50. Protection

"She's incredible."

"That's the fifth time you've said that."

"Well, she is."

"Did I argue?"

"Even her little fingernails are perfect."

I pressed my lips together hard, trying not to laugh at Jacob. He hadn't moved since I handed Renesmee to him except to shift her slightly so he could better examine her features. For once grateful to be able to watch Jacob's mind, I kept my eyes on Bella while still being able to stare at our daughter.

How I had loved to watch Bella sleep! Nothing was quite as thrilling as listening to her sleep-talking. Those unguarded thoughts had always been precious gifts, rare glimpses into her normally hidden mind.

Far from hidden, our daughter's mind was an open book which she had invited us all to read. I would have been hard-pressed if forced to choose between watching Bella change and watching Renesmee sleep. It seemed I could almost see Renesmee growing.

"She's just..."

"Incredible?"

Yeah.

This time, I gave in to the laugh, but he paid me no attention. His entire world was a half-vampire infant who slept in his arms.

He held her the way I'd seen new fathers the first time they held their infant child, as though any movement on their part would cause the babe irreparable damage. My baby daughter was precious and good like her mother, but she had inherited my strength, if nothing else. No inexperienced juggling could hurt her. Indeed, Jacob would have had to try in order to damage Renesmee, but he treated her like she was made of spun sugar, fragile as a newborn kitten, and fleeting as dandelion fluff, ready to be taken away by the slightest of breezes.

He seemed terrified by the tiny being he held. Not that he thought she could ever hurt him, but that she might come to harm - any harm, from any source. I detected no fire within his bones, but his wolf form seemed very dominant. Canines were usually loyal to a fault, but also fiercely protective of that which they deemed theirs. The depth of his feelings for her concerned me; it was unnatural for a teenage boy to be so devoted to a newborn child. Even if she had been his own, I would have found it odd. I knew what imprinting was, but Jacob was lucky I was able to see into his mind and discern his intentions toward my daughter.

I thought myself lucky Charlie had been unable to do the same. If Charlie had known what I was and what Bella intended to become, he would have done everything in his power to save her from such a fate. Without that truth, still he had seen me as a threat to her well-being. If he had known what Jacob was, would he have been so supportive of their relationship?

Well, and why not? The only thing I had ever done against Bella's wishes was to leave, and I would never make that mistake again. Jacob had kissed Bella against her will. She had broken her delicate hand punching the mutt's face! Yet it had been me whom Charlie had glared at that day.

My eyes were drawn away from Bella to study Jacob.

The wolves saw themselves as born and bred protectors, yet they also felt the need to protect their tribe from themselves. I had feared for Bella's safety whenever she had chosen to spend time with the wolf pack and was right to do so. The story which had been spread of a bear attacking the woman whom Sam had imprinted on had been a lie. It had been Sam himself who had unintentionally mauled Emily.

Who could have said that Bella - who had not been anyone's imprint - would not have suffered the same fate? Hadn't Sam forbade Jacob from telling Bella what he was for that very reason? The wolves were volatile, unpredictable, and dangerous, and they knew it.

Bella had not seen them as a threat any more than she did me. Why? Why had she trusted him so completely? After his importunate perusal that spring, she had forgiven his indiscretion and actively sought his company. Was it her love which blinded her to what he could do, as it had blinded her to the truth about me? We all knew she loved both of us.

I returned to watching Bella.

To a human's eyes, she would have seemed to be dead already. I doubted even Jacob would have seen the slight movement of her chest from the shallow, rapid breaths, had I been able to convince him to look away from Renesmee.

My hand hovered over her mouth and nose. Her breaths, slight as they were, were still warm. A hair's breadth away from actually touching them, my fingers traced her pale pink lips. A trick of shading made them seem darker than before, but that was only in contrast with how white the rest of her skin had already become.

Surely the morphine would wear off soon! The scent lingered, but it was fading. As much as I feared the coming days when she would wake and feel the fire which would never truly die, I desperately wished she would wake this very moment, that I might have more assurance than Alice's vision that Bella would awaken.

