31. Thirst
Thanks to the sedative, Bella slept the entire night. Near dawn, when the bottle containing the medication ran dry, we watched anxiously for her to rouse herself, but she continued to sleep without its assistance. She must have been more exhausted than I had suspected, and I was glad it was letting her continue to rest.
No attack came, but the two wolves never wavered in their patrol. Unlike a vampire, the wolves' stamina wasn't inexhaustible, and they had switched off in the middle of the night so the younger wolf could sleep. I watched through Jacob's sleepy thoughts as he focused on Seth's early morning patrol.
Seth's howl carried over the forest, and Jacob was on his feet and beyond my reach before I could be certain what Seth had been reacting to. I had caught an awareness of the sound of something moving toward him - us - at great speed, but it didn't sound to him like the pack was attacking. My family retook their positions around Bella, while I watched anxiously through the glass door, waiting for a wolf mind to return within my range.
After a shorter time than I expected, Seth's thoughts came to me and through his, Jacob's. Another wolf stood in front of my old enemy. She was small and grey, and filled with a sense of excitement and determination. Leah?
Through Seth, I could hear her thoughts, just as I could hear Jacob's, but the rest of the wolves were still absent.
Hey, Edward, don't worry, man. It's just my stupid sister. There's no one else; the pack isn't attacking. You hear me?
I nodded and turned back to my family, doing my best to ignore the pity in the young wolf's mind. I didn't want his pity any more than I wanted to hear Jacob's self-righteous anger, or Esme and Rosalie's excitement, or Jasper and Carlisle's worry, or Alice's fear and frustration.
I wanted to act!
Seth was soon out of my range again as he rejoined his small pack.
"Jacob's pack has gained a new member. Seth's sister just arrived."
Emmett's eyes lit up. "That's great! That means Sam's pack is down another member. There's no way they'll attack us now." ...hmm, maybe not so great ...really wanted to take on that grey one again...
"That is good news," Carlisle agreed as everyone else nodded with relief. Though I was the only one who truly considered any of the wolves as a friend, they had been our allies only months ago, and none of us wanted to hurt the creatures who were directly responsible for the fact that we were all still alive.
A glance at Emmett had me considering the true meaning of the term hurt. Emmett would gladly have gone a few rounds against Paul, but my brother was always up for a tussle. That didn't mean he actually wanted to harm the man.
Soft as our words were, Bella's eyes fluttered and the crease formed between them as soon as I stopped speaking. Her breathing deepened as another ripple flowed across her stomach. She whimpered and pressed a hand to her side. When her eyes finally opened, they instantly locked on mine. I watched her swallow hard and place a calm smile on her face.
"May I examine you, Bella?" Carlisle requested, gesturing toward her stomach. She nodded weakly, and he gingerly probed Bella's rounded stomach. A slight frown crossed his features, though the expression was so brief I might have imagined it.
...it has not grown in two days... the rate it was growing before... unsure what it means, but it cannot be good... doubt it is ready to be born so soon... but how can I know? I cannot see it!
"What?"
"I am not sure, Bella."
She chuckled softly. "You're a terrible liar, Carlisle."
He smiled at her, but it didn't touch his eyes. As gently as he could, he said, "The fetus seems to have stopped growing. In human terms, it would be called failure to thrive. It is obviously still alive; I do not think any of us missed it moving just now, but I am concerned. I do not think the medications are doing either of you any good."
She nodded. "I didn't think they would. Thank you for trying anyways."
"At least you got a good night's rest," Rosalie said.
"Rest?" I snarled. "She doesn't need rest. She needs to be able to eat, not continue being beaten up from the inside. She needs it to be removed!"
"And it will be. When it's ready to be born, and not a moment sooner!" My sister and I glared at each other, but we both knew I was out of arguments.
After watching Rosalie and I scowl at each other for a full minute, Carlisle requested and received Bella's permission to move the leads onto her stomach so that he might attempt to read the fetus's electrical activity.
"Traditionally, fetal echocardiograms are done via ultrasound, but we already know that will not work."
Though none of us knew what to hope for - and in truth, I was afraid to hope for anything - we all watched as the needle flew wildly over the paper. Obviously there was a lot of electrical stimulation growing on within her, but trying to discern the rhythms of its heart or its brain was beyond the ability of the portable monitor. Carlisle sighed and detached the sensors from Bella's skin. As he gently cleaned off the adhesive, I caught Jacob's thoughts.
The wolf was frustrated and annoyed, his thoughts bounced from raging over being the leader of a pack he'd never wanted and anger toward the member who had just joined him. Through him, I could sense two sets of eyes and two noses taking in the forest as they ran circles around my home. The addition of Leah let them push their circuit out farther from the house, providing Bella with that much more protection.
As he neared our house, he pulled his form back together, and I was aware of the dulling of his senses as he shifted from wolf to human. A moment later, he was dressed in the shorts he'd left behind and striding toward our house.
"Jacob's back," I murmured to Carlisle. "And he's human."
"I think I will go speak with him," he said after a pause. ...not doing any good here... least I can thank the young man for once again saving my family... for what it is worth... how much longer I am going to be able to keep her alive... not that anything I am doing is even making a difference! Hate feeling so helpless... I am a doctor! I am supposed to save people!
