48. First Impressions
Sam turned around first. He kept repeating the shocking truth to himself: The vampire child could not be harmed. Under any circumstances. To do so would tear the pack apart with grief.
But Jacob wasn't exactly part of their pack anymore.
How much would that matter if the child continued feasting only on human blood? If - when - it began killing humans, would the imprinting of a rival pack member matter to his own? Or did the imprint itself ensure the child would be benign? He could never believe a wolf would imprint on a born and bred human killer. Would my family's diet matter to the creature we had bred?
The others of Sam's pack followed their leader. Before the last of them had disappeared into the trees, Jacob turned to face me.
Well, bloodsucker? Gonna throw me against a wall again, or gimme a chance to explain? Didn't Bella tell you about Quil and...
"Bella!"
I was standing in the doorway of the exam room before Jacob realized I was no longer in front of him. An instant later, Carlisle had a consoling arm looped around my shoulders. My fingers had made splinters of the doorframe. There was nothing left of it to hold onto, really, but I couldn't let go. I was rooted to the spot by the sight of my Bella, covered in her own blood and my bite marks, still and lifeless, her body broken and delicate limbs splayed unnaturally.
...many times did he bite her?
I let out a choked noise and pressed my hand to my mouth to prevent the other noises that wanted to follow. My beautiful bride, the mother of my daughter, my very own angel, lay as one dead. Her heart was thudding hard, trying to move the unnaturally thick blood through Bella's broken body. Other than that automatic function, Bella was motionless. Even with a damaged spine, she had been able to curl her arm around Renesmee. Bella should have been screaming in agony.
What had I done wrong that she was not?
Carlisle left me standing in the doorway to walk slowly though the room. He was careful not to tread on the many pools and splashes of blood which covered the floor.
When he stood beside her at last, he pressed the tips of his fingers against her inner wrist and held the palm of his other hand over Bella's mouth and nose to feel the slight disturbance of air from her rapid, shallow breaths. He leaned close and inhaled deeply, sniffing along the length of her body.
Though I could have taken such measurements myself, I would not have done so as clinically. An experienced doctor, Carlisle was able to separate the person from the patient, where I could only look in horror at the injuries I had inflicted.
Unable to bear the dry facts Carlisle was saying to himself, I said, "She shouldn't be this still."
"It's the morphine."
The words were said quickly - too quickly. I could smell the sickly perfume of the poppy as well as he could, but its sedative properties were hardly strong enough to induce full unconsciousness under normal circumstances - which these were not.
And he didn't understand how I'd failed. Her heart had stopped.
Its rhythm was steady now, if too fast. In the otherwise quiet night, I could hear the faint swoosh of blood as it circulated within her limbs and the oily change in the liquid sound as the venom spread. The spiderwebbing of silver which spread from each bite mark had grown in the time I had been gone. I couldn't deny that the venom was working to preserve her body, but what of her mind? It was her inner beauty and strength which I loved and needed.
Was my Bella in there?
"Come, Edward," Esme said as she slid an arm around me. "You're a mess. Take a shower while we - "
"No!" I shook her off and strode over to take Bella's hand. What did I care that I smelled of dog and had mud on my torn clothes? What if Bella regained consciousness while I was gone?
Alice joined Esme by the door.
At their exchange of glances, I said, "I'm not leaving her."
"And we're not suggesting that you do!" Alice huffed and marched determinedly over to stand across from me with Bella between us. "But you are covered in blood, and so is she, and I really don't think you want me to show you the outcome of a newborn waking up to that smell."
"Oh, so you can see again? Well, praise Jesus, and somebody call the tabloids! It's a bloody miracle," I snapped.
"Yes, Edward," she said softly. "I can. See?"
My fear and anger melted away as, in my sister's mind, I saw the image I had craved for days: my Bella with the bright red eyes of a newborn vampire.
"She is unconscious for now, son. Let your mother and sister bathe Bella while they can most easily do so."
I relented with a sigh, but didn't immediately move. My eyes searched her face for anything that would prove Alice's vision was more than wishful thinking, but Bella didn't twitch so much as an eyelid. For now, she breathed and her heart beat; that would have to be enough.
My lips brushed across her forehead before I turned and headed for my shower. After I left the room, Carlisle excused himself to go help Jasper and Emmett get a bonfire ready. We had a lot of carpeting and furniture to destroy.
I stripped and kicked my clothes into the hall. We would have to burn those, too. I was so used to seeing myself in the minds of others I rarely needed a mirror, but when my reflection caught my eye, I gasped in disgust. More than I ever had before, I looked like a vampire, from the blood which painted my face, chest, and hands to the red which ringed my otherwise black irises. Worse even than that sight was the zing of her blood that I could feel all over, giving me a strength and feeling of vitality which no other blood had brought before.
Bella lay as one dead; her blood coursed through me, and I felt so alive because of it.