The screams she had let out during the birth were forever etched into my mind. I dreaded those which were soon to come and ached for it to be over already.

Why had I not taken the chance to taste her human lips one last time? What would they taste like when she woke? I licked my own and slowed my suddenly rapid breathing. What would it be like to kiss her, to really kiss her without having to hold back? When I didn't have to mind the strength in my hands? When I didn't have to fear an accidental exposure to my venom, or worse?

She had claimed to understand why I handled her so carefully, while seeming to do everything in her power to make me abandon that care. Bella had always loved me freely, without fear, without a thought for her own safety. From the very beginning, she had trusted me - a vampire - completely.

I loved her beyond measure; she was my world, my life, and I would sooner die than see her harmed, much less harm her myself. She had trusted me so completely not because she loved me, but because I loved her.

Hadn't that been why Charlie had accepted me at last? He had given his daughter to me, had placed her into my care, because he did know what I was: the kid who loved his daughter.

Maybe I could entrust Jacob with mine for the very same reason.

Leah was proof of the strength of an imprint. I could ignore what I heard, but I had heard the wolf girl's thoughts, just the same. Sam's attachment to Emily had completely overshadowed his love for Leah - a natural love, grown over time, through shared experiences and mutual respect, quite unlike his instant and complete obsession with Emily. Nothing had mattered to him except Emily's welfare, though he had been the one to injure her.

Considering the volatility of certain pack members, it was a wonder more of their women hadn't been unintentionally harmed by someone shifting forms. Yet no one had seemed at all concerned with the safety of the child who had been imprinted upon. They considered her safer in Quil's care than anywhere else.

Yes, werewolves were dangerous, but the rest of the pack seemed to have learned from Sam's mistake.

Still, this was my daughter, and there could be no room allowed for error, nor time for learning curves. Jacob had but one chance, and if he blew it, none would blame me in forbidding him to see her.

Well, probably Bella would.

All the imprints within Sam's pack had been to women close to their own age, except for Quil and Claire. To the pack, it had seemed only natural for the others to fall in love, but the avuncular bond between young adult and child was bound to change when she grew up, while he did not. The rest of the pack seemed to anticipate that one day, Quil's status would change from "brother" to lover.

My lips curled. As if imprinting wasn't disturbing enough without bringing romance into the mix, not to mention romance with a child. I supposed it wasn't quite pedophilia, but only because they were genetically compelled to protect the well-being of their imprint.

I still didn't like it.

Jacob was staring at the shape of Renesmee's eyes, marveling at how they resembled Bella's. And her hair, it was so soft against his skin, softer than Bella's had been when it had tumbled down his arm during their kiss.

His thoughts didn't dwell on that stolen kiss as they had every other time I'd caught him thinking of Bella's sweet mouth. His mind seemed to dismiss the memory as swiftly as it had called it up. Renesmee was the center of his attention, and when he thought of Bella now, it was only due to her familiar features which he kept discovering as he studied our daughter's cherubic face.

...gonna be prettier than Bella... exactly what I was lookin for when I...

Images of his flight from our home flickered across his thoughts. I saw a multitude of girls, none of whom had measured up to Bella's gentle perfection.

"Jacob!" I snapped, gaining his attention at last.

Thinking there must be a threat to Renesmee, he looked wildly around the room for whatever was upsetting me. Finding nothing, he looked back at me. "What's wrong?"

"Your pack may accept Quil and Claire, but you had better watch your thoughts, because I certainly will be."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means be careful. I'll not have you hurting her in any way."

"I would never - "

"Intentionally cause her harm? No, of course not."

Then what's your problem?

"The other members of your pack, a number of them have imprinted too, yes?"

Yeah, so?

"So, it seems a bit like brainwashing."

"You can read my mind. You should know I'm still me."

"Well, that's debatable, but I was not talking about you. I meant Claire."

...alright, now he's really lost me.

