29. Choices

...runner-up werewolf about to ask the vampire's wife to shack up and procreate. Nice. Man, this is so twisted. And wrong! No. I'm not gonna do it. I'll talk to her, but I'm not about to suggest - what he said. I'll just forget that nonsense... but I'll try. I'll try and make her listen. And she won't... go far enough the others couldn't hear?

That Jacob was willing to fight with her for her life was the most that I could have hoped for. It was more than most of my family had done. If he made the offer, and she accepted it, so be it. At least it would mean she would live. If he made the offer and she rejected it, I'd have to try some other means of persuasion. The same for if he didn't make the offer. Something had to work. Bella couldn't die!

My family was still gathered in the living room and I strode toward them, trying to regain the composure I had allowed to slip while talking with Jacob.

...what that was all about, but his welcome has come and gone! Rosalie was standing by Bella, with her arm around the girl I loved and a hand pressed to her cheek. Bella was leaning into her touch as she always had mine.

Frowning, I insisted, "We're going to let Jacob and Bella speak privately."

"Over my pile of ashes!"

I only had eyes for Bella, and didn't spare my sister a glance. "Bella, Jacob wants to talk to you. Are you afraid to be alone with him?"

Bella studied him for a moment, and then turned to meet Rosalie's eyes. "Rose, it's fine. Jake's not going to hurt us. Go with Edward."

"It might be a trick," Rose said, alternating between eyeing me and Jacob suspiciously.

"I don't see how."

"Carlisle and I will always be in your sight, Rose," I said, unable to keep the irritation from my voice.

Over the week since we'd been home, I had practically gone out of my way to prove to Rose why Bella's phone call had been necessary. Especially after my attempt at running off with her the previous day, I was almost surprised that my sister allowed me to be in the same room with my wife at all. And Carlisle too, because although he refused to take action, he continued to argue my case.

Bitterly aware that she had every right to fear me, that she should have feared me all along, I muttered, "We're the ones she's afraid of."

"No," Bella gasped as tears sprang to her eyes. "No, Edward, I'm not..."

"I didn't mean it that way, Bella." I should have foreseen how she would take that statement, how she would defend my actions, even to myself. I needed her to concentrate on what Jacob had to say, not on how I felt. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

...dying from his demon spawn, and she's beating herself up over his feelings. Girl's a classic martyr. Shoulda lived when she could've gotten herself fed to some lions for a good cause.

"Everyone, please." I gestured toward the door and they each moved toward it after glancing uncomfortably at Bella, the wolf, Rosalie, and myself. Rose, however, refused to budge, and I knew that she would never allow the conversation to take place if she stayed, even if Jacob could find the courage to suggest it with her there.

I was about to insist that she leave, but Bella beat me to it. "Rose. I want you to go."

My sister scowled at me, shot a glare at the wolf, and then moved away from her protective stance beside Bella.

You first, she thought as she motioned for me to precede her through the door. We caught up with everyone else in the garage. I was glad they had decided to give the two of them true privacy by actually leaving the house. Going into the next room or the porch where even their whispers would be clearly heard wasn't much different from simply remaining in the room with them.

"Well?" Rose demanded of me when we had rejoined our family. "What was that all about?"

"If I had wanted you to know, I wouldn't have asked to talk to him alone," I snarled.

"I have a right to know!" she insisted. "If it involves the baby, I should know about it."

I looked away from her and leaned against the wall by the door, refusing to answer.

Fine! I'll just... Rose huffed and made to return to the house.

I blocked the doorway with a low growl.

"Rosalie," Carlisle said, "Bella has asked to speak with Jacob in private."

"She asked for me to keep her baby safe first!"

"What exactly do you think Jacob is going to do, Rosalie? Try to convince her to give it up?" I suggested before she could even form the thought. "Probably so, but how successful do you think he's going to be when Carlisle and I have failed that endeavor for the past week?"

"You're up to something, and I know it."

I rolled my eyes and retook my position by the door. Rose went to stand by Emmett, but she never took her eyes off me. Everyone else relaxed slightly when it became apparent that we wouldn't be fighting anymore, and I tuned them out so that I could concentrate on what Jacob was saying to Bella. It wasn't their privacy I had been concerned with so much as I had wanted Rose far enough away not to hear his suggestion.