I tried to tune out Carlisle's frustrated thoughts. I knew he didn't want me to hear his despair, but he held images in his mind which I could not ignore. He remembered how Bella's loss had affected me previously, and how my loss had affected him so many times before. He'd lost me when I'd left to become a human hunter, when I'd disappeared after leaving Bella, then again when I'd left to hunt for Victoria, and he had come so close to losing me forever when I'd believed Bella to be dead.
He was already grieving for me, but even knowing the pain it would cause him, I had no intention of surviving Bella's death.
What good would it do anyone for me to live without her? Even if Jacob didn't kill me, even if I didn't kill myself, my family was going to lose me when I lost Bella. If my body survived, they wouldn't have me, not really - just an empty shell which looked like the man I once was. Would I even bother feeding? Certainly I'd never play music again. I felt a stab of my own grief for the joyous song I'd composed over our honeymoon which now would never be heard.
The house was far from silent. My siblings were discussing the books they had been reading, Esme was humming softly as she went through the motions of taking care of our house, and Carlisle and Jacob were talking in low voices on the front porch. They may as well have been miles away, discussing strangers whom I would never know.
All I could really hear was Bella's heart as it struggled, and her lungs as they failed to keep up with her body's demands. She held her hand out to me. I caught it and brought it carefully to my lips. I pressed her palm against my cheek and stood motionless as we held each other's eyes.
There was so much I wanted to say to her, but goodbye was never going to be one of them. I was afraid if I tried to tell her what she meant to me, to say how much I loved her, how much happiness she'd brought me over the past months since I'd met her, goodbye was what it would sound like, so I held my tongue.
I'd never been able to fully block out the thoughts of those around me, and Jacob's had always seemed to reach me through any din. From where they sat on the porch, his conversation with my father was audible to me so that I heard him even without my mind reading.
"She's family to you?"
"Yes. Bella is already a daughter to me. A beloved daughter."
"But you're going to let her die," Jacob accused in a harsh voice.
I knew the words hurt my father if only because he heard in them my own arguments. You know I won't survive losing her, I'd told him. Either we kill it and change her now, or my death, Bella's, and Charlie's will only be the first you'll have directly on your conscience.
He felt the weight of Jacob's words and believed I was right to blame him. Together, he and I could have taken the fetus from Bella by force. If he'd have used his position as our father the day we'd come home, he could have made the others go along with my plan to remove it against her will.
But that was exactly the problem. It would have been against her expressed wishes. How could he do that to anyone, much less a member of his own family? True, he may not have had my permission to change me, nor Esme's, Rose's, or Emmett's, but none of us had said to him, "I don't want you to change me." Bella had. Bella knew exactly what she was risking, exactly what she had to lose and gain, and was making an informed choice.
I sighed with resignation. He could no more have taken the fetus after she'd told him she wanted it than he could have reached over and ripped out the throat of the wolf he was sitting beside, than he could have torn me apart and thrown me into a fire, or gone to the hospital and drank the entire staff there. Any of those acts would have amounted to the same thing, and my father had never been a killer.
"I can imagine what you think of me for that," he eventually whispered to Jacob. "But I can't ignore her will. It wouldn't be right to make such a choice for her, to force her."
Jacob was remembering when Sam had used his position as Alpha to do essentially that very same thing. Sam had overruled any protests and commanded Jacob to come here and kill us, to participate in the death of the girl he loved and the people she loved. If he hadn't been able to assume his own position as Alpha, we would all be dead, and Jacob - and the rest of the pack - would have been broken.
...not the same! the wolf tried to insist to himself. ...Sam was wrong, and Bella loves things that she shouldn't.
"Do you think there's any chance she'll make it? I mean, as a vampire and all that. She told me about... about Esme."
"I'd say there's an even chance at this point. I've seen vampire venom work miracles, but there are some conditions that even venom cannot overcome. Her heart is working too hard now; if it should fail... there won't be anything for me to do."
As if to make his point for him, Bella's heart stuttered and faltered. She grimaced and took a few deeper breaths, and her heart resumed its uneven rhythm.
...everything's backwards! How could I be hoping for the opposite of everything I've ever wanted... what used to seem like the very worst thing in the world, now here I am praying that it happens... so messed up.
"What is that thing doing to her? She was so much worse last night. I saw... the tubes and all that. Through the window."
"The fetus isn't compatible with her body. Too strong, for one thing, but she could probably endure that for a while. The bigger problem is that it won't allow her to get the sustenance she needs. Her body is rejecting every form of nutrition. I'm trying to feed her intravenously, but she's just not absorbing it. Everything about her condition is accelerated. I'm watching her - and not just her, but the fetus as well - starve to death by the hour. I can't stop it and I can't slow it down. I can't figure out what it wants."
...watching her starve to death is causing Edward more pain than any actions he may have taken in his past could possibly deserve. Please, God, my son is a good boy... don't do this to her, to him, to us, to me...
...bad enough that monster is beating her up from the inside? No. Of course not. It's got to starve her, too. Look at what its father is! It's just looking for someone to sink its teeth into, but it's not big enough yet, so it'll just suck the life out of its own mother. Out of Bella. I know what it wants. Isn't it obvious? It's a vampire! It wants death and blood. Blood and death.
I wasn't sure if the fire I felt rippling through me was an echo of Jacob's wolf, or in response to my own fearful hope. How often had I called it a monster like me? A demon like me? Like me! Of course. Of course!