"She will grow up with everyone around her expecting her to marry Quil. She's what, three years old or so? With her life mapped out for her already? Perhaps that isn't brainwashing, but she's being conditioned from a very young age to accept something which most people would not."

"Quil knows she's just a kid."

"Exactly my point. What business does a man in his twenties have with a girl-child who is not his own?"

"He isn't twenty."

"He looks it."

"So? Aren't you, like, a hundred years old, or something?"

"I am seventeen."

"You only look seventeen."

"Hmph."

"Quil and Claire are... something else, I gotta admit, but it's not inappropriate. Really, he's more pathetic than anything."

I snorted along with Jacob as he recalled Quil talking of dressing up like a princess for her birthday party. Jacob remembered the way Claire had gleefully pelted Quil with rocks from the beach while he happily indulged her game. His tolerance and adoration were anything but predatory, and reminded me more of a devoted family dog, which I supposed was appropriate. Gentle and patient with the human he had claimed as his own, yet fiercely protective of her welfare, the girl could hardly have a better guard dog than her very own werewolf.

"You surprise me, Jacob. I would not have expected you to accept a status of family pet so easily."

He got into my face to whisper in fury, "I am not a pet."

"So I should tell Alice the pwetty pwincess party is a no-go? What a shame. Rosalie will be so disappointed."

He breathed heavily and seemed to be trying not to picture himself sitting at a tiny table, wearing a tiara, and pretending to drink imaginary tea.

"You woke her," he accused when I burst out laughing, but he was grateful for the diversion.

"She doesn't mind. She likes hearing me laugh," I gloated. "Don't you, baby?"

He didn't protest when I took her from him, but only because she had reached for me, too. She had indeed enjoyed my laughter, which only made me laugh more. I could have spent days and days doing nothing but laughing for her.

Jacob inched closer to where I stood until we were actually touching. Uncomfortable, I looked pointedly at where his shoulder rested against mine, but he only had eyes for the girl in my arms.

A months-old human infant would have grabbed for the finger he used to poke her nose. Renesmee blinked, wrinkled her nose, and touched one of her own fingers precisely to its rounded tip. She pulled her finger away to stare at curiously. I saw her desire to touch Jacob's face and angled her closer to him so she wouldn't have to reach as far. Rather than stroke his cheek, she carefully touched the end of his nose, and then reached for mine before touching her own again.

The game didn't hold her attention long. Her hand dropped to touch her throat while a familiar stress line formed between her brows. Rosalie had fed her before they left, but that had been hours ago.

"Is she hungry?"

"Thirsty," I corrected. "And yes. Very."

Jacob briefly contemplated going to the cooler for one of the units of blood, but seemed uneasy at the thought of preparing it himself. Reluctant though I was to give her up so soon, I thought it would be simpler to open the bag and transfer its contents into a bottle without her in my arms. I'd done as much for Bella; now it was Renesmee's turn.

"Will you hold her while I get it ready?"

"Yeah, that's probably better."

I opened the cupboards which had held cups for Bella, for some reason expecting to find them stocked with baby bottles and rubber nipples, and finding a single metal cylinder instead. I turned it over in my hands and discovered Renesmee's name engraved in Rosalie's familiar looping script on one side. It tapered to a rounded tip with a hole in the center. A thin seam was the only evidence the handmade bottle was crafted from two pieces, which came apart when I gave it a gentle twist.

"Blondie makes more than personalized dog dishes, apparently. At least she's got decent handwriting."

"While they're in town, they can get some ready-made metal cups and stop ruining Esme's serving bowls."

Renesmee reached for the bottle eagerly, apparently recognizing it from an earlier meal. I gave her the top piece, earning another of her startling grins. Hopefully, playing with it would keep her happy.

"Are you sure all that metal is good for her?"

"The bowls Rose used are made to hold food. Why would you think they could hurt her?"

"What's wrong with a normal bottle?"

"Aside from not having one here, the rubber wouldn't withstand her teeth."

