Book 3 Paradigm Shift
40. Blurred Lines
Dead creatures couldn't breed, but I was going to be a father. My head was reeling with the implications. The creature's very existence supported what Carlisle had believed all along.
Despite my stone flesh, my lack of change, or my inability to grow, despite the fact that I didn't need to breathe, or that I could be torn apart and then put back together again - something no living creature was capable of - I couldn't be dead. Bella was carrying my vampire child, and that meant that half of its genetics had come from me.
Of course it had; that was how babies were made! But... whatever number of chromosomes the thing had wasn't really the issue. I shouldn't have been able to provide it with any! Living things underwent cell division, not dead ones.
Not dead ones.
God help me, I was going to be a father. A father! My own arguments to Carlisle supporting my belief that we were not living creatures had included the fact that such a thing was impossible. The very notion was absurd. Dead creatures couldn't breed! But apparently, I could. I had!
After spending a century convinced that I was not, it was hard to come to terms with the possibility that I was still very much alive. I couldn't look away from Bella's round stomach for a long moment. The evidence had always pointed to the contrary, but this - my child growing in Bella's womb - trumped everything else.
My family's arguments played out in my head. Not just those from this evening, but all the ones we had been having for a century.
Was it possible? Had I been wrong about everything?
No. No, surely not.
Carlisle had said himself that his speculations were just that: Wild conclusions based on half-formed notions without a shred of evidence. We were merely two medically trained men with an interesting yet unprovable mystery to occupy our minds. Our guesses were as worthwhile as drawing conclusions about what life on other planets might be like by basing our assumptions on what little we knew of ourselves.
No. Venom was venom, nothing more. A compound of some nature that had changed us into some perverted mockery of life. Not alive in itself. Not sustaining life within us.
Though I argued against it and tried to reason around it, the evidence which did exist was hard to deny. I had gotten Bella pregnant. How could I be considered anything other than alive? The creature I planted grew! I could argue that that alone wasn't proof of life, but I had to admit to myself that I was reaching for explanations simply because I didn't like the one that so obviously fit.
Still, living or not, I supposed nothing had truly changed. One only had to watch the news to know that there were living monsters all over the world. I had killed more than my fair share of them.
Assuming she survived the birth, would she care when it began to kill? She didn't care that I was a killer, had said from the beginning that it didn't matter, that she loved me anyway.
She loved it. Would she turn a blind eye to its murders as she always did to those I had once committed? Would she claim that it was just a baby and didn't know any better? That it simply had to be forgiven its mistakes in the same manner my family had always forgiven each others'?
And if she didn't care about those her husband and child committed, then what of hers? She forgave me so easily; was she capable of doing the same thing for herself? I didn't want her to feel bad, of course, but if she murdered without remorse, then any forgiveness offered - either to or from her - was meaningless.
She was so good, so pure, I couldn't conceive of any future where she would blithely take human lives, but a part of her goodness was her capacity to forgive even the most heinous of crimes. That murders would happen unintentionally was something my family had come to accept, though we took every precaution we could in order to prevent them. How could we condemn any other for doing the same things we had done?
My family's diet was a choice we all made, with varying degrees of success. Fifty years later, Jasper's control was only somewhat better than it had been in the beginning. He was committed to our lifestyle because of everything it offered - not the least of which was Alice - but he also anticipated that accidents were bound to occur.
Was Bella the same? Had she already accepted the fact? She claimed to believe in our ability to keep her from killing, but how could I tell when I couldn't read her mind!
Fury swept through me at the cruelty of a God who would give a woman with a silent mind to a telepath. I couldn't even be sure if I was reading her emotions correctly since she had learned to hide them so well.
Eventually perspiration began to form at Bella's hairline, and I woke Jacob to take his place. He declined Esme's offer to fix him something to eat, intending to head right out so that he could push the boundaries around our house farther in order to give Carlisle some additional assurances of our safety. We'd been given notice that the blood we had requested had been delivered to the hospital and was only waiting on him to pick the units up.
Jacob accepted the information that they needed to go today and took off, muttering about fresh air.
When she began to shiver again, there was no werewolf conveniently available, but we had plenty of blankets.
The wolves' minds flashed in and out of my range throughout the early morning hours. I ignored their banter as it neither concerned nor interested me. Whatever they chose to do with their lives once Bella's was over had nothing to do with what I would do with mine, barring the agreement I had made with Jacob. At the very least, it was reassuring to hear that there were no signs of the other wolf pack in any of the directions they probed.
