73. The Company We Keep
As often as I'd longed for the peace of solitude, I missed them already. There was comfort in my family's thoughts, in knowing they were there. Now, I felt frozen and lost, staring without blinking at the door through which they had left. I was envious of my family for having something to do, while all I had to do was wait and worry.
At least I knew they would be returning.
And I wasn't alone! I couldn't hear her thoughts, but Bella was here with me. If I turned my head but a fraction of an inch, I would see her for myself. I could hear her breaths, the rustle of her hair and clothes when she moved. I could smell her, still flowery and sweet but better and richer than when she'd been human. There was only pleasure in her scent now, no pain.
Jacob's and Renesmee's thoughts I could hear. They were watching us, and through Nessie, I could see her mother - the crease between Bella's eyes, the flash of teeth as she gnawed her lower lip. Bella had her arms crossed, her fingers pressed into the tender flesh of her upper arms.
Like me, Nessie wished there was something she could do. She felt responsible for the situation in which we found ourselves, for our family's leaving and the danger we now faced. Jacob had withheld nothing from her, it seemed. We were pinning our hopes on vampires she didn't know, and we were unsure of their willingness to help.
Renesmee turned around to express her worry to Jacob. What could we expect of these vampires she'd never met? Would they come? Would they help?
"I don't know if Carlisle's friends will come," he answered her silent questions. "I hope so. Sounds like we're a little outnumbered right now."
A little outnumbered. A hundred or so of the most powerful vampires to ever exist, perhaps more, against my small family and a few of our closest friends, and we were... a little outnumbered. I choked back a laugh, afraid it would sound rather hysterical. Afraid if I started laughing, I might not stop.
With Renesmee's attention on Jacob now, she was no longer looking at Bella. The need for her flared brighter than normal within me. I always felt better when I could see Bella for myself and not through the filter of anyone else's eyes. I turned to reach for her just as she stepped away. Bella seemed distracted, drifting slowly to stand by the wall of windows.
I wanted to go to her, to wrap my arms around her, to feel her pressed against me, to draw strength from her seemingly limitless supply.
Something in the set of Bella's shoulders, the tension along her jaw, the way she avoided my eyes and leaned against the glass to stare out at the forest, made me think she wouldn't appreciate being disturbed. Perhaps, like me, she was overwhelmed by the thought of the army we were soon to face with neither Alice nor Jasper to fight alongside us, and needed a minute to collect herself.
"No, we can't help," Jacob said, unaware of anything other than Nessie. "People are coming to see you, not the scenery."
Bella and I were not going anywhere. That much was obvious to our daughter, and knowing that we had been told to wait here with her was comforting. The rest of her family was gone where she couldn't follow. Was she going to lose him, too?
"No," he reassured her. "I don't have to go anywhere."
Then he realized that might not be true. No one had said what his role in all this would be.
"Do I?"
I looked back to see Jacob silently pleading with me not to send him away.
Should he stay? I wasn't sure that was best.
It would make my job far easier if he weren't here.
Once our friends started arriving, would he want to stay? Would he be able to keep his opinions about their hunting habits to himself? Which side of his genetics was the stronger? The side that compelled him to protect all humans from killer vampires, or the side that compelled him to protect her? Could the two sides be reconciled?
And how would they react to him?
"Spit it out," he growled.
"The vampires who are coming to help us are not the same as we are. Tanya's family is the only one besides ours with a reverence for human life, and even they don't think much of werewolves. I think it might be safer-"
"I can take care of myself," he said quickly. ...not afraid of vampires…
"Safer for Renesmee," I stressed, "if the choice to believe our story about her is not tainted by an association with werewolves."
"Some friends," he scoffed. "They'd turn on you just because of who you hang out with now?"
Trying to see Jacob with fresh eyes, I thought of first coming upon Ephraim and his pack some seventy years ago. If we had not out numbered them, if we had acted aggressively in any way, they would not have hesitated to kill us or die in the attempt. I remembered how difficult it had been, smelling them, hearing their growls, feeling the need to defend while holding myself still.
And yet, despite those instincts, our two peoples had formed a lasting treaty.
Now, we were friends, family.
Surely I could count on Jacob to keep a level head. If he was civil, our friends would respond in kind. Probably. While he remained in his human form, almost certainly. But meeting Nessie would instill within them a great fear, which the presence of a werewolf would only enhance.
