42. The Truth Hurts
Leah, don't!
Stay outta this, Seth. Something's wrong, and I'm gonna find out what.
...looked right at you. Don't you think if Jacob needed our help -
'Cause he so clearly wants our help.
Which you're plannin' on giving him by...?
...I dunno... have to find out what made him leave like that first.
...just under a lotta stress right now, ya know?
Uh-huh. 'Cause of her.
...isn't Bella's fault.
Leah sneezed derisively and continued trotting through the forest with her brother by her side.
...thought you told Jake you understood.
...do... it's just... it's cruel - what she's doing to him.
It's his choice.
You sure about that?
...well... I choose to be here.
I know, kid. And... so do I.
And you knew what you were signing up for when you came here.
...doesn't mean I have to like it. Or them. Any of 'em.
...actually really nice, if you'd just give them a chance.
...oh, they're the nice vampires. Uh-huh.
...not gonna do any good just waiting out here. Let's run! We should keep up the patrol, 'specially with Jacob gone. Someone in Sam's pack might've seen him leave.
One of 'em's a mind reader.
What're you gonna do then, eh? Pace the edge of their lawn and hope Edward'll be willing to leave Bella's side long enough to tell you why Jacob drove off like he'd stolen that sweet, sweet ride...
Wipe the drool off your muzzle, baby brother. Or better yet, I bet they've got a garage full of others just like it. Go ask if you can take one for a spin. You know... after you're old enough to drive, that is.
Ouch! That was a low blow, sis. Seriously, I'm dying over here.
You're all buddy-buddy with the leeches. You go ask what happened.
Nuh-uh! If there was a problem, Jacob would never've taken off like that. I'm not going in there accusing them of ... of... whatever it is you think happened.
Fine, then. If you won't, I will.
Annoyed that she was ruining our moment with her negativity, I watched through Seth's eyes as his sister paced just within the tree line until she turned decisively and ran away from our home to where she'd stashed her clothes. Within moments, she'd phased and dressed and was stalking across the open lawn. The only thing I really caught in her mind was an image of Jacob's face as he sped away in my car.
Edward? Hey, Edward... man... this is so weird, tryin' to talk to someone who's not here. Guess he'll hear me, though. He did before... Head's up, Edward! My sister's on her way in... 'course you prob'ly heard all that already too... I'm gonna catch hell when she reads this from my mind later, but... Leah may have rough edges, but don't take it personal, 'kay? We're all worried here... Leah too
An image of Bella from just before she started drinking blood flashed in Seth's mind as he spun and sprinted away from our house to resume his patrol of their established perimeter.
"Perfect," I muttered as I stood and strode toward the door.
"What's going on?"
"Leah's coming to talk to us."
"Really?" Bella seemed more surprised than apprehensive as she looked through the wide windows.
Barefoot like Jacob, but wearing the slightly dirty shorts and shirt she'd been wearing the day she'd decided to leave Sam's pack, the wolf girl showed no signs of hesitation as she mounted the steps of our porch. I opened the door, only moving out of the way when it became apparent that she would as soon bowl me over as wait for me to invite her in.
Her lips curled as she strode past me, shocking me with her intent to speak with Bella, rather than myself. As angry as she looked, I wasn't sure I wanted her anywhere near my beloved, who had been crying tears of joy in my arms only moments ago. She was wiping the back of her hand across her eyes as she gave Leah a tentative smile.
I gasped and darted around her to stand between them when I realized she didn't want to talk with Bella; she wanted to yell at her. Leah didn't bother to look at me, only leaned to one side so she could glare around me at Bella.
Without preamble, she demanded, "What did you do?"
"Huh?"
"What did you do to Jacob?" Leah drew out the syllables, making the question more of an insult, but Bella flashed her brilliant smile and fixed her shining eyes on me, so I answered for her.
"Bella didn't do anything. Jacob left because I heard our child's mind."
"You - What?"
Bella aimed her smile at her belly. One hand moved to rest atop it while the other slid down to cradle it - him. "Edward heard our son's thoughts. I guess it upset Jake, but when he comes back, he'll see - "
"What is wrong with you?"
Bella's happy smile faded, but there had already been tears in her eyes.
