Chapter Three

Cartoon Network Comrades

A couple of days later, Dexter was turning a little screw on a metal block with a wrench in his laboratory. His cell phone suddenly rang out and he answered. "Hello?"

In Wile E's house, Daffy was calling Dexter. He perfectly disguised his voice and lisp. He said, "Hello, I am Dunn Mopes, on behalf of the Benefit of Children's Programming, or BCP for short. We're having a banquet in a few hours and we are inviting you and your sister to come. We also have invited the Kids Next Door and everyone at Foster's Imaginary Friend home and the Teen Titans. Can you attend?"

On the other side of the line, Dexter happily said, "Sure thing!" He hung up. Daffy rubbed his hands together in delight, and opened the door to the basement. Downstairs were the Kids Next Door, the Teen Titans, Mac, Frankie, Bloo and Mr. Herriman the rabbit! They had worried expressions on their faces.

Daffy called down in his normal voice, "All right, I'm going to take a shower! If the phone or doorbell rings, answer it, and I have unlocked the basement door for you just in case! Oh, and DON'T try to escape, since I am going to shower in the bathroom with a window facing the front of the house, so I'll know!" And then he slammed the door.

Footsteps were heard. Another door opened, and then shut. The sound of fabrics rustling was heard, with a zipping sound. Then another door shut. The doorbell then rang. "I'll get it," Frankie said, running up the stairs.

At the door was a well-dressed brown dog with a big black nose and black ears. He was wearing a green business suit and black shoes. This was obviously Daffy Duck in disguise; wearing the brown dog costume he wore when tricking Elmer into thinking it was fox season rather than duck season. He said in his disguised voice, "Hello, I am here to pick you and the other Cartoon Network stars up. I am Dunn Mopes, as you know. Where are the others? The banquet starts in an hour and a half."

Frankie told Mopes, "Ah, they are downstairs. I'll show ya and you can pick them up there."

"Certainly," Mopes said. Then he chuckled evilly.

Later, Daffy Duck/Dunn Mopes the Dog was driving Dexter and Dee-Dee to the banquet. The two kids were seated in the backseat, with Dee-Dee playing with the power windows. As she opened and closed them, she chanted, "Up, down! Up, down! Up, down!"

"Thank you for driving us down to this place, Mr. Mopes. It's really nice of you." Dexter began.

"Don't be silly," Mopes said. "The chance to have you and your sister attend our little soirée? I'd carry you piggyback through a bed of rusty old blades if I had to."

Dexter told Mopes, "Maybe that's a little graphic… but it's a pleasure to help out a worthy cause. I do know that being on TV is not all glamour and happiness."

"You know, I LOVE your show, by the way! It's such a refreshing change of pace from those dreadful ancient cartoons from Warner Brothers… what's its name again? Spoony… Melody…" the disguised Daffy lied, pretending to be confused.

"Ah, it was Looney Tunes, Mr. Mopes," Dexter said.

"Yes, the Looney Tunes! And that Daffy Duck, he's a scoundrel! Probably gay, too."

"Well, ah, I feel kinda sorry for him," the boy genius said. "He has issues that he might need counseling for."

Mopes then said, getting frustrated, "Yeah, but don't you take a particular GLEE in the fact that you practically stole the Looney Tunes' old timeslot? Helped shovel dirt on Daffy's miserable corpse, as it were?"

"No, I'd never take pleasure in someone's downfall, unless it's my rival, Mandark. You know the old expression about walking a mile in another man's shoes? Well, I…" Dexter began.

Daffy then screamed, in his real voice, "OH, COME ON! HE'S A STUPID OLD IDIOT AND A DUMB JERK THAT IS GOING TO SOON BE FORGOTTEN, YOU HEAR?! YOU COMPLETELY HATE HIM! ADMIT IT!"

Dexter and Dee-Dee got an odd look. There was a beat, as Daffy/Mopes continued driving steadily in his dog suit and head. "Uh… can we listen to the radio?" Dexter asked.