They did find signs of a small herd of deer, and my venom flowed in reaction to the knowledge that they had taken a couple of them down. I could have used an entire pride of lions at that moment, and even a deer or two sounded appealing. Anything would have been better than the painfully dry ache that was building and growing with no promise of relief to come.
Apparently I wasn't the only one who was thirsty. Bella was searching for her cup as she struggled to free herself from the blanket cocoon, and shot me a dirty look at the amusement I couldn't hide.
"Esme took the cup to wash," I explained as I unwrapped her feet.
"I'll get it," Rose said. "I'll be right back, alright?" She smiled gently at Bella before shooting a fierce look at me. Rolling my eyes at her silent warning, I sat beside Bella, pulling her against me to cool her back down. Her blanket cocoon had kept her warm in the wolves' absence, but now she was overheated.
"Breakfast time for the human?"
Bella shook her head, tucking her damp and matted hair behind her ears. "No, thanks. I'm just really thirsty."
"Don't worry. We won't run out before you deliver."
"You're sure? I've gone through so much of it."
"Yes, I'm sure," I said as I kissed her hair. "Carlisle will be bringing more home as soon as Jacob says it's safe to leave."
"And if it isn't safe?" The words were a whisper, as though she was afraid of both the question and any possible answers.
"Then he'll take Alice and Jasper and maybe Emmett too, and they'll make sure it's safe."
"Edward," she breathed. "Even if Jacob says it's safe, it's not. Alice can't see the pack. What if they go and somehow the wolves find them? I don't want anyone to be hurt."
It took me a moment to answer. The frightened, angry, childish part of me wanted to retort with something about that not mattering to her, because regardless of what she might say she wanted, people - vampire, werewolf, and human - were already being hurt and would continue to be. Her decision to keep the thing she carried had made that inevitable.
Instead, I mumbled words that were meant to soothe, not sting. "Jacob's senses are sharp, Bella. I've followed their thoughts as they patrolled. Trust me, if any pack member has been anywhere near the area between our home and Forks in the past few days, he'll know. If they haven't been roaming, they aren't likely to suddenly start doing so now."
"But - "
"Please don't worry, love. The wolves are strong, but so are we."
"That's the problem, Edward." She said the words slowly, her tone one of disgust. "I love all of you; don't you see? Alice's gift wouldn't do her any good if she had to fight one of them, and Emmett fighting with Paul is just as bad as if he was fighting Jasper as far as I'm concerned."
I snorted and grinned. "Not even close. With Paul, at least he'd stand a chance of winning."
"Hey!" he shouted from Carlisle's study as Jasper burst out laughing. "I seem to remember Jazz shoving your face in the dirt on more than one occasion recently."
"So?" I called back. "I'll bet you can recall him doing the same thing to yourself."
Bella's mouth dropped open and she huffed. "Edward!"
"What?"
"That's not helping, you know."
"Silly girl. They wouldn't even be able to get close without Alice knowing they were coming. She doesn't need to see the wolves' future, just her own. As long as she can..." I shrugged. "And if their futures should disappear, she knows how to adjust her plans to find a path that's safe."
"And if they surround them? If there is no safe path? What good would it do to know they're coming if she can't avoid them?"
"Bella, honestly, they'll be fine."
"You can't know that."
"Of course I can. Excluding newborns, Emmett's the strongest vampire I've ever met, but Jasper's told you of his past. There's a reason he's still alive, and it's the reason even Emmett rarely beats him. You watched Jasper train us, but so did the pack, and they're three wolves short right now. They know what we're capable of, and they're not about to risk their lives to accomplish - what? The dismemberment of three or four vampires? At the cost of how many of their own lives? Even if the wolves succeeded in overpowering all of them, something I sincerely doubt, many of their number would be lost, and there would still be all the rest of us guarding you. It would be a pointless victory."
Her eyes grew wide and her lips had pressed firmly together as I spoke. When she responded, her voice was angry. "If any one of you died fighting each other, it's not a victory!"
"That's my point, Bella," I said gently. "Even if they win, they lose."
She started to shake her head, but I took her face in my hands and said, "Listen to me, alright?" and waited, watching her eyes lose their anger until she sighed and nodded.