"I don't think I have ever met a more self-centered, callous, and heartless person than you, Bella Cullen."
In shock that the wolf girl would have the nerve to come into our home to insult a member of our family, Rose's jaw dropped as she stared wordlessly at Leah.
I wasn't wordless, however, and snarled, "How dare you?"
Leah jabbed a finger at my face. "You don't see it 'cause she's got you all wrapped around her fingers too, but she's hell-bent on breaking the heart of every person she's ever claimed to care about."
"Alright, that is enough. I think you need to leave. Now."
She snorted and returned to vilifying Bella.
"It was no secret when you started coming over to Jacob's house almost every single day after they left town. It was bad enough seeing the way you were pining over this - " She gestured at me and looked me up and down with a sneer before taking a deep breath and continuing her rant. "But then I got a ringside seat to Jacob doing the same damn thing when you dumped him the second the leeches came back."
Bella shook her head in denial. "Jacob knew we were just - "
"Just friends? Really. Cuddling on his couch? Holding hands and strolling along the beach? Sure. Okay."
"You've read his mind. You have to know I told him I didn't want more than that. And I didn't dump him. He was the one avoiding me when Edward returned."
"I've seen those memories, yeah. I've also seen the ones where you kissed Jacob and told him you loved him. And the ones when you told him he wasn't good enough, that you were still marrying your bloodsucker. And I've seen what it does to him knowing you're killing yourself for your mutant spawn - "
My sister recovered from her shock long enough to say, "Now, wait just a minute - " but Leah kept talking as though Rose hadn't.
" - but still you ask him to come watch it happening. Worse, you ask him to snuggle with you in front of your husband. What the hell is that?"
"Bella's cold," I said at the same time that Bella cried, "It's not like that!"
"This house has electricity, doesn't it? A heating and cooling system? Blankets?"
"Of course. And we've been using them." I gestured stiffly to the pile of blankets beside the couch.
"Now, get out before one of us throws you out," Rose snapped.
Leah raised her chin and eyed my sister steadily. I could have fathomed her thoughts even without my gift as she dared us to try. She shifted her attention back to Bella when no one moved.
"I know firsthand how love makes you stupid. And you can be in love with more than one person at a time, which makes you even dumber, but when a choice has to be made, someone's bound to be hurt. I get that. What I don't get is how you think you can treat Jacob like a plaything you can just use and then toss aside once you have what you need from him."
"I would never do that," Bella breathed. "I love Jacob. Maybe not the way he wants, but I need him in my life. It's not right without him."
A frown crossed Leah's face as she rocked back on her heels. "I wonder if you even know what love is. You say you love this tick you've married too, but you have a funny way of showing it. I would never treat anyone that loved me the way you treat him. Scratch that. I would never treat anyone that way."
"You have no idea what you're talking about," I growled as Bella turned worried eyes on me.
"Don't I?" She deliberately flashed an image of my face that must have been from Jacob's memories. I looked like Jane was smiling at me, though I was simply sitting beside Bella on the couch.
"That's not Bella's fault," I muttered. "She's right to want to keep our child. You can't hold her responsible for me not believing in her."
"In denial much?" Leah scoffed. "Sam had no choice except to leave me when he imprinted on Emily, but knowing the truth about their relationship doesn't make it any easier when I see the man I love with the woman he loves. Will it matter what you may have heard your spawn thinking the next time you watch Bella holding Jacob's hand and telling him she loves him? And do you think hearing her say so makes it any easier for him to see her killing herself for your kid?"
I struggled to find a response that wouldn't hurt Bella more than Leah's questions already were.
When I didn't answer, Leah pressed her advantage. "Forget what you're doing to your bloodsucker or even Jacob. Have you given any thought to what you're putting Charlie through, Bella? You weren't there for my father's funeral, but Charlie said he lost a brother when Dad died. That was only months ago, but you've just gone ahead and kept planning your own funeral as though it won't kill your father to lose you."
"I'm not going to die! Edward will change me first."
