46. Reborn

Chocolate eyes met mine. A crease formed between them as she studied my face. Her tiny heart fluttered wildly, like a caged bird seeking freedom. Her chest rose and fell, and each breath seemed to surprise her, but there was no welcoming wail of a human baby protesting its birth. Beneath the covering of blood, there was a definite warmth to her skin tone. No pale-skinned vampire, this. Her uneven lips were a miniature copy of her mother's, a match as exact as her eye color.

I already knew she had perfectly shaped hands - I had seen the delicate fingers, each with a crescent nail, while she was still snug in her womb - but now I saw her little feet and ten tiny toes. Her proportions were off for what I would have expected of a newborn baby. Her legs were long and her torso rather short, so that she looked more like a small child than an infant, but despite that - or perhaps because of that - she looked perfect, like a little porcelain doll. I almost expected her to put her feet down and try to walk, the way a foal would stand and run within minutes of its birth.

She was too busy watching me to attempt to stand. Through my daughter's eyes, I saw my awed expression. She wasn't interested in the blood smeared on my face. It was my eyes she stared into, and my hair, mouth, and neck she glanced at those few times her eyes left mine.

For a long moment, completely oblivious of the fact that I was covered in blood, or that my beloved was still bleeding on the table before me, or that the birth of the child was not the end of the birth, I stood immobile as I watched my newborn daughter recognize me. I fit the shadow she knew, and she remembered my voice saying her name before, though it had been muffled at the time.

Renesmee knew me. Seconds old, and my daughter knew me.

Why had I ever doubted Bella? I knew I never would again.

Bella. Bella!

I was brought back to reality a moment before Bella said, "Let me..."

She was lifting her hands, reaching weakly for the baby she had been so determined to have. I made to pass her to Bella as she was, but stopped and nearly burst out laughing at myself for being as dazed as any new father. There were a few matters to attend to before Bella could hold our daughter.

Renesmee wasn't surprised in the least to find herself suddenly in the crook of my arm so I could finish her delivery. I hesitated only briefly before tying off and biting through the cord. I'd bitten through the protective membrane that had surrounded her; this was no different, really.

When Bella whispered, "Give her to me," I was able to lay Renesmee against her mother's chest. She hadn't been cleaned the way a child born in a hospital would have been prior to letting the mother hold it, but I didn't think Bella would care. She was already covered in the blood she had thrown up; what difference would a little more make?

Bella's chocolate eyes had been searching the room, apparently without seeing anything, but as soon as Renesmee was nestled against her, she focused on the babe. Not even Jacob's negative thoughts could taint this moment. My beloved wife was holding our newborn baby. Never had I dreamed I would see such a thing, and my eyes drank in the picture they made.

The pregnancy had taken its toll on Bella well before Renesmee had begun breaking her bones. Her curves had become angles, the fine lines of her frame were now visible through her delicate skin, and the rosy glow which should have become more pronounced with pregnancy had faded, leaving her skin pale and waxy. Her lips were cracked and colorless, but they turned up at the corners.

She had sacrificed her health to bring our daughter into the world, secure in her knowledge that I would never allow her to die. Despite all the blood and the damage her body had taken, she had never looked more beautiful.

Bella crooned at the babe on her chest. She slid her arm up to curl around Renesmee, though she didn't seem to have the strength to do more than that.

Indeed, she barely seemed to have the strength to speak, but that didn't stop her from trying. "Renes... mee. So... beautiful."

The instinct to suck was strong in all newborn mammals, and whether newly changed or newly born, a vampire child was no different. Renesmee nuzzled Bella's breast and turned her head to seek the nourishment her body knew Bella could provide. Unlike a human child, Renesmee was born with a full set of razor-sharp teeth. And, unlike a human child, it was not milk she sought from her mother. Though she hadn't been able to tear through the vampire skin-like membrane of her amniotic sac, she had no such trouble tearing through Bella's soft flesh.

Bella gasped, and my mouth filled with the taste of her, as though her blood wasn't already covering me. I slid a finger in between them to break her hold and gently scooped our baby girl back into my arms.

