Chapter 9
They barely talked on their ride home.
Sam had wanted to walk, but Martin had insisted to take a cab. She was just out of the hospital and in no condition to walk home. Sam hadn't really argued about it like she sometimes did when she was in one of her stubborn moods. But she was too tired and had others things on her mind to contradict. So she had just got into the cab and looked out of the window.
It was strange which way days could turn out when you had actually woken up with such a positive feeling.
She remembered when the nurse had come in and told her everything was okay, but that the blood sample had shown something else.
She hadn't been able to breathe at first and the nurse had needed to call a doctor. After that she hadn't said a single word to anyone. Then out of the blue Martin had stood in her room and suddenly the emotions hit her with such force that she couldn't do anything but cry.
She didn't know for how long she had cried, but the fact that he was there and just holding her had made things seem less frightful.
It wasn't such a horrible thing to be pregnant of course, but it forced you to think about things you didn't want to think about before. Life had to go somewhere, you needed a direction and you needed to come to terms with yourself. Those were only a few things that had made Sam say she never wanted kids. She was afraid to go wrong somewhere, to mess things up with Martin... She only knew that she couldn't do this on her own and she didn't want to either.
When the cab stopped she was pulled from her thoughts. They were there already and Martin paid.
"Good night!" he called after the driver before he followed Sam up the stairs.
She reached the door of her apartment first and searched her pockets for the keys when she heard the door on the other site of the hallway open.
"Oh, Samantha, I'm so glad Martin found you at last! Are you okay?" It was Mr. Franklin.
Sam nodded. "I'm fine!"
A deep sigh of relief escaped the old man.
"I'm so glad to hear that. Now I can sleep save and sound. I was so worried about you, my dear!"
It was touching that people you actually barely knew seemed to care in a city that was known to be so anonymous.
"I'm so sorry I forgot your medicine, Mr. Franklin. I'll get it tomorrow, if that's okay."
"Sure, it's okay. I'm just glad you're home now. Good night!" And with that he closed his door again.
Sam finally found the keys and opened the door.
She let out a deep sigh when she entered and threw the keys on the drawer standing nearby. Then she took off her coat and let herself fall on the couch. Martin did the same and they sat there in the darkness for a while none of them saying a word.
When he could hear her move beside him he felt it was save to risk beginning a conversation.
"You have been really quiet..." He hadn't even brought his sentence to an end before he noticed how stupid that sounded. But he couldn't take it back. He just looked at her face which he barely saw in the light of the street lamps coming through the window.
"I can't think of much to say."
This was exactly the answer he had expected to his question. And there wasn't really anything else to say.
"Me neither." He had to admit.
There was a long silence between them.
Martin heard Sam taking a deep breath. Was she crying?
"Sam?"
She didn't answer.
"Sam, are you okay?"
"No. I'm sorry... it's just so..." She was crying again. The sound of her voice told him and now he could even see the tears shimmering in the dim light.
When he reached for her and held her close he could feel her warm breath against his chest.
As he had her in his arms like this it felt as if her pain crept over to him. Suddenly it was hard for him to suppress his own tears. But he didn't show it and he managed to control it.
"I never really pictured myself as a mother..." He could hear Sam's weak voice after a while. She hesitated for a second. "I just never really felt like it was a job I could handle. But I guess you grow with the responsibility you get, right?" The tone of her voice screamed for acknowledgment.
"I guess you do..." Martin replied as if he was lost in thoughts.
Sam pressed her face to his shirt and took a couple of deep breaths.
"You know what people say?" She asked afterwards.
Martin shook his head although he knew that she couldn't see it.
"No, what do people say?"
"They say that good things happen to you when you least expect them. If that's true it could be a good thing." She sounded as innocent as a child when she spoke like that.
"Yeah." Was all Martin could say. It really touched him to see how she felt about everything that had happened today.
She covered her eyes with her hands, but took them down only a moment later.
"I'm sorry, I'm gonna stop crying now. It's just...I'm sorry." Her face was buried in his shirt again.
Martin sighed and began to stroke her hair.
"Sam, you don't have to be sorry for this, okay? This is not your fault. For all I know it always takes two for things like these to happen."
He could see Sam nodding slowly.
"I know, but..." the moment she hesitated then was one of the longest Martin had ever lived through. He actually didn't expect not to be the father of the child, but he just wanted to be sure and the way she had begun her sentence frightened him.
"God, there's so many things to talk about now. I feel like my head is going to explode from the hundreds of thoughts that are rushing through there right now. I've got a terrible headache and I really wish I could take a goddamn painkiller, but I'd better not do it, cause I don't have a clue how this is going to affect the baby."
She became really angry in the course of her elaboration. Martin had to smile at that. He thought that this was actually more cute than intimidating which she could also be at times.
"Maybe you should lie down and try to sleep a little then." He suggested.
"Yeah, maybe." She was back in her pensive mood, but her voice sounded not so weak anymore. Her head was still resting against Martin's chest.
"I hope this doesn't change anything between us?" Martin finally took the courage to ask.
Sam thought about this.
"Well... I think it does in more ways than one. I mean, you haven't really said much about this yet. And I guess you have a say in this too as it also is your child." She looked up at him and he looked down on her and for a moment they just watched the shadows on each others faces.
"You do want to keep this child do you?" Martin finally asked.
Sam's gaze shifted to her for herself invisible hands which where lost somewhere in the darkness.
"I can't really say I haven't thought about abortion when the nurse told me about the pregnancy. Actually that was the first thought that came to my mind: How do I get rid of this thing? I just panicked and I lay there all alone." She had to stop for a moment so the tears wouldn't overwhelm her once again. When she continued her eyes met Martin's again for a second. Then she kept on staring into the darkness.
"But you know... this baby cannot really be blamed for being there, can it? We have take responsibility for that. And if I would still be too young or had too little income to care for this child I think it might be worth another thought, but the only thing that's keeping me from being happy to be a mother is my own fear to fail."
Martin knew how much strength it must have taken her to tell him that and he couldn't begin to express how glad he was that she had. This was proof that it was finally working between them. They had worked on their relationship far more in the past two days than they had in the year they had been together.
He kissed her forehead and held her even closer than before.
"Then the only thing I need to say about this is that I'm going to go this way with you... from the beginning to the end."
Sam looked up at him and her eyes met his. It was a look of understanding.
"I would like that very much." She said with a smile.
The END
A/N: Okay this might seem a bit surprising to end this story here, but I have planned this quite a while ago, because I just didn't want to tell everything about this... (the funny thing is that i always imagined "Open your eyes" by Snow Patrol to be the end title and when I wrote the last sentence my mp3-player played it...Now that was a sign!)
They are going to have the baby, but whether it's going to be a boy or girl and what name he/she will get is up to you...
Of course I have my own ideas about this and I would have loved to write Danny's reaction, but I just feel like this is an appropriate end.
And I would love to hear what you imagine how it's going to be and what name the baby is going to have...
I always thought it was going to be a boy with the name Aidan or something like that... and he'll have blonde hair, freckles and play soccer when he's older:)