"It amounts to the same thing. Even without this." She gestured at Bella's round belly. "Dartmouth was the plan, wasn't it? Phone calls and emails until one day you'd just stop answering? Your father's a cop, Bella. You think he would ever have stopped searching for you? No? Then were you planning on faking your death instead? Huh. How considerate. That would've given him a nice sense of closure, I'm sure. I guess since he already thinks you're sick from some mysterious illness so deadly he can't even visit you, the news that you died from this disease might be a little easier for him to take."
"I can't exactly tell him the truth. He can't know that vampires exist."
"Of course not! He'd never have let you marry one if he knew what the Cullens really are."
"That's not what I meant. It'd be dangerous for him to know. Didn't Jake tell you about Italy?"
An involuntary shudder rippled through Leah's frame.
"The Volturi would kill Charlie if we told him the truth."
"And that right there isn't reason enough to stay away from an entire species full of nothing but killers? Oh, no. You want to run off and join them. Become one of them! It's sick."
"The Cullens don't kill people!"
Leah met my eyes. "Never? None of you have ever murdered a human? Not even once?"
I pressed my lips together, unwilling to answer.
"That's what I thought."
"He only hunted bad people," Bella said quietly. "He took people's lives, yeah, but he saved a lot more in the process. You might not like him, but Edward is a good man."
"Yeah, see, that's what a psychopath would say, Bella. They may think they're doing the world a favor when they kill someone they consider to be bad, but that doesn't make them good."
"You're right," I said, "but I realized that fact long ago, and have hunted only animals ever since."
"Ha! You think that matters?"
"I know it doesn't."
She shook her head at me as her mouth twisted with disgust before turning once more to Bella. "What you do with your life isn't my business. You wanna be a vampire? Go ahead. But don't try and deny the fact that you're ruining more lives than just your own. There are people out there who love you, and you're turning your back on them. Don't you have friends from school? And Renee, have you thought about her? And what about Charlie? Do you even care that he'll miss you?"
"Of course I care!"
"But just like Jacob, it's not good enough for you. Their feelings aren't important so long as you get what you want."
"You're right, Leah," Bella said as Leah finally paused for a breath. "Dartmouth was the plan. Edward and I were going to go right after our honeymoon, even if we only attended for a semester or two. We weren't expecting..." A blush spread across her cheeks as she rubbed her belly. "I know I might not be able to see Charlie again after Edward changes me, but kids grow up and move away from their parents, and childhood friends grow apart. It happens. Charlie knows I don't like Forks; he never expected me to stay. And Renee, she's got Phil. They'll be just fine without me."
"Are you even listening to yourself? Going off to college or moving away is not the same thing as a kid cutting their parents out of their lives entirely. Families love each other; they may be apart, but as long as they're alive, they know they'll be together again."
"Bella no longer has that option!" I was trying to contain my temper, for Bella's sake as well as the baby's - who could hear our angry tones and was displeased - but my patience had long since worn thin. "The Volturi will not allow a human to know of us and live. They already know that she knows. She has to change soon; her only other choice is death."
Leah raised a shoulder. "I already said: go ahead and change her for all I care."
"Then what the hell is your problem?"
"My problem is the way she keeps stringing Jacob along. Choices may be hard, but it's worse on everyone when you refuse to make one. You want your bloodsucker, Bella? Fine. But leave Jacob out of it."
"That mutt butted in on his own," Rosalie snapped. "No one asked him to come barging in here."
"That mutt has been out there protecting you bloodsuckers! If it wasn't for him, you'd all be scattered ashes by now."
"We know that," I said. "Believe me, no one is more grateful to Jacob Black than I. For your sacrifices as well."
"Spare me your gratitude, tick. We're not here for your benefit."
"I know why you're here. Now, you've said what you came to say; perhaps you should get back to your brother."
"He's alright." Her head turned reflexively toward the forest where Seth was prowling before she focused on Bella again. "And after this is over, he'll continue to be fine, whatever happens to you and your kid. It's Jacob who'll be falling apart, and it'll be me picking up the pieces. You've got a few more days left, yeah? Try not to stomp on his heart any more than you already have. He might need it someday."
The tears were streaming freely down Bella's face again, only now her lips were twisted with anguish. A growl rumbled in my chest as I fought the urge to propel the wolf girl bodily from my house for having the audacity to say such things to the woman I loved. Perhaps she saw the desire on my face to do exactly that, or perhaps she simply felt she had achieved her goal in making Bella cry, but Leah shot a round of scathing glares at us before striding from my house.