"We had a treaty that had let us coexist peacefully for years, though until you entered the picture, I would never have imagined calling it a friendship. I do now. I don't want them hurt any more than you do. None of us do, even if Emmett would love to test his strength on them."
She glanced in his direction and grimaced. I wasn't sure if she could hear his low chuckle, but I did.
"I love you, Bella. We love you," I corrected with a glance at my sister. "And we're not going to let anything happen to you. The wolves are afraid of what you are carrying, and were willing to kill us or die trying in order to end its life, but they aren't stupid. They're not going to throw their lives away in an attack that wouldn't accomplish that aim. Carlisle will be fine. He'll be back shortly with enough blood to see you through this, and when we all leave Forks, the pack will still be here, unharmed. I promise."
She sighed lightly - the broken ribs made anything else impossible. The rich smell of her breath wafting across my face carried with it traces of the blood she'd been drinking, making the fire in my throat flare in response. I ignored it though, simply pleased to see her small smile as she accepted my words with a nod.
"That's better. See? Nothing to worry about." I kissed her forehead and pulled her against me, carefully avoiding her ribs as I snuggled her closer to my side. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around me as best she could with her stomach in the way. Hoping she'd go back to sleep, I began to hum her lullaby under my breath. By the time the song ended, Bella's breathing was slow and even, and she slept.
In the silence, I was aware that one of my family had been listening to me. The notes of Bella's lullaby were running through their mind, slightly distorted but the pattern recognizable, nonetheless. I wondered at the distortion. My family all had perfect hearing, but I guessed they weren't really paying attention to the notes they were echoing. I hadn't been very loud; most of them shouldn't even have been able to hear me.
Still, it was annoying. The song didn't sound right. It was only being lightly hummed, but there were notes missing and phrases mashed together. Even if they had barely heard me this time, my family members were all familiar with the lullaby and should have been able to recall it with clarity from my piano playing.
Frowning, I focused on Rosalie's thoughts, but she was trying to plan her role in the birth. I was not to be allowed anywhere near the child.
If it wasn't her, maybe it was Esme. She loved hearing me make any kind of music, and when last she had asked, I had been unable to do so. I reached for my mother's mind, wondering at the increasing sense of longing and frustration that surrounded the repetition of the tune. That frustration flared, and in the same instant, Bella jerked awake with a cry as the fetus kicked out, audibly impacting yet another bone.
"Bella!"
"Oof. Whoa."
Rosalie tensed, leaning toward us. "What?"
Ignoring her, I watched Bella rub herself, but below her swollen belly, not along her ribs. "Carlisle!" I called. "Bella's got another broken bone."
"No, I haven't." Bella shook her head with a frown.
Carlisle was kneeling in front of us before she finished speaking. "Where?"
"It wasn't a rib. I think it was her pelvis this time."
"I didn't hear anything," Rose argued.
"Maybe you would have if you hadn't been busy plotting ways to keep me away from Bella when the fetus decides it's ready to claw its way from her body!"
"And maybe if you weren't being a nosy snoop, you wouldn't be hearing things that weren't there!"
Carlisle turned his head to fix me with a stern stare. "If the two of you could please stop bickering for five minutes, I might be able to determine for myself if Bella has a new injury."
My mouth twisted at his censure, but I held my tongue, and Rose limited her insults to where only I could hear them. When Carlisle returned his attention to Bella, I shot my sister a glare, and she raised her eyebrows, silently daring me to speak again.
"I'm fine, Carlisle, really. Probably have a new bruise, but it doesn't feel broken."
He touched her gingerly, probing the area along her waist where the swelling began. She flinched and inhaled swiftly, then winced as that caused her ribs to react.
"There! See?" I insisted.
"It's just a little sore. Honestly, it doesn't feel broken."
"Carlisle, would a broken rib and a cracked pelvis feel the same?"
"Not necessarily. Ribs move constantly, but as she is not standing, her pubic bones are not being subjected to the same stress."
"I think she'd know her own body well enough to tell when her bones have been broken," Rosalie muttered.
"Whether she admits it or not, Bella's been in constant discomfort if not outright pain for weeks now. Who's to say she's feeling anything with accuracy at this point?"
Bella scoffed and looked offended. "Um, me? I know when I'm in pain, Edward."
Carlisle glanced between the two of us, thinking of how she resisted admitting to anything being wrong and how I had a tendency to overreact where Bella was involved.
