36. Guessing Games
"Carlisle!" He was already kneeling down in front of Bella before I'd finished saying his name.
Bella was hissing in short, uneven breaths. She pushed herself away from me, seeming to try and sit up straight without moving more than she needed to. If it had broken another of her ribs, the simple motion of her lungs would cause her yet more pain, not to mention the potential for internal damage the broken bone presented.
While one part of his attention was focused on counting her breaths and pulse rate, another was focused on her conscious reactions to the injury. "Bella?"
"Mmph."
"It broke another rib," I said as I stood to allow them more room.
"I cannot be sure of that until I get an X-ray."
"Nope. It's a rib." Bella grunted and winced as the fetus continued to squirm within her. Its movements were just visible through the tightly stretched skin on her stomach.
"Bella..."
"Just. Give me. Mmm. Gimme a minute, Carlisle," she said before biting her lip.
Every wince, each shuddering breath, the muffled cries she made as it kept moving tore at me. Two ribs in less than twenty-four hours! The fingers on my hands formed into claws as I stood and uselessly watched her hurting. I wished so desperately that she would allow me or Carlisle to do something to stop it from harming her - or anyone else - but by this point I knew arguing was futile. It would be born in a matter of days. Days!
My Bella would spend the rest of her short life in pain from my carelessness. I dreaded its arrival, but a part of me couldn't wait for its birth, just so Bella wouldn't be hurting anymore.
After several minutes, the fetus seemed to settle down.
"Bella, I need to examine you," Carlisle insisted.
She swallowed hard and nodded. "'Kay."
"Rose?" Carlisle turned toward my sister.
My hands twitched toward Bella. "May I carry you?" Rosalie hissed, but I ignored her and kept my eyes on Bella's face. As soon as her eyes met mine, they softened and, despite the pain she had to have been in, the corners of her lips turned up.
"Of course, Edward," she whispered with a nod.
Almost afraid to touch her and make things worse, I unwrapped her from the blankets and slid my hand under her legs. My other arm curled around to cup her hip, and I stood, cradling my beloved wife in my arms. Bella carefully leaned against me, gripping my shirt in her fists. She had never seemed to weigh more than a feather, but holding her now, I was convinced that she had lost an unhealthy amount of weight. I could feel her delicate bones pressing against my stone skin and the changes in the curves I had once caressed.
Seeing the differences in her face, in the protrusion of her collarbones, and in the thinning of her fingers and wrists was different from feeling the changes affecting her entire body. I almost wanted to agree with her: the rapid development of the fetus was a good thing. Vampire child that it was, the creature within her was sucking the life out of the stubborn girl who insisted upon keeping it. She had always been slight and didn't have any weight left to lose. How much thinner would she grow if the pregnancy wore on for weeks?
The feeling was fleeting. There was nothing good about the creature that was killing her! Its rapid development was surely the reason she was losing weight at all. A pregnant woman should gain weight, not lose it!
Seth's face showed his concern when I carried Bella back downstairs. She winced and hissed as I placed her in her spot on the couch, but once she was settled, she seemed to relax. I was surprised Seth was still awake. His eyes were glazed over, but he didn't seem inclined to leave.
Bella saw him watching her, and as I took up my position by her feet, she smiled at him in reassurance. "Just another crack. Nothing to worry about."
His eyes widened, and I was gratified to hear my own horror reflected in the tone of his thoughts. 'Just another crack'?! "Sure, Bella. Sure. What's one more broken rib? Now that you've got a matching pair, I'm sure you must feel all evened out. Balanced. Yeah."
Without any real humor and seeming to do so very carefully, Bella gave a small laugh. "I don't know about balance, but at least I can't trip over my own feet if I'm not allowed to stand on them."
Rosalie had positioned herself on Bella's other side, sitting on the arm of the couch while Bella leaned against her. There was something maternal about her smile when she brushed Bella's hair away from her face.
"It isn't that you're not allowed, Bella. We just have to think of what's best for you and the baby right now, and you need to save your strength. Lots of women are placed on bedrest at some point during her pregnancy, so while I know it's frustrating for you, it's hardly unusual. And as for the breaks, well, even normal human babies have been known to crack their mother's ribs. Your little one is stronger than most, so this isn't even all that surprising."
