She'd disappeared to her room. She'd said she needed to get changed, to freshen up, but he knew. She needed to be alone to mourn the end of her relationship with Mickey. If this was the end. She hadn't been specific at all, but he suspected that something had happened before all the strange things kicked off. He tried to feel pleased. If she didn't have Mickey, then there was room for him. But he couldn't. He couldn't feel happy when he knew she was locked in her room, her head confused and her heart aching for the man she loved.
He couldn't go after her either. He wouldn't have known what to say. So he stayed in the control room, steering the TARDIS towards Raxacoricofallapatorius, pretending it was much harder than it was and needed his full concentration. Jack had gone after her instead.
"She said she needs some time alone," he said now, coming up the corridor. "She wasn't crying or anything though."
"She'll be fine." The Doctor shrugged it off. "We'll take a fun trip after this and she'll forget all about Ricky."
"Mickey." Jack gave him a warning look and the Doctor felt suitably ashamed. He felt slightly annoyed at that. He hadn't invited the ex-Time Agent on board only to have him turn against him. Ina flash of irritation he considered suggesting that Jack get off at their next stop and not return, but he knew he would just be being petty. He liked Jack, loved him even, though not in the way Jack would no doubt have liked. They were a team now, the three of them together. He wouldn't have wanted to let that go. And more importantly, Rose liked Jack.
There was a long pause and the Doctor busied himself flicking switches. He obviously didn't make too good a job of pretending as Jack didn't wander away, but instead stayed, watching him. It made the Doctor uncomfortable and he finally looked over.
"What?"
"Are you ever going to tell her?"
The Doctor frowned. "Tell who what?"
Jack gave him a pointed look. "Rose." When the Doctor didn't reply he continued. "It's obvious, Doctor, you… you've got a thing for her. And that's understandable, she's a great girl, sexy, fun, cute-"
"I not have a 'thing' for Rose," the Doctor replied shortly, interrupting Jack's list of the many qualities Rose had.
Jack, however, ignored him. "-She's game for anything, she's got a killer sense of humour, she can dance pretty well. She's feisty, but I mean, I always like that in a girl. Excellent-"
"Jack!" The Doctor cut in again, forcing him to stop. He really didn't want to hear what about Rose was excellent; he suspected that Jack wasn't going to say bone structure. "From the way you're talking it sounds like you're the one with the thing for Rose."
"Well, I wouldn't say no…"
"But I don't. I don't have 'things' for people, especially not humans and especially not nineteen-year-old kids from the twenty-first century." The Time Lord doth protest too much. He wished he could stop his ranting; he's making it all worse. If he really didn't have a thing for her, then he was sure he'd have laughed it off, teased Jack a bit and then moved on. As it was, he was trying far too hard to deny the accusation.
"Right." Jack nodded. "So how comes you've let her turn one of the rooms in this place into a TV room? I thought you didn't do domestic."
"Everyone likes to watch a bit of TV."
"You watched Titanic with her last week."
"It's a good film! Not entirely historically accurate but-"
"Oh admit it!" Jack rolled his eyes, fed up with the pretence. "You're in love with her."
There was a long pause, the longest either of them could remember having between them. The Doctor finally lifted his eyes from the control panel and met Jack's anxiety and guilt all mingling in his face.
"Does she know?" he asked in a small voice.
Jack shook his head, and then shrugged. "Not for certain. She suspects something. She might even expect something." The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "She left her boyfriend behind. You don't do that for just anybody." Jack sighed. "But you need to tell her."
"I can't."
Jack shrugged again, and backed away. "Then I can't help you. But believe me; if you don't tell her, you'll lose her. Someone else will have more guts." He walked away.
The Doctor knew Jack was probably right, much as he hated to admit that. Rose was too good to hang around forever, waiting for him to admit how he felt. But he couldn't say it, couldn't commit himself like that. He'd lost everyone he loved before, he couldn't risk it again. Everyone he loved left or got taken eventually. He couldn't put her in that position. Not his Rose. So he sadly began tinkering with the TARDIS, setting up her escape route. Setting up Emergency Programme One.
