58. Nights in White Satin
"Finally," I said in relief. I had begun to think Alice and Esme were never going to stop fussing over the cottage.
Others might see Alice as pushy, but she found it gratifying to see people become as happy as she had foreseen they could be. Why everyone always had to be dragged kicking and screaming toward their own good fortune, she would never understand. Hadn't she proven how much better things were when we just followed her visions? She only wanted the best for us.
While I could appreciate that under normal circumstances, right now I just wanted them to finish. Renesmee had fallen asleep many long minutes ago and would probably sleep for some time. Bella had fed and had the chance to bond with our child. I thought I'd been quite patient, all things considered, but if they'd taken much longer, I would have escorted Bella to our new home whether Alice was ready for her to see it or not!
It may have been a glimpse of that potential future that sped things up, or Alice could simply have timed her final touches with Emmett's return, but she and Esme deemed everything perfect at last. Emmett had brought Jasper back with him, as Alice had known he would, and they all came home together.
Alice skipped up to Bella with the key to our cottage in her outstretched hand, complete with a big, pink bow. "Happy birthday!"
After last year's party, it was surprising that Bella sounded more amused than alarmed when she said, "No one starts counting on the actual day of birth. Your first birthday is at the year mark, Alice."
"We're not celebrating your vampire birthday. Yet. It's September thirteenth, Bella. Happy nineteenth birthday!"
There it was, the alarm I'd expected.
"No. No way! No, this doesn't count. I stopped aging three days ago. I am eighteen forever." Bella glared at me as if it were possible to stop Alice from throwing a party. Nor, in this instance, would I have tried. As unlikely as it had seemed at times, Bella had survived another year. She was lucky the yard as well as both houses and the path between them weren't decked out with lights, lace, and flowers.
"Whatever. We're celebrating anyway, so suck it up." Alice's grin widened when she saw Bella recognize the futility in arguing. "Are you ready to open your present?"
"Presents," I corrected as I pulled a key from my pocket. Bella's nose wrinkled, and her lips pursed with distaste, easily recognizing my gift as a car key, as well as the car it unlocked.
I wondered if she was going to argue about the necessity of having yet another vehicle when running was so enjoyable. Maybe she remembered that she'd already agreed to the car I'd purchased for her months ago, or maybe she felt she couldn't very well refuse my gift after accepting Alice's. Whatever the reason, however grudgingly, she gave in without another word of protest.
"Mine first," Alice said, then stuck her tongue out at me before I could argue.
"Mine is closer," I said anyway. As timid as her driving had been before, I was looking forward to riding shotgun as she pushed the car to its limits and found herself able to keep up. Witnessing her discovery of her new abilities had been delightful on our run. So long as I had her to myself, we could delay our homecoming long enough for a quick ride. Or maybe even another race. Jacob had barely pushed my Vanquish.
"But look at how she's dressed. It's been killing me all day. That is clearly the priority."
What that mattered when it was just us here, I wasn't sure. As her husband, my opinion of her appearance was the only one that really mattered, and I thought she was a vision of beauty, regardless of what she wore. Besides, I rather liked that she was wearing my shirt.
"I know," Alice said brightly, "I'll play you for it. Rock, paper, scissors."
When would I learn not to argue with Alice? "Why don't you just tell me who wins?"
"I do. Excellent."
"It's probably better that I wait for morning, anyway. I think it might be more fun if Jacob was awake for the big reveal, don't you agree? So that someone there is able to express the right level of enthusiasm?"
Bella grinned her agreement.
"Yay," Alice cheered. "Bella, give Ness - Renesmee to Rosalie."
"Where does she usually sleep?" Bella asked as she turned to give Rosalie the sleeping babe.
"In Rose's arms. Or Jacob's. Or Esme's. You get the picture. She has never been set down in her entire life. She's going to be the most spoiled half-vampire in existence."
"She is also the most unspoiled half-vampire in existence," Rose said as she carefully took our child without waking her. "The beauty of being one of a kind."
Bella and Rose shared a warm smile that I would never have expected before the events surrounding Bella's pregnancy. It pleased me that the animosity my sister felt towards the girl I loved was gone, and had not returned with Bella's change. I wanted all the women in my family to be friends.
Grabbing Bella by the elbow, Alice pulled her toward the door, excitedly demanding, "Let's go, let's go!"