It may have been part human, but it was part vampire, too. I remembered choking up the cake I'd eaten at our wedding, the few bites which had occasionally been unavoidable at Charlie's house, the pizza I'd eaten on our first lunch together, and various other foods I'd been forced to eat over the century. An unpleasant necessity, I'd called it when eating had made me vomit, but it was a necessity. Eating human food wasn't just disgusting to my pallet. It wasn't only a waste of food, as I derived no nutrition from it. Human food may has well have been poison, and my body completely rejected everything other than blood, just as Bella's was rejecting the nutrition we were trying to force into her.
As I stood by Bella's side, rocked by my unfolding realization, I was vaguely aware that Jacob and Carlisle were continuing their conversation, speculating over the fetus's genetic make-up, and comparing it to that of Jacob's, but no science could hold my interest now.
It was a vampire, and vampires needed blood. That's all we needed, physically speaking. Human blood did us the most good, of course, but any blood, lion, deer, and probably down to the lowly rat - not that I had any intention of ever testing that theory - nourished us. It was starving, because it was a vampire who wasn't drinking any blood. It wasn't even drinking her blood. Bella was starving, not anemic.
Desperately trying not to hope, but hoping anyways, I took a deep breath. "I'll be right back, Bella. I want to speak with Carlisle for a moment. Actually, Rosalie, would you mind accompanying me?"
A worried frown creased Bella's forehead. "What is it, Edward?"
I brushed my fingers down her cheek and smiled for her. "Nothing you need to worry about, love. It will just take a second. Please, Rose?"
My sister considered refusing on principle, but decided it was better to hear whatever schemes I had come up with for herself. "Esme? Can you mind Bella for me?"
My mother abandoned her pretense of cleaning and flitted downstairs. "Of course."
Striding toward the porch where my father sat with the wolf who hated - and yet protected - me, I tried not to allow myself to hope that once again, Jacob Black had saved our lives. I held the door for Rose as she walked through it and shut it behind us, not wanting Bella to hear my idea if Carlisle didn't think it would work. I didn't need her hopes dashed, too.
"Carlisle." I tried to find the words to express my idea, but blinked at him, speechless.
"What is it, Edward?"
I swallowed hard, and forced myself to say, "Perhaps we've been going about this the wrong way. I was listening to you and Jacob just now, and when you were speaking of what the... fetus wants, Jacob had an interesting thought."
Me? What had I thought? Besides my obvious hatred for the thing... at least he hates it too... using a term as mild as fetus.
...all the mutt's doing! Drag me out here for some lame idea...
"We haven't actually addressed that angle. We've been trying to get Bella what she needs. And her body is accepting it about as well as one of ours would. Perhaps we should address the needs of the... fetus first. Maybe if we can satisfy it, we'll be able to help her more effectively."
...cannot even see it... no idea know what it is, much less what it wants. "I am not following you, Edward."
I took a step toward him, fighting my desire to spell it out. I wanted to hear him say it. Somehow it felt like it would validate the idea if he came up with it, too. "Think about it, Carlisle. If that creature is more vampire than human, can't you guess what it craves - what it's not getting? Jacob did."
"Oh. You think it is... thirsty?"
Rosalie gasped in excitement. No longer suspecting me of luring her away from Bella or attempting to convince Carlisle - with Jacob's help - to make something happen, she instantly believed we'd hit on the solution. "Of course. Carlisle, we have all that type O negative laid aside for Bella. It's a good idea."
Rosalie, Jacob, and I were focused on Carlisle as he rubbed his chin absently.
"Hmm. I wonder..."
...did not consider it because she is not losing blood. If it needed blood, would it not have simply taken it from her? But perhaps the impenetrable membrane surrounding it is preventing that from happening. If it drained her before it was ready to be born, drinking from her would do more harm than good. Yes, yes, quite possible blood is what the fetus needs.
"And then, what would be the best way to administer..."
Transfusion would not work... it is not getting blood from her veins, so adding more volume would not help.
"We don't have time to be creative. I'd say we should start with the traditional way." Rose shook her head in exasperation. When a mother has a craving, you feed her! The baby will get what it needs in the way children always do.
"Wait a minute," Jacob whispered, and I could hear how appalled he was at our suggestion in his tone. "Just hold on. Are you - are you talking about making Bella drink blood?"
"It was your idea, dog," she sneered over her shoulder.
He was shaking his head as Carlisle pictured the way the fetus had continued to grow as long as Bella's limited body fat had fed it. She'd reached the end of her stored energy, and both she and the fetus were declining rapidly.
"That's just..."
There was a look of disgust on Jacob's face, and I supplied the words he was struggling with. "Monstrous? Repulsive?"
"Pretty much."
"But what if it helps her?"
"What are you gonna do? Shove a tube down her throat?"
I leveled a glare at him. "I plan to ask her what she thinks. I just wanted to run it past Carlisle first."
...nothing doctors haven't done for years when a patient can't eat for themselves. Big deal. Rose sniffed in disdain. "If you tell her it might help the baby, she'll be willing to do anything. Even if we do have to feed them through a tube."
Baby? Blondie wants the kid? Is that the mystery factor that's bonding the two of them?
Jacob had finally realized why my sister had been so inseparable from Bella when neither of them had liked the other before. I nodded, knowing he would understand it to be an answer to his unspoken question.
