Chapter Four
The Discovery
Later, Daffy decided to go see the Cartoon Network boss again. But when he entered, the boss, who still sat in the shadows, sighed and said, "Now what do you want?"
"Well, here's the good news," Daffy began. "I'll be happy to end my sabbatical and earn my old time slot back. We'll call Sander Schwartz and tell him the old duck is back! And we'll bring back Bugs Bunny and Porky Pig and the rest."
The boss didn't have any interest in it. "You've got three seconds to get out of my office before I call security again."
But Daffy explained, "Well, now that Dexter and the other new Cartoon Network stars are gone, you need that channel filled and I'm here to reclaim what's rightfully mine!"
"Just in case you forgot, you're not liked anymore and you are disrespectful," the boss told Daffy.
"But the public is clamoring for me!" Daffy said. "I'm a PATRIOT, compared to Dexter and Dee-Dee! They're RUSSIANS! Probably gay, too. You should have seen the way they were checking me out in the car."
The boss suddenly sounded suspicious. He asked, "What car?"
Daffy nearly spilled the beans. So he began explaining, "No… It… it's a homosexual vibe, it emanates from the TV, and what about Dexter's big horn-rimmed glasses, I mean, what's that all about?" He was talking at a slightly fast pace.
"You are talking awfully fast," the boss said.
"Who's talking fast? I'm not talking fast!"
"Were you at that rally?" the boss asked angrily. "Did you have something to do with this?"
"Ah…" Daffy stalled. He wasn't sure what to say now.
"Did you set the Cartoon Network stars up?" That was it. The cat was out of the bag.
"ALL RIGHT!" Daffy screamed. He fell to the ground and wailed, "I ADMIT IT! I WAS THE ONE IN CHARGE! THE WHOLE THING WAS MY IDEA! THAT DUNN MOPES GUY WAS ONLY ME WEARING A RUBBER SUIT!"
"Well, in that case…" the boss said, pressing a button on his desk. A big, burly thug entered and grabbed Daffy by the neck, tossing him out the window once again! He landed with a thud.
The next morning, the newspaper headline read, "CARTOON NETWORK SET UP! DAFFY BEHIND RUSSIA PLOT! Planned to destroy the cable animation channel's reputation." Daffy Duck was now voted "the most-hated cartoon character in America." In Wile E's house, Daffy was sitting on the couch, wearing an old bathrobe and eating cheese doodles and watching TV. He kept angrily tossing a cheese doodle onto the floor. On the TV, the news reporters were happy about Cartoon Network's return. Clips from "Dexter's Laboratory" kept popping up during the broadcast. "Cartoon Network is back, and boy, did we miss it," one anchorman began.
The second said, "Yes, Betty, and the popularity of 'Dexter's Laboratory' is now stronger than ever, thanks to his recent exoneration as a Russian Comrade sympathizer. There is talk that new episodes will soon be in production and…"
Daffy mumbled, "Shut up… too much for the brain… pressure building… ears ringing… eyes burning… can't take it anymore…" Then he screamed. "AAAAAAAARGH!" He jumped up and knocked over the TV with his foot! He began smashing it with a large mallet. He continued hitting it until the TV was completely dead. The duck kept shouting, "DIE! DIE, YOU NERD! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU AND YOUR STUPID SISTER! I HATE YOUR COTTON-PICKING LABORATORY! DIE!"
Wile E. Coyote heard the crashes from upstairs and he ran downstairs to see Daffy and the TV, which was now in pieces. He was shocked. He said angrily, "What have you DONE? That's a picture-in-picture!™" He then noticed the cheese doodles on the ground. "And look at this place! That's it! I want you out of here!"
"But where am I supposed to go?" Daffy asked desperately.
" I don't care! OUT!" Wile E. Coyote shouted as he shoved Daffy Duck out the door.