"Is it outside?"
"Sort of."
"Enjoy your gift," Rosalie said as Alice half-dragged, half-pushed Bella through the house. "It's from all of us. Esme especially."
"Aren't you coming, too?" she asked when no one other than myself made a move to accompany the two.
"We'll give you a chance to appreciate it alone. You can tell us about it… later."
Emmett chortled, imagining Bella stammering and trying to explain to Esme why the lovely home she had built for us was already in need of such extensive repairs, as if she hadn't spent the last decades living with amorous vampires. I shook my head at him, but he just laughed harder.
For some reason, a wide grin spread across Bella's face. She wasn't looking at Emmett and didn't seem to be embarrassed. Had she missed the lewdness in his amusement or was she ignoring him deliberately? Her gaze seemed to be turned inward, spawning that familiar curiosity.
What could have made her so radiantly happy?
Given all her previous protests over gifts, I would have expected eye rolls and huffs, maybe even a pouty lip or a scowl, not this happiness, nor the smile she beamed at Alice. Her eyes met mine briefly before she allowed my sister to drag her outside and toward the river.
Her grin never faded.
"There's the enthusiasm I'm looking for," Alice said with a pleased smirk. Satisfied that Bella would continue on her own, she released Bella's arm and leapt over the river. When we didn't follow right away, she prompted, "C'mon, Bella."
Timing my jump with hers, I watched Bella's face as she sailed through the air. She looked about, leisurely scanning the trees and brush for a clear spot to land. Her jump had been light, just enough to get her across to the other side, as though springing over a river was already commonplace. We landed right next to Alice who sprinted through the trees as soon as our feet touched the ground.
Bella followed, and I followed her.
Alice kept her lead, giving her time to catch a glimpse of the cottage before Bella could. She darted back to Bella, who had stopped her headlong sprint through the thick trees when Alice did.
"Don't attack me," Alice said. She pounced on Bella and perched, piggyback, with her hands over Bella's eyes, exactly like a bratty younger sibling.
While perfectly capable of carrying my tiny sister, she did not seem to appreciate being deprived of her sight so suddenly and unexpectedly. With arms flung out and fingers splayed, Bella twisted slightly from side to side and exclaimed, "What are you doing?"
"Making sure you can't see," Alice said.
"I could take care of that without the theatrics," I muttered.
She stuck her tongue out at me. "You might let her cheat. Take her hand and lead her forward."
Before her change, she would not have been able to bear Alice's full weight, at least, not for any significant length of time. Most of her strength had been from within. Now, Bella could have carried Alice clear across the country without noticing any ill effects, but, blind, she looked frightened and unsure with her knees bent and her arms held out as if for balance.
"Alice, I - "
"Don't bother, Bella. We're doing this my way."
I knew from experience that it was generally easier and faster to just go along once Alice had her mind set. When I slid my fingers through Bella's, she straightened from her slight crouch and lowered her arms. I loved that my touch could erase her fear so easily. The trust she gave me was so complete, her blindness ceased to matter. She followed me without hesitation as I pulled her toward the waiting cottage.
"Just a few seconds more, Bella. Then she'll go annoy someone else." I fought an irrational desire to stick my tongue out at my sister the way she always did to me.
"You might be a little more appreciative. This is as much for you as it is for her."
A place away from the thoughts of everyone, where we could simply be together? A haven just for the two of us? Of all the gifts I'd been given today, to be able to share a home with Bella, now, tonight, as husband and wife, was incomparable.
"True," I acknowledged. "Thank you again, Alice."
"Yeah, yeah."
We were nearly there. Stepping around a last copse of trees, I got my first full view of the little house. The images from the others' minds didn't do it justice. They'd taken a dilapidated shack and turned it into something out of a children's story book.
Ever the gardener, Esme had coaxed a creeper of honeysuckle up one side and onto the roof. The other side was covered in a moss blanket that must have been growing for years. A patch of rose bushes nestled in front of each of the windows, with a stone path winding between them that lead to the wooden door. The whole front was worked in stone that matched the strata of the mountains around us. They were rounded, as though harvested from the nearby waterways, and pitted with age. The ancient look gave the place a sense of mystery while the carefully cultivated flowers made it feel inviting and lived-in.