...huh... ice-cold Barbie has a maternal side... Not protecting Bella at all... probably just shove a tube down Bella's throat herself if she refused.
I pressed my lips together. I doubted she'd go that far. Rosalie was all about choices. I wanted to scream at them all in frustration. What about my choice? Did I get no say in whether or not my wife brought a monster into the world? Especially when doing so was likely to end in both her death and mine?
"Well, we don't have time to sit around discussing this. What do you think, Carlisle?" Rosalie prompted. "Can we try?"
No reason not to at this point. If it doesn't help, I doubt it can hurt. He filled his lungs with air and sprang to his feet. "We'll ask Bella."
Rose's face lit up, pleased at his answer and certain we'd found the solution.
...some kind of horror movie with monsters and blood all over the place...
Doing my best to ignore Jacob, I led the way back inside. What he'd glimpsed through the window hadn't let him see how disproportionate Bella's swollen stomach was, nor how her normally translucent skin had lost all its pink shading.
...think she was already dead except her eyes and breathing...
"What's going on?" Bella demanded. Her voice was weak, barely a whisper, but I heard the strength of her soul in the words. Her body may have been failing her, but she was spirited and as determined to see her child born as the day we'd discovered the pregnancy.
"Jacob had an idea that might help you. It won't be... pleasant, but - " Carlisle stalled, looking for the right way to present it.
Rosalie came to his rescue. "But it will help the baby. We've thought of a better way to feed him. Maybe." She tagged on the last word in defiance as she glanced toward Jacob, who was still hovering by the door.
A flicker of amusement crossed Bella's lovely face. "Not pleasant? Gosh, that'll be such a change." She coughed and eyed the IV Carlisle had placed the night before.
I wanted to sigh at her in frustration. My silly Bella was always worried over the wrong things. Afraid of a needle, when the creature she was protecting was starving her to death. Yet even in her weakened state, with perhaps one day left to live, she made jokes and tried to ease our strain.
That is so Bella... Jacob unknowingly agreed with me.
I took her hand in mine, to stroke the ring which hung loosely on her finger. Reminding myself that I was done with lying to her, I spoke plainly, "Bella, love, we're going to ask you to do something monstrous. Repulsive."
"How bad?"
"We think the fetus might have an appetite closer to ours than to yours," Carlisle explained. "We think it's thirsty."
She comprehended immediately. I saw her eyes grow wide and her mouth drop open. "Oh. Oh."
"Your condition - both of your conditions - are deteriorating rapidly. We don't have time to waste, to come up with more palatable ways to do this. The fastest way to test the theory - "
Carlisle hesitated, but Bella saw what he meant without needing it spelled out for her. "I've got to drink it." She nodded, just a slight shifting of her chin up and down. "I can do that. Practice for the future, right?"
Her lips pulled up at the corners as she looked at me, but I couldn't bring myself to smile back at her.
Rosalie was growing impatient. The sharp rapping of her fingernails against her arm cut through the uneven drum of Bella's pulse. Having been presented with the solution, she didn't understand why we weren't putting it into play already.
"So, who's going to catch me a grizzly bear?"
I glanced at Carlisle. ...not sure that would work, but even if it would, we do not have time to go hunting... and the pack would likely catch us while we were out.
"What?"
"It will be more effective test if we do not cut corners, Bella," Carlisle explained.
Determined to remain truthful to her, I said, "If the fetus is craving blood, it's not craving animal blood." I watched her blink a few times as she took in that information. Her mouth twisted slightly, and fear filled her eyes.
As though trying to convince her to choose between cherry flavored medicine or grape, Rosalie crooned, "It won't make a difference to you, Bella. Don't think about it."
"Who?" Bella whispered, glancing at Jacob.
I could hear the anger in his voice as he muttered, "I'm not here as a donor, Bells. 'Sides, it's human blood that thing's after, and I don't think mine applies."
Darn right, filthy mongrel! Talking over him, Rosalie said, "We have blood on hand for you - just in case. Don't worry about anything at all. It's going to be fine. I have a good feeling about this, Bella. I think the baby will be so much better."
Bella caressed her swollen stomach, and her lips curved upward. "Well, I'm starving, so I'll be he is, too. Let's go for it. My first vampire act."
As soon as they had her approval, Rosalie and Carlisle sprinted up the stairs. Relishing the chance to touch her without being glared at by my sister, I kept my wife's hand in mine.
Bella's mind was silent, but her emotions were easy to discern. She watched me with a new sparkle in her eyes; she was hopeful, far more than I was. Willing to sacrifice herself Bella might be, but she didn't want to die.
I tried to come up with words of comfort or encouragement, but I failed to find any.
How could I expect her to do this? In the past, Bella had fainted from the sight and smell of blood. I considered suggesting a feeding tube along with another round of sedation, except... she was willing to try! If she remained awake, she'd be able to tell us if she felt a difference. We needed to know as soon as possible if this would work.
Of course, if it didn't, it wasn't as though I had an alternate plan to put into place. It seemed obvious to me now that blood was what a vampire fetus would need, but it wasn't getting any from Bella's bloodstream. If it couldn't get it from her digestive system, I didn't know how else we would provide blood to the thing. Human children got their nutrients from what the mother ate, after all. This had to work!
Carlisle and Rosalie's voices drifted down to me from where they stood, surveying the refrigerated supply of blood Carlisle had procured.
"I have to be honest, the idea of drinking cold blood does not really appeal to me."