"I think they would mostly be tolerant under normal circumstances," I said. "But you need to understand - accepting Nessie will not be a simple thing for any of them. Why make it even the slightest bit harder?"
Frowning, he considered what we had told him of the immortal children. He remembered our fears from Bella's pregnancy, before I had first heard Nessie's thoughts. We had been terrified of what she carried as much because of the consequences to Bella's health as because of the child itself.
But Renesmee was so wonderful! It was hard for him to imagine what the other children had been like. Could their creators have loved them if they had been so horrific?
"The immortal children were really that bad?" Jacob asked.
Did he think Irina's decision to report us had been lightly made, or her relationship with us so easily cast aside?
"You can't imagine the depths of the scars they've left in the collective vampire psyche," I said.
"Edward…" he pleaded with me. I can't… you can't ask me to go… not now, not when she's in danger… I can't…
"I know, Jake. I know how hard it is to be away from her."
I thought for a fraction of a second about how the coming days and weeks were likely to go. There would be time, wouldn't there? Time between visitors, time during explanations when Nessie was hidden away, out of sight? Time that he could be with her? After all he had given me, I could give him that much, couldn't I?
"We'll play it by ear," I said, "see how they react to her. In any case, Nessie is going to have to be incognito off and on in the next few weeks. She'll need to stay at the cottage until the right moment for us to introduce her. As long as you keep a safe distance from the main house…"
Eagerly, he agreed, "I can do that."
Renesmee patted his cheek and gave me a pleased smile. She didn't want him to go.
"Company in the morning, huh?"
"Yes," I confirmed. "The closest of our friends. In this particular case, it's probably better if we get things out in the open as soon as possible. You can stay here. Tanya knows about you. She's even met Seth."
"Right." Jacob tried to remember seeing the other vampires he knew had been here, but could only recall Bella, blushing and beautiful in her wedding dress.
The memory made me want to be alone with her. We wouldn't get much time to ourselves once our guests started arriving.
Guests with red eyes and unfamiliar scents, who would have no knowledge of boundary lines nor the wolves that patrolled them. Sam knew we were in danger again, but we had said nothing to him about our visitors. He had not grasped the significance of the names on the note Alice had left.
"You should tell Sam what's going on," I said. "There might be strangers in the woods soon."
"Good point," he agreed, instantly understanding. "Though I owe him some silence after last night."
His eyes narrowed as he thought of the scare the arrival a steady stream of unknown vampires would give them. It would hardly be helpful for the pack to kill whatever vampires we were able to recruit before they even got here, but Sam had known about Alice's leaving, had talked to Jacob, and kept it secret! If only he'd said something then…
"Listening to Alice is usually the right thing," I said.
I didn't blame Sam. I didn't even blame Alice, and certainly not Jasper. She had left us because it was the best course of action. If Sam had prevented her passage, he might have destroyed what chance for survival she had given to us.
Jacob might agree with Sam's disapproval, feeling that Alice should never have abandoned her family in the time of our greatest need, but I did not.
I missed my sister terribly. The ache felt like a lost limb. A piece of me was gone, perhaps never to return. I couldn't imagine, even with her visions to guide her, that Alice felt sanguine about leaving. Jasper probably had all he could do to assuage her feelings of guilt. If there were any way she could have stayed, she would have.
But not, as Bella had speculated, if it had been at the cost of Jasper's life. Alice could not bear losing him anymore than I could survive losing Bella.
At least I'd had the option of the Volturi to put an end to my suffering. They would never have destroyed a vampire of Alice's talents. If she went to them, begging for death, they would never grant it. She would only be surrendering her freedom. Aro would never allow her to leave. Not that, knowing their answer, she would ever have gone to them.
While Jacob said his goodbyes to Nessie, assuring her once more that it was temporary, my eyes were drawn back to Bella. She was drumming her fingers in an absent way against the desk beside her. The computer screen was on, though no programs were running. I felt I had missed something.
Was Bella keeping more from me than just her anxiety? As if I didn't know about that. As if I couldn't see it in her face, her posture, her restless fidgeting…
Vampires didn't fidget when distressed. Humans fidgeted. Bella was so much herself, it was easy to forget that she had changed.