"Okay! Stop there," Alice directed before I got to the head of the little path. With her face right by Bella's so she could see exactly what Bella would, she said, "Turn her just a little to the right. Yes, like that. Okay. Are you ready?"
Bella's nose flared as she took in the scents. I breathed in at the same time, enjoying the light flavor of the various flowers, the richness of newly tilled earth, and the more acrid scents of sawdust and fresh paint.
She leaned toward the cottage and said, "I'm ready."
Alice released her quickly, taking her hands away, jumping back to the ground, and moving to the side so she could better watch as Bella took the scene in.
Whatever she had been expecting, this certainly wasn't it. Speechless, she clung to my hand and stared.
"What do you think?" Alice whispered.
Bella opened her mouth, but said nothing.
The cottage was unlike either our mansion or the beach house, both of which featured floor to ceiling walls of glass and many oversized rooms. They were open and airy, inviting and bright, a place where we didn't have to feel hidden. In comparison, the lunettes and curtained windows of the rather tiny cottage concealed the interior, creating a sense of privacy and mystery that I thought fit Bella perfectly.
My expectations of her reactions were usually off, though. As an only child, maybe she had looked forward to living with a large family and felt they were kicking us out before she could have that chance.
"Esme thought we might like a place of our own for a while," I explained, "but she didn't want us too far away. And she loves any excuse to renovate. This little place has been crumbling away out here for at least a hundred years."
Bella's mouth worked, but no sound came out.
"Don't you like it?" Alice asked. Abruptly worried, the words began to tumble from her mouth. "I mean, I'm sure we could fix it up differently, if you want. Emmett was all for adding a few thousand square feet, a second story, columns, and a tower, but Esme thought you would like it best the way it was meant to look. If she was wrong, we can get back to work. It won't take long to - "
"Shh!"
I'd rarely seen Alice silenced so completely. She pressed her lips together and waited for Bella to find her voice.
"You're giving me a house for my birthday?" she finally managed to say.
"Us," I reminded her. "And it's no more than a cottage. I think the word house implies more legroom."
"No knocking my house," she whispered to my delight and Alice's relief.
"You like it," Alice said with a hopeful smile.
Bella shook her head.
"Love it?"
Bella nodded.
"I can't wait to tell Esme!"
"Why didn't she come?"
"Oh, you know… they all remember how you are about presents. They didn't want to put you under too much pressure to like it."
"But of course I love it. How could I not?"
"They'll like that. Anyhoo, your closet is stocked. Use it wisely. And… I guess that's everything."
"Aren't you going to come inside?"
"Edward knows his way around." She began edging backward for the trees. "I'll stop by… later. Call me if you can't match your clothes right. Jazz wants to hunt. See you."
Finally, she was gone. Bella stared into the forest after her for a full minute before turning back to me with a worried frown.
"That was weird. Am I really that bad? They didn't have to stay away. Now I feel guilty. I didn't even thank her right. We should go back, tell Esme - "
"Bella, don't be silly. No one thinks you're that unreasonable."
"Then what - "
"Alone time is their other gift. Alice was trying to be subtle about it."
"Oh."
Her forehead smoothed of the worry. Her red eyes were strangely compelling, and if I'd looked into them much longer, the home our family had prepared for us would have remained empty and unexplored. However willing she would have been, it didn't seem right to just… take her, here, in the forest. At least, not this time, our first since her change. Not with our very own home standing a few feet away.
I turned away from her to tug her after me. "Let me show you what they've done."
As she followed, she laughed, just once. When I glanced at her, she seemed delighted with whatever thought had crossed her mind, but didn't seem inclined to share it with me.
"Do I get to hear the joke?"
"It's not a very good one. I was just thinking," she went on to my relief, "today is the first and last day of forever. It's kind of hard to wrap my head around it. Even with all this extra room for wrapping."
This time I laughed with her.
The first and last day of forever.
I liked the sound of that. A lot. I gestured toward the doorknob. She was the one with the key, after all. Without denting the key or shoving it all the way through the lock, she slid the key into place and turned it.
"You're such a natural at this, Bella; I forget how very strange this all must be for you. I wish I could hear it."
Quickly, before she could open the door and walk in on her own, I scooped her into my arms. It felt good to have her there, safe and right.
"Hey!"