As if to demonstrate, she chewed on the nipple, but stopped when the noise hurt her ears. She made a face at the way it had felt when the metal had squeaked against her teeth.

"No, Renesmee," I said, gently, and tugged it back from her. "You should only bite food. Alright?"

"Ow! Hey, I'm not food!"

"You can't possibly think he tastes good?" I asked in disgust. There weren't many things I had tasted which were as foul as Jacob's blood, even through Renesmee's senses. Possibly the cinnamon rolls I had made were worse, but I had never actually tasted the wolf's blood before, except through his own thoughts when he'd bit his tongue.

She gave a little grunt and patted his arm before laying her head against it.

He wiped the blood away; the tiny scrape had already healed. "Good thing you're not venomous, kid."

I hummed in agreement. I hesitated to attempt to restore the nipple back to shape. Just imagining Carlisle's fascination if I were to show this to him later had me grinning. Her teeth had left impressions in the metal, which had now been squished flat.

"Looks like the metal didn't do any better than rubber would have."

"No, but I don't think she'll chew on it again. She didn't like the way it made her teeth feel."

"Okay, well, what's wrong with a plastic cup like Bella had? Or a coffee cup? Gotta keep up the human charade and all, right? You have a kitchen full of choices already. It doesn't have to be metal, does it?"

"If she were a human child, would you be pestering me about the brand of formula, too?"

"Uh, yeah. You guys can afford the best, so I expect everything to be green."

"Green?" I repeated doubtfully.

"Yeah, you know, all natural, no growth hormones or artificial additives or - What? Why are you laughing?"

"You're worried about growth hormones when I can practically watch her getting bigger by the second?"

"Well, sure. I mean, exactly. You don't want her growing even faster, do you?"

"She drinks blood. Human blood. From humans who have - more like than not - eaten foods with added growth hormones and who knows what all else with no way to track or regulate what each individual may have consumed."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Why would I not be?"

"Just, I would have thought that you, of all people, would be worried about her health."

"Renesmee is the picture of health," I said stiffly.

"For now. As fast as everything else about her happens, she could absorb a lethal dose of something toxic before anyone realized it. Heavy metal poisoning doesn't sound like much fun, if you ask me."

I contemplated him in silence as I considered what he'd said. My first reaction was irritation. He hadn't intended it to be, but his words were an accusation. If something happened to her, it would be my fault for not being strong enough, knowledgeable enough, fast enough to prevent whatever calamity were to befall her.

However, since the bottle was ruined now anyway, I sprinted downstairs, snagged a coffee cup, and was back before Bella's racing heart had beat thrice.

"You will not want to bite this, Renesmee. Ceramic wouldn't taste good if you chipped any pieces off."

It was heavier than she expected when she tried to take it. Jacob snatched it from me and shuffled her so the cup could sit on her lap, shooting me a dirty look in the process. She got both tiny hands on it and carefully lifted it while Jacob's hand hovered right underneath in case it slipped from her grasp.

The frown she gave me after examining it was definitely intended as an accusation I could understand without words.

Why had I given her an empty cup?

"Sorry, baby," I said with a laugh and took it to the sink to splash in some water. "Here, Renesmee, try this."

"Water?"

"There has been quite enough blood spilled in this room," I explained. "I would prefer she try drinking from a cup without the chance she could spill blood all over herself."

"Erm, good point."

She sniffed it, but frowned again. She reached out for me, intending to place a memory of the blood Rosalie had fed her into my mind.

"Yes, I know," I said after swallowing a mouthful of venom. "It is not what you want, but please? Will you try?"

"Yeah, water is great, see?" He took the cup, carefully drank a sip to demonstrate, then held it close to her lips. She copied his movements exactly, which was interesting enough, but watching her analyze the way her mouth shaped against the lip, and how to use her cheeks and tongue to pull in a taste was truly fascinating. She was so smart!

And as stubborn as her parents. After taking the single shallow sip without spilling a drop, she felt she had put up with us long enough. She placed the memory of drinking blood into Jacob's mind, this time coloring it with her irritation. She was thirsty.