Renesmee sensed her mother's distress, and with Jacob no longer usurping her attention, Nessie padded across the room toward her. Bella turned around when she got close and caught our daughter in a tight hug. There was a fierceness to her expression, a protectiveness to the way she curled herself around the tiny girl she held, as if afraid someone - Aro - was about to snatch her away.
I could have joined them, could have wrapped my wife and child in my arms. Instead, I simply filled my eyes with the sight. They were both so beautiful, so precious to me. I could happily have stared at them for the rest of eternity. I missed my family, my mother and father, my sisters and brothers, but it was Bella and Nessie I couldn't live without. I was glad the others hadn't suggested Bella help them look.
Whereas I was needed here, Bella could have gone. She would not have endangered any humans, and my family could have used the addition of another vampire in the search party, but the thought had not crossed any of their minds.
They must have known I needed her far more than they did.
Nessie missed our family, too. She worried about them, about Bella and I, about Jacob and the packs, about the humans she loved. Her worries were more nebulous than mine. Despite all Jacob had told her, she had no real understanding of the threat we faced, the danger we were in.
Yet again, I found myself grateful to Jacob. Unlike me, he had not seen what Alice had. If it had been left to me to tell her what Alice had seen, I would not have been able to keep from her the true nature of what was coming, the scope of the army we would face, and how slim a chance Alice had provided. Nessie would have heard the dread in my voice, seen the fear in my eyes.
She had witnessed the departure of the rest of our family, but Alice had gone before she woke. She'd heard Carlisle's plans, knew where they were going, and knew their plans to find our friends did not include Alice and Jasper. Where were they in all this? Where had Alice gone?
"I don't know," Bella answered in a low whisper. "But she's Alice. She's doing the right thing, like always."
Renesmee, unsatisfied with that answer, sighed and expressed her strong desire for Alice's return.
"I miss her, too," Bella said.
As if the admission finally allowed her to feel it, Bella's face twisted with sudden grief. When she pulled in a breath, she seemed to choke, her throat closing against cries she wasn't willing to make.
Nessie heard Bella's struggle to breathe and looked at her in concern. In her short life, she had seen our family express mostly positive emotions. Worry too, yes, but never such anguish as Bella's face showed. Alice's leaving was hitting Bella as hard as if she'd witnessed my sister's violent death.
Before Bella and I had begun dating, Alice had protested my refusal to allow them to meet. Bella would like her too, she had insisted. As usual, Alice had been correct. Bella loved my adopted sister as if she were her own.
Instinctively, Nessie brushed her hand along Bella's cheek, as if there were tears to wipe away. Bella's pain touched her heart like nothing else had, and the tears we were unable to shed spilled from my daughter's eyes.
Bella kissed the tear away, but having never seen anyone cry, Renesmee was shocked at such a thing happening to her. She touched the corner of one eye and stared at her wet finger. Her amazement over the tear's presence didn't totally distract her from the pain that had caused it. More tears followed the first.
"Don't cry," Bella said tenderly, like a mother would to a child who had fallen and scraped its knee. "It's going to be okay. You're going to be fine. I will find you a way through this."
There was no point in watching their pain any longer. I crossed the room in a few quick strides and wrapped my arms around them.
"We will find a way through this," I corrected. "Alice showed us how. Now it's up to us to make it happen."
I kissed the wetness at the corner of Nessie's other eye, then kissed each of Bella's dry eyes.
Confusion filled Bella's gaze when she met mine again. It was like she had forgotten she wasn't alone. Bella against the world. I could have smiled. If anyone could, my Bella could take the world on and win. With everything that had been thrown her way, to be standing here, the very essence of perfection, a goddess in the mortal realm, it was no wonder Fate herself was so wary of Bella.
Only now, Fate had her eyes set on Nessie. Well, all to the better if she was distracted. The evil harpy would never see Bella coming.
Whatever reassurance she sought, Bella seemed to find, releasing my eyes to lean against me. We stood together, our daughter cradled between us, for an immeasurable period of time. Eventually, Nessie's thoughts shifted from Alice to the friends we had been told to seek out.
Will you tell me about them, Daddy?
She looked up at me with eyes so like Bella's used to be. Warm and deep, a beautiful rich brown, wide with wonder, and alight with curiosity.
"What would you like to know?" I asked, and then chuckled at her immediate answer.
"What?" Bella said, her voice still showing the strain from her emotions, as if she truly had spent the day in tears.
