hold so that I could feed the thing that was sucking the life out of my Bella to the flames, piece by piece.

Carlisle had moved all of the medical supplies into one room. It had the exam table, the x-ray and ultrasound machines - not that they'd done any good - all of his medications and bags of IV fluids - not that they were doing any good, either! - scalpels, scissors, hemostats, and needles. Everything which Carlisle had thought to bring home the week before was in the room beside mine, waiting uselessly for a surgery that would never be performed.

Well, I was done with waiting!

It was time for action, and with only Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett in the house with me, now was the best time. Esme and Emmett weren't in positions to stop me. Only Rose was directly in the way. I wondered if she'd placed herself at Bella's feet deliberately. Again, it seemed to me that she had known what I was planning before I had conceived of the idea.

How could I get around her? Reach over the back of the couch to snag Bella? That might hurt her and would take too long, besides. The side? Same problem. Grab Rose instead? I could hurl her across the room, and scoop Bella up in the same motion.

No. Taking action to save my own wife was one thing. Actively planning an attack on my sister was another. No one in my family would ever forgive me, and rightly so. I doubted I'd be able to lure her away from Bella's side. Not grab, then. Push. If I just shoved her aside, hurled myself at her, and used my speed and the force of my body to knock Rosalie out of the way, I wouldn't have to lay my hands on her.

Somehow that didn't really seem all that much better.

Or maybe I could time it so that Bella wasn't even on the couch. Surely she would need to get up to use the bathroom soon. With them side by side as they walked, Bella would be accessible and I wouldn't even have to do anything other than avoid my sister.

Yes, that would be best. But... what if she didn't have to go before one of the others got back? I had already decided that I was done with waiting. Though Jasper and Carlisle agreed with me that the demon child was dangerous, and Alice hated not being able to see because of it, if Carlisle wasn't willing to help me, I couldn't count on anyone to do anything but stand in my way. It was better to act now.

Right now.

With determination filling my body, I stood and replaced the book. Striding through the house toward the stairs, I closed my ears to the soft call of my name as Bella saw me walk past. If I had stopped, I was sure something of my plan would have been evident to Rosalie. She already suspected me as it was.

I went into my room, making sure that my movements could be heard. Lingering only for a moment, I retraced my steps down the hall, but this time I tread lightly, not daring to breathe, for fear that my sister would hear the flow of air and know where I was and what I was doing. The door to the makeshift exam room stood open, and I crept over to the cabinet where Carlisle had the needles, syringes, and vials of morphine. I drew up enough of the drug to knock her unconscious and snagged a scalpel.

All of my thoughts were focused on Rosalie's mind. Straining to pick up any sound that I might make, or any image in her mind that would indicate her suspicion that I was taking action, I closed my eyes and watched as she continued to talk to Bella about the demon's non-existent potential.

There!

Rose glanced at the stairs I had just climbed, but made no other indication that she suspected what I was about to do. I returned to my room and carefully slid open the glass door that led to the balcony that ran around the house. Listening through Rose's ears for any creaking, I descended the stairs to the back porch.

Noiselessly sliding the backdoor open, I stole back into the house and ghosted closer to where my beloved wife sat. My weight was balanced on the balls of my feet, my muscles coiled to spring into action as soon as Bella was in view. I felt like I was hunting her, and it felt wrong, but saving her could never be anything but right.

I paused, just out of view, watching through Rosalie's eyes for the best opening. She shifted slightly and pictured my face as I had walked past them a few moments earlier. I'd been right about her suspicions. She might not have known what I was planning, but she knew that I was up to something. She was listening for me, cocking her ear in the direction of my room. She shifted into a low crouch and angled herself toward the stairs and away from the hall where I waited.

Her attempt at placing herself more fully between where she suspected me to be and where Bella reclined put just that bit more distance between us instead. The opening I'd been looking for appeared between myself and Bella.

Now!