If he ever made it.

Either way, I needed to hear.

"Did he ask you to yell at me?"

"Sort of. Though I can't figure why he thinks you'd listen to me. You never have before."

She sighed and tucked her lower lip between her teeth.

"I told you - "

"Did you know that 'I told you so,' has a brother, Jacob? His name is 'Shut the hell up'."

I snorted, amused by Bella's spunk.

"Good one."

I watched through Jacob's eyes as the smile I'd missed for so long spread across Bella's face. "I can't take credit - I got it off a rerun of The Simpsons."

"Missed that one."

"It was funny."

They sat in silence, just holding hands, and I was aware of how cold she seemed. His body temperature was much higher than a human's, but even so, he seemed to think she was cooler against his skin than normal.

"Did he really ask you to talk to me?"

"To talk some sense into you. There's a battle that's lost before it starts." ...it was even possible to talk sense into her, wouldn't be married to a vampire, for God's sake! ...what good this is going to do... wasting my breath...

"So why did you agree?"

...don't really know... only that... each second longer with her is going to make it that much worse when she dies... but I can't give her up... like an addict, only my supply is limited, and when it runs out, when she dies -

"It'll work out, you know. I believe that," she assured him softly.

"Is dementia one of your symptoms?"

"Maybe," she said with a laugh that cause my heart to ache. "I'm not saying things will work out easily, Jake. But how could I have lived through all that I've lived through and not believe in magic by this point?"

She'd been hunted, attacked, and bitten by a vampire, been targeted by an entire army of newborn vampires, and then watched as the vampire who had promised to love her ripped another vampire to pieces. How was any of that magical? Even one of those things should have terrified her and made her want to leave Forks behind for good.

Jacob seemed to agree with me. "Magic?"

"Especially for you." I saw her soft smile in his mind, saw her melted chocolate eyes sparkling with the love I knew she felt for the mutt. She caressed his cheek the way she so often did mine, and I had to bite back the pain-filled moan that wanted to escape from me. "More than anyone else, you've got some magic waiting to make things right for you."

"What are you babbling about?"

"Edward told me once what it was like - your imprinting thing. He said it was like A Midsummer Night's Dream, like magic. You'll find who you're really looking for, Jacob, and maybe then all of this will make sense."

Jacob's voice was a harsh growl. "If you think that imprinting could ever make sense of this insanity..."

In a flash of insight, I thought I might understand part of why Bella had chosen me over the wolf. He could not guarantee that his love for her wouldn't be superseded by the genetic compulsion to love another, whereas my love for Bella was eternal. There was no other whom I had or would ever love more than I loved Bella, and still I had left her.

I could appreciate her desire not to be left behind yet again, but if Jacob left her, he wouldn't be coming back.

A parade of images from his pack mates ran through Jacob's mind. Sam, Paul, Jared, and Quil were all content to be the emotional slaves of the women whom they were genetically compelled to love. That they knew what had happened and were still happy about it caused Jacob to fear and even be horrified by the prospect of imprinting.

"Do you really think that just because I might someday imprint on some stranger it would make this right?" He pointed in fury at the growing demon in her belly. "Tell me what the point was then, Bella! What was the point of me loving you? What was the point of you loving him? When you die how is that ever right again? What's the point to all the pain? Mine, yours, his! You'll kill him, too, not that I care about that."

She flinched at his words, and glimpse of the same pain I had been feeling for the past week flashed across her features. She'd tried to tell me so many times before that she loved me as I loved her. When she'd convinced me to allow my family to fight without me, it had been this fact - that my death would kill her - that had made me agree. I couldn't bear the thought of a world without her in it, anymore than she seemed able to stand the idea of one without me.

Abruptly, I realized that if this didn't work, I had another weapon in my arsenal. I'd used it already against my mother and my father. She already knew the truth, too. When she died, so would I. She'd used my love for her to make me stay with her during the fight with the army. If Jacob was unsuccessful, maybe I could try the same tactic.

"So what was the point of your twisted love story, in the end? If there is any sense, please show me, Bella, because I don't see it."

I listened avidly, hoping that she would actually explain her reasoning other than with meaningless assurances that since she believed it, it must be true.