"She wants to know everything, of course."
"Oh, right. Well, me too."
"Come on," I said, grabbing Bella's hand and pulling her to sit with me on the couch. Nessie settled herself happily in the crook of Bella's arm, one hand on Bella's neck, her chocolate eyes on me, a serious expression on her little face.
"I don't know everything," I started. "I haven't met all of Carlisle's friends, but he told me of them often enough, and of course, there are some that I have met. We even lived with Tanya's family for a time. There are five in her family, including Irina. They hunt animals, like we do. The others live in covens, or are loners, or travel in pairs."
Covens… I could feel Nessie turning the word over in her mind, testing it against the groupings she had experienced. Like a family? Or the wolf packs?
"Not exactly a family, or like the packs. Coven ties are usually looser, more like friendships or business relationships, and are made for survival and strength in numbers, rather than bonds of love or blood. Though they can and do love each other, of course."
"Like James and Victoria did," Bella muttered darkly.
"Mmm, no. I don't think so, not really. They were mates, but as far as he was concerned, it was a marriage of convenience. He liked the advantage she gave him. And Laurent joined them because of how ruthless James was. Like I said: survival and strength in numbers. James would not have mourned Victoria's passing the way I-" I stopped, feeling my breath catch, unable to even consider Bella's death.
"The way she mourned him," I finished, lamely.
"And Carlisle's friends are like them?" The distaste in Bella's voice was clear. "Like James and Victoria?"
"How well do you remember that day?"
Bella grimaced and shrugged. It wasn't a pleasant memory; I couldn't blame her if she hadn't hung on to much of it. I would forget James' hunt if I could've.
"Before James smelled you and decided to hunt you, Carlisle extended an offer of friendship to him and his coven, and invited them to our home. If he hadn't made himself our enemy, Carlisle would have been happy to count them among his friends."
Bella shuddered, though I wasn't sure if it was from whatever memory she did have of him, or from imagining the sadistic vampire here, lounging around in our house, exchanging stories with Carlisle and Jasper, maybe even wrestling with Emmett.
"Up to a certain point, most vampires are exactly like them. All of our friends are human hunters, just as James and his coven were. Before he changed me, Carlisle was lonely, so he made friends the only way he could. It wasn't until well after he'd changed me that we discovered we weren't quite as unique as we believed. However, Tanya's family being the only other vampires we have ever met who live as we do, Carlisle's choices were to accept the friendships of traditional vampires, or have none at all.
"For centuries, Carlisle has told every vampire he met what he had discovered, that there was another way to live, that they could feed without killing people, but none of them were willing to change. Still, he accepted them, as they accepted him. Remember, as far as most of our kind are concerned, we are the strange ones."
Bella nodded thoughtfully, but I could tell she wasn't sold on the idea of cozying up with a group of friendly killers. And yet, here she was with me. I wondered if I would ever understand her.
"Friendships between humans are no different, really. You either accept your friends as they are, or do without. People rarely change, and vampires even less often. We are what we were; you should know that. The only thing that sets vampire relationships apart is that when we fall in love, it's forever. Sometimes love is returned, sometimes not. Some vampires believe love makes them weak, vulnerable. They aren't open to the idea of a loss that would be felt for eternity. Others know the rewards are worth any risk."
I brushed the backs of my fingers down Bella's face and then cupped Renesmee's chin, earning me a smile from them both.
"Even where there is no love, there's strength in numbers, and a comfort in knowing someone has your back. Most band together for that reason. But it's often transitory, and they go their separate ways after a few decades.
"Some covens are like our family, with one making others to combat their own loneliness. Whether they stay or not..." I shrugged. "I suppose that's dependent upon their individual compatibility. In truth, very few vampires are created intentionally. It is not easy to bite and choose not to kill."
"But Carlisle did it," Bella said. "And so did you."
"Yes." I smiled at her. "But I loved you already, and he is one of the strongest vampires I have ever known."
Would Bella believe me if I told her that she was the only one I'd ever met whose strength equaled my father's? That perhaps hers even surpassed his? I doubted it.