Eventually, the car drove over to an old warehouse. The rest of the cartoon characters "Mopes" lured to the event were standing there. Mr. Herriman the Rabbit said, "I say, I don't think a tractor warehouse is the right place for a children's programming banquet."

Daffy Duck reentered from a door to the stage, still in full costume as Mopes. He said in his disguised voice, "Well, we like to keep it no frills. They are ready for all of you!" He then opened the door a crack.

An announcer began talking on the other side, "It gives me great pleasure to introduce a special guest, a supporter for…"

"Go on, quick, you guys are on!" Mopes said, quickly shoving the 'toons onto the stage and then running off again.

The announcer finished, "…our representatives from Cartoon Network!"

As everyone in the audience applauded, Dee-Dee hollered into the microphone, "HELLO NEW JERSY!" There was a big blaring spotlight shining onto the toons while the rest of the auditorium was pitch black; the audience in the shadows.

Dexter then tapped on the microphone and began, "Yes, yes, it is a pleasure to see you all here. But… these people sound OLD to me."

Backstage, Mopes was watching. He said, in his real voice, "Now to crank up the house lights, and boy, will those suckers get a surprise!" And with that, Mopes grabbed the back of his head and began slowly peeling off his face! He grunted loudly as he stretched his face upwards, and then his dog head, which was nothing but a latex mask, slipped right off with a loud "POP," revealing Daffy Duck, of course! He began pushing a lever upward, with a sign above reading "HOUSE LIGHTS." Onstage, the spotlight went out and then the house lights faded up, revealing the audience was all a bunch of middle-aged, male communist Russian soldiers! An old Russian anthem began playing on the speakers.

"AAAAAAAH! They're all OLD MEN!" Dee-Dee screamed.

Numbah Three said sadly, "Oh dear…"

All of the men began doing a Russian chant. A giant version of the National Russian flag came down right behind the poor 'toons! Suddenly, Robin pointed over somewhere and shouted "LOOK!"

All the 'toons turned and saw Daffy/Mopes, who was smoothing and massaging the brown dog mask back onto his head. He said, resuming the disguised voice, "YES! And you are now DONE FOR! Woo-hoo!" Then he ran off and outside the building. The police then crashed through one of the doors.

"This is an unlawful assembly, communist scumbags! You're all under arrest, including those cartoons onstage!" the police chief yelled through a megaphone.

Dexter and Dee-Dee and the other toons were put in handcuffs, and they were arrested. At the Cartoon Network offices, a bunch of reporters were interviewing the boss, whom was still sitting at his desk in the shadows. "Here, we are now making Cartoon Network a thing of the past," the boss told the reporters. "Until we can find a suitable replacement, it will be safely occupied by 24-hour-a-day Emergency Alert System tests."

However, this seemed to please Daffy. He was still at Wile E. Coyote's house. On a hook on the front of a door labeled "COSTUMES AND DISGUISES" were the Mopes dog costume and mask, limp and lifeless. Daffy was watching what was once Cartoon Network. On it now was the Emergency Broadcast system logo and a loud, continuous beep. After the tone, an announcer said, "This is a test of the Emergency Alert System. Had there been an actual emergency, official messages would have followed the alert tone…" Daffy shouted, quite pleased, "YES! Now how about Boomerang?"

He checked on the TV listings on the Internet and found out that the Emergency Alert System was being tested there, too!

Daffy switched off the TV and ran outside, happily yelling, "Yes! AT LAST!"

He happily danced down the city streets ala Gene Kelly. Then he jumped toward a big German Shepard someone was walking. "Hi there, Pooch!" But the dog snarled and barked like crazy at Daffy. The duck then ran over to a little kid riding a scooter. He cooed, "Well, aren't you the cutest boo-boo in the world?"

The baby suddenly cried, "WAAAAAAAH! MAMA! MAMA! A STRANGER!" The baby's angry mother ran in and whacked Daffy with her purse!

Then Daffy found a rose and picked it (though a sign clearly reads "DON'T PICK THE FLOWERS") and gave it to an old man. "For you, sir! May you live to be a hundred! Woo-hoo!" Daffy said, and bounced off like crazy, "woo-hoo"ing all the way.