"I don't know yet, Jake," she said with a sigh. "But I just... feel... that this is all going somewhere good, hard as it is to see now. I guess you could call it faith."

I grunted, annoyed and disappointed.

Jacob argued for me, "You're dying for nothing, Bella! Nothing!"

She smiled and caressed her swollen stomach.

...no...she thinks she's dying for it.

"I'm not going to die," Bella insisted through her teeth. "I will keep my heart beating. I'm strong enough for that."

Willing to be far harsher with her than I ever was, Jacob spat, "That's a load of crap, Bella. You've been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long. No normal person can do it. You're not strong enough." The wolf cupped her face in his hands. ...be gentle, Jake... everything about her screams breakable.

"I can do this. I can do this," Bella repeated to him as she had done to me and Carlisle.

"Doesn't look like it to me. So what's your plan? I hope you have one."

Bella nodded and her lips curved into a gentle smile. "Did you know Esme jumped off a cliff? When she was human, I mean."

Though she was staring into Carlisle's eyes, I scowled at my mother. I hadn't realized she'd told Bella the details of her death.

"So?"

"So she was close enough to dead that they didn't even bother taking her to the morgue. Her heart was still beating, though, when Carlisle found her..." Bella's words trailed off, but she raised an eyebrow significantly, waiting on him to see her meaning.

It didn't take him long, and I was sure she could see it in his face even as I read it in his mind. ...what she meant about keeping her heart beating.

An icy trickle of or dread ran down his back, and he muttered, "You're not planning on surviving this human."

"No. I'm not stupid. I guess you probably have your own opinion on that point, though."

"Emergency vampirization."

"It worked for Esme. And Emmett, and Rosalie, and even Edward. None of them were in such great shape. Carlisle only changed them because it was that or death. He doesn't end lives; he saves them."

"Listen to me, Bells. Don't do it that way." ...need her to stay alive... in some form, any form... even that. "Don't wait until it's too late, Bella. Not that way. Live. Okay? Just live. Don't do this to me. Don't do it to him. You know what he's going to do when you die. You've seen it before. You want him to go back to those Italian killers?" ...course that won't be necessary this time.

Though I tried to quash it, I felt a hope growing inside of me. Jacob would save her, as he always had.

"Remember when I was mangled up by those newborns? What did you tell me?"

She scowled at him in silence. At any other time, that expression of kitten anger would have made me laugh.

"You told me to be good and listen to Carlisle. And what did I do? I listened to the vampire. For you."

"You listened because it was the right thing to do."

"Okay - pick either reason."

Bella took a deep breath, and I saw a little bit of color return to her face. "It's not the same thing now. I won't kill him," she said, indicating the demon in her stomach.

Jacob's voice was heavy with sarcasm when he drawled, "Oh, I hadn't heard the great news. A bouncing baby boy, huh? Shoulda brought some blue balloons."

The blood swirled up to color her cheeks in the first real blush I'd seen in over a week. "I don't know he's a boy. The ultrasound wouldn't work. The membrane around the baby is too hard - like their skin. So he's a little mystery. But I always see a boy in my head."

How often had I wished I could see into her mind? Now, the idea of seeing her mental image of my child made me cringe. I didn't want to see the thing she loved and protected, despite knowing - knowing! - that it was killing her.

"It's not some pretty baby in there, Bella."

"We'll see." The smug set to her mouth matched the surety in her voice.

"You won't," Jacob pointed out.

Bella rolled her eyes and sighed. "You're very pessimistic, Jacob. There is definitely a chance that I might walk away from this."

To my frustration, he looked away from her. The fire which presaged his transformation ran through his bones, but he didn't give in to the wolf.

"Jake. It's going to be okay. Shh. It's okay." Bella's voice was once again the soothing coo she had used when trying to comfort me, and I ground my teeth as she wiped tears that I was unable to shed from his face.

"No. It will not be okay."

"Shh."

"What's the deal, Bella? I thought the whole point was that you wanted your vampire more than anything. And now you're just giving him up? That doesn't make any sense. Since when are you desperate to be a mom? If you wanted that so much, why did you marry a vampire?"

...close to making that offer that he wanted me to make... feel the words heading in that direction, but I can't seem to stop them... even so, if it works...

Once again, I concentrated on his thoughts, needing to pick up any nuance in her voice that would answer the questions I'd been asking her for a week.