"Anyways, Siobhan's coven is one I met when I was not much older than you are." I nodded to Bella. "She met Liam when he was newborn, and they fell in love. She told him of the Volturi, of course, and of their special powers. She was fascinated by the abilities they were rumored to possess. He is not gifted, and whether she is or not is a matter of debate, but she became obsessed with the idea of imitating Aro, of gaining the protection of powerful disciples. She began searching for special humans, and discovered Maggie, so she changed her hoping her gift would manifest as a strong power Siobhan could use. She wasn't disappointed. Maggie can tell whenever anyone is lying. It got her into a fair bit of trouble in her human life, but comes in handy now."
Renesmee was intrigued by the idea of changing someone for their potential power. I had a gift, as did Alice and Jasper. She wondered if that had been an influence in our being chosen, too.
"No. Carlisle had no idea I would be different when he chose me, and Alice never knew her creator. But Jasper… yes. The vampires who created him could tell he would have a gift of some kind. Of course, they were trying to grow their numbers, so would have changed him anyway, or attempted to, but they sensed he was special, and made sure he would survive the process."
And you knew Mommy was special.
"Yes," I laughed. "But her potential gifts had nothing to do with it. I love her for who she is, not what she can do. I changed her so we could be together always."
And… the others who are coming?
"Peter and Charlotte were part of Jasper's… former life. The coven he was in before he and Alice joined us. But that's a story for another time. Suffice it to say they were changed simply to add to the coven's numbers. Eventually, they left their coven and now travel together, just the two of them. They visit us often. Neither of them have any gifts of which I am aware.
"The Egyptians, Amun and Kebi, don't have any special abilities either, but Carlisle told me that Amun has changed a number of vampires who did, whom he changed in order to gain their potential gifts. I don't know if any live with him now, but Demetri was one."
Bella shuddered at the mention of his name.
"Demetri left Amun to serve the Volturi. He's a tracker, and can find anyone, anywhere in the world, so long as he's met them or met someone they knew. Yes," I said when Nessie frowned. "That's why we can't just leave. Bella and I have both met him. He might not be able to find her, but he can find me."
"And wherever you are, he knows he'll find me there, too," Bella said, glaring at me as if I had suggested she might go hide.
"Of course," I agreed easily. I had no intention of being separated from her ever again. "If he can be convinced to join us, Alistair is a tracker, too, though I understand his gift is more nebulous than Demetri's."
"Two trackers," Bella mused. "And James was a tracker, too?"
"It's a common gift in one form or another. There are many variations to a theme. No two gifts are exactly alike, just as no two fingerprints are exactly alike, nor handwritings. I hear thoughts from a distance, but only what someone is thinking at that moment. Aro hears every thought a person has ever had, but he has to have physical contact. Nessie can project thoughts, but cannot hear them." I shrugged. "I imagine there are others who can sense moods or influence them or both, like Jasper, but there would be differences in strength or range or methods."
"And the rest of them?"
"Like I said, I haven't met all of Carlisle's friends. I'm not sure they'll be able to track down all the ones Alice told us to search out, and even she wasn't sure they would all come, or stay to help. There isn't much time…"
I felt a tingle of dread as I recalled Alice's vision. I was sure that by now, the forces would be massing against us. We had so little time to prepare.
"Ireland is a big place, and so is Egypt. It's going to take time to find them, and we know roughly where those covens are. Carlisle suggested the Amazonians, but I don't know how they'll find time to locate them. The nomads will be even more difficult to find. None of us are trackers. I wish Alice could have told us…"
I trailed off again, wondering just what she had been hiding, and trying to remember exactly what had been in those flashes I had almost seen. The future was so nebulous, even without Nessie blocking her. The smallest decisions could change everything. A butterfly flapped its wings, and the world's weather patterns changed. A human girl decided to move to a small town, and my life would never be the same.
"If they do manage to find the Amazon coven, one of them has a gift similar to yours," I said to Renesmee.
Really? Her eyes were alight with interest.
"Mm-hmm. It's quite interesting. Not really thought projection like yours, but she can make you see whatever she wants you to, and only what she wants you to. They are very secretive and don't hunt in areas that other vampires frequent. The only reason we came across them is because we don't either," I said with a chuckle. "I don't think any of the other nomads have a measurable power, but it's not for their abilities that we need any of our friends to join us."
There is safety in numbers, Renesmee thought with a nod. We would be a new coven - large, and stronger together, however temporarily we collaborated. She leaned against Bella with a yawn, feeling comfortable for the first time since she'd woken to Jacob's anxious face that morning.