"Humans like cold drinks though, don't they?"
"Yes, but coffee is hot and so is tea."
"You're not suggesting we pour it into a pot and cook it on the stove top, are you?"
"Hardly. We could heat it the same way the hospital thaws frozen products. Let us place it in a hot water bath."
"It would be more natural if it were warmed, but we don't have time to sit around waiting on water to boil."
"Then what would you suggest?"
"We could stick it in the microwave."
"A microwave would damage the cells and cause hot pockets which could burn her. A warm bath would be a better arrangement. The water would not have to reach a boil. We do not need to cook the blood, just heat it."
"It's not like we have to choose! Let's just start with what we have. If she doesn't like it cold, then we can warm the next one."
"Fine."
Rosalie sprinted to the kitchen, grabbed a cup, and turned to head back upstairs where Carlisle was preparing to open the first bag.
"Not clear, Rosalie," I muttered and rolled my eyes. It was bad enough Bella would know what she was drinking. She didn't need to see it.
Bella eyed me, but I shook my head. The less she thought about what she was about to do, the less difficult it was likely to be. Rosalie replaced the first cup and snagged another which was white and had come with a lid. She grabbed a straw and streaked back upstairs.
"This was your idea?" Bella asked Jacob.
He left his place by the door to stand across from me. "Don't blame me for this one. Your vampire was just picking snide comments out of my head."
A smile flickered across her face. "I didn't expect to see you again."
"Yeah, me, either." He shuffled his feet and glanced at me. ...guess standing or sitting is all the same when you're made of stone...
"Edward told me what you had to do. I'm sorry."
I wanted to roll my eyes at her. Of course she would blame herself and feel the need to apologize to Jacob for the actions he'd taken to save her life.
Jacob shrugged. "S'okay. It was probably only a matter of time till I snapped over something Sam wanted me to do."
"And Seth."
"He's actually happy to help."
I almost smiled as I thought of the gangly wolf who was running circles around our house. Seth had saved both my life and Bella's once already. More than that, he'd been my friend, something of which I had precious few. Even Emmett and Jasper didn't count; they were my brothers. The few humans who had been friendly to me over the years didn't know what I was, but if they had, they would have run away screaming. We knew quite a number of other vampires, but as they insisted on remaining killers, it was hard for me to consider them friends. Seth knew what I was and, despite his instincts, he liked me, and I him.
Though I had stuck to criminals of the worst sort, killing people had changed me, and not for the better. I shuddered to think of what it would have done to Seth if he'd been forced to kill me or my family. One day I would have to thank Jacob for giving him another option.
"I hate causing you trouble," Bella insisted.
Jacob gave a short, harsh laugh.
"I guess that's nothing new, is it," she asked with a wry twist to her lips.
"No, not really."
Bella's voice was only a hint of a whisper as she said, "You don't have to stay and watch this."
...leaving sounds like a pretty good idea, but... the way she looks... I don't wanna miss the last fifteen minutes of her life.
My lips pressed themselves into a hard line. Jacob's estimation wasn't far off. It had been such a short time ago that Bella had been vigorously healthy. She'd clambered over the island with me, had swum in the sea for hours, and still had plenty of energy left to love me. Now, she didn't even have the energy or strength to speak above a whisper. Her condition had declined so swiftly until even the very thing which was killing her was in trouble. If this didn't work, it was likely she would be dead before the sun set.
Clenching my teeth against the pain of that thought, I filled my eyes with the sight of her face, remembering the way she'd smiled at me as she walked down the aisle, the way her eyes would light with excitement as we explored the island, the way her face looked when she called my name in bed. I would have given anything to see that look again.
A terrible hatred filled me for the creature she was carrying, the thing that was killing her, the demon child I had actually longed to be able to give to her.
He tried to sound casual, but Jacob's voice trembled slightly when he said, "I don't really have anywhere else to go. The wolf thing is a lot less appealing since Leah joined up."
Her brows wrinkled. "Leah?"
"You didn't tell her?" he asked as he glanced my way.
I shrugged, uninterested in Seth's rather obnoxious sister.
A crease formed between Bella's eyebrows, and she whispered, "Why?"
"To keep an eye on Seth."
"But Leah hates us."
...us. Nice... considers herself a bloodsucker already, and why not? ...married to one and about to drink some to keep his bloodsucking, killer baby alive...
"Leah's not going to bug anyone. She's in my pack, so she follows my lead."
Bella's expression remained concerned, though she didn't question him further.
"You're scared of Leah, but you're best buds with the psychopath blonde?"
Though Carlisle was essentially immune to the scent of human blood, Rosalie was not, and had been holding her breath to avoid smelling what they were putting into the cup. Easily able to hear Jacob's voice, her held breath escaped through her teeth at Jacob's description.
...cool, she heard me...
"Don't. Rose... understands."
"Yeah. She understands that you're gonna die and she doesn't care, s'long as she gets her mutant spawn out of the deal."
Under any other circumstances, I'd have taken pleasure in Bella's words when she told the mutt, "Stop being a jerk, Jacob."
"You say that like it's possible."
Bella pressed her lips together before giving into the smile. Despite everything, I couldn't stop the jealousy I felt from seeing her smiling at him.