"It's not like that. I didn't really care about having a baby. I didn't even think about it. It's not just having a baby. It's... well... this baby."

I frowned, concerned now that even if Jacob did make the offer, she would reject it not because it was him that was making the offer, but because it was the demon influencing her after all. She was willing to die to protect those she loved, but why and how could she love the thing so completely from the moment it had made itself known? There had to be more to it than Bella's loving nature, and the only explanation which made sense was that the creature was acting to protect itself by somehow making her love it.

I had lived for half a century with someone capable of affecting emotions. It wasn't outside the realm of possibility that it was making her love it. And if that were the case, that made the thing all the more dangerous. The covens that had created immortal children in centuries past had died to protect their creations, though their actions had seemed unreasonable to everyone else at the time.

Most creatures instinctively protected their young, even if it meant sacrificing their lives. Ducks would mime a broken wing to lure a fox away from their nest. Lionesses would carry their cubs away from a fresh kill, though the babies might be starving, to protect them from the unreasonable male who would kill his young rather than give up a meal.

I pressed my lips together, knowing how often I'd been compared to the lions I loved hunting. Now, here I was, the unreasonable male that would kill his child rather than give up his mate. Scowling angrily, I continued to listen to Bella defend the demon I'd planted within her.

"It's a killer, Bella. Look at yourself."

"He's not. It's me. I'm just weak and human. But I can tough this out, Jake, I can - "

"Aw, come on!" he shouted at her. I was glad that he was willing to argue so forcefully with her. I'd worried that my need to protect her might have kept me from being as harsh as was needed, but the mutt had no such restraints. "You can spout this crap to your bloodsucker, but you're not fooling me. You know you're not going to make it."

"I do not know that. I'm worried about it, sure," she surprised me by admitting.

"Worried about it."

As though it knew they were discussing its death, the creature chose that moment to stretch or whatever it did to cause her pain, and Bella gasped and clutched her swollen stomach.

"I'm fine. It's nothing," she panted.

For the first time, Jacob saw her stomach exposed, and he was staring at the bruises the thing had left on her fragile body. Ice seemed to flood his mind from the horror of what he as seeing.

"He's strong, that's all."

...meant by watching it hurt her! "Bella," he moaned.

He'd lost his angry tone, and the grief in his voice made her meet his eyes. She looked confused, the familiar line of bewilderment forming between her brows.

"Bella, don't do this."

The confusion disappeared, to be replaced by pity. "Jake - "

"Listen to me. Don't get your back up yet. Okay? Just listen. What if...?" He trailed off, and I held my breath, knowing that he was about to offer her the chance to have a child with him, a child that wouldn't kill her.

"What if what?"

"What if this wasn't a one-shot deal? What if it wasn't all or nothing? What if you just listened to Carlisle like a good girl, and kept yourself alive?"

"I won't - " she began angrily.

"I'm not done yet. So you stay alive. Then you can start over. This didn't work out. Try again."

She frowned, and I saw her reach for the crease that had formed between the mutt's eyes. "I don't understand... What do you mean, try again. You can't think Edward would let me...? And what difference would it make? I'm sure any baby - "

"Yes!" he interrupted her in fury. "Any kid of his would be the same."

"What?"

...no point in explaining... never been able to save her from herself, much less him.

Abruptly, Bella blinked and the look of confusion cleared from her face. "Oh. Ugh. Please, Jacob. You think I should kill my baby and replace it with some generic substitute? Artificial insemination? Why would I want to have some stranger's baby? I suppose it just doesn't make a difference? Any baby will do?"

I could hear the anger in her voice and was almost glad that she hadn't even given having a child with him a thought, except that I wanted her to consider another option. I'd already suggested adoption, and knew she didn't want a stranger's baby. She wanted a child from the man she loved, but she loved Jacob, too.

"I didn't mean that. Not a stranger." Warmth spread across his cheeks, and I thought if I could see his face, the young man would be blushing.

"Then what are you saying?"

"Nothing. I'm saying nothing. Same as ever."

"Where did that come from?"

"Forget it, Bella."

"Did he tell you to say that?"

I wasn't surprised that she saw through me so easily, but she still was missing the point.

"No."

"He did, didn't he?"