I hurled myself into the living room, planning on scooping Bella into my arms, springing over the back of the couch in the same fluid motion, and sprinting with every ounce of my speed and strength away from my home within a single second. Less. I didn't think that even Rose would have been able to see me move.

Before I had taken two strides, I was tripped and tackled to the floor. The syringe and scalpel flew from my hands and went skittering across the carpet, coming to rest by the couch while my arms were twisted behind me by the blond fury on my back. Two iron hands secured them into place while another set of hands gripped my legs as my sister lay across them, pinning me underneath her body.

"No! No, no, no, nonono, no!" I roared as I writhed in their grip, even knowing that it was too late. The element of surprise was lost. But then, when had I ever been able to surprise Alice? Even so, I fought against her and Jasper, not caring that I could hear and feel my skin tearing as he kept my arms twisted behind my back.

Rosalie pivoted toward me with her arms spread in front of Bella, staring at me in surprise and outrage. Esme and Emmett appeared in the doorways, drawn from their rooms by the sound of three vampire bodies crashing to the floor together.

"Emmett!" Alice squeaked just before I managed to kick her away, earning a growl from Jasper and a tightening of the hands on my arms.

Breaking out of his shock, Emmett threw himself toward me at the same time as I wrenched one arm free. Alice grabbed for my legs again while I attempted to get them under me. Jasper concentrated on keeping ahold of the one arm still in his hands, and Emmett wrapped his huge hands around the one I'd freed. Alice was sitting on my legs, Jasper on my back, Emmett leaning against the shoulder of the arm he held, and all of them were still barely containing me.

A ferocious snarl erupted from my chest over the sounds of my tearing skin. I felt stronger due to my fear of losing Bella than I'd even felt in my newborn days. There was no way I would allow them to stop me!

Esme was shouting for us to stop fighting, Rosalie was screaming, encouraging our siblings to contain me, Emmett, Jasper, and Alice were grunting as they repeatedly tried to tell me to quit struggling, but I couldn't give up. I wouldn't! Writhing beneath them, I managed to buck Jasper off my back though he didn't release my arm, and I kicked Alice away again.

Rose's arms were spread, and her lips pulled back from her teeth, but she didn't leave her position in front of Bella. Esme came to Alice's rescue, and with one brother on each arm, my mother securing one leg, and my pixie sister the other, I was finally immobilized. Even if I did manage to win my way free from the others, I was sure to have an even worse fight on my hands in trying to get past Rosalie.

"Stop! What are you doing? Wait, don't hurt him. Edward!"

Rose blocked Bella from coming to me, but her words cut through the others' to reach me at last. My name on Bella's tongue was all that I could hear. I looked up and met her eyes. She was using all of her pitiful strength to push against Rosalie's arms so that she could come to me, but with the way I'd been thrashing against my family, if she had reached me, she surely would have gotten hurt.

I slumped to the floor in defeat. No longer struggling against them, now I struggled to hold in my cries. "Let - let me go. I - I have to - I have to - Please! I have to save her! I have to - I can't - I can't..."

"Rose," Bella whispered, laying a hand on the arm held protectively in front of her.

My sister lowered her arms, but hovered close as Bella knelt by my head. One by one, my family members released me, and I reached for the fragile human girl who held my heart. A high pitched moan escaped me as I pulled Bella carefully against me. My arms wound around her just above where the demon grew, and I shifted her onto my lap, burying my face in her hair.

She felt so slight in my arms! She'd always been delicate and breakable, but the creature within her was stealing what little physical strength she possessed. Though I wanted to crush her tightly against me, I barely dared to touch her.

Bella wrapped her arms around me and stroked my hair. She whispered my name and meaningless reassurances while I gasped and shuddered in her embrace.

How many more times would I get to hold her before she died? How many more times could I tell her I loved her before it killed her? Her frailty was so obvious as I cradled her against me, and it wouldn't be much longer before her body gave out. We were supposed to have had eternity together. Now, I doubted we would have another week.