AN: Almost finished my editing, next chapter should be here soon!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything - instead I borrow it, chop it all up and marinade it in a cheesy sauce. Bake for 35 minutes, at gas mark 6, then leave to cool. Serving suggestion: With a pinch of salt.

You Can't Be The Hero - That's My Job!

By Moi!

Chapter Four: Save The Squid(s)

Hogwarts' very own Giant Squid was basking in the shallows of the lake, the mild October sun, warming his tentacles nicely. He was at peace with the world. Little did he expect what was about to happen next...

OOO

The delightful Trio were on their way to the library...again - they really intended to get there, this time. Honest. Unfortunately, for the second time in one day, events conspired against them.

"What are they doing?" asked a puzzled Ron of his equally puzzled friends.

They were looking out of a window that gave them a perfect view of the lake. What was going on outside had caught their attention, as they'd passed by.

At least a hundred people (a couple of them Professors, even) were throwing themselves headlong into the lake.

"Isn't it obvious? Someone must be drowning!" it took a second for Harry to realise what he'd just said. "Oh, my God! Someone's drowning!"

Cue Harry's hero senses...and he was off, to save whoever it was who was in need of saving.

"Oh! Do we have to follow?" Ron whined. "By the time we catch up, we'll have missed all the drama anyway."

"Of course we have to follow, Ron. We need to be there for whatever happens after the drama," Hermione reasoned.

"Because we're Harry's sidekicks?" Ron muttered sarcastically, inspecting his fingernails, with feigned concentration - he didn't want to look bothered after all.

Hermione tutted. Then she decided to add something sardonic to the solitary 'tut', as it didn't sound all that impressive, as she'd hoped.

"Yes, Ron. Because we're Harry's loyal sidekicks. We must aid him through every endeavour, whilst not actually saving the day ourselves, by - um, I don't know? - discovering the cure for Heroismitis, say," oops! Now that sounded a tad bitter. Maybe she should just have been content with a 'tut'?

"Hermione! I never knew you felt that way, too," Ron was shocked, he'd assumed it was only he who had bitter and jealous moments, every now and then.

"Well, it's just - oh, I don't know. It's not as if he gets all of the credit, all of the time - we do get rewarded quite handsomely in house points and everything; but to other people, we'll always be-"

"Harry Potter's friends?" Ron finished.

"Exactly! Don't they realise we're not just Harry Potter's friends? We're also-"

"Each other's friends?" Ron grinned nervously. He liked to finish Hermione's sentences.

"Well yes, we are, aren't we?" Hermione blushed for some reason. I can't think why she would do such a thing - I mean, we all know they're friends, surely that word couldn't possibly have a different meaning in this particular context? Surely?

"Hermione, I've just had a brilliant idea!" Ron exclaimed. "Us!"

Hermione's heart suddenly began to beat faster and she could feel the heat rising in her face.

"U-us?" she stammered.

"You're smart and I'm funny," Ron explained. "We'd make the perfect dynamic duo!"

"What do you mean by "dynamic duo"?" Hermione asked uncertainly.

"What I mean is, we could solve this thing ourselves - we don't need Harry," Ron began to pace. "This is our chance to show the world that we're not just Harry Potter's sidekicks."

"You mean we could find the cure for Heroismitis?" Hermione began to think of the possibilities.

"Yeah! It's not like Harry's in any fit state to do it himself," Ron watched as Harry turned up at the scene below, following suit and chucking himself into lake. "As you can see, he's just proved my point quite nicely."

"Well, come on then," Hermione began to walk away.

" "Come on", where?" asked Ron.

"Isn't it obvious? To the library," Hermione sighed.

"Are we actually gunna get there, this time?"

Hermione turned around and walked the half a dozen steps she'd just done; she grabbed Ron's hand and dragged him in the direction of the library. "Yes, now come on."

OOO

And they did make it to the library.

"Where in the bloody hell do we start?" Ron asked, realising the sheer scale of what they had to do.

"Well, medical books would be a start, find any similar illnesses with a cure, or even any existing research on Heroismitis...potions books, the cure might conceivably be a potion...obscure spell books, perhaps?" Hermione began pulling dusty tomes off the magical maladies shelf.

Two hours later they'd had little success. In fact the only new information they'd discovered was that Heroismitis initially develops in individuals with protaganistic tendencies.

"Well, that explains that, then," Ron said. "Remember when you told Harry, he had a "saving-people thing"?"

"It rings a bell," said Hermione, sadly, as she scanned a page of "So You Think You're Ailed?" "The entire incident was quite memorable."