"No, really. He didn't say anything about artificial whatever."

She leaned back into the pillows and looked away from him, in the direction of the garage where I waited with my family, as if she knew instinctively where I was. I recognized the soft look on her face. It was the same one she'd given me so many times over our honeymoon, and I felt my heart twisting. How I'd missed her love!

"He would do anything for me. And I'm hurting him so much... But what is he thinking? That I would trade this for some stranger's..." Her hand was rubbing circles over the thing I'd planted, and as Jacob watched, tears filled her eyes and spilled over to run down her cheeks.

"You don't have to hurt him," Jacob surprised me by saying. He was pulling out all the stops, willing to use anything, even our love, to keep her alive. "You could make him happy again, Bella. And I really think he's losing it. Honestly, I do."

...begging for him but it's probably the best bet to save her... even if I know it still won't work.

"Not a stranger? What exactly did Edward say to you?"

"Nothing. He just thought you might listen to me."

"Not that. About trying again."

"Nothing," Jacob insisted, unwilling to put into words the request I'd made of him. Even so, she saw what he wouldn't say, and her mouth dropped open to form a perfect circle.

"Wow."

He looked away from her, and I had to fight the urge to go into the house so I could see her reaction for myself.

Would she accept? Would she agree to live? Would she agree to have a child that wouldn't kill her with the young man she already loved? I hoped she would. But the selfish and possessive and insanely jealous part of me that still hated Jacob Black hoped desperately that she wouldn't. How could I bear it if she did?

I insisted to myself that if it meant she lived then I would bear it. I would suffer anything just so that she lived.

It was her death I would be unable to take.

"He really would do anything, wouldn't he?" she whispered.

"I told you he was going crazy. Literally, Bells."

"I'm surprised you didn't tell on him right away. Get him in trouble."

I was shocked at the sound of amusement in her voice, and when Jacob looked back up to her face, was even more shocked by the grin on her lips.

"Thought about it," he tried to tease back. ...knows what I'm offering, and didn't even think twice about it... knew she wouldn't, but dang, it still stings.

I fell to my knees with a gasp. She had refused. Even at the expense of her life, even knowing that I had wanted her to go to him, she still rejected him. I couldn't believe the relief I felt. Or the despair.

"What? What is it, Edward?"

They had all been watching me in the hopes of using my reactions to tell them something of the conversation they knew that I was listening to, but I just shook my head. "He failed."

Rose's face lit up in triumph. "Hah!"

"There isn't much you wouldn't do for me, either, is there? I really don't know why you bother. I don't deserve either of you."

"It makes no difference, though, does it?"

"Not this time."

Rose began to stride toward the house, but I put out a hand. "Give them another moment please, Rosalie."

She sighed and tapped her foot as she crossed her arms and glared at me. ...what's the point? Whatever your plan was, it failed.

"Please, Rose?"

She grunted and returned to lean against Emmett where she could watch me with a scowl.

"I wish I could explain it to you right so that you would understand. I can't hurt him," Bella pointed toward the demon I'd planted, "any more than I could pick up a gun and shoot you. I love him."

"Why do you always have to love the wrong things, Bella?"

"I don't think I do."

"Trust me." Jacob's voice was harsh, and full of hatred for me. He got to his feet, and Bella held out a hand to him with a concerned look on her face.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm not doing any good here."

"Don't go."

"I don't belong here. I've got to get back."

"Why did you come today?"

"Just to see if you were really alive. I didn't believe you were sick like Charlie said."

"Will you come back again? Before...?"

"I'm not going to hang around and watch you die, Bella," he growled at her.

Bella flinched away from his harsh words and pulled her hand back to herself. "You're right, you're right. You should go."

He turned from her without another word and strode for the door.

"Bye. Love you, Jake," she whispered as he reached for the knob. If it hadn't been for the fact that she had just chosen me over him - as she always had - those words would have caused me to cry out in pain.

No. I realized that wasn't exactly true. This time, she had chosen my demon child over both of us.

"Damn it!" I said as I stood from the floor and put my fist through the wall of the garage.

"Edward!" Esme exclaimed in disapproval.

"Sorry, Esme."

"Sure, sure," the wolf muttered as he left our home.