Carlisle's hands clamped onto my shoulders like a vice, and I heard a sinister growling while I stared at my sister in shock. It took a moment for me to realize that the growl was coming from me, and Carlisle's hands were keeping me from launching myself at Rose.
Edward? Edward, you need to calm down, right now!
Slowly, I forced each one of my muscles to relax, except for the glower which remained locked in place. I could feel the rumbling in my chest and didn't seem to be capable of stopping it, any more than I was capable of not scowling at my sister.
She met my eyes with a steady gaze. "You may not like it, but it's the truth. Glaring at me doesn't change the facts."
"Perhaps not, but you treating my demon spawn like it's any sort of normal isn't helping anybody."
"Edward, please," Bella rebuked me. "I wish you would not call our child that."
I didn't approve of Rosalie's dismissive attitude toward the damage the fetus was doing to Bella's body, but our arguing was only making things worse for her.
I felt my angry scowl melt away and whispered, "Sorry, love. I just hate seeing you in pain."
"I'm not. Carlisle taped up this one just like the other." She rubbed a hand along her side. "See? I'm fine."
Unwilling to add to her stress any further, I said nothing. After a few moments of silence, Seth yawned and stood from his chair.
"Think I'll go take that nap now."
Unsurprised that he headed for the front door rather than the stairs that led to my room, I said, "Thanks, Seth."
He paused and glanced back at me with a furrowed brow. For what?
I shrugged, unsure how to express my appreciation for the young man's unconscious generosity toward my family.
Beside me, Bella smiled and waved. "Sleep tight, Seth. Don't let the bed bugs bite."
He laughed and said, "No worries. I'm not gonna be sleeping in a bed."
"Don't let the fleas bite, then," Rosalie muttered under her breath. I shot her a dirty look which she pointedly ignored, but Seth's lips were twitching with amusement.
"Seth?"
He looked back at Bella and watched her worry her bottom lip. When she didn't speak, he prompted, "What's up?"
"Do you think... If you were to ask..."
Although he seemed practically asleep on his feet, he smiled patiently and teased, "Spit it out, Bells."
Bella glanced at me from the corner of her eye as if to assess my reaction before she said, "I already asked him earlier if he would, but could you please ask Jacob to stop back by?"
Leaving my brothers in Carlisle's study, Alice came back into the living room and headed straight for the stairs, annoyed over her inability to see. With Seth leaving, her vision would not be totally blocked anymore, but would return to the blurry and frustrating future that she would try - and fail - to bring into focus. My normally cheerful sister was mentally groaning from the knowledge that her headache would shortly return.
Pausing with one hand on the banister, she glanced at Seth and added her own plea. "Yes, please do. I'm tired of hanging out in the attic like the vampire bat in the belfry."
"Will do." Seth chuckled as he ducked out the door. He carefully removed the clothes I'd given to him and stacked them on the porch before he took his wolf form and headed into the woods to sleep.
Alice zipped upstairs to lie on the bed which she and Jasper shared and closed her eyes. While Bella carefully shifted on the couch beside me in an attempt to get into a more comfortable position, I watched Alice trying to force her visions onto something other than the blurry girl beside me. After draining the cup Rosalie had filled, Bella's eyes drifted shut, and I gratefully felt her relax into sleep.
Jacob and Leah were taking their responsibilities seriously, and they kept up a constant patrol around our house. However, following Carlisle's request, Jacob took to pushing the borders of that protective ring farther and took off through the forest away from the area which they had designated as our territory. The circle he and Leah ran took them out of my mental range often, and with Seth asleep, I lost track of our guardians many times over the course of the day. I was relieved each time one or the other of them came close enough for me to hear again.
They were looking for signs of the other pack, but judging by the lack of alarm in either of their thoughts, they had not come across anyone in their searches. When I reported this to Carlisle, I could hear the relief in everyone's thoughts. Aside from their worries over the fate of Bella and the thing she carried, they were all thirsty and in need of a good hunt. Stress and thirst didn't make for good combinations in any vampire.
Bella dozed throughout the morning, and I was grateful for each minute of rest she was able to get. Between the fetus's movements and her own nausea, she'd slept so little since our return home. Now, when she woke, she did so out of thirst and hunger as well as a need to relieve herself. Rosalie elicited some laughs from her by joking about the baby using Bella's bladder as a pillow.