"No, Renesmee."

Her lips puckered, and the crease formed between her eyes when she looked at me once again. Her little arms waved and bobbed, her muscles unused to controlling them just yet, but she held one up as though reaching for me. I smiled to take away the sting from my quiet reprimand and caught the tiny hand so I could guide it to my cheek, which she seemed to want to touch.

A shockingly vivid memory of Bella's taste flooded my thoughts. I had a maddening urge to shove the baby into Jacob's hands so I would be unencumbered and free to quench the fire in my veins with the one substance guaranteed to satisfy, but the loud thumping which drove that urge gave only one more hard thud, and was still.

My eyes snapped back to Bella's face, but it was too late. The spark had faded from her beautiful chocolate eyes.

She was gone.

I barely had time to register the fact before Jacob's hands were in place.

One, two...

No.

...three, four...

No, she wasn't dead.

...breathe!

Her heart had faltered before; it would stumble back to its uneven pace, and Bella would scold Jacob for overreacting. She would say she was fine and then tell me I had no reason to wait anymore. It was time to change her.

One, two, three...

She was fine!

Refusing to acknowledge what my eyes had just seen, I riffled through the drawers for something to wrap around Renesmee. She was chilly enough just in being removed from her mother's warm body, though she didn't seem to mind my own cold touch. I tucked her back into the crook of my arm so I could clean Bella up one-handed, delivering the placenta and wrapping it up to be burned later.

Jacob had breathed for Bella once more when he growled, "What are you waiting for?"

"Take the baby." I needed my hands, but I couldn't just put her on the floor. Why, with all that Carlisle had brought home, had he not brought one of the hospital's rolling bassinets?

"Throw it out the window."

Damn it! I'd thought he was over his prejudices!

"Give her to me."

I instinctively snarled at my sister. How had she gotten away from Alice? Jacob snarled as well, but didn't pause his furious pumping.

One, two, three, four...

"I've got it under control," Rosalie assured us.

Jacob didn't spare her a glance, but I held her eyes, warily measuring her intent. Renesmee was only wrapped up, not cleaned. If Rosalie was not in complete control, if she was the least bit shaky... She couldn't have fed yet. Her eyes were a flat black that would have made her look dangerous under normal circumstances, but her hands were steady, and her thoughts clear.

"Give me the baby, Edward. I'll take care of her until Bella..."

She trailed off, but her mind held an image I was all too familiar with. This time I didn't mind; I hoped to see Bella pale and with the red eyes of a newborn vampire in only a few days' time. And from Rose, there was no hint of condemnation. Her objections to Bella's wish to join our family had vanished with that hurried phone call to plea for protection.

I gave her a quick smile along with the hastily-wrapped baby and threw myself toward the drawer where my venom waited. I couldn't fault Rose for the triumphant grin which spread across her face as she strode away with her prize. Though I wanted to follow Renesmee's mind, she was in good hands. It was my Bella who needed me now.

"Move your hands, Jacob," I warned.

His eyes darted to the syringe I held, but his rhythmic pumping of Bella's heart didn't stop. "What's that?"

I didn't have time to wait for him to move and knocked him aside. I knew exactly where her heart lay, and plunged the needle directly into the silent muscle.

"My venom," I answered as I pushed it into her heart. The reaction it had was instant and caused my own silent heart to leap with hope, though neither one came back to life.

Work, I thought fiercely. Come on, work, damn it! Why isn't she waking?

The answers came to me as soon as I asked myself the question. Her heart wasn't beating, and I hadn't bit her. Of course she wasn't waking! Bella had known even this: to change her, I would have to bite her.

"Keep it moving," I snapped and was glad to see him immediately resume his pumping of her heart. There was a definite difference to the sound of the blood he forced the muscle to push now. Like we were trying to revive an hours-old corpse, the blood sounded thick and congealed.

His eyes were on me as I placed my lips against her ear in a gentle kiss. I breathed words of love and apology into its perfect curl before sinking my teeth into my favorite spot on her throat.