I was aware of the fire in his bones and felt it take him over as he phased. A moment later, he was out of my range, but not before I heard the other wolves' voices chorusing his name in relief. Grateful that he was gone from my house, I sprinted back inside with Rosalie on my heels.

We entered the room together, and Rosalie darted over to Bella's side, asking, "Are you alright?"

Bella was wiping the tears from her face when I stepped through the doorway of the living room, but she gave me a tremulous smile. Bella shook her head at Rose, but didn't take her eyes off me. "I'm fine."

Hesitantly, unsure if she would be angry with me for what I had asked Jacob to say, I took a step in her direction, and then another. She held out a hand to me, and I gladly went to her. Grateful to be able to touch her, I sat on the couch beside the girl I loved and slipped my arms around her fragile shoulders. She laid her head on my chest, and I rested my chin against the top of her head.

"I'm sorry, Edward."

"Sorry," I scoffed. "Bella, don't be absurd." Why did she always feel the need to apologize for my actions? I pulled her chin up so that she had to look at me. "I don't want you to be sorry; I want you to live."

"I know. But I will, so you don't have to worry anymore, okay?"

...right, Edward? Not worry? That'll happen.

I scowled at Rose, but didn't bother to answer.

Choosing not to taunt me anymore, Rosalie turned to Bella and asked, "So? What was all that about?"

Bella shook her head. "Jacob was just worried about me."

"And he couldn't say that with the rest of us here?"

"Drop it, Rosalie," I snarled. "He's gone, and I doubt he'll be back. It's not important now."

Bella bit her lip. "Were you listening?"

"Of course."

"Of course you were," she sighed.

A few moments later, her breaths deepened, her body went limp, and she slept in my arms. I closed my eyes and allowed myself a brief moment of pleasure. I'd missed this. I was grateful she was sleeping at all. She'd been so nauseous, I doubted she'd gotten a full two hours of sleep in a row that whole week.

Rose positioned herself at the other end of the couch. Alice had joined my brothers and Carlisle in the library where they were continuing their search for information that might keep Bella from dying. Or at the very least, something that could tell us what to expect from the creature she carried.

Although I tried not to, I couldn't help but to overhear Rosalie's thoughts. She wore an unhappy grimace and was twisting her rings around on her fingers. There was an edge of resentment coloring the sound of her mental voice, and I rolled my eyes at her childishness.

...endangers the whole family for a human and everyone jumps to help, but when I try to do the same thing for a baby, for his baby, suddenly I'm the bad guy. This isn't my fault. I'm just doing what I was asked to do. I didn't ask Bella for a baby. I don't want her baby. I want mine!

"Then why are you doing this?" I asked through my teeth.

Rosalie glanced at me, pressed her lips together, and looked away.

"You don't even want the demon she's carrying? Why bother keeping her alive to get it, then? What are you after if not the child you can't otherwise have?"

She huffed and her voice was full of disgust when she spoke. "You're just as bad as Carlisle. If I didn't know better, I'd swear you two were related, you're so much alike."

She said I was like Carlisle as though that were a bad thing. While I would have loved to be more like the man I admired above any other, I would never be able to maintain his level of calm self-control, would never match his essential goodness, nor have his easy self-assurance. I could spend the rest of eternity trying - if I didn't die in the next week or two - but Carlisle's example was one which I would never live up to. I shook my head, dismissing the matter. It wasn't my father I was concerned with at that moment; it was Bella and Rose.

"You didn't answer my question."

I'd think you would be happy. You wanted me to like your human, didn't you?

"Helping her kill herself does not mean you like her, Rose!"

She sighed and flipped her hair over her shoulders. "This isn't about the baby. I'll care for the baby when it's born because that's what I was asked to do. And - "

"Well, I'm asking you to - "

"And!" She shot me an angry glare. I wasn't finished! "And because it's the right thing to do. And because this is what she's chosen."

"She's choosing suicide, and you're choosing to assist her," I spat. "Which part of that is right?"

"Bella doesn't see it that way."

"And you're also choosing to feed her delusions!"

"Delusions," Rose scoffed.

"Yes!" I hissed, trying not to wake the girl in my arms. "She's barely hanging on as it is, and she's not going to get better. In fact, she's going to get much worse, and then she's going to die. And what's worse is that she's doing so to bring a monster into this world that apparently nobody wants, including you! What the hell, Rose?"