Around midday, Bella decided to call her father. She'd promised him that she would, she said, and that it was better to do it now than to wait on him to call, as he inevitably would have. Listening to her once again assure him that she was on the mend, I felt a scowl twisting my face. As she so obviously felt better, so long as the demon within her was still, it wasn't really a lie, but neither was it the truth. Her words implied that she would be back to her old self again, when we all knew that was not going to happen.
Exasperated, when she hung up with him I repeated the words I'd said to her so many times before. "Bella, what are you thinking?"
"What do you mean?"
"Your health is not improving. Why would you tell Charlie such a thing?"
Esme muttered my name in disapproval.
"Well it isn't."
"It is," Bella argued. "I feel so much better, really."
"For now, yes. I can see that. And believe me, no one is more glad of the fact than I. But, love, it's going to be hard enough on Charlie when you die. How much worse will it be with him thinking you're recovering, and then for him to lose you?"
"I'm not going to die," she said firmly.
Enunciating my words carefully, and attempting to keep my emotions out of my voice, I said, "You are not going to survive this."
"Edward, I thought you weren't going to do this to her anymore," Rosalie said as she glared at me.
"That isn't what I..." I swallowed hard and took a shaky breath. "Listen. Say for a moment that you all are right, and I am not."
...it wouldn't be the first time...
"Say the child is everything you hope it to be and more. That doesn't change your fate. Love, whatever else happens, you aren't getting through this as a human."
"No, of course not."
"Well, then? Why are you leading Charlie to believe that everything will be back to normal?"
A frown crossed her face, and she looked away from me to stare into the forest. As she rolled her lower lip through her teeth thoughtfully, I felt the familiar wish that I could just see!
"After you left me," she began, and I felt my muscles lock at the reminder of what I had done to her. Seemingly of its own accord, her hand moved over where I knew her heart to be and pressed against her chest. The fingers dug into her soft skin while she spoke. "There were a few weeks when Jacob and I were just... friends. H-he was human, and... and I was human, and when we were together, I could almost believe that there were no other people in the world. For a few hours at a time, I would pretend that vampires weren't real, and that your words in the forest were true."
She looked back into my eyes, and her forehead creased with worry. She held the hand that had been pressing against her heart out to me and said my name.
I was kneeling in front of her in an instant, gingerly taking her hand in mine. Her other hand cupped my cheek and a sigh escaped me at her gentle, willing touch. The slightest pressure of her fingers raised my face up toward hers, and I met her lovely, chocolate eyes. For a moment, I was glad that vampires were incapable of producing tears, until her thumb rubbed across my cheek as though they were streaming from my eyes.
Unable to help myself, I smiled at her. She knew me so well.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Sorry," I scoffed and shook my head. As if any of that had been her fault.
"But then," she picked up the thread of her story, "everything changed. Jacob changed. He said he couldn't be my friend anymore, but he couldn't tell me why. He seemed so angry! At himself. At me. And especially at you. He wasn't my Jacob anymore; he was Sam's."
"Sam was his Alpha."
"That's right. And Sam had forbidden any member of the pack to tell any human the truth about themselves."
I frowned. If Sam had forbidden him to speak of it, I didn't understand how Bella could have known what he was. The wolves had no choice but to follow the commands of their Alpha. I had seen the evidence of that when Jacob showed me his memory of leaving the pack.
"Then how - ?"
"He made me guess. See, before I knew what you were, I knew you weren't human. And Jacob, he seemed to know something about you that I didn't."
Knowing some of this already, I nodded and teased her, "So you flirted with that poor boy mercilessly until he told you all of his secrets, including what he knew of me."
A faint pink stained her cheeks, but she said, "I got him to tell me about you, about the legends his tribe had of the cold ones. And in the process he told me other stories of his people. Legends that he didn't believe at the time, but which ended up being the truth."
"That the Quileutes could turn into wolves."
She nodded. "And then, after he changed, when he wanted to tell me the truth about himself but couldn't, he reminded me that I already knew the answers. He asked me to remember the legends, and when I did, I understood. Well, sort of. I actually thought that him and his pack were the ones killing people, when it was really Laurent and Victoria. So I confronted him, and that's when he reminded me of the rest of the legend. The pack were the protectors..."
"And the leeches were the killers."