"I'm not overreacting," I said through my teeth. "I heard something."
"There is no point in arguing," Carlisle said with sure authority. "The matter is easily resolved. Another x-ray will not hurt the fetus, and will assure us all that you are unharmed."
Bella consented with a nod.
Angry with both Rose and myself, though his face only held his gentle smile as he looked at Bella, he reached for her and asked, "May I?"
She blushed, but nodded again and allowed Carlisle to scoop her from the couch. Rose and I exchanged dirty looks behind his back as we followed him upstairs.
Outwardly cordial, despite her inner scathing remarks, Rosalie and I got the film in place and the machine set up while Carlisle held Bella. He wasn't merely standing in place as he seemed to be. I tried to ignore Rose and concentrated on Carlisle as he mentally cataloged all of the measurements he was taking.
Bella's pulse was erratic, her breathing shallow and too fast, and she had lost an unhealthy amount of weight in a very short time. The fever had risen since he'd last checked it. Her core temperature seemed far too hot where her belly pressed against him through the material of their shirts, but away from that heated center, he almost couldn't tell a difference between his temperature and hers. The blush that remained on her cheeks he thought must have been due to her fever and not her embarrassment. In contrast with her flushed cheeks, her lips were slightly bluish, as the shallow breaths her broken ribs were allowing weren't providing her with enough oxygen.
Or perhaps the fetus was stealing that from her, too.
"Don't you have any to give her?" I muttered. If she were in a hospital, no doubt she would've been hooked up to some before the first broken rib. Certainly after.
"Of course." Carlisle nodded toward the lower cabinets. "The tanks are in the bottom, and the tubing is on the shelves above."
"Um, what are you talking about?"
"You're having trouble breathing Bella. I - Carlisle was thinking your color was off, and he should give you some oxygen like he would any other patient in your condition."
"My color is off?"
"Your lips are blue, Bella," I explained impatiently.
"Yeah. 'Cause I'm cold."
"Your ribs are broken." Enunciating my words carefully, I tried not to growl. "You need oxygen that you aren't getting in your current state."
"No way am I wearing one of those nose things if that's what you're thinking. I'm fine. I don't feel lightheaded or out of breath or whatever it is you think is wrong with me. Let's just get this x-ray over with so I can get back under the blankets. Okay? I'm sure my color will be perfectly fine once I'm warm again."
Carlisle and I exchanged glances. He lifted a shoulder and strode toward the waiting exam table. With the vigilant care you and Rosalie are providing her, there is no need for many of the monitoring devices doctors normally rely upon, but I will entreat you to pay extra attention to her breathing for the time being.
I nodded. "Of course."
Bella smiled as though I had been answering her, and I didn't correct that assumption.
Once the images had been taken, I sprinted to my room and snagged a blanket from my bed. There was no reason she should have to wait until we got back downstairs to warm up. I moved so quickly, she probably hadn't been aware I left the room before I was tucking it around her. As I made to cover her arm, she reached out and laid a single finger on the back of my hand. Pausing, I met her eyes warily.
"Thank you, Edward."
"Of course, love."
I tucked her arm in and brushed a kiss across her forehead. The smile that earned distracted me from the other minds in the house as I ran my fingers along the lines of her face. Her once rounded cheeks were sunken slightly, enhancing the cheekbones that were far too pronounced. As I ran a finger along her pointed chin, a tear slipped from one eye, and I wiped it away. Despite the tear, she was smiling, and her eyes were happy when they met mine.
Aware that my name was being repeated, I turned around. "What?"
"I said I did not find any sign of injury."
"Nothing?"
"See for yourself," he said as he gestured at the screen. It took five different angles due to the obstruction of the sac surrounding the fetus, but I can see every inch of her pelvis... His fingers traced the image on the screen as he named the different areas. The ilium here down to the ischium, from the posterior across to the anterior iliac spine, the bones are clearly visible, and there is no sign of an impact. Look, this is where she flinched when I probed, but the bone is not broken. Not even a hairline fracture. He tapped on the image where the bone was quite obviously whole.
It wasn't totally unblemished, though. I lightly touched a patterning of smudges. "What about here?"
She is developing osteoporosis. I glanced at him sharply, but he kept his eyes on the film and raised a shoulder. ...not unheard of during a complicated pregnancy, and the fetus is not allowing her to receive much nutrition... using her reserves to supply it with what it needs at her expense.