"You've been trying to live her life for her from day one. Has she ever made a decision that you didn't either argue her out of or manipulate her into thinking she wanted? Think about it, Edward. How often have you kept the truth from her? Remember Florida? Mike's car? Last year when you left? Did you give her any choice in the matter when it came to her own life, her own future, or did you just assume you knew best and acted as you saw fit?"

Offended, I denied her accusations. "I've only been trying to keep her safe. What's wrong with that?"

What's wrong with it is that you have a habit of dismissing what she wants for whatever you think is best.

"She wouldn't be alive now if I hadn't done whatever was necessary to save her! Do you think I wanted to leave her? Do you think I enjoyed lying to her?"

Rose made a rude sound in the back of her throat. How could anyone know? You could say how you felt, but why should anyone other than Jasper believe you? When you think Bella's safety is jeopardized, you think that justifies any actions, any lies, but you're wrong.

"Where is this coming from? You're the one who voted no when she was asking to join us. You're the one who has tried repeatedly to convince her that joining us was a mistake. And you're the one who told me not to stop fighting for her life! How is that any different?"

"Do you seriously not see the difference? I voiced my opinion; I didn't force it on her. I told her the truth; when is the last time you could claim the same? And when she chose not to listen to my advice, I let her go ahead with her plans. I may not have liked her choices, but I respected that they were hers to make. You, on the other hand, have heard her say what she wanted repeatedly, and never once gave her the courtesy of considering that she knows what's best for her. She doesn't need you to be her father; she needs a partner. Which is something you have never been."

I frowned at her, trying to deny what she was saying. "I didn't want her to be a killer. I didn't want her to be like me. And I don't want her to die!"

"Again, you've only considered what you want."

"Because I know the consequences of her choices. I know what killing people did to me. You may never have had an accident, but I know you've seen what they've done to Emmett. Wouldn't you have protected him from them if you could've?"

She was quiet as she pictured Emmett's face after he'd killed. He'd looked back at her and the eyes that were normally golden and dancing with laughter were bright red and full of remorse. "I understand what you're saying, Edward. Trust me. And so does she. She understands why you've tried to keep her human, but you have never trusted her."

"You're wrong. It was her ideas that kept Charlie safe when James was after her. I listened to her and followed her plans then. She's the one who realized the army belonged to Victoria, and that they were after her. I trusted her insights then, too."

"Alright. When the truth is glaringly obvious, you do occasionally see and recognize it."

"And this truth?" I demanded, pointing at Bella's stomach. "It's glaringly obvious, but you're the one refusing to recognize it."

"I recognize that it is not human, but that doesn't make it a demon. Fear has blinded you from seeing the truth about her baby." She turned and met my eyes. "About your baby."

"My baby," I muttered bitterly.

"Yes, Edward. This is your baby!"

"And you don't think that alone is reason enough to kill it? Jacob knows the truth. Its father is a monster and a killer, and so is it. We can't allow Bella to bring it into this world, and I won't allow her to die for it!"

"All my life, my choices have been taken from me. It hurts me to see you doing the same thing to her, Edward. I thought you a better man than that."

"That's ridiculous, Rosalie," I said, rolling my eyes.

I know. I suppose I should have seen that you weren't the better man long ago, but you do a good job of hiding your less admirable traits behind the need you seem to have to redeem yourself. She sniffed in disdain. "Well, when you aren't being an arrogant, pushy, insufferable, know-it-all."

I glared at her in furious silence while she ran through her memories of me over the past century.

Rose remembered the way I had tried - in my bumbling, inept way - to help her deal with her new reality as a newborn vampire. I saw her recall her appreciation for the way I'd stood behind her decision to kill Royce and his friends when Carlisle had been unsure how to deal with her callous murders of the men who'd hurt her. She remembered me and Emmett when the man she'd saved had been a newborn, the way I'd helped to ease his transition into our family, and the way I'd helped him see that the pale, golden goddess he'd begun to worship had wanted him, too.

She remembered the house I'd helped to build for them when they'd been newly married, and the way I'd freely given of my own money for Emmett to leave to his human family so that they would not suffer due to his absence.