Ah, God!

The rich heaven that was Bella enveloped me and put me under its spell: freesia and lavender, sweetness and pure ecstasy, a thrumming in my stomach that demanded I fill it with the intoxicating elixir in my mouth. Unable to help myself, I swallowed the first mouthful and heard a groan of pleasure escape me.

My parched throat was bathed in liquid light. The tingling of a waking limb covered my body, and if I could have opened my eyes, I wouldn't have been surprised to see my stone flesh covered in raised bumps with every hair standing on end.

My eyes stung, but not with unshed tears; the smallest taste had been enough to tint them red. As the blood rushed to shift the color of my eyes, the monster I had killed months earlier opened his once more and stared back at me. The part of me I'd thought I had slain had only slumbered, quiescent, and in swallowing Bella's blood - not just human blood, but hers - I'd revived him.

The rest of my body demanded its share of the blood it had been denied for too long. Already the single swallow I had taken was affecting me. I could feel strength surging through my muscles along with a new awareness of the blood being forced to flow in the human girl before me.

It had been just a tiny sampling of her life's essence, but the red haze hovering at the periphery of my mind threatened to overwhelm. And that smallest taste was hardly enough. There was far more than that leaking wasted onto the floor, and liters more still within her.

But within her, it had to remain. Draining her blood would kill her.

But she was just a human, so what did that matter? I was a vampire; I was supposed to kill my prey!

But Bella wasn't my prey; she was my wife, the mother of my daughter, my own personal angel sent directly from heaven to bring me back to life. Me, not him.

But she was already dead, and while I dallied, she cooled, ever so slightly.

No! She was not dead! I would save her!

Less than a second had passed since my teeth had pierced the skin of her throat. I fought to pry my jaw loose from her neck, but it had been over seventy years since last I'd bitten a human, and he was not to be diverted so easily. He had been teased with the taste of her blood once before, after James had bitten her, and this time there was nothing tainting her perfection. Even the morphine hadn't fully circulated yet.

Yes, he had been thwarted once before! If I did it then, when I hadn't even begun to understand how complete my bond with Bella was, surely I could do so now. I'd stopped myself from draining her to save her from James. I'd stopped myself from biting her when we'd made love. I would stop now!

I pulled myself away from her with a gasp. A low moan of pain escaped me as I watched a rivulet of blood trickle down her neck from the gashes my teeth had made. There was a shimmer of silver along with the red. I hadn't gotten enough of the venom into her, and the blood was washing the open wound clean. Perhaps it would have been enough to change her if I'd had time to wait, but she was dying, and I wasn't taking any chances.

My venom was flowing thickly now, and it was easy enough to spread more across the wound. It was less easy to stop myself from licking her entire throat clean, but at least I'd gotten another taste. And would get another when I bit her again!

No, that was the monster talking. But he was right, nonetheless. If injecting my venom straight into her heart hadn't been enough, a single, shallow bite could not have been good enough either, especially if most of the venom had run down her neck.

Jacob hadn't seemed to notice any hesitation between the first bite and the second, though it felt to me as though hours had passed between the two.

...there's no putting her together again... the monster taunted.

The struggle to let go was no easier the second time, but I was bolstered by the knowledge that I had done it. That I was doing it! A third time and a fourth, I bit my beloved Bella. Each time, I licked the wound after forcing my jaw to let go so that I might spread the flood of venom across the tears my teeth made in her soft skin.

...all the king's horses and all the king's men...

The additional venom was doing its job peripherally. The wounds closed seconds after I moved on, yet Jacob still had to breathe for her and force her heart to beat.

...there's nothing there. It's just me and him.

I wished I could know if it was working where she needed it most. Never before had I held any desire to hear my Bella cry, but I prayed now for her to wake up and scream from the agony of transformation.

...working over a corpse...

The extra pain that thought caused was shocking, but if anything, it strengthened my resolve. I could deal with the pain of not drinking her blood a hell of a lot easier than I could take the mere idea of her dying.

...all that's left of the girl we both loved.