It was early for her bedtime, but it had been a stressful day for all of us, and she had missed her afternoon nap, as well as the lunch that usually preceded it. She didn't seem to be aware of that lack even now, but a good father would keep track of such things. And I very much needed to be a good father. More now that we might only have a month than before when we had years.
"Thirsty?"
I could see the surprise on Nessie's face as her thirst registered, but she seemed unwilling to admit to it.
When Bella glanced outside, she seemed surprised to find the sun had set.
"We should take Renesmee home," she said, sounding almost angry. She met my eyes with a glare, as if daring me to argue.
I didn't understand. We could feed her here as well as there. Bella had had no problems letting her fall asleep here last night.
"It's important to keep things normal," Bella said, her words coming haltingly. She sounded like she struggled to understand her own reasoning as much as I did.
It made sense, though, so I nodded my agreement. "Children need routines, and so do their parents. Let's go."
I felt we were in sync, wanting to meet our daughter's needs whether or not she admitted to them or was even aware of them. Bella stood as I did and, hand in hand, we went home. We walked slowly, reluctant to go to our little cottage for the first time. It felt somehow wrong, leaving the big house so empty, but this might be our last night alone for a while, and I wanted to spend it in our own house, in the bed Bella and I shared.
We met Jacob along the way. He nudged Bella with his nose and let Nessie scratch between his ears before eyeing me significantly.
"The packs are ready," I translated. "Sam knows to expect many unfamiliar vampires and is going to keep everyone close to home. Sam's pack will not be running any patrols, at least until all our expected guests have arrived."
"That's good," Bella said. "Everyone will be safer that way."
"And your pack, Jake?"
His eyes never left Renesmee's. I dunno. I wanna keep track of who's arrived. Make sure they all come here. We'll keep our distance, but we need to know if any of them stray into town. They won't know we're there, but we will know they are. And you should know, we will stop them if they go anywhere but here.
I told Bella what he said, and she nodded her acceptance. He escorted us all the way home, then left us to join his pack in patrolling the woods. He didn't want to leave Nessie, even toyed with the idea of sleeping on her floor, but it felt better to him to be actively seeking out any dangers, rather than wait for them to find him.
I understood. I wished I could help my family look for our friends, too.
No, that wasn't entirely true.
I wished I could storm Volterra. I itched to march in there and take them down single-handedly for daring to threaten my family. This time, Felix would prove no match for my rage. I wouldn't even feel Jane's gift compared with the fire of fury that burned within my chest. Alec could blind me, but I could see through everyone else's eyes, and attack regardless. They would see me coming! I would not just bring death to the killers; I would be death personified. Anyone who stood in my way would be torn apart, rent limb from limb, shredded into many tiny pieces. When they were all dead, I would burn their castle to the ground, and their remains along with it.
I wanted their deaths so badly, I could taste it. An acrid burning filled my mouth, as though I had inhaled the purple smoke their incinerated bodies would give off.
I harbored no illusions that I would actually survive any kind of an assault on their ancient stronghold, but it was satisfying to imagine, nonetheless.
Nessie didn't want to be read to tonight. Her thoughts were filled with the stories I had told her, of vampires and werewolves and suprahuman gifts. I fed her, and Bella put her to bed, sharing with me the responsibilities and joys of being parents. Nessie fell quickly into an exhausted sleep. I hoped her dreams would be peaceful. For once, I was glad to be incapable of dreaming. I had no doubt that tonight, mine would have been full of terrors.
While Bella was occupied with putting Nessie to bed, I wandered over to the fireplace, drawn there to stare at the spot where Bella had burned her book. I had started a new fire when we got home, stirring the cold ashes from the previous fire before adding fresh wood. The book Bella had burned was completely gone. Not even an ash outline remained to mark the place, but I could picture it clearly.
The Merchant of Venice.
Why that book? Was there some significance to the story that Bella would find meaningful? I examined my memory of the book word for word, trying to fit the story into our current situation. Friendship, vengeance, greed, love, sacrifice, prejudice… What message was Alice passing on, if any? I could apply meanings to the book, but were they what Alice intended?
Why would she act so furtively, if the message had any importance whatsoever?