Then she pictured my smug expression whenever I read something in her mind that she would rather have kept private; it didn't matter to her that I kept such things to myself when she didn't want me to know, either. She remembered my haughty disdain of her ability to go through medical school and my unconscious skepticism of her success when she'd begun to rebuild her first car. I hadn't even realized at the time that I'd expressed those doubts to her; it had been automatic on my part. What could a woman have known of such things?

Vampires changed so rarely, but we did change. Most often, those changes were abrupt and permanent, the way falling in love with Bella had changed me. However, the subtle and gradual changes that humans underwent were nearly impossible for us. I could learn facts and apply that information to the world around me, but they didn't affect my basic and automatic actions or reactions. Over the decades, Rose, Alice, and Esme had gained my respect and admiration, but the preconceived notions of a man born at the turn of the century had never been replaced.

My fury faded as I saw myself through Rose's candid eyes.

Intellectually, I might know that Bella was smart and perceptive, but I continued to dismiss her ability to see the consequences of her choices. Despite how often I'd praised the clarity of her insights, when they had disagreed with my own, I'd stubbornly refused to accept that I could be wrong. I might have respected my mother and my sisters, but it was Carlisle whom I looked to for advice and guidance.

I loved the women in my family and respected their rights to live their own lives and make their own mistakes, but they didn't belong to me the way Bella did. She was mine! That made it my job to protect Bella. I was her husband. Wasn't it my responsibility to provide for her? Wouldn't it always be?

...thought I wanted Royce because my father had brought me up to believe that royalty was my birthright... thought it was happenstance when we met, but looking back from this life, I saw how my parents had arranged everything. I made the choice they had wanted me to, not even realizing the decision hadn't been my own.

...That night, an experience that should have been beautiful and private had been brutal and humiliating. I'd had no choice in that matter, either. Him, his friends, the drink, the street, none of it had been my choice. After... I'd wanted to die, but that choice was taken from me, too.

"Carlisle was only trying to help you, Rose," I murmured.

My parents would have said the same thing in setting me up with the most eligible bachelor in town. They would have considered the security and wealth he would provide more than ample payment for the freedom to pick a man on my own. I wanted the money; I'll admit it. I enjoyed being seen with him, but I had always been admired. I expected to be watched with envy wherever I went; it was nothing new. What I truly wanted was something I'd never had.

"Emmett loves you," I said, knowing what she had wanted, having heard her thinking of her lost future many times those first years.

Her hands folded across her flat stomach the way Bella's had done the day we'd discovered she was pregnant. "Yes, I know. But I didn't just want a husband who loved me; I wanted a family. And that future was stolen from me. By Royce and his friends, and yes, by Carlisle too. And I didn't lose only that future. Any future was taken from me. I would never have chosen this life, but it's the one I'm stuck with. Who in their right minds would choose endless repetitions of the same decade of their lives for the rest of eternity? I know you're looking forward to our next round of high school education just as much as I am."

I grunted, unable to disagree with that statement.

"It's so pointless," she said bitterly. "Watching all those humans graduating year after year, going to college, building careers, building lives. Their choices are endless. Their potential is limitless. Whereas mine - "

I groaned as she began to reiterate her complaints from the past century. "Not again, Rose, please. Not everyone gets what they want; in fact, very few people do. You want a choice? You could choose to be happy, you know."

Her mouth twisted into an angry scowl. "Just smile and accept my fate like a good girl, huh? That's pretty rich coming from you."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you choose Emmett? Carlisle didn't want to change him. He knew that doing so would result in human deaths, and he wasn't wrong. But you wanted him, so he changed him. Don't you dare talk to me about choices, Rosalie! I love Bella more than anything in the world, but I would never have chosen to fall in love with a human. I didn't choose to get her pregnant, and I certainly don't choose to watch her die right before my eyes!"

She looked away from me, blinking rapidly. "I'm sorry, Edward. I know what you think of me - that I'm being selfish and petty - but you're wrong. I'm doing this for her, and for you. She wants her baby to live, and that's not a choice you can take from her. I know you can't see it, but I agree with Bella: this will be a good thing. And when you hold your baby in your arms with Bella as a newborn vampire by your side, I promise I'll try really, really hard not to say 'I told you so'."

She paused, glanced at the sleeping girl, and amended, "To both of you."