The water ran from my body in red rivulets as soon as I stepped under the spray. I was aware of the sounds I was making while I scrubbed Bella's blood from my shaking hands, but didn't seem to be able to stop them. A third and a fourth time I lathered and rinsed. I may have looked clean, but the scent of her blood was on me, and it seemed more likely that I would scrub my skin off before I rid myself of the evidence of what I was.
"Edward?"
I pushed water from my hair and ignored Jasper's knock as I reached for the soap yet again.
"You've been in there forever. I don't imagine it's possible for even a speck of dirt to be left on your scrawny carcass."
"Don't you know it's rude to barge in on a guy's shower?"
"You're not showering. You're wallowing."
I braced myself against the wall and tried not to dig my fingers into the marble tiles. "Then mind your business, and leave me to it!"
"Why should I? This misery is even more pointless than your normal brand. Now, Rosalie might not care if you ever come downstairs, but I think your kid would like to meet you." ...and I can do without your negative emotions for a change.
"Renesmee," I mumbled.
"Come downstairs, or I'll send Esme up here to haul you out, kicking and screaming the whole way if need be." There was laughter in his voice now, matching the tone of his mental image of me, naked and dripping wet, and being dragged through the house by my mother's grip on my ear.
"She wouldn't." Torn between irritation and amusement, I turned the water off and caught the towel Jasper threw at me.
Don't think I won't!
"Wanna bet? She's been dying to see you meet your spawn. She said she's been waiting a century for this and was threatening to show her your piano if you can't be convinced to do it yourself, first."
With every intention of heading straight downstairs, I was dried and dressed before he had finished speaking, but I couldn't simply pass by the room where Renesmee had been born without stopping in to see her mother. Anticipating my detour, Jasper headed me off when I paused by the room where Bella lay.
"Nu-uh. Renesmee first or you'll never leave Bella's side." ...she's not going anywhere... stay here until you're done.
I grunted as my brother stood in the doorway with his arms crossed. Whether it was Jasper's doing or not, I wasn't sure, but I felt a growing excitement at meeting the babe and headed for the stairs with no further prompting. True, I had technically met her at the moment of her birth, but now I would have the leisure to really see and interact with her incredible mind.
I reached eagerly for her thoughts. Esme had been walking her around the house, but the concentration she was displaying as she examined the button on my mother's shirt led me to think I hadn't missed all that much if something so simple as a button held her attention.
Everyone except Jasper and myself was gathered around the pair in a loose circle. Even Seth and Jacob were there, though I had the feeling the latter was solely due to Esme's intervention on his behalf.
When I entered the room, Renesmee looked up and met my eyes. For the second time that day, I was entranced by the sight of Bella's eyes in our daughter's face. The button forgotten, she stretched her arm out toward me.
"Ready to meet your daddy, little one?" Esme asked as she passed my daughter to me.
The grin that spread across my face at that question was mirrored by the miniature girl I now held. The mouthful of sharp teeth was startling in the tiny face.
Granted, I didn't have all that much experience with handling newborns, but didn't they usually require their heads to be supported? I supposed a creature strong enough to break bones must have enough neck strength to support her own head. The wobble to her movements was less from a lack of strength than coordination and control.
Her hand was still extended toward me. I'd been holding her at arms' length while I examined her, but now I tucked her into the crook of my elbow, as naturally and easily as if I had done so a hundred times before. At the wordless request, I caught her little hand and guided it to my cheek. I felt a similar desire to run my fingers along her delicate features, so like those of her mother. As though she were breakable too, I grazed her nose with my fingertip.
Renesmee's skin was incredible. Translucent like her mother's had been, it would have been completely colorless but for the flush of blood. Her skin wasn't quite reflective in the way ours was, but she seemed to have a glow, nonetheless.
I chuckled with chagrin when she remembered her first sight of me and didn't even care that the memory was flavored with the scent and taste of Bella's blood. Her sacrifice had brought our daughter into the world, and my beloved was being changed by my venom, only feet above where I now stood.
Renesmee patted my face and seemed surprised to find it no longer covered in red.
"Yes, I am all clean now, just like you."
She turned the words over and matched them with sounds Rosalie had made to her when placing her in the delightfully hot water. I laughed again as she tried to understand how I had fit in the sink.
"You are small, so you took a small bath," I explained as though she was capable of understanding. "Mine was my size."
A crease I recognized formed right between her eyes as she recalled the large tub she had glimpsed in Rosalie's bathroom.
Delighted with her show of intelligence, I nodded. "Something like that, yes."
"He does not even realize what she is doing, does he?" Carlisle murmured.
"I doubt it," Esme replied with a giggle.
I didn't look away from the enchanting sight of mine and Bella's daughter, but caught my parents' rather smug exchange of glances and said, "What? What do you mean?"
"Watch," Rosalie said as she lifted Renesmee from my arms. "Show me what you were showing him."
