Disclaimer: I don't own anything - instead I borrow it, chop it all up and marinade it in a cheesy sauce. Bake for 35 minutes, at gas mark 6, then leave to cool. Serving suggestion: With a pinch of salt.

AN: Before I begin, I'd like to address a point one HermioneGranger brought up in her review. She quite 'eloquently' told me that if my fic wasn't Harry/Hermione, then I shouldn't have said the main characters were in fact Harry and Hermione when submitting it; but they are the main characters - them and Ron, coming in at a close third. It's not like my fic's a romance (although, there will be a tiny bit - but that's a subplot.), so I didn't think people would assume that it was Harry/Hermione and to make absolutely sure, I said in the summary "Most definitely not H/Hr". I'm truly sorry this offended HermioneGranger so much - I'll just go curl up in a ball and die now, as I'm sure it will make her feel a lot better about how I dared to commit such a heinous crime.

Now on with the story...(which may contain HBP SPOILERS!)

You Can't Be The Hero - That's My Job!

Chapter 3: GUSH My Hero! END GUSH or The Chapter in Which the Plot Doesn't Develop!

Malfoy had been pulverised. Absolutely pulverised. But don't feel too sorry for him though...it's not as if he's worth your pity.

"M-mum-my," he groaned. "M-mum-my."

The trio ignored him and left him in a battered heap on the floor.

"Harry you really didn't need to do that," Hermione was torn between being grateful and telling him off.

"Of course I did, you were a damsel in distress and I came to your aid," said Harry, with an air of chivalry.

Hermione was affronted. She wasn't best pleased at being referred to as a "damsel in distress".

"Well, I don't think it was quite like that...was it Ron? Ron?"

Ron however, didn't seem to agree.

"He was just defending your honour, wasn't he? That's what the hero does, after all," Ron sounded more than just a tad embittered, but neither of his friends appeared to notice.

"All I know is, that Malfoy git has gone and set back our quest - we need to find a cure...and fast," Harry was suddenly struck by a bolt of inspiration. "McGonagall! We need to speak to her in her new capacity as Headmistress; she'll be able to help us."

"Good thinking ScarBoy!" Ron cried with a sudden burst of enthusiasm.

"Oh no! Not you too, Ron?" Hermione also cried, but more with despair than enthusiasm.

"What? Oh - oh - God no!" Ron assured her. "No, I was just thinking now Harry's got Heroismitis, maybe he'd like a super hero name to go with it. Thought I'd try it out - set the ground work, you know?"

"Not really."

"Pfft! As if super heroes exist. How bizarre would that be?" Harry scoffed. "How would they get their superpowers? Magic? I don't think!"

"Er...Harry? Are you forgetting something?"

"No, why? Did I leave the cauldron on?"

Hermione was just about to explain to Harry that he was being stupid, but she never got that far. At that precise second a bloodcurdling scream echoed through the castle. Harry's hero senses kicked in immediately. He hurled himself up the nearest flight of stairs and raced toward the Gryffindor common room, where the scream had come from.

The scene that met his eyes as he climbed through the portrait hole was one of utter chaos...clearly more people had become infected.

There were duels between various pairs of students going on all over the place; Seamus Finnigan was attempting to give a struggling Colin Creevey the 'kiss of life'; Lavender Brown was yelling something about Health and Safety, whilst frantically trying to tidy away any 'hazards'; a fifth-year (who will remain nameless...because I don't feel like giving him a name...oh, all right then - his name was Bob. But that's all you're getting.) was busy dousing the flames of the common room fire with water, as he felt it was getting too out of hand; someone else was trying to kick a door in, presumably to save someone 'trapped' on the other side; and quite a lot of people were yelling "I'll save you!" at the top of their voices.

"Harry! Thank God, you're here!" Harry turned to his left and saw Ginny coming to towards him, emerging out of the chaos that had engulfed the Gryffindor common room. "Everyone's infected! You've got to do something!"

"Believe me, I'm trying. But you're okay?" he grabbed a hold of her arms, trying to keep her upright. The events of the day were beginning to take their toll on her.