Her werewolf instincts were fighting against exposing her back to her enemies, but she walked across the lawn with even steps and her head held high. The trembles in her hands as she prepared to phase were the only outward indication that she felt any stress from the confrontation at all. Before she had disappeared into the tree line, I had Bella in my arms again. Her shoulders were shaking as she fought against the cries.
"Shh."
"No, she's right," Bella sobbed. "I am awful for what I'm doing to Jacob and Charlie and especially y-"
I put my hand over her mouth. "You're not."
"Yeah, Bella, don't listen to that b- "
"Rose!" I hissed.
"She's a female wolf. The term is appropriate."
My hand moved from her mouth to cup Bella's cheek and began wiping the tears away with my thumb. "Bella, Jacob loves you."
"I know," she moaned.
"He made the choice to leave his pack. You're not to blame."
"B-but I am to blame! He's here because of me, because I keep asking him to come back, because - ohh."
Her hand rubbed her side as the baby pressed hard against her.
"Shush, now. You're upsetting EJ." To my relief, she laughed around the tears, though they didn't stop. "Jacob came here on his own. He left his pack because he - rightly - disagreed with their plan to murder you."
"That doesn't make me right; just him."
"What kind of silly logic is that? Jacob, Seth, and Leah are here because they want to be. Yes, even Leah. If it weren't for the fact that she's protecting vampires, she'd be well pleased with events."
"How can you say that? I'd say she was more like pissed off than pleased."
I took a deep breath as I considered my words carefully. Leah had hurt her plenty already, and I had no wish to add to her pain, but any consolation I gave was likely to make things worse. Many of the accusations Leah had made had already been spoken by me, albeit not nearly as rudely. I had not been above using Charlie and Renee or Bella's friends - human and werewolf alike - in my fight to keep Bella human. She wouldn't believe me now if I were to say any different.
Finally, I said, "Leah is pleased for her sake."
Bella mumbled so low a human might not have heard, "Because now she doesn't have to watch Sam with Emily? Like you watch me and Jacob together? Leah won her freedom, but I can't let you go. Or him."
"Sweetheart, you did let Jacob go. You've told him to leave on more than one occasion. You're not responsible for the fact that he keeps coming back."
She chuckled humorlessly as her eyes searched my face. "Isn't that what they say you should do if you love someone? Set them free?"
"And if they fly to Italy to save you from getting burned to death for being the world's most stubborn fool, they're yours forever?"
Bella laughed around her tears again, but shook her head. "I don't think that's quite how the saying goes, but yeah. Basically."
Unable to resist giving her another option at least once more, I said, "Bella... You and Jacob love each other; everyone knows it. Even now I would understand if - "
"Ugh! Stop it! I love you, Edward Cullen. When are you going to get that? I mean, don't you love Alice? And Rosalie?"
Rose and I eyed each other, but our slight smiles belied the glares we were exchanging. "I suppose, if I have to, I guess I do," I drawled.
Rose put a hand on her chest with a gasp. "Why, Edward! Such excessive displays of brotherly affection! I'm flattered."
I snorted. "But that's the point, Bella. Rose is my sister. You and Jacob are not related. Your love isn't the same."
"You and Rosalie aren't really related either. You're family by choice. Can't you accept that I feel that way, too? I love Jacob like a brother. Wasn't marrying you enough to convince you that you're the one I want to be with?" She rubbed her belly where our child was growing. "Besides, this pregnancy is a one-way trip. I knew that from the start. And once I'm a vampire, he'll hate me, so how I feel won't really matter anymore."
"Bones heal. Weight can be regained. The damage to your heart may not be permanent. You don't have to... If the surgery is uncomplicated, there's no reason why you couldn't stay hu-"
"Oh, no, you don't! You're changing me today, as soon as Carlisle gets back, and then you'll never be able to get rid of me."
A smile tugged at my lips, and I stopped arguing as I placed a hand in our child's line of sight. He was upset over Leah's angry tones and Bella's voice was watery with her tears, so her laughter didn't soothe him as it otherwise might have. I hoped seeing my hand would help as he'd seemed to like that earlier.