But the monster hadn't loved her; I had. I did. I always would.

...this broken, bled-out, mangled corpse. It's too late. She's dead. The pull is gone.

Whatever he might have said, the drive to save her only grew stronger. Hardly gone, the pull Bella exerted over me redoubled as I bit her yet again.

...or maybe moved is the better word...

I glared at Jacob as his hands slowed and the rhythmic pace faltered.

...leave and never come back!

"Go then," I spat and shoved him aside so I could push her heart instead. "She's not dead. She's going to be fine."

He could give up on her, and why not? He'd given her up numerous times before. She'd never been his. Letting her go, as hard as he might think it to be, was as simple for him as turning around and walking away.

Not me.

Bella was mine! She'd given herself to me! There was nothing that would ever change that fact. We belonged to each other, and it was up to me to save her now, to do for her what Jacob never could have, to give her a new life, even after her death.

Carlisle had only bit my neck and wrists. Already I had bit her twice that number, not to mention the volume I'd injected directly into her heart, but still it only moved because I forced it to do so. I'd sealed the bite wounds with venom, but suddenly realized there was another wound which I had yet to close.

Forcing my hands to stop their rhythmic pumping, I threw myself toward Bella's stomach to slather my venom all over the incision Rosalie had started. The gaping hole in my beloved's body wasn't going to close fast enough on its own, so I held it shut while the venom did its job.

Damn Jacob, anyway! Why had that mutt left? I needed him to keep her heart moving while I tended to the rest of her!

When I could safely take my hands away from her stomach, I laid one on her stick-thin leg and bit her inner thigh where I had once placed kisses. I sank my teeth deep, seeking the artery, and knew the instant I found it. Richer by far than the interstitial blood, or even what I'd found in her neck, the blood in her femoral artery was laden with oxygen and oh, so sweet, and was flavored with a spicy honey I would know anywhere.

Heartened that my venom was moving through her, I kept going, biting her legs as I had her arms before returning to pump her heart for her.

"You're not dead," I insisted as I worked. "You're fine. You'll be fine."

One, two, three, four, breathe!

This time I didn't hesitate to seal my mouth around hers. Her chest rose and fell.

One, two, three...

Vaguely aware that I was the one saying it, I heard a voice chanting words of denial in time to my pumping. "You're not dead. You'll be fine. It'll work. It will work!"

I blew into her mouth again.

"Come on, Bella, breathe!"

And again.

"Come on!"

Maybe if I bit her a few more times, I thought wildly and sank my teeth into her neck once more. There was a place along her side I'd missed, and I had bit one shoulder, but not the other. And there, on her leg, was another place I had not bitten. Finally, I moved to bite her breast right over her silent heart, the crescents from my teeth making gashes to match those Renesmee had left on the other one.

But from her heart, there was nothing.

Or maybe I was just missing it. Maybe... Maybe in pushing her heart for her, I hadn't heard it picking up the rhythm on its own.

"You're not dead." I tried to deny that Jacob could have been right, that she was gone, that there was nothing of her left. My trembling fingers cupped her expressionless face, but hard as I listened, Bella's heart remained silent.

"No, please, please, please, Bella. Come on, Bella, you have to live."

She didn't draw a breath.

"Please, baby, come back to me. Please!"

My beloved Bella lay still and silent on the table before me, covered in her own blood, as well as that which she had thrown up. Silvery bite marks marred her from her throat to her feet, and I had tasted my venom running in her artery, so I knew it was circulating.

Or, it would have been if her heart was beating.

I moaned as I threw myself back toward her chest and desperately started the rhythm again. One, two, three, four, breathe! One, two, three, four, breathe! One, two, three...

It must have been a trick of the light that made her eyelid seem to twitch. I was certain I was imagining it when my fingers felt a flutter. Nonetheless, I paused, a motionless statue hovering over an equally motionless human girl.

But, no!

I gasped in stunned disbelief when I felt the flutter again. Not motionless after all! So slight the human eye would surely have missed it, her chest rose and fell on its own. My shoulders were shaking, but my hands were still as I waited to feel her heart move again. I couldn't hold back the sob of relief when the powerful muscle within her chest stopped fluttering and started galloping.