I chuckled and took the cup back, pleased at the success of our little experiment, and went to rummage for the bag with the least volume. Human babies' stomachs were only about the size of their fists, so I doubted Renesmee would be able to finish the entire thing in one sitting.

Then again, most humans would not be capable of drinking the volume I normally did, either. Well, I could always open another if this one was insufficient.

"Does it have to be human?" he asked with a curl to his lips.

"Probably not, but we'll worry about that later, when she's old enough to hunt."

"But people can have diseases. Do drugs and stuff."

Exasperated with his seemingly endless protests, I said, "Yes, and the Red Cross tests for them! Far more thoroughly than foods prepared for human consumption are tested. For example, I guarantee you, this," I gestured with the bag of blood I held, "contains no rat droppings. Can you say the same for any store-bought foods which you have eaten?"

His nose wrinkled, and his sneer deepened, but he stopped pestering me, and I got on with fixing Renesmee's breakfast.

Certain humans smelled better than others; I knew that only too well. Nonetheless, I couldn't help but wonder what the human who had donated this blood had smelled like. The perfume that wafted up as I emptied the contents of the bag had my venom flowing like none of the ones which I had prepared for Bella had done. This human's blood was almost as tantalizing as Bella's had been.

Had it been only a few hours ago that I had tasted her blood? Here in this very room? The nectar which was Bella had flooded my senses until all I had known was the simple and pure pleasure of my beloved's taste on my tongue. The memory was as clear as if it were happening now, and I felt all the hairs on my arms stand on end from the rush of ecstasy the mere memory engendered.

"Well? Are you gonna give that to her or not?"

"What? Oh. Um."

Renesmee could smell the blood that had so entranced me and was leaning toward me, reaching out, turning to touch Jacob's face briefly, and then reaching for me again. Jacob chortled while I tried to act as though I hadn't been simply standing there, mesmerized by the exposed blood in the cup I held. I hastened to relieve him of his struggling charge.

She made an imperious-sounding grunt when I tried to get her settled comfortably before tipping the cup to her lips. What did she care how she was being held when there was blood to be drunk!

I stopped trying to juggle her into a more secure position the moment the first drop touched her tongue. She let out a moan and began drinking greedily, but I hadn't anticipated how vividly I would experience her enjoyment of the blood she was drinking while she was drinking it. Vicariously experiencing her relief had the opposite affect on me. I cried out in shock and pain and shoved her into Jacob's arms.

"Aw, gross, dude, what the heck? All that fuss making sure she didn't spill blood, and you got it all over."

"Get her out of here, please, Jacob," I said in a hoarse whisper.

His stance changed abruptly. No longer at ease, he narrowed his eyes and sank into a defensive crouch. "You're worried about me hurting her when you can't even be trusted to feed her?"

"I'm only asking you to feed her someplace else," I said through my teeth.

"So she'll be safe from you if I take her downstairs?

"Safe? From me! I'm her father!"

"So? You're a vampire! Maybe I should take her to the rez and let Sam and them help me protect her."

"You'll do no such thing!"

"Boys! What is going on here?"

We both turned to find Esme in the doorway with her hands on her hips. It was no wonder she was concerned, what with the way Jacob and I had been shouting at each other while he held a bloody Renesmee in his arms. She was perfectly happy, totally absorbed in the blood she was drinking.

I turned and strode over to Bella so I could slide my hand into her lax grip. Grateful for the strength I was able to draw from her, even now, I prepared myself for the scent of blood and took a shaky breath.

"Esme, would you please finish feeding my daughter and get her cleaned up? Jacob has someplace he needs to be. And it isn't here."

What? No!

Esme clicked her tongue disapprovingly while Jacob looked wildly between us. He shook his head vigorously, silently begging her not to send him away.

"Please," I moaned. "Stay if you must; just take her out of this room!"

"Come on, Jacob," Esme said. "Let's get you both cleaned and fed."

He shot me a furtive look and shuffled after her.