"Thresholds are part of my job description." I wondered if she realized that meant all future houses, too. This was our first, but not our last. Remembering that I didn't have to wonder in silent frustration anymore, I said, "But I'm curious. Tell me what you're thinking about right now."
As I opened the door and stepped inside, she said, "Everything. All at the same time, you know. Good things and things to worry about and things that are new. How I keep using too many superlatives in my head. Right now, I'm thinking that Esme is an artist. It's so perfect!"
I let her look around the room, angling us slightly to follow her gaze. Her eyes rested on paintings I recognized as ones from the mansion. She noted the various chairs and scanned the reading nook, which had been stocked with all her books and filled out with some from Carlisle's vast collection.
When she looked back at me, I strolled toward the arched hallway.
"We're lucky Esme thought to add an extra room. No one was planning for Ness - Renesmee."
"Not you, too," she groaned.
"Sorry, love," I snickered. "I hear it in their thoughts all the time, you know. It's rubbing off on me."
She sighed and curled her lips, but didn't argue about the nickname further.
Hoping for a return of her happier mood, I teased, "I'm sure you're dying to see the closet. Or, at least, I'll tell Alice that you were, to make her feel good."
"Should I be afraid?"
"Terrified." Pleased with her response, I flashed a smile before pausing by a door that opened onto an empty room. "That will be Renesmee's room. They didn't have time to do much with it, what with the angry werewolves…"
Bella's soft laugh surprised me considering how angry she was at Jacob.
"Here's our room." Trying to give her a chance to appreciate the house, I suppressed the shiver those words gave me. Our room. After everything that had happened, to be standing here, with Bella Cullen in my arms, in our room, in our house seemed surreal. Impossible. But with Bella, the impossible often became reality.
I looked around at our new reality. Here were the wall-sized windows, but they didn't detract from the privacy afforded by the rest of the house. They opened onto another garden, this one featuring a still pond framed by trees and more roses.
Esme's island house's glass walls had opened onto the beach. The panoramic view of sweeping sands and vast water had been grand; this was more intimate, but it had the same colors and the same feel. The wood floors were a light cream reminiscent of the powdery sand while the walls were the pale blue of a cloudless sky. Our own private island.
And in the center, a bed, huge, canopied, and draped with lace. Thankfully, Esme had not asked questions when I had made my one request regarding their decorating - no down pillows, please! - but simply nodded her acquiescence and left them out. Everything else was very much like the bed where we had first made love.
"Esme tried to bring some of her island back here for us. She guessed that we would get attached."
"Oh." Soft and wondering, as though overwhelmed.
"I know."
There was a far-away look in her eyes that was familiar. The last time that expression had been on her face, she said she'd been thinking of the island, and of feathers.
And then she had blushed.
No burning warmth radiated from her skin this time. Her eyes were locked on my face, the red becoming more of a deep wine in the shadows, and as strangely compelling as before we'd entered our home. She made no attempt to alter my embrace, nor did she acknowledge the bed again, making me wonder if she was waiting for me to get on with the tour.
"The closet is through those double doors," I said with a jerk of my head in their direction. "I should warn you - it's bigger than this room."
She didn't acknowledge the closet. Her eyes never wavered from me. She reached for my face, her fingers leaving trails of warmth wherever she touched despite our similar temperatures.
"We're going to tell Alice that I ran right to the clothes." Her breath washed across my skin as her fingers knotted themselves in my hair. She pulled my head down to hers and curled herself against my chest, whispering, "We're going to tell her that I spent hours in there playing dress-up. We're going to lie."
Oh, thank God. I didn't think I could have waited much longer
Grateful that she was as interested in fashion as I was, I closed the last bit of distance between us. My mouth found hers, and I kissed her hard, harder than I ever would have dared before her change. Her lips were firm, pressing back, making us equal participants in a kiss we could truly share at last.
Her dress was already ruined, and the shirt she wore was mine, and not one I would miss. If we tore our clothes to shreds every night, well, that was what the oversized closet was for. The rest of our clothes fluttered in rags around us as I sank to my knees where I stood.
Later, I would desire a measure of romance that was lacking from the hard, bare floor. Later, when it was more likely to survive, I would want to lay with my beloved wife in our marital bed.