A frustrated groan escaped me at his resigned tone, but he was right. She hadn't cared that it broke her bones; why should I think she would care that it was stealing from them? I pointed to a bright spot on the opposite side. "And this?"
Carlisle shook his head. That is several months old.
Several months. It took me no time to process what that meant. She'd hurt herself when I'd been gone. Probably riding with Jacob on that damned bike! Risking her life just so she could imagine my voice. I shook my head in confusion, but insisted, "I heard it break. And Bella jumped; she felt it."
"I felt him move," she corrected. "I knew when he broke my ribs, and that hurt a lot more than this. Him stretching hurt more. He might have bumped me a little, but I was more surprised than anything else."
"Well, good, I suppose. What I mean is, I'm glad I was mistaken."
...can I get that in writing, please?
I didn't bother shooting my sister a glare, though I had to concentrate on not growling when she continued.
...about time Mr. Know-it-all admitted to not being omniscient. Now if we could just get him to admit he's wrong about the baby...
"Do you need to make a stop by the bathroom, Bella?"
"No thanks, Rose. I would like a refill, though."
"Alright." The cooler was in the exam room with us, and Esme had already stocked the cupboards with extra cups so that Rose didn't even need to go to the kitchen. She was at my side a moment later, but when Bella was freed from the blanket I'd tucked about her, she reached for me, not the cup Rosalie offered. Answering her unspoken plea, I gathered Bella into my arms, and only once she was settled in my embrace did she reach for the cup.
The bone might not have been broken this time, but she still moved as gingerly as though every one of them hurt. I placed my feet carefully, trying not to let her feel any movement as I strode for the door.
As she opened it for me, Rose muttered, "See, I told you I didn't hear a crack. You need to get your ears checked, Edward."
Something told me we would all be better off if I didn't answer her. Especially when I became aware of Jacob downstairs talking to Alice. When had he come in? I supposed I had been so wrapped up in my concern over Bella, I had been tuning everything else out. Even Carlisle had been forced to repeat my name in order to get my attention.
"Edward's going to end up ripping Rose into small pieces, I think," Alice was saying. "I'm surprised she doesn't see that. Or maybe she thinks Emmett will be able to stop him."
A snort escaped me. He could stop me, but he'd have to catch me first.
"I'll take Emmett," Jacob said in a low voice. "You can help Edward with the ripping part."
Rose hissed in fury that he would dare to suggest attacking her husband, nevermind the threat to herself.
I was surprised by how comfortable Jacob seemed in joking with Alice, even if it was about attacking my brother and dismembering my sister. It was one thing for him to use jokes to taunt Rosalie, as those were meant to insult her, not to elicit a laugh, but there was a certain comradery between them. I would have thought him and Alice were friends if I didn't know otherwise.
As I walked down the stairs, Bella spied Jacob. In spite of how carefully I walked, he could tell that she was hurting with each step, yet still she smiled at him and breathed his name. He didn't answer, for which I was grateful. As I settled her into her spot on the couch, I wasn't sure if she wanted her blankets or not. She had not been shivering against me as I carried her down the stairs and didn't reach for one, so I seated myself beside her on the floor. If she wanted one, I could have a blanket settled over her before she could finish asking for it.
Even Jacob could see the worry and stress on Carlisle's face as he came downstairs. Bella's condition was deteriorating quickly. The blood was helping, but he worried it was too little, too late. A woman's body was capable of creating a life within herself, but it wasn't meant to do so in the short month it had taken so far. A normal pregnancy was a drain on a woman's resources, and yet they had the time to adjust to their babies' demands.
He may have predicted only another few days, but he was wondering if she had it within her to last that long, and if there was anything he could do to help provide her with the nutrition she so obviously wasn't getting. Blood wasn't meant to pass through a human's digestive system; it was possible that it was doing her as much harm as good. He had already dismissed the possibility of transfusing it as being ineffective. If that would have worked, he should have seen a drop in her blood count when he had been able to test it, but those numbers had remained steady.
"Carlisle, we went halfway to Seattle. There's no sign of the pack. You're good to go."
Grateful to receive some good news for a change, he smiled and nodded. "Thank you, Jacob. This is good timing. There's much that we need."