A second later, Carlisle and Rosalie returned downstairs. There was a look of uncertainty on his face as he held out the cup for her to take. I wasn't bothering with holding my breath and felt an increase in the fire which raked my throat as I detected the blood in the cup he held. It wasn't important. In comparison to the fire which had been burning in my veins for days from the knowledge that I was losing Bella, a little bit of thirst was nothing, and nothing new, in any event.
Bella eyed the cup Carlisle was offering to her, and a look of fear entered her eyes. Carlisle saw it and said, "We could try another method."
"No. No, I'll try this first. We don't have time..." She lifted a shaky hand to caress her swollen stomach and reached out with the other for the cup which Carlisle held. I was worried she would drop it, she seemed to have so little strength left. Though it shook in her hand, she kept her grip on the cup, but wasn't able to raise herself enough drink from it. Rose slid a hand under Bella's shoulders, easily supporting her so that the fragile human girl could drink the liquid we all desperately hoped would save her life.
"Thanks."
Bella hated to be the center of attention, and her eyes flickered around the room. Four pairs of eyes stared back at her, waiting for her to drink the blood in the cup.
"Don't mind them," Rosalie whispered encouragingly. ...come on, Bella. Try. Try for him. Your baby needs you... come on! Try!
I heard a similar chant in Carlisle's mind as he waited. So far, she hadn't been able to keep anything down, even foods which she had always loved before or those which were supposed to help with nausea. Especially since she'd seemed so sensitive to the scent of blood before, he was concerned that even if she managed to choke down the cool, sweet-smelling liquid in the cup, she wouldn't be able to keep it down. If her body rejected it while she was awake, there was no guarantee that even sedation would help. He worried that if he tried feeding tube, and it came up, she would aspirate it.
Bella leaned forward and raised the cup to sniff at the end of the straw. She jerked back from it with a look of alarm and an increase in the fear in her eyes.
"Bella, sweetheart, we can find an easier way," I said and reached to take the offending cup from her.
"Plug your nose," Rosalie suggested and glared at me. At least let her try before you give up!
"No, that's not it. It's just that it - " Bella took a deep breath and glanced guiltily around at us. "It smells good."
My sister's eyes lit up with excitement. "That's a good thing. That means we're on the right track. Give it a try."
...so disgusting... why doesn't she just break into a victory dance?
Bella squeezed her eyes shut, held her breath, and wrinkled her nose as she shoved the straw between her lips. I watched as she pulled on the straw and saw the muscles work as she swallowed her first sip of blood. She moaned low in her throat, and I worried she was going to get sick right away, though I didn't think her body had the strength left to vomit.
"Bella, love - " My breath caught as I brushed my fingers against her cheek.
"I'm okay." She opened her eyes, and the fear which had been in them before had grown into a near panic. "It tastes good, too."
"That's good. A good sign." Rosalie's tone was soothing as she silently encouraged her to drink more.
Trying to combat the obvious disgust on Jacob's face and in his thoughts, I shaped my hand to the curve of Bella's face, encouraging her to look at me, not him. I was about to suggest she take another sip when she did so on her own, but unlike the first which had been tentative, this one was longer and stronger.
"How is your stomach? Do you feel nauseated?" Carlisle pressed.
"No," she said with a slight shake of her head in my hand. "I don't feel sick. There's a first, eh?"
Rosalie's excitement was palpable as she said, "Excellent."
"I think it is a bit early for that, Rose," Carlisle chided her. ...get everyone's hopes up until she can keep this down for more than an hour...
Bella took another long drink from the cup and took her eyes from Jacob to meet mine. "Does this screw my total? Or do we start counting after I'm a vampire?"
"No one is counting, Bella. In any case, no one died for this. Your record is still clean."
Of all the things for her to be worried about! She knew the debate between my brothers over the numbers of people she would kill her first year, as well as my own worry over what even one murder would do to her, but this blood had been willingly donated by humans to save other humans' lives. That it was being drunk rather than transfused made no difference. If it saved her life, it was serving the purpose for which it had been given.
...'kay, now she's lost me...
Not wanting Jacob to pester Bella right then, or to have to concentrate on anything other than her reaction to the blood, I whispered to him, "I'll explain later."
She caught either some of what I said or just the fact that I had moved my lips, and looked at me curiously. "What?"
"Just talking to myself," I lied before remembering that I was supposed to be telling her the truth now. Damn, but that was going to be a hard habit to break!
Bella accepted my lie as easily as ever and looked away from me to stare through the glass door.
...know, bloodsucker, if she lives through this, you're going to have to work on the whole honesty thing. Won't be so easy to lie to her when her senses are as sharp as yours.
My lips twitched in amusement, and I actually had to try to not laugh at him. Of course, if she survived this pregnancy, so many of my reasons for lying to her would no longer exist. I'd only ever been trying to protect her... I fought back a sigh, recognizing that lying to myself was going to be an even harder habit to break.
Rosalie was still supporting Bella's shoulders, but she seemed to be balancing on her elbow better and holding the cup easier. When first Bella had taken the cup into her hand, the blood inside had audibly sloshed around due to the trembling of her hands, but now, Bella's hand was steady and her grip firm. Rose, Carlisle, and I were all noting the changes as she raised the straw to her lips to take another long drink.
Jacob, on the other hand, was watching in morbid fascination, like a human who was horrified by a terrible car crash, yet unable to look away
...no one else here would be disgusted by what she's doin', just me. No, I bet they're all probably havin' a tough time not ripping the cup away from her...