For now, I didn't care where we were. All I knew was that Bella was in my arms, naked and eager. She had twisted around so I no longer cradled her. She wrapped her arms and legs around me, pushing herself hard against me until, overbalanced and laughing, I fell onto my back. So what if there was a bed just feet away? The hardness of the floor didn't bother me, especially not with her hands on me like this.
We broke our kiss as she shifted, moving her feet from under me and sitting back to give me a smirk. Like her regard were a physical touch, I knew exactly where she looked as her eyes traveled over me. Dark red, glinting ruby when they caught the light, her eyes could have been branding irons, marking me as hers with the sheer heat of her gaze. Her fingers followed the same path, lightly tracing my face, neck and chest. She'd lost her human warmth, but the temperature of her new skin was more pleasant and natural.
I would never have my fill of looking at her, but I needed so much more than to simply see. I needed to touch her and make her respond, to feel her press herself into my palm, to let my hands rediscover the full curves that the pregnancy had taken from her and my venom had restored.
We had only made love a few times before, and it had been so long since the last time. The past weeks apart from Bella had tortured me more than my century of celibacy. I had always done my best to ignore the carnal appetites of those around me, uninterested in what didn't concern me, and unaware of what I was truly missing. Bella had awoken the man in me, brought to life feelings I had never fully understood, feelings that, once roused, did not easily slumber.
My hands found their way into her hair. The long, silky strands trailed down her back and were cool where they brushed against my arms. Cupping her cheeks, I pulled myself upright. She bore my weight as though she didn't notice it. Her arms encircled my shoulders, pulling us closer together. She didn't need to breathe, but I could feel her chest heave against mine with each one she took.
Sweet, rich, and flowery, the familiar hint of freesia and strawberries that surrounded me no longer set fire to my throat. I could just enjoy it now, breathe her in without pain. There were new flavors too, salty and warm, like a trickle of sweat in the midday heat.
I found her lips again as her body rose and heard a strangled moan escape me when she sank down, joining us together.
One hand held her face to mine while the other pressed against the small of her back to pull her against me as tight as possible. Nothing could ever compare with the magic of her love, her willing touch, her joyous cry as she welcomed me in.
Too long I had ached to taste her, and now I could do so properly, the way men and women were supposed to be. Our teeth clashed as our tongues met. My nose squished against her cheek when she grabbed my hair and held me in place, as though afraid I would pull away. But I wouldn't, not ever again. My open mouth was no longer a threat to her. Still, she gasped when I rolled her lower lip between my teeth and, oh, how she trembled as I gently bit along the line of her jaw. My touch was light enough that I wouldn't have broken her skin before and certainly couldn't have hurt her now, but that didn't stop the thrill it gave me to nibble my favorite spot under her ear or graze her shoulder with my teeth.
Our first night together had been the best of my existence. Never to be surpassed, I'd thought at the time. But it had also been full of fear. I'd been so afraid of hurting her, of damaging her fragile body past the point where my venom could save her. She had no idea how close it had been. The times after that, while wonderful, had still required concentration and control to avoid a tragic end.
I couldn't have guessed at the difference a lack of fear would make. I'd lived with it for so long that its absence was staggering. But now that my very worst fears had been proven groundless, what was left to be afraid of?
Hurting Bella in any way was no longer possible. Transforming into a vampire was behind her, astonishingly without the usual accompanying agony. She was even capable of withstanding the draw of human blood, already. I'd always known she was incredible, but this!
Others could tear down walls and smash furniture. I'd done my share of that while she was human, but she wasn't fragile and breakable any longer. I didn't need to destroy our new home when I had the most amazing woman in the world to hold on to.
Neither did her hands seek any purchase but me. At times feather-light and others fierce and demanding, her fingers moved over my skin in a way that was delightfully familiar. Her strength may have been all new, but her unrestrained passion was not.
After restraining myself around her for so long, it was a relief to be able to touch her without worrying that I was applying too much force. I could so easily have snapped her human bones from simple carelessness. Not anymore!
My hands roamed where they wanted - down the smooth dip of her waist, over the gentle swell of her hips, and along the length of her thighs. I reached behind her to cup her round cheeks and felt the large muscles in them moving beneath her silky skin. My fingertips made little divots where they pressed. Before, they would have left bruises. Simply because I knew I could, I squeezed harder.