With the next, deeper inhalation, I was sure would come the screaming I had dreaded for so long, but now ached to hear. Her heart raced, and her chest rose and fell and rose again, but nothing more.

What had I done wrong? She was alive, damn it! Her heart beat; she drew breath! So, why didn't she wake?

My fingers traced her face, searching frantically for any sign that the girl I loved had come back to me, but her eyes stared sightlessly, and her body was motionless other than her heart and lungs.

"Bella? Bella, can you hear me?"

The debates Carlisle and I had indulged in over the decades came back to mock me. Her body might live, but that alone didn't mean Bella was alive if that which had made her her was gone. We had always been opposites; her light to my dark, her purity to my stain, but never like this. My heart didn't beat; hers did. I didn't need oxygen; she did. But I couldn't deny the proof before my eyes. That alone didn't mean life. It was her soul which had animated her and her soul which had gone.

God, no. Not me alive and her dead. Not her dead and me alive! No!

My hands chaffed her legs, trying to stimulate her circulation. I rubbed up and down her arms and sides. My fingertips traced the intricate musculature of her delicate face.

Her eyelid had definitely twitched. If I'd felt her heart - and I had - then my eyes must not have been playing tricks, either. Still, it was hard to trust them when they burned with Bella's blood, when the vivid colors they could pick up were magnified everywhere except for in the human girl who lay pale, as colorless as she was lifeless. I wanted to see her move so badly, my eyes flickered up and down her broken body, looking for any sign of movement.

But there was nothing.

I laid my hand over her heart, feeling the reassuring strength in the rhythmic thumping. I didn't understand; Carlisle had never mentioned this possibility. He had recounted how his silence had saved him from discovery during his change, but he'd said nothing of remaining motionless. Why had I not grilled Carlisle for any hint he'd picked up during his years in Italy on how to successfully create a fledgling?

I kept discovering new strengths within her, but this seemed less like her doing and more like my own.

I had failed my Bella yet again!

If I hadn't stopped to gape at our baby, I could have - should have! - bitten her before her heart stopped. Why had I hesitated?

I'd thought it would be simple. New vampires were created all the time by accident. Surely I could do it on purpose with ease. Had I'd killed her in my arrogance?

Like a body plugged into life support with various machines to breathe for them and others to keep their blood circulating, she wasn't truly here anymore. If I could have taken my venom away, there would be no mockery of life within the body of the girl who held my breaking heart.

Yet, her heart beat. Steady, hard, fast, and showing no signs of faltering or stumbling to a halt once more. It had taken time for Rosalie's thoughts to become coherent during her change, but she'd had injuries to her head. Bella had sustained internal injuries at least as bad as the ones Royce had inflicted, but Bella's head had not been touched.

Bella had been awake and aware after James had bitten her, and that had only been the one time. Broken bones or not, she should have been writhing and screaming in agony. Rosalie and Emmett had been broken, and far too aware of their conditions.

There was no point in biting her yet again. I could see the spider webbing of silver spreading along the fine network of veins from every place where I'd torn her perfect skin with my teeth. I'd tasted my venom in her blood. I'd injected a good twenty milliliters of it straight into her heart. Carlisle had spoken of minute amounts required to start the process, and I had given her much more than that.

The venom which I had expected to heal her - and I could see it working, damn it! - was only preserving her physical form. Without her to animate it, to give her body direction and purpose, she may as well have been dead.

At a loss for anything else to do, I reached almost automatically for the reassuring thoughts of my family, particularly Alice. Surely she would be able to see Bella now that the baby was out of her. But Alice wasn't even trying to see the future. The fuzzy visions which bothered Alice so had vanished entirely with Jacob's presence.

Or I supposed it could have been due to the number of werewolves swarming toward our house with murder on their minds. They weren't after Bella this time - whom they believed to be dead - they were after the demons, the killers, the red-eyed monsters.

They were after my daughter, and they were after me.