How absurd could he get? Carlisle was a doctor! Didn't the mutt realize he was exposed to fresh, flowing human blood every day? That blood was far more appealing than the cold and chemically altered stuff in Bella's cup.
Although my control wasn't near where Carlisle's was, I had drunk Bella's blood and had stopped myself before killing her. There was no other blood which would ever hold the appeal for me that hers did. Rosalie may have had neither my resistance to Bella, nor Carlisle's resistance to blood in general, but the only other woman I'd ever met who was more stubborn than my wife was my sister. Rose was determined to do whatever it took to see to it that Bella and her child be safely born, and if that meant smelling human blood, then so be it.
...jeez, how does anyone stand living with him? It's really too bad the bloodsucker can't hear her thoughts. Then he'd annoy the crap outta her, too, and she'd get tired of him...
This time I couldn't hold back my snort of amusement. My mind-reading had annoyed Rosalie to no end over the past century, and I wondered if Jacob could be right. Bella did love that I couldn't hear her thoughts, but she also seemed to like that she was the only one whom I couldn't hear. Sure, she claimed it must be because her brain didn't work right, but I knew it was because she was special.
No doubt surprised to hear my low chuckle, Bella's eyes snapped from the door to my face. There was still a slight smile on my lips, and I was pleased to see hers curve in response. "Something funny?"
I shrugged, not wanting to go into detail, and simply said, "Jacob."
Bella glanced at Jacob, smiled again, and said, "Jake's a crack-up."
...great, just what I always wanted: to be the court jester. "Bada bing."
Bella favored him with another smile before taking a long pull from the cup. I wasn't the only one surprised by the sound of her draining the last of the liquid from the bottom. Looking away from her, I met Carlisle's eyes briefly before returning my gaze to Bella's face.
...look at her... Edward, you can see it already. You were right, son. It's a vampire, of course it is... It only stands to reason that it needs blood to live.
"I did it," Bella said in triumph. "If I keep this down, Carlisle, will you take the needles out of me?"
He nodded reassuringly. "As soon as possible. Honestly, they are not doing that much good where they are."
Rose brushed her hand over Bella's face, noting the blush which had returned to her cheeks. It was just a hint of color, but that hint made the hope I'd been trying to keep at bay flare up within me.
"Would you like more?" Rosalie offered.
The look of fear returned to Bella's eyes, and I shot a glare at my sister. Wouldn't it be better to take this a little slower? Of course, she didn't have the time to be slow, but I didn't want to overload her and ruin the experiment by pushing things. "You don't have to drink more right away."
"Yeah, I know. But... I want to." Bella bit her lip, seemingly ashamed of the admission.
My sister ran her fingers through Bella's once lustrous hair. "You don't need to be embarrassed about that, Bella. Your body has cravings. We all understand that. Anyone who doesn't understand shouldn't be here."
Though my sister's words were initially addressed to Bella, her last sentence was obviously directed at Jacob, who was having a hard time keeping the disgust off his face. She had heard his unintentional expressions of revulsion just as I had, and the wolf understood at once that Rose had been speaking to him.
...so what if it grosses me out... hadn't said anything, and I am glad that Bella is feeling better...
"I'll be right back," Carlisle said after he took the empty cup from her hand.
Bella turned her gaze back to the dog who still stood by the front door. "Jake, you look awful."
"Look who's talking."
"Seriously - when's the last time you slept?"
A crease appeared on his forehead as he stopped to consider the answer to her question. Apparently he'd been having trouble sleeping while Bella and I had been on our honeymoon. Certain that Bella wouldn't return with me, he'd already been grieving. Now, he'd been awake and on alert the entire day and night, keeping a look-out for my family. Anyone could tell he was exhausted, and it didn't surprise me that the fact didn't escape Bella's notice.
"Huh. I'm not actually sure."
"Aw, Jake. Now I'm messing with your health, too. Don't be stupid."
...allowed to kill herself for a monster, but I'm not allowed to miss a few nights' sleep to watch her do it?
"Get some rest, please. There's a few beds upstairs - you're welcome to any of them."
I don't know about all that... one thing to invite my brother's human wife to sleep in my bed. It's quite another to do the same with a flea bitten mutt. I'd never get that stench out... have to replace the entire thing!
...sheesh, what's Sleepless Beauty need with a bed anyways. Is she that possessive over her props?
"Thanks, Bells, but I'd rather sleep on the ground. Away from the stench, you know."
...keep your stench away from me, you mean...
"Right," Bella said with a twist to her lips.
Carlisle returned with the cup in his hand, filled with another donated unit of blood for Bella to drink. She reached for it automatically, but as she brought the straw back to her lips, she looked out of the glass doors, rather than any of us or the cup in her hand. She must have felt awkward about what she was drinking, but also about the fact that we were all watching her drink it.
Still, I couldn't bring myself to look away. With every mouthful, her condition improved. I could hear the rhythm of her heart take on a more even pace and saw the way she was able to support herself easier.
Before she had finished the second cup, she pulled herself upright and sat, unassisted, with her legs folded in front of her. Rose kept her hands held ready in case Bella's new-found strength should falter, but her help was unnecessary. Bella was breathing deeply and sucking the second cup of blood down as steadily as the first.