Bella's voice hitched as she insisted, "But Leah is still right. I don't want to hurt Charlie, and I know he's been going crazy over the past couple of weeks. That's not going to get better until he can see me again, and who knows how long that will be, if ever. And Jacob." She gulped and held her breath against whatever she had been about to say.
"Jacob will be fine. The wolves get too caught up in their legends, but there are things their stories don't cover. Leah is living proof of that. In truth, they know very little about themselves, and even less about vampires. You... will always be my Bella, and when this is over and Jacob sees that you are still you... Well, he'll still be in love with you, but I guess I can hardly blame him for that. Not when you are the most amazing and beautiful woman he'll ever meet."
Her lips kept trembling, but the corners turned up, and she looked at me with love in her eyes.
"Breathe, Bella." I chuckled when her heart reacted to the lack of oxygen.
Ugh. Get a room... never thought I'd miss melodramatic Edward, but all these sappy declarations of love are getting to me. If he starts spouting poetry, I swear I'm gonna be sick.
"You know what, Rose? That's a good idea."
"Wait, what?"
I ignored my sister's look of astonishment as I gathered Bella into my arms, rose carefully to my feet, and turned toward the stairs.
"What do you - where do you think you're going?" she sputtered as Bella exclaimed, "Edward, put me down!"
"You haven't slept well in days, and you're exhausted. I think you could use a nice nap in a real bed. What do you say?"
Bella laughed and laid her wet cheek against my chest. "That sounds fabulous."
After using my foot to shut the door firmly behind us, I laid her down on the wrought iron bed we had shared only a few times. "Cold? Would you like the blankets?"
She shook her head and reached for me. I gingerly slid onto the bed beside her, but it was awkward with her stomach there, and she was so tender, I was afraid to move about too much. After a bit of shuffling, some hissing and wincing from Bella and muttered apologies from me, she ended up laying on one side with her back pressed snugly against my stomach.
Our very first night together, we had lain like this, with her strawberry scented hair in my face and her warmth pressed against me. I sighed in relief and curled myself around to touch as much of her as was possible.
There had been times since that night we'd first spent together when I'd imagined us as we were now. A pointless fantasy, I had thought at the time, but one I could never fully rid myself of. I had cursed the fact that I was not a human man and could never have this: my wife, Bella, her stomach swelling with my child, laying in my arms, in my bed. As I rubbed my hand over the perfectly round shape, I marveled. My child was growing in there!
I tried to imagine what he would look like. Though I had never heard Bella's mind, the child's mental voice sounded like her - perhaps because he'd spent all of his life feeling and eventually hearing her speaking.
He would look like her, too, I decided. Not pale like his father, but rosy and brown. Considering how much blood Bella had been consuming for his sake, the child would probably be born with red eyes, but if he could be convinced to drink animal blood, his eyes would turn gold quickly.
Just like his mother's would.
Rose had followed me upstairs, but she headed for the room which housed all the medical supplies. She sniffed the air before striding directly to the drawer where I'd stashed the syringe. She opened it, but didn't touch the gleaming metal cylinder within. Rosalie almost absently fingered the crescents that showed to any vampire's eyes where Carlisle had bitten her, while she visualized my proposal of injecting venom directly into Bella's heart.
I flinched when she began to recall everything she could about the start of her transformation.
My memories were similar, and I didn't relish visiting them again, especially knowing that Bella was about to go through the same thing within hours. Much of it was forever seared into my mind. For the beginning though, when I'd still been mostly human, my memories were less clear, perhaps due to my long illness. Rosalie had no such trouble, and her memories were hard to block.
She remembered the way the fires had started where she'd been bitten, although only after she had woken and seen the scars did she equate the mark with the pain. There had been so many other pains the night of her change that, at first, the new fire hadn't registered. Once it did, it had negated all the rest. She had followed its slow progression through her veins as it spread from her neck and wrists to eventually arrive where all veins led: her heart.
From there, it had spread everywhere.
Rose closed the drawer without disturbing its contents and, after glancing only briefly in the direction of my closed door, returned downstairs to wait.