Bella is not the only one in our home who is thirsty, he thought with a glance at the cup Bella was clutching. It wasn't often that I'd seen Carlisle's eyes shift completely to black. Of all our family, he had the most practice, the most control, yet he was no less a vampire than I was, and the stress had long since taken its toll on me. It shouldn't have surprised me to see the complete absence of gold in his eyes, but it did.
"Honestly, I think you're safe to take more than three. I'm pretty positive that Sam is concentrating on La Push."
Carlisle nodded. He had heard and agreed with my assurances to Bella. If the pack hadn't been patrolling that area, they weren't going to suddenly start doing so now. Since Jacob hadn't found any traces, they weren't likely to have any encounters with the hostile werewolves, and it pleased him that more of our family would be able to break their fast.
"If you think so. Alice, Esme, Jasper, and I will go. Then Alice can take Emmett and Rosa-"
"Not a chance," Rose hissed. "Emmett can go with you now." ...leaving him with her unsupervised!
He knew why she refused, but thought I was unlikely to act at this point. I'd assured Bella that I would support her now, and he believed in me. He didn't want to see any of us suffering, and her eyes showed her thirst as clearly as his.
"You should hunt," he said carefully.
"I'll hunt when he does." She thrust her chin in my direction, then tossed her hair over her shoulder in defiance. He sighed, but didn't press her, nor bother suggesting that I take the opportunity.
Carefully not breathing with Bella holding a cup full of human blood in her hands, Jasper and Emmett streaked through the living room, grateful for the chance to leave Carlisle's study at all, much less with plans to hunt. I could tell by his constant swallowing that Jasper's venom was flowing already, and any bears Emmett found would surely meet a swift end. Esme and Alice joined them a second later..
"Thank you," Carlisle said fervently as he placed a hand on Jacob's arm. Before Bella had taken two breaths, my family was gone, and I was left with only Rosalie and Jacob to join in my vigil.
Rose glared at him and wondered if he'd have the gall to ask her for food himself this time.
She seated herself firmly on the floor, almost daring him to mention food, but instead, he flopped into the chair closest to her.
Jacob's thoughts were loud with delight as he dangled his foot inches away from Rosalie's face. His foot was bare and didn't carry the stink of being wrapped up in shoes and socks which had long since been permeated with sweat. His had been covered in fur, not shoes, and only smelled of earthy loam, decomposing leaves, and the sour whiff of rot he would have given off regardless of his form.
Rose tried to ignore it, but as the foot in question was nearly in her hair, she couldn't resist turning her head slightly to sneer, "Ew. Someone put the dog out."
"Have you heard this one, Psycho? How do a blonde's brain cells die?"
...great ...wonderful ...just going to motivate him to come up with more ...finds one I haven't heard.
"Well? Do you know the punchline or not?" he pressed. When her silence persisted, he turned his eyes on me. "Has she heard it?"
I saw no reason to lie, so said, "No," without hesitating. I wasn't bothering to watch anything other than the tiny changes in Bella's face as she breathed, sipped from her cup, eyed Jacob surreptitiously, and glanced worriedly in the direction which our family had run.
My answer pleased him, and he drawled, "Awesome." His mouth spread into a broad grin as he repositioned himself in the chair. "So you'll enjoy this, bloodsucker - a blonde's brain cells die alone."
Keeping her voice even, Rose didn't even glance at him when she replied, "I have killed a hundred times more often than you have, you disgusting beast. Don't forget that."
"Someday, Beauty Queen, you're going to get tired of just threatening me. I'm really looking forward to that."
"Enough, Jacob," Bella said sharply.
"You want me to take off?" he mumbled in a low voice. He seemed to be hoping for both a yes and a no, as confused by the bond that drew them together as we all were.
"No! Of course not."
The expression on her face was one of shock and horror. She had chosen me, my family, and this life, knowing it would mean the end of her relationship with him, yet she gave no indication she was ready for that relationship to end. Every time he walked through the door, she seemed happier to see him than was explicable.
Jacob and I sighed in unison. It would have been easier on all of us if she didn't love him, but her confusing need for him to stay in her life was undeniable. He couldn't understand why she refused to give him up when she so obviously preferred me. I was her husband, after all, not him. He wanted the fetus she carried to be killed nearly as much as I did, so her continuing need for his company wasn't the same as when she'd sought out Rosalie's.
She didn't look to him for protection, only friendship, but it didn't seem normal to any of us. Angela had been her friend too, but she didn't seem to miss her human friends at all. Jacob she missed as soon as he was gone.