She threw her head back when I reach up to cup her breasts, exposing the long curve of her throat, which was somehow as tantalizing as when she'd been human. I wanted to taste it, to suck on the tender skin, just hard enough to make her gasp.
Had she known it would be like this? Had she known what it would be like to hold her tight without worrying I would break her? Had she known what it would be like to indulge in every whim or impulse as I felt them?
Probably. She knew me better than I knew myself.
Putting my mouth against her ear, I said her name for no reason other than the way it felt on my lips and tongue. And then, to hear her say yes after, as if I needed another excuse to speak. That word from her mouth never failed to thrill. It was me she said yes to, time and again. All the others had wanted her, even Jacob, but the only one she wanted was me. It seemed strange to think of Jacob when I had Bella in my arms this way, but there was no stopping the smug pleasure it gave me to know he would never get to see Bella like this - eyes flashing, mouth just opened and the corners turned up, chest heaving with unnecessary breaths that she took because of me.
Abruptly unable to stand it any longer, I swung her around and pushed her to her back, covering her body with mine. My fingers laced with hers as I raised her hands above her head and leaned my weight onto them. Her fingers tightened as she pushed back, just enough to prove that she was the stronger. She could easily have flipped us back over if she so chose. Instead, she twined her legs around mine and pulled me closer. The strength in them! They locked us together and held me tight, but not motionless. Relishing the loss of her fragility, I ground our hips together as hard as I could.
The low light of the room caught in her eyes as she lay beneath me, turning them into a brilliant scarlet that danced with laughter. Never before had I understood why humans considered red to be the color of love, when I equated it with blood and death. The image of red-eyed Bella had haunted me and filled me with dread, but now, looking into Bella's bright red eyes, I didn't see the eyes of a newborn vampire. I saw only the emotion shimmering within them, the love of this incredible woman who had chosen me.
Did it matter that they were crimson instead of chocolate? Soon enough they would turn gold, and she would still look at me with warmth and love. Their color didn't seem so important when their corners crinkled with her same goofy grin.
Adorable and adoring, Bella watched me watching her. Vampires saw so much more than humans; how different did I look from what her human eyes had perceived? She had never seen the monster I saw when I looked at myself. Even before my rebellious years I'd felt unnatural, like a demon that should never have existed.
Alone with her like this, basking in the love she gave so freely, I did not feel like some hideous creature or soulless monster; I felt like nothing less than a man in love, like the man she saw and the man I was were finally one and the same. I was not the one who had just transformed, yet somehow, she was the same, and I was the one who had changed.
Releasing one hand and placing mine beside her head to better support myself, I arched up and away from her. I hadn't had enough of looking and wanted to see.
Looking at her now, she was just Bella, beautiful, pure, and sweet. Skin that had always looked alien and unnatural on me seemed just right on her, as if, when God had created her, this had always been His intent. She'd been fair before, her human skin clear to the point of translucence, but no swirl of blood would rise up to color her cheeks again. Except for the red in her eyes and lips, and the red highlights that added richness to her lustrous chestnut hair, she was as uniformly white as virgin snow. I couldn't even tell where I'd bitten her anymore. She looked like a rendering of a fairy tale princess, only no artist existed that could sculpt such perfection.
For the first time, I understood why she was always so reckless around me, so careless of her own safety. I didn't want her to think about being gentle. I wanted to make her forget everything but us. I wanted nothing to exist for her except her fingers on me, my mouth on hers, and the way our bodies moved together. I wanted to feel her cling to me, encouraging the pace of my hips with the raw power in her hands.
My safety was unimportant; she couldn't hurt me anyway. All that mattered was that she wanted me, and I was hers. I gave myself to her gladly, unconditionally, without restraint or concern, able at last to love her as freely as she had always loved me.
Not exactly resting but enjoying a moment of peace in her arms, it seemed strange to think that I needed to catch my breath when I didn't need to breathe. Stranger still was how much I enjoyed it, this pause. I supposed I could equate it to that moment in music when a perfectly timed silence could hold more power than a blaring climactic movement. With my head on her chest and her hands in my hair, I pressed my ear against where her heart had once beat and heard only the steady sounds of her breaths.
She snorted, and I raised my head to look at her curiously. She began making strange faces, wrinkling her nose and running her tongue across her teeth.
"Something wrong?"