Her mouth twisted at the scorn in my voice, but she nodded. I could picture it just as she described. An icy shaft of fear shot down my spine. My defenseless human girl would have charged up to the enormous werewolf with no fear for herself, though she believed him to be a murderer! I could imagine her confronting him, her brown eyes flashing with anger and all of the strength of her fiery soul chasing away any sense of self-preservation or reason.
"Once I knew he turned into a wolf, then he was able to tell me the rest of the truth."
"As fascinating as I find this story to be, what does this have to do with anything?"
"Jacob wasn't allowed to tell me, but I guessed, and I guessed right. We're not allowed to tell Charlie..."
"So you want to help him guess that we're vampires? Bella, that's absurd!"
"Yes, that's absurd, Edward. Of course I don't want him to guess we're vampires."
"Then I'm afraid I still don't understand."
"I want to help him guess wrong."
I sat back on my heels and studied her, thinking hard. That couldn't possibly work. Could it?
...know, that's not such a bad idea.
"Of course it is," I snapped at my mother.
"Why?" she asked.
"Because... This isn't remotely the same thing. Sam wouldn't have killed Bella if Jacob had told her what he was. If the Volturi find out Charlie knows we aren't human, that isn't really so different from him knowing what we are. They will kill Charlie, and then us too."
Bella arched an eyebrow. "I knew you weren't human. I didn't need Jacob to tell me that."
"And look at the result! Your choices are to join us or die. Is that what you want for Charlie?"
"If you had never left me and had never gone to the Volturi? Weren't you planning on me living out my human life, and then finding a way to end yours once mine was over?"
"W- Yes, but..."
"Edward, listen. I've got it all figured out."
"Have you, now."
"What do humans believe about vampires? Surely you know all the myths."
Remembering our early conversations on this very same topic, I teased, "Sleeping in coffins, bursting into flames in the sunlight, turning into bats, that sort of nonsense?"
"Yep. None of which is right."
Frowning, I was forcefully reminded once again of how she was too smart for her own good. "And the drinking human blood part?"
"Do you plan on inviting him to join you and Emmett on a hunting trip? I'm jealous."
"Bella," I growled at her flippant tone.
"No, really. If he never sees you do it, I seriously doubt he'll come to the conclusion that you kill irritable grizzly bears for fun."
A booming laugh echoed down the hall before Emmett's voice called out, "Hey, no fair! The grizzlies are mine!"
We grinned at each other, and I savored the sight of her eyes lit with happiness and her sweet mouth curving upwards. Oh, how I missed the taste of her lips! I couldn't help but to at least cup her face in my hand and rest my cheek against hers. Her hands tangled in my hair as my arm wound around her. Carefully, all too aware of her fragility, I took my hand from her face to slide my arm under her legs and pull her into my embrace. I ignored Rose's hissed warning as Bella's only reaction to me moving her was to press herself tighter against me.
Moving inhumanly slowly, I stood and turned, seating myself where she had been. Unable to resist, I brushed my lips over her face until I found the soft spot by her jaw. Her soft hands were stroking my cheeks as she sighed into my ear. For a long moment, I simply held the girl I loved and tried to forget how little time we had left. Too soon, I heard her heart stumbling. It was working too hard as it was; she hardly needed me to make things worse by causing the already strained muscle to race.
"I love you, Mrs. Cullen," I whispered. "So much."
She pulled away from me so that she looked into my eyes. Firmly, almost as though she were trying to convince me of the fact, she said, "I love you, too."
When I said nothing else, she laid her head against my chest with a sigh. Her hands left my hair and moved to caress the demon growing within her.
"When he's born, and I'm one of you, we'll move to Alaska, just like we planned. I'll keep in touch with Charlie through phone calls. We'll make up some excuse or another for why we can't come home to see him. Claim that we were sent to another hospital on the other side of the world or something. Maybe that we had to go right from Atlanta to Dartmouth. Whatever we come up with, he'll never have to know about any of this. And then, once it's safe, once I'm safe, we can visit him."
"Bella, even if we wait until we're sure you won't kill him, he'll know. He'll be able to see that you're different. He'll ask questions."
"I'm counting on that. And we'll tell him lies. Or, well, you will. And we'll mix in just enough of the truth that he'll draw the wrong conclusions."
"And Renee?"
Bella sighed. "She'll be more difficult, but I think Charlie might be able to help us out where she's concerned."