"You look tired," Bella said.
"Dead beat," Jacob agreed.
"I'd like to beat you dead," Rose muttered under her breath. I doubted Bella heard it, but Jacob did. He grinned and pointedly got more comfortable in the chair, inching his foot just that much closer to Rose's face in the process. She was considering ways in which she could get up and move without it being obvious that she was doing so because of him when Bella came to her rescue.
"Rose?"
My sister turned toward Bella expectantly, certain that she was about to either ask for more to drink or to use the bathroom.
"Do you think I could get a refill? I'm... we're thirsty."
Pleased with the ready excuse to get away from Jacob's dangling foot and the odor it was emitting, Rose took Bella's emptied cup and darted upstairs. As she made a quick count of how many bags of blood were left, Rose began to wonder if we would have enough to last until Carlisle got back, and if he would be able to bring back enough to see her through the next few days.
God, I was thirsty.
So thirsty.
It had obtained that point where the fire wasn't limited to my throat, but reached right down into my stomach, making me feel something akin to hunger. I half expected to feel it growl, the way Bella's would - or any other human's, I supposed, but I didn't go about listening to their bodily noises, not if I could help it. I rubbed my stomach, trying to will the ache away. Either I would hunt soon or there would be no reason to, and it wouldn't matter.
It had been bad enough when I could feel an echo of thirst from every vampire in our house, but I'd expected once most of the others had gone, the fire would have diminished. I hadn't expected it to go away altogether; aside from my own needs, Rose's eyes were black too, but it should have gotten somewhat better. Instead, it seemed to be getting worse.
Odd. And irritating. I found that I was rubbing my arms again, absently trying to make sense out of how my usually cold skin seemed to feel warmth that wasn't there.
I couldn't look away from Bella's face. Staring without seeming to see the place where her gaze was fixed, her thoughts appeared to have been pleasing to her, judging by the small smile and light blush that crept across her cheeks.
What I wouldn't have given to peek inside her mind! I would have loved to know what she was thinking of to cause such an expression on her face. I frowned in confusion as she began to hum the disjointed version of her lullaby I'd heard her singing earlier.
Only, that hadn't been her then, and it wasn't her now.
But it certainly seemed to be coming from her. And it sounded like her. Or, at least, it didn't sound like anyone else. It wasn't Jacob, and it wasn't Rose, but there wasn't anyone else within my range. Seth and Leah were patrolling away from our home, and the rest of my family were all satisfying their needs for blood miles away from where I sat.
Bella spoke, but at a level just below where I could understand what she was saying. What I caught was muffled and nonsensical.
But... she hadn't spoken. Her lips hadn't moved. Or had I missed it? Was that even possible?
"Did you say something?"
Bella met my eyes with that familiar look of bewildered confusion at the same time as Jacob turned to stare at me. He was thinking that I should have known no one had spoken, my hearing being as sharp as his.
While they stared at me, my words were repeated back to me. The cadence and clarity of enunciation was similar to someone speaking foreign phrases by rote, without understanding the actual words which made up the language.
Bella's lips definitely weren't moving.
When she did speak, she said, "Me? I didn't say anything." Her lips didn't move after that, but I heard her voice - even muffled, it was hers - saying the words again, insisting she hadn't said anything.
A thrill shot through me.
I was hearing Bella's voice. In my mind. As though she was speaking. When she clearly wasn't.
Women changed when they became pregnant, in the obvious physical ways yes, but also mentally and emotionally. If Bella's changes were pronounced enough, could they allow me to hear her mind?
Excited, I shifted so that I was kneeling in front of her, rather than sitting. Our faces were inches apart, and as I stared hard into her rich, brown eyes, I focused my gift, trying to hear Bella's thoughts. That intangible part of me reached for Bella, as though it were a hand that could caress her face, but as far as my gift was concerned, no one was even there. Jacob's thoughts grew louder, as did Rosalie's - who was back and watching me with suspicion - but I didn't hear anything else. I could see myself in both Jacob and Rosalie's thoughts, and if I had been looking into anyone else's eyes, I would have seen my own face in their mind. But from Bella, there was nothing, as usual.
Nothing.
Except that, everything had taken on a hazy, reddish tinge. Frustrated and hoping that if I knew what I was listening for, I might be able to latch onto her mind at last, I prompted her, "What are you thinking about right now?"
"Nothing. What's going on?"