"No. I just feel a little out of sorts. Like, I should be brushing my teeth or fixing dinner or something."
"You can, if you like." When she frowned her confusion at me, I nodded toward the hall. "The bathroom is fully stocked - appearances, you know. I wouldn't recommend it, though. Brushing your teeth." She shook her head and continued to frown, so I explained, "Your breath always smelled so nice after, I was curious and tried it once."
"And?"
"Once was all it took." I shuddered in remembered disgust. "As for dinner, if you're thirsty again, we can always step out for a bite."
It was too easy to be distracted by the way she moved against me when she giggled. Maintaining my focus on something as mundane as thirst or bathroom rituals was beyond me when I could touch her however I wanted. And I wanted to touch her all over. I'd held myself in check around her for too long; the knowledge that I no longer had to be careful made any amount of restraint impossible.
This was no race, no sprint toward a finish line we never had to cross. None of our night was wasted in sleep. Much as I had loved her sleep-talking for the glimpses into her unguarded mind, the hours had crawled by as I waited for her to wake during our time on the island. She didn't need to sleep anymore, and I couldn't deny that I was grateful. Each shuddering release I brought her to only seemed to make her want to keep going, and, God, I was more than willing.
The moments between were precious, too. When she placed tender kisses on my neck and nestled into the pillow of my shoulder, when she wrapped her arms around me and squeezed her body tight to my side - and I felt it - we could have been a normal couple. Well, except a human couple would not be on the floor right now. They would be in bed, exhausted and asleep.
"I keep expecting you to apologize or something."
Apologize? "Am I missing something?"
She cut her eyes toward the center of the room and looked like she was trying not to laugh. "Um, yeah. The bed."
"Hmm, yes, well, I'm not going to apologize for that. Besides, what would Esme have said if you'd broken it?"
"Me?" she gasped with wide, innocent eyes. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you the one who's made a habit of tearing up perfectly good headboards?"
"Better them than you. And now that I don't need to worry about that..."
Was it wrong to take such pleasure in benefiting from her change? I'd fought it for so long, and now that I'd lost the war, I reaped all the rewards. It felt a little hypocritical to delight in the loss of her human frailties and weaknesses.
I wasn't about to let that stop me, though.
The silence outside was so complete, with the creatures of the forest asleep or hunting elsewhere and not even a hint of a breeze to make the leaves move, the world beyond the garden's stone fence could have ceased to exist. Only the snap and crackle coming from the dying fire in the living room filled the void.
And Bella. How I loved the sounds she made! The stir of air when she panted into my ear as if she still required oxygen more than made up for the absence of her heartbeat. The whisper of her skin against mine and the sharper rapping of our hard bodies colliding were incomparable, but her wordless cries of pleasure echoing through our very own house were consummate.
At some point, the world outside came back to life. Creatures stirred within their dens as the sky lightened, and a bird welcomed the new day with her song.
"Do you miss it?" Bella asked.
"Miss what?"
"All of it - the warmth, the soft skin, the tasty smell… I'm not losing anything at all, and I just wondered if it was a little bit sad for you that you were."
Sad? How could she know me so well and think I could be unhappy? Was it possible, even with her new body, that she still felt inadequate?
I chuckled. Silly, insecure Bella. I would just have to convince her.
"It would be hard to find someone less sad than I am now. Impossible, I'd venture. Not many people get every single thing they want, plus all the things they didn't think to ask for, in the same day."
"Are you avoiding the question?"
Rolling up onto my elbow, I reached over to cup her cheek in my hand. She didn't burn me with her inner heat, but she didn't feel cold, either. She felt exactly right. "You are warm."
Neither did she feel like the stone she resembled. Velvety smooth, her skin was a satin sheath covering her solid core, just malleable enough under my fingers to have some give, while strong enough to hold her own.
"You are soft," I said as I let my fingers trail down the length of her. It was gratifying to see her eyes roll back in response. "And as for the scent, well, I couldn't say I missed that. Do you remember the scent of those hikers on our hunt?"
"I've been trying very hard not to."
"Imagine kissing that."
Her eyes grew wide and she swallowed convulsively several times. "Oh."
"Precisely. So the answer is no. I am purely full of joy, because I am missing nothing. No one has more than I do now."