Was it possible that she could carry the fetus to term, and then survive its birth? I'd been so certain of her death and mine that I hadn't thought of what her survival would mean. When I'd thought of the thing she was carrying, it was only with hatred and a desire to end its life for taking Bella's. But if Bella gave birth to the demon and lived... What would that mean? What would it be? I couldn't in good conscience kill it if it didn't kill her.
Bella worried over the human deaths she would cause after her transformation even to the point of wanting to add the donated units to her tally, but if she brought a killer into the world, it wouldn't matter if she herself never took a human's life. As Carlisle wanted to accept the guilt for my kills, so Bella would be responsible for those of her child. With the way she was drinking the blood down, I couldn't pretend the thing she carried was any less dangerous now than it had been an hour earlier. The only difference was, if they both lived, it would have her to protect it after its birth.
What was I to do then? Carlisle could never procure enough donated units to satisfy the thing as it grew. If it stopped growing once separated from her body, his supply would quickly run out, and when it did, would the thing begin seeking the nourishment it required straight from the source? Would it be capable of listening to Bella and refrain from going on a murderous rampage? Would it be willing to listen to her, or to any of us? If it grew, could it be expected to develop mentally as well, or would it be like the children Carlisle had known in Volterra, and remain infantile for the rest of eternity?
I couldn't expect Bella would love it any less either way.
Carlisle was watching Bella's obvious improvements with a doctor's eye, counting her pulse and breathing rates, watching her color as it returned, seeing the way she held herself straighter and with more strength than she had shown in days. When Bella emptied the cup for a second time, he asked her, "How do you feel now?"
"Not sick," Bella said firmly. She frowned and thought before adding, "Sort of hungry... only I'm not sure if I'm hungry or thirsty, you know?"
"Carlisle, just look at her. This is obviously what her body wants. She should drink more."
"She's still human, Rosalie. She needs food, too. Let's give her a little while to see how this affects her, and then maybe we can try some food again." He turned to the girl I loved with a smile. "Does anything sound particularly good to you, Bella?"
Without hesitating, she immediately said, "Eggs." After she spoke, her eyes sought mine and Bella smiled, surely remembering how I'd pointed out all the eggs she'd insisted on eating during our honeymoon. I returned her smile, but my worry and fear remained.
...interesting... Edward told me of her craving for eggs on their honeymoon... wonder if there is something in the egg which the fetus requires... may contain some kind of protein or amino acid or chemical that it needs... her body obviously knows what it needs, but as she never drank blood before, she couldn't very well request that. Wonder if she would have wanted liver, had that been a food with which she was familiar. Carlisle began mentally reviewing the vitamins and minerals specific to eggs versus other common foods in an effort to better understand what it was about eggs that she was craving.
Jacob's sigh drew my attention. His shoulders were slumped, and he was listing slightly to one side. He was blinking slowly and his eyes were glazed. If I hadn't been able to hear his thoughts, I would have wondered if he were even really awake.
"Jacob. You really should sleep. As Bella said, you're certainly welcome to the accommodations here, though you'd probably be more comfortable outside." Rosalie was unwilling to let him use her bed, but I didn't care if he used mine. The few nights I had spent in it had been with Bella. If by some miracle I was able to lie in it beside her again, not even the stench of the wolf would bother me. Of course, we also had another bed waiting for us, but I didn't dare to hope Bella and I would get to live in the house Esme had been preparing for us.
Jacob frowned, not seeming to like the idea of leaving. He pictured the way she'd looked before drinking the blood and worried this improvement was only temporary.
I tried to reassure him, "Don't worry about anything - I promise I'll find you if there's a need."
"Sure, sure," he muttered as he turned toward the door. ...go curl up under a tree somewhere... get far enough to escape the smell... bloodsucker better wake me if something goes wrong... he owes me.
"I do," I agreed fervently. I owed Jacob more than I would ever be able to repay. I owed him my life and Bella's many times over, and that this newest reason hadn't been one he had contributed to intentionally didn't matter. His realization of what the demon child needed had saved Bella yet again.
He gingerly placed one of his huge hands over her tiny, fragile one. "Feel better," he murmured.
"Thanks, Jacob." Not content to simply let him touch her hand, she turned it over in his grip and squeezed his with more strength than she'd had in days.
He gave her a tiny smile, just a twitch at the corner of his lips, before turning toward the door. As he walked away, he grumbled, "Get her a blanket or something."
I frowned, surprised at his suggestion. I'd been aware of the way her hand had felt to him, but then, his body temperature was always high, so hers should have felt cool. I had also struggled lately to feel her warmth, but had thought that was due to my despair. I should have figured that the monster was stealing all of her warmth for itself, just as it had stolen everything else.
Before I could act on Jacob's suggestion, two distinct howls sounded. Since Jacob was in human form and Seth and his sister weren't within my range, I couldn't be sure it was them, but whoever it was sounded far too close for it to be any of Sam's pack unless they had somehow managed to sneak past our guardians' patrol.
...no misunderstanding this time. "Dammit," Jacob growled as he launched himself out the door and leapt off the porch. He changed forms mid-leap and burst out of his shorts. Crap! Those were the only clothes I had... oh well, doesn't matter now.
With a pang of remorse, I recalled the many times I had laughed at him for being forced to tie his clothes to his body while in wolf form unless he wanted to appear naked when he retook his human form. Now he was without his family, his home, and without a single article of clothing, all to protect the girl who loved us both, but had chosen me.