Nothing, she'd said, which was what I was currently hearing.
"What were you thinking about a minute ago?" I pressed. She hadn't been thinking nothing then! Something had prompted her smile and the far-away look.
"Just... Esme's island. And feathers." The blush across her cheeks darkened, and I wanted to laugh with delight. She'd been thinking of me, of our first time together, of the first glorious night we had spent wrapped in each other's arms. I couldn't speak, overwhelmed by the love I felt for her in that moment.
Sitting back just slightly, I tried to find an explanation for how I could hear Bella, yet not hear her. In the silence, Bella's voice came to me again. She seemed to be quite delighted with the words we had just spoken and repeated them to herself slowly, almost playing with the way they sounded.
It was rather... childlike.
Stunned by the implication and barely able to speak, I whispered, "Say something else."
My voice quite clearly stated, Some thing else!
"Like what? Edward, what's going on?"
Edward... Bella's voice began repeating my name with various inflections, alternating where it was stressed and drawing out the sounds until the fact that it was my name at all was unrecognizable. But Bella's voice was not, especially as she spoke once more, this time in a long string of gibberish. She seemed more interested in sounds that were pleasing to her, rather than words with meaning behind them.
Yet, it wasn't her voice I was hearing, any more than it had been mine a moment earlier. But if it wasn't me, and it wasn't her, and neither was it Jacob nor Rosalie, that only left one mind which I could be hearing.
But... But that was impossible.
The red haze that had begun to color my vision shifted slightly. The color dimmed to burgundy in places, as though there were a shadow blocking the brighter color. As I focused on it, the shading took on a pattern that seemed roughly humanoid. When it moved as I did, I realized that was exactly what it was: a person's shadow. Mine.
Seemingly of their own accord, my hands reached toward the blurry shadow that mirrored me. They fit themselves into the pattern, as though the shadows they cast directed where my fingers were supposed to go, rather than being caused by their placement against Bella's stomach.
Since she had discovered the bump that was protruding from her belly, when it had still been barely perceptible, I had been unable to touch it directly. I had despised the growing bulge that housed the thing that was going to kill my Bella, the thing that was hurting her while I watched, the thing that was draining her life away. For the first time since that morning nearly two weeks prior, I laid my hands against Bella's stomach, my fingers splayed, their outline clearly visible in my mind. I hadn't seen my face in Bella's mind, but I could see my hands, pressed against her round belly.
Bella's voice echoed in my head, the various words I'd already heard now being chanted almost reverently, but they were still simply sounds, their meaning unimportant. Or, I supposed it would have been more accurate to say the words' meanings were unknown to the speaker, who was simply enjoying the feel of them.
"The f-"
I stopped. It didn't seem right to call anything that enjoyed Bella's voice so much such an impersonal and cold term.
"It..."
That wasn't right either. I swallowed hard, but when I opened my mouth to speak a third time, I knew I had it right.
"The baby likes the sound of your voice."
It was incredible. I'd touched the minds of unborn children before, but it took months for the human brain to develop cognitive abilities. During my courses on pediatrics, I'd been curious and had attempted to hear their babies' thoughts any time I'd come across a pregnant woman, but there hadn't been much there. Unborn children spent most of their time in the womb in a state of hormonally induced somnolence.
Never had I heard anything like the mind I was touching now. It was the child's mind; that much was obvious, but it was so aware. At one month old, there was a definite sentience to the mind I was touching.
There had been a few times when I'd thought an unborn child may have been sensing its mother's heartbeat, but my own ears had heard the beats too, so I'd been unsure if I'd truly caught anything. Perhaps a memory of a voice - presumably the mother's - would flow in a newborn's mind, but the sounds weren't recognizable as words.
This child's were. They may have been slightly muffled due to the fluid in which it floated, but its brain was already developed enough that it was parroting distinct words for the simple pleasure of recalling the sound.
Bella's heart was thumping harder and louder, to my ears and the child's, and I felt that strange pulsing against my skin, an echo of Bella's heartbeat which I shouldn't have been able to feel - but could. Because of him. Or her.
The baby was studying the shape of my hands, their black shadows outlined in red against Bella's stomach. It held a similar image in its mind of shadowy hands which were smaller than mine and seemed to be comparing the two. Deliberately, it stretched out one of its tiny arms - I could see it through the child's eyes - and placed its open palm against mine.