Renesmee stroked Rosalie's cheek, and suddenly my sister's mind was filled with the same images which were in my daughter's. Rosalie remembered giving Renesmee her bath, but from my daughter's perspective, not her own.
"How - ?"
Renesmee kept a hand on Rose, but reached toward me with the other. At the same time, a memory of being held by me formed in both their minds. My sister passed her back to me, and my daughter immediately gave me that toothy smile and patted my cheek again.
This time I gasped in shock when my mouth filled with the taste of human blood. It tasted wrong - cold and chemically altered - but my throat felt the relief at last as the sweet nectar coated and soothed away the burn. I thrust Renesmee into Rosalie's hands, certain I had actually bitten my own daughter. The sensation had been so real!
But though her lower lip puckered and she replayed my unexpected rejection in her mind, she was unharmed. I ignored both spoken and unspoken questions as I gingerly gathered her back from my sister. Rose handed her over reluctantly, but since Renesmee was thrusting herself away from Rose and into my hands, she had little choice but to give her back.
"There, little one," I said when I had her settled again. "I'm sorry. You surprised me."
When she patted my cheek and resumed sharing her memories with me, I supposed I was forgiven. After she had finished eating, Rosalie had shown her a number of dresses before deciding on the one she wore now. I vaguely wondered when and from where Alice had obtained so many baby clothes, but was too engrossed with Renesmee to bother asking. She'd enjoyed the different textures of the fabrics and had curiously touched everything Esme had shown her on their short tour.
"What do you see?" Esme asked as my silence stretched.
"She's remembering... or showing me her memories of getting dressed."
Alice broke into wild, tinkling giggles. "Oh, Edward! It's just what you've always wanted! Now you'll never have to miss out when we go shopping."
"Yes," Carlisle said as his eyes danced. "Renesmee will just show you every dress and style and swatch of fabric as though she had dragged you along."
Rosalie, Emmett, and Esme expressed their amusement at my expense, but the grin I turned on Renesmee showed I wasn't remotely upset.
"Oh, I don't think so," I gloated. "She's her mother's daughter, and... wait while I tally the number of times I've heard you bemoaning her lack of fashion enthusiasm."
"She may be her mother's daughter," Alice retorted, "but she's also a Cullen, and there's no way she won't gain a sense of style growing up in this family!"
"Don't you worry, sweetheart," I crooned. "If you want to dress in ratty tees and old sweats, you go right ahead. Bella does and looks perfectly lovely in them. No doubt you will too."
Alice gave a squeak of indignation, but seemed to have been rendered speechless by my utter disregard for clothing trends. She decided she would get back at me somehow, but the flurry of fabrics and designer names which filled her mind would have been uninteresting under normal circumstances. Bella's daughter was far more fascinating than the constantly shifting and irrational fashion fads, and I tuned out everything but the tiny, perfect being I held.
At the mention of her name, an image of Bella formed in my daughter's mind, along with a sense of longing.
"Alright." I turned and headed toward the stairs, only to find the way blocked.
"Where are you going?" demanded Jacob.
"My daughter would like to see her mother."
"I don't think that's such a good idea."
"I don't think it's any of your business, dog."
"Look, bloodsucker." He thrust his arm out to me, but I batted it away. Must he ruin everything?
"Step aside, Jacob," I hissed, but rather than get angry, he rolled his eyes.
Renesmee patted my cheek and remembered when I had last confronted Jacob.
"Are all vampires this dense, or is it just you? Look." He waved his arm in front of my face, and I saw what he was trying to show me. There were several tiny tears in the shirt sleeve, little crescent shapes with spreading red stains, which could only have been made by one thing.
"She bit you?"
"Yup."
Renesmee jumped as I burst out laughing.
"Tough break, pup." Still chuckling, I made to brush by him, but he blocked my way with his other arm. I shifted Renesmee into a slightly more secure position and snarled, "What is your problem?"
"It's actually your problem. See, if she bit me, she might bite Bella."
"She wouldn't. Besides, Bella is changing now and wouldn't even feel it if she did bite her."
"Yeah, but what would happen to Renesmee if she swallows some of your venom this time?" ...have any idea what that would do to her?
"Nothing at all. She's already half vampire."
"That doesn't mean she's immune. 'Specially since she doesn't seem to make her own venom. Do you really want to take the chance that yours won't hurt her?"
I looked at Carlisle uneasily.
"Maybe it would be better to wait until she has eaten again," he said.
"But - "
"Go see for yourself that Bella is alright. Renesmee can join you when we can be more assured of both their safety."
I scoffed. Renesmee wouldn't hurt Bella, and even if she did desire to bite her as she had once before, I was certain I could stop her in time. I wanted to argue, but Esme was already reaching for her and thinking with delight about holding a baby again. Reluctantly, I gave her back.
As I headed up the stairs, Rosalie protested, "You had her last, Esme; it's my turn!"
