DISCLAIMER: I want to own Bleach but I can't because I'm not as talented as Kubo. So I'll just ramble and ramble and ramble. Right.


Memories of what could have been hurt as much as the thousand petals of Senbonsakura piercing the core of my soul.

It's not like me to contemplate like this but sometimes, the regret just washes over.
I could not deny the fact that I was a complete idiot.

Aho! Teme! Baka!

I have thrown my chances to the wind and I will never be able to hold them in my hands again.

I still remember the moment during our childhood days when we went fishing in the river. She catched those flowers in her small hands and had this contented look in her face. At that time, I wished I was the simple blossom making her smile.

Hey, don't mistake me for Yumichika-san, I'd rather die than acquire a taste for girly things.

It's just that seeing her happy makes something inside of me rejoice.

I don't know how to explain it. Hell, I'm not a tensai. All I know is that I want her to smile forever.
It is a nasty feeling, this emotion that makes me want to see her face lighten up and her eyes twinkle.

I would never admit it though especially now that that orange-haired asshole is around. Unfortunately, that same idiot boy makes her smile.
And when she smiles, I am contented, even if her eyes are not on me, even if the smile is meant for someone who's not me.

But I really want to wipe off that smirk from the irksome face of the one who makes her smile. Sometimes, I wish that he would make a blunder and make her cry so that I can beat the crap out of him. But if I did that, I am sure it would make her sad. And as much as I hate him, I hate seeing her cry.

I don't know if he knows but if he does, he better not tell her because I'm going to make his afterlife as bad as her drawings.

But maybe he does.

And maybe he understands that's why he lets me protect her when the need arises and lets me hold her when she becomes injured. Because those are the only unobstrusive ways I can compensate for my mistakes and make up for the lost chances. Those are the only means I can be true to our friendship without revealing any trivial emotion.

Maybe he is not that bad after all. Maybe he'll take care of her as much as I wanted to. Maybe I should nag him into taking the chance. I don't want him to turn into a coward like me.

Perhaps, if she doubts again, I will tell her the same thing I told her once when he was fighting for her. It's the only thing that can calm her heart after all.

"Believe in him, Rukia."