I caught her mouth with mine and felt her fling her arms around my neck. I wasn't sure that I'd convinced her, but if my words couldn't do it, perhaps acting on my overwhelming desire for her would.
Exactly one year ago today, almost to the minute, I had been busy making the stupidest decision of my existence: to leave Bella Swan. How we had managed to get from there to here was nothing short of miraculous. I was a lucky man, and I knew it. I needed her to know how happy I was and never to doubt it. Bella was a vampire like me, and I rejoiced.
A human man eventually would have to stop and recover. They might dream of spending an entire night engaged in sex, but in reality, their stamina would wear out long before their spirit. I would never grow tired. And neither would she. We rested only because it felt good to do so, not because we had to. Laying side by side, casually touching and exchanging soft words felt as much a part of our lovemaking as kissing, and just as necessary.
The brief respite and words of love inevitably led to plunging tongues and pulling hands, a breathless thrusting of my body into hers, and the deliciously slow rocking of her body against mine.
"How long does this go on?" she asked. I followed her gaze and found the sun had come up while last we'd been distracted. "I mean, Carlisle and Esme, Em and Rose, Alice and Jasper - they don't spend all day locked in their rooms. They're out in public, fully clothed all the time. Does this… craving ever let up?"
I almost lost my answer as she curled against me.
"That's difficult to say," I managed. "Everyone is different and, well, so far you're the very most different of all. The average young vampire is too obsessed with thirst to notice much else for a while. That doesn't seem to apply to you. With the average vampire, though, after that first year, other needs make themselves known. Neither thirst nor any other desire ever really fades. It's simply a matter of learning to balance them, learning to prioritize and manage…"
"How long?" she insisted.
"Rosalie and Emmett were the worst. It took a solid decade before I could stand to be within a five-mile radius of them. Even Carlisle and Esme had a difficult time stomaching it. They kicked the happy couple out eventually. Esme built them a house, too. It was grander than this one, but then, Esme knows what Rose likes, and she knows what you like."
"So, after ten years, then? Everybody is normal again? Like they are now?"
"Well," I said slowly, "I'm not sure what you mean by normal. You've seen my family going about life in a fairly human way, but you've been sleeping nights." Her nose wrinkled when I winked at her. "There's a tremendous amount of time left over when you don't have to sleep. It makes balancing your… interests quite easy. There's a reason why I'm the best musician in the family, why - besides Carlisle - I've read the most books, studied the most sciences, become fluent in the most languages… Emmett would have you believe that I'm such a know-it-all because of the mind reading, but the truth is that I've just had a lot of free time."
Hours and hours of boredom and monotony, years upon years of filling up my time however I could, learning and reading and making music if only to drown out the sounds of the others around me - all a part of my past. I had Bella to fill my nights now. An eternity of nights with Bella all to myself opened before me, a future as brilliant as the sun that caused her skin to shimmer in the morning light. Everything felt fresh and new. Today was not a just another repeat of yesterday, and tomorrow held the promise of the entire world.
With Bella's thirst a non-issue, we could go anywhere. We could even seek out something to help our daughter.
"Renesmee…"
Bella, who a moment before had been lazily tracing a pattern on my chest, froze at the mention of our daughter's name. I almost felt guilty. She'd been so relaxed, but now the line of stress was between her eyes, and she seemed incapable of moving.
"It's alright, love," I said soothingly. "Get dressed, and we'll be back to the house in two seconds."
Faster than my eyes could follow, she stood. My chest felt cold and empty without her laying across it. She stared back at me still sprawled on the floor as if she wanted nothing more than to rejoin me. Now I did regret saying anything. I could have had her to myself for a few more hours, but if we didn't stop now, those hours would turn to days, and we might miss our child's childhood.
She looked in the direction of the big house where the rest of our family waited, then back at me, then back at the house. Her hair whipped out behind her like a living thing as she looked back and forth at vampire speed.
I liked her indecision. I wanted her to want to stay with me. But if there was any reason for her to be pulled in another direction, spending what time we had with the child I'd given her seemed a good one.
"It's all about balance, love. You're so good at all of this, I don't imagine it will take too long to put everything in perspective."
"And we have all night, right?"
I grinned up at her. "Do you think I could bear to let you get dressed now if that weren't the case?"
She let out a sigh and nodded once, decisively, then spun away from me to head for the closet.