Try as I might, I couldn't puzzle it out. Perhaps there was no puzzle. Bella had not kept the book to study its message, to look for underlined passages or dog-eared pages. Like as not, I was reaching for hope where there was none. Searching for hidden meanings like I used to search out patterns in the cracks in the school's walls. I could make it fit, but I might as well be finding significance in the shapes of the clouds in the sky.
One thing that did fit, though… Bella had come away from the cottage this morning with a similar lack of answers. Suddenly, I was certain she had been looking for a message from Alice, and like me, had found none.
Bella had been devastated by Alice's leaving. I knew she loved my sister - our sister - but it seemed to me that her despair stemmed from more than losing Alice. She had lost hope.
Well, not me, damn it!
I refused to believe all was lost. Bella had spoken the truth about Renesmee. We needed only to prove our innocence. Emmett had come up with the way to do just that. Alice had shown how to make it happen. When this was over, Alice would return to us. We would be whole again. And maybe, just maybe, we would be closer to a solution for Nessie than ever before. Since the Volturi knew of Nessie, we could enlist their help!
And if not, if they wouldn't help, if they refused to listen, then by God, they would pay! Emmett had the right of it. I wasn't going down without a fight. I would protect my daughter with my life, but I would take as many of them out before I went as was possible.
Demetri!
He was the only real obstacle to our safety. Jane could cause pain and Alec could blind, but Demetri was the real threat. When we met again, it would expose Renesmee to his gift. If the unimaginable happened, I was certain I could count on Jacob to take Nessie and run, but that would be pointless unless Demetri was gone. Only if the Volturi who survived couldn't find them, would they be safe. Even if we didn't survive, Nessie would be safe.
My hands were tightly clenched fists. It was a decent contingency plan, but it would prove unnecessary. Our friends would get Aro to pause, to listen, to see. They had to!
Taking a few deep breaths, I tried to calm myself. Alice had shown us the way. I repeated it like a mantra. She wouldn't have had us gather our friends for a mass slaughter. If this was impossible, she wouldn't have seen it. Therefore, I would hold onto hope with all my vampire strength. I would do my part, convince our friends, and then convince Aro.
And in the mean time, the small voice inside of me whispered, I would love my precious family as if there were no guarantees in life - just in case.
Bella. The need for her swept through me, a force too powerful to ignore. My love for her had no equal in all of history. Never before had I been so grateful to be what I was. Becoming a vampire had led me to Bella. No human could have contained the passion I felt. I had no human restrictions, no need to rest or refuel. My need for blood was secondary to this craving, this hunger. We were to have had eternity to satiate ourselves, as if such a thing were possible. I doubted I would ever feel I'd had enough of her.
A month! Such a short time. A blink compared with the eternity we should have shared. I didn't intend to waste a second of it.
Just then, I heard a soft step on the floor behind me. "Edward, I - "
I turned, feeling the love - the need - for her consume me. Her beauty floored me. It was staggering, impossible to believe: she was real, and she was mine.
She wasn't smiling. Her lips were turned down and the frown lines deep between her brows. The questions in her eyes were unpleasant ones, but I had no time for other vampires just now. Whatever her concerns over our guests or our foe, they could wait. I could not!
In a move faster than human eyes could have followed, I crossed the room and swept her into my arms.
Thank God she was human no longer! I didn't want to have to restrain myself, to fear for her safety. My mouth found hers with a force that would have bruised her soft lips, my hands held her tight enough to crush human bones.
A fraction of a second later, questions forgotten, Bella thrust her fingers into my hair, holding my face to hers. Our lips moved together as she kissed me back. Her strong legs wrapped around me, tight enough that I grunted in surprise, but not pain. It felt good to feel the strength of her, to feel the enthusiasm that matched mine.
Had I ever tasted anything as delicious as her tongue? My body sang with pleasure as I tasted it again and again, thrusting my tongue into her mouth, pulling hers into mine. It was only a kiss. We weren't even naked yet, and yet I would have been content with nothing more for the rest of eternity, if only I'd had eternity to experience it.
But we didn't have eternity. We had only tonight. Well, if eternity was to be stolen from us, then I would steal it back, one second at a time.
I carried her to our bedroom, leaving scraps of clothes in my wake.
This wasn't a night to worry about what was, nor what was to come. The world outside disappeared, and there was only us. My vampire senses stretched each stolen second into days upon days. Forever was now, and right now, the only girl in the world was in my arms, welcoming me into her body with a glad cry.