Had I ever been this thirsty? Even when I had been newborn? I doubted it. Dealing with the stress of Bella's pregnancy, the constant scent of blood which had lingered in the air for days now, as well as the swallows I had taken when trying to bring Bella back had been hard enough, but never had I been privy to another being savoring the flavor of human blood before.

Ah, I was such a weak creature. Bella had survived the brutal pregnancy without complaint, yet I couldn't even manage to feed my own daughter, the very child she had fought so hard to bring into this world. Indeed, it was all I could do not to tear the door off the cooler in order to drain every unit it contained.

I needed to distract myself.

Searching for signs that my Bella was truly in there still, I studied her eyelids for any flicker of movement. But there were none. It didn't seem right to me; the stronger sedative Carlisle had given her a few days earlier had not been enough to completely knock her out. She had twitched and moaned while under its affects. Morphine wasn't nearly as strong and should not have sedated her this deeply.

"Bella? Can you hear me?"

My hand cupped her face, and if I could have fit onto the table with her, I would have climbed onto it to press the length of her against me.

Carlisle came upstairs some time later to find me with my nose buried in Bella's hair. Her scent had shifted subtly. Light and sweet already, the freesia and strawberries seemed to contain hints of something else which I couldn't place, but seemed familiar. The burn which usually accompanied her scent didn't seem quite as strong, and it suddenly dawned on me that when she finished changing, her scent would never burn me again. I would only enjoy her bouquet in the way a human man might if his woman wore a pleasing perfume.

When he didn't speak, I calmly said, "What is it, Carlisle?"

I heard what happened and wanted to see how you are doing.

"I'm fine," I mumbled dully.

He breathed in deeply and let it out in a drawn out sigh. I can detect no trace of blood in the air.

"I know. Please thank Esme and Alice for cleaning up so thoroughly."

I will, but I was thinking about the more recent spill.

I grunted in acknowledgement, but kept my face in Bella's hair.

"Edward."

"What?"

Stop blaming yourself.

"For?"

Being unable to feed her. When I said nothing he continued, How much of Bella's blood did you drink when you changed her?

I lifted my head and met his eyes so he could judge for himself.

Add to that the rather vivid pictures Renesmee creates...

"Yes, yes," I said sourly.

You have no idea how strong you are, my son. You did for Bella what no other could have, not even me.

Deliberately, ruthlessly, he remembered changing me. Mine was the first taste of human blood he had ever had, and it had nearly been his undoing. Worse had been when he'd leaned in to bite me a second time. He hadn't been capable of more than scraping my other wrist with his teeth for the third. I had bitten Bella far more times than he had bitten any of us, and only swallowed a few inevitable mouthfuls of her blood.

"I knew what to expect; you didn't."

"You may have been my first, but I know of no other vampire who was changed with more than two or three bites. Most are only capable of a single bite. Their creators all drink human blood and know what to expect, yet often their attempts fail, and they kill the one they are trying to change. What you did - "

"Don't," I moaned.

"What you did," he repeated firmly, "saved Bella when nothing and no one else could have. After Bella wakes, and the two of you hunt, I am sure you will find it easier to feed your child. And even if you do not, there are plenty here who are more than happy to take on that small duty."

That certainly didn't make me feel better.

He crossed the room quickly to grip my arm and give me a small shake. "Edward."

I sighed lightly, straightened, and slid my hand from her cheek to feel the pulse in her wrist.

"There are plenty here who are grateful for the opportunity."

I nodded, knowing better than he just how true that statement was.

He studied me in silence, letting me see just how little red truly ringed my irises. He thought even that much would likely fade away by the time Bella woke.

"I am so very proud of you."

Unsure how to respond, I just blinked at him, but he felt he had said all he needed to. He clapped a hand to my shoulder, then ruffled my hair in an uncharacteristically affectionate gesture and strode away without another word. I followed his mind to discover that everyone had returned, and Jacob was no longer here. I wondered who and what had convinced him to leave, and what it meant that he had done so at all.