"Yes. Yes I am," she lent against his chest, letting him support her weight. "For some reason I haven't been infected...yet."

"You can't stay here any longer," he expertly threw her over his shoulder into a Fireman's Lift. "I'm going to take you to safety."

As they were trying to exit the common room (not so expertly, I might add) Ron and Hermione finally arrived; Hermione was clutching at a stitch in her side.

"Whoa, Harry! Pant You run Pant fast these Pant days," panted Hermione.

"Why is my sister over your shoulder?" Ron forgot to pant.

"I'm taking her to safety," Harry informed him.

"Oh, so that's what you're calling it these days, is it?" Ron looked angry.

Hermione felt it would probably be best to avert the situation.

"So, Harry, did you manage to save the person who screamed?"

"What?...Oh yeah! Damn! I forgot," Harry slapped his forehead with his free hand. Both comically and heroically at the same time. Which is quite a feat.

"Don't worry, it was me who screamed," confessed Ginny. "Dean seemed to think my skirt was on fire and tried to remove it."

"HE DID WHAT?" Ron disappeared into the common room; he was going to kick some arse.

OOO

Harry took Ginny to safety. Safety was a broom cupboard on the fourth floor. Hermione accompanied them.

"You'll be safe here," Harry assured Ginny.

"Really?" she seemed doubtful; she had every reason to.

"Ginny, would I lie to you?" he stroked her hair.

"Of course not, but you can't promise me something like that," she reasoned. "It might already be too late for me."

"Don't say that!"

"But it's true," she whispered. "I've been lucky so far...unless there's a cure, Harry, we're all in danger."

Harry squared his shoulders. "Well, then, it's up to me to save the day; but first..." he bent down and kissed her full on the lips.

Hermione felt awkward; Harry and Ginny were clearly having a romantic moment here, and she was playing gooseberry.

"I'm just going over there..." she pointed in a vague direction and went off in it.

Ginny and Harry emerged from their passionate kiss.

"A lot of people are counting on you, Harry, especially me. Come back safe," Ginny was now close to tears. "...and all in one piece."

"Don't worry." he turned to leave. " I will. Now that's a promise."

OOO

"Well, Dean Thomas won't be bothering my sister again. Not anytime soon, anyway," Ron said dusting off his hands.

"Ron," Hermione said warningly. "He'll be okay, won't he?"

"Yeah, of course. He won't be able to sit down for a couple of days, mind you, but once the swelling goes down he'll be fine."

Hermione opened her mouth to say something, but thought better of it. They'd met in the corridor next to the fourth floor broom cupboard, waiting for the hero, Harry, to finish his (possible) farewell with Ginny.

Ron suddenly froze. He was staring at a spot on the wall, a couple of feet to the left of Hermione. She span around to see what it was.

It was a spider.

"Sp-sp-sp-i-der!" he stammered.

"Ron, it's all right. It's not going to hurt you," Hermione tried to calm the trembling boy. "It's probably more afraid of you, than you are of it."

At that moment, Harry turned the corner. Again his hero senses kicked in.

"Do not fear! I'll protect you Ron!" and with that Harry performed the Banishing Charm; that particular arachnid was never seen again.

An awkward silence followed, in which Harry may have puffed out his chest. Finally, Ron recovered enough to be facetious.

"My hero," again he was bitter.

Harry failed to notice that his friend wasn't being sincere.

"There's no need to thank me - it's all in a day's work," he declared valorously.

Hermione, sensing another possible incident in the pipeline, changed the subject.

"Maybe we should get on with the quest, as we've barely progressed with it all chapter," well, someone had to say it.

"You're right," Harry agreed. "Let's do this thang."

AN2: Do you like it? Whether the answer's yes or no, leave a review! And if it is no, then tell me why and how I could possibly make it better...please! Speaking of constructive criticism, I'm looking for a Beta-let me know if you're interested!

AN3: Is it just me, or since I edited this fic has it become a little more exclamation-packed than it was before? Oh well, that's melodrama for you.