...not sure I like that idea... supposed to just disappear... having yet another human know about us is too dangerous!
"Even Rosalie agrees with me, Bella. No. That is not a good idea."
Rose shot me a dirty look, but didn't deny it.
"Why? Because of the Volturi?"
"Yes, because of the Volturi!"
"Are you going to tell them?"
"Do you remember Aro's gift? I won't have to."
She took a deep breath, but winced and rubbed her side where she'd apparently forgotten her rib was cracked.
"Bella..." I began.
"I'm fine," she said automatically. "Just hear me out, okay? No one but our family ever has to know about Charlie and what he suspects. Which we'll make sure is far from the truth. You can read his mind to be certain of that, and then no laws will be broken, and the Volturi won't be able to say anything, even if they did know. Which they won't."
Esme and Rosalie glanced at each other and shook their heads. Neither of them approved of Bella's plan any more than I did, but they didn't seem to be willing to argue with her. Feeling her shiver in my arms, I realized it was time - past time - for me to stop arguing as well. She needed rest, not stress, and she needed to get warm. If the thought of Charlie in her life gave her any comfort at all, I wasn't about to take it from her.
Missing the feeling of her pressed against me already, I scooted slowly off the couch and stood with her. "Rose?" I said with a nod toward Bella's blankets.
"Um, wait. Since you're already up..."
"Need a human minute?" I asked with a half-smile.
Bella nodded, and I carried her into the bathroom, though I left her with Rosalie to assist her. When Bella was cocooned once again in her thick blankets, and I was seated by her feet, the argument was dropped, but not forgotten. My brothers were arguing with Carlisle, all three of them vacillating between being for and against the idea, though they never came to any conclusive decisions. Rosalie and Esme exchanged several anxious glances, but none of us mentioned Bella's plans again.
Instead, Rosalie distracted Bella with a lot of baby nonsense while Esme drifted off to the kitchen to cook food that she wasn't certain anyone would eat.
As the hours passed, Bella stopped responding to Rose's attempts at entertaining her. Though she'd eaten again - Esme had been pleased when her efforts weren't wasted - and had drunk several more cups of blood, she seemed listless as she curled up under the blankets. Esme offered to bring her some books and even turned the television on in order for her to have something to do, but once it was on, Bella didn't pay it any attention, and the books went unread.
Watching her eyes flicker repeatedly toward the glass door - and the trees which were visible through it - I thought I knew what her problem was. Jacob. It was always Jacob! Even after marrying me, even pregnant with my spawn, still the girl I loved worried over the mutt who had nearly won her from me!
Well, at least I could try and comfort her, if nothing else. "Jacob will be here as soon as he's done patrolling."
Her eyes flashed to mine. They were wide, and the familiar look of bewildered confusion was in them. "Did you hear him say so?"
"Not in so many words. Nevertheless, he'll come back. I'm certain of it."
"I shouldn't have asked him to. He's not happy here."
"He's here by his own choice, Bella. Whether you asked or not, he'd be back."
She nodded, but I wasn't sure if she was agreeing with me, or simply accepting my statement for what it was. As though drawn there against her will, her eyes returned to the wide glass windows and the forest where the werewolves prowled.
Abandoning my position by Bella's blanketed feet, I stood from the couch and began to pace. Although most vampires reacted to stress by holding themselves still, the need to do something was overwhelming. Bella's eyes began to alternate between watching the door and watching me.
Finally, exasperated with me, Esme heaved a sigh and thought, Edward. You are not helping anyone! Will you please sit? Or find something useful to do. Go help your brothers.
I sneered and shook my head, unable to bring myself to even consider leaving Bella to go read.
Fine, then. Help Bella.
"How?" I muttered sourly.
Play for her.
I stopped pacing and swung around to glare at her. "You have got to be kidding me."
Music is good for babies. Seeing my lips curl in derision, she quickly added, It's good for their mothers, too. Bella loves to hear you play. Your pacing is making her anxious. It would give her a sense of normality, I think, if she were to hear you playing your piano.
I hesitated, glancing at Bella. She was watching me again, with the line between her brows showing me the truth in Esme's words. My restlessness was causing Bella distress.
"Please, Edward?" I'm sure it would do you good, too.
"Fine," I muttered and strode toward the front room to where my piano waited.