There was a grave moment as the duo remembered Sirius. This mark of respect was abruptly brought to an end, however, when someone threw them self, bodily, across the book-strewn table.

"Malfoy! Gerroff me!" yelled a very disgruntled Ron.

"I'm trying to save your life! You might get a paper cut!" yelled a severely deranged Malfoy, as he tried to wrestle "The A-Z of Incurable 'Itis'es" out of Ron's grasp.

Ron held on tightly to the possible-paper-cut-inducing book.

"I'm prepared to take that risk. Now get off me!" he managed to wrench the hefty volume out of Malfoy's clutches, and whacked him about the head with it.

Malfoy crumpled to the library floor. He was unconscious.

A shaken Hermione left the safety of her chair, to peer over Malfoy's body.

"He's not having a good day, is he?"

"You don't say?" said Ron sarcastically. Then he decided to get to the matter in hand. "Well, he's obviously gone and got Heroismitis."

"Surely that's some sort of oxymoron?" she gave him a sharp kick in the ribs. He didn't stir. "At least he's still breathing...what are we going to do with him?" she looked around for the librarian, Madam Pince, but she was nowhere to be seen.

"The Hospital Wing?" Ron suggested.

OOO

Ten minutes later, they reached the Hospital Wing, with Malfoy on a levitating stretcher. They were met by dozens of wet and bedraggled people, who were all clearly exhibiting symptoms of Heroismitis.

"I'll save you!"

"Go now! Save yourself!"

"It's my destiny! I've gotta do what I've gotta do!"

"Shall we just dump him here, and go about the quest?" Ron did not like the idea of queuing for several hours, just to make sure Malfoy was okay.

"Well, I suppose our presence isn't required any longer. Back to library?" the dynamic duo turned to leave, but found that a soaking Harry, who had equally soaked third years slung over each shoulder, blocked their way.

"Guys, where have you been?" not waiting for an answer, Harry started to describe all the 'fun' they had missed. "I've been dragging this crazy lot out of the lake, for the past couple of hours. I've had to put Stay Put Charms on them all, or they'd have been back in there, as soon as I'd looked the other way. Can you believe that they all think they're the hero? It's ludicrous, frankly. I'm the only hero round these parts."

"Again with the memory loss!" Hermione tried to be calm and composed, but failed miserably. "Harry, Heroismitis is contagious, remember? They've all caught it off you!"

"God, Hermione, there's no need to yell," Harry said, putting down the third years, followed by a clearly enunciated: "Stayus Puttus."

"I'm NOT yelling!" she yelled; this whole sorry affair was starting to get to her.

Ron decided that since Hermione wasn't exactly up to changing the subject herself, he'd do it instead.

"Who was it that was drowning anyway?" he asked.

Tears prickled in Harry's eyes and he sniffed loudly.

"Oh, Ron it's ever so sad. Nobody managed to s-save them - not even me! I feel like such an utter failure...as if I don't deserve to be the hero, any more...I feel a fraud, a fake, a deceitful impostor; my heroics nothing more than a hoax, a sham, a dirty ruse, brought about, by a convenient, plot-inducing illness!" this rant may or may not be foreshadowing. "The Giant Squid needed my help and-"

"The Giant Squid? The Giant Squid drowned?" Ron was disbelieving. "Are you seriously trying to tell me that you all dived in the lake to save the Giant Squid, an aquatic creature!" he took a deep breath. "Aquatic creatures can usually swim, Harry, and breath under water."

"Or if not, hold their breathe for a very long time!" Hermione added savagely.

Ron was struck with the sudden realisation that another, as of yet unknown, symptom of Heroismitis was stupidity. He voiced this opinion.

"Well, obviously, Ron. There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity, after all." Hermione concluded.

There was an awkward silence.

"So what have you two been up to whilst I've been busy?" Harry enquired, hoping to fill the silence, rather than actually caring.

"We've been busy too," Hermione said, indignantly. "We've been actually trying to find a cure for Heroismitis - ring any bells?"

"Yes, of course it does," she had hurt his feelings. "You're so mean these days, Hermione."

Hermione looked at him, as if she was going to give him a piece if her mind, but instead she burst into tears and flung her arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder. This was all done in a very platonic way of course.

"I'm so sorry! But it's just so stressful, seeing you like this." Hermione tried to explain. "It's my way of dealing with things...there might also be a bit of PMT going on"

"EW!" Ron and Harry visibly flinched.

"Don't be silly, boys," she said distractedly, fumbling for a handkerchief in her pocket.

AN2: What's the verdict? Yay or nay? Be kind!