Chapter Six
The Goat Disguise
Daffy met up with the mysterious goat in the alley. The goat told Daffy in his raspy voice, "I think I have a way you can get back on Dexter and Dee-Dee. But I'll have to help you."
But Daffy Duck asked, sounding slightly odd, "Do I… know you?"
"Of course you do," the goat replied. Then his head tilted backwards a little, appearing a bit rubbery, and then went back to normal position. Then the goat whispered something into Daffy's ear and winked. "So, are you in on me with this?"
Daffy, now eager to go in on the plan, said, "Sure thing, er… I mean, Mr. Goat."
The disguised goat leaned toward Daffy and whispered inaudibly.
…
Inside Dexter's house, Dexter and Dee-Dee were talking with their parents in the family room. "But Mom," Dee-Dee began, "I didn't really set Bugs Bunny up!"
The mom firmly said, "I believe in you, Honey. Now we can go down to the police…"
Suddenly the door burst open and Daffy Duck entered with a giant black pistol! "AHA!" Daffy yelled. "Ah, how cozy. A warm family scene. Now all we need is a GREMLIN! I was a good partner with Bugs Bunny. Now you SEND HIM TO JAIL! You two are BAD GUYS! Not me! They're the bad guys, Mr. and Mrs.…" A truck went by outside, honking its horn and its brakes hissing, dubbing out the parents' last names. Daffy peered out the open front door and gave thumbs-up. The mysterious "goat" was outside, too, giving thumbs-up back.
"But it wasn't really my fault," Dee-Dee began. "I went over to the bank to make a deposit, when I saw a robber! He angrily yelled out for the money and they gave it to him. He was about to run out, but I tried to stop him. The man told me that if I stayed, I could get framed for the robbery. He told me to steal someone from the gutter nearby. I meant to grab this grubby old guy, but I accidentally snatched Bugs Bunny instead!"
"I had my eyes closed as I did it," Dee-Dee continued, "so I didn't really know! So, it was partially my fault, but I meant to frame that other old man instead."
Daffy stared, wide-eyed. "A likely story…" he began, "but you still got my pal in trouble!"
Just then, Dexter pounced on Daffy and grabbed the gun. "Is THIS how you want it to end, Daffy?" Dexter angrily shouted. "A Hansel and Gretel ending? You want to be the big bad witch?"
The duck wailed, "GO AHEAD! Finish me off! I'm nothing! Everything I touch turns to crap!"
"You're not nothing, Daffy," Dexter told Daffy. "You're bitter, misguided, and probably an alcoholic. But you're still Daffy Duck. You made viewers laugh and made them happy." Dexter peered down and saw that the gun wasn't real! The sign said, "ACME Novelties" on it.
"All right… I'm sorry…" Daffy said, calming down, "but I still don't like you."
Dexter replied, "And I still don't like you, either."
Dee-Dee, slightly annoyed, said, "OHHH! Is this a soap opera, or what?"
"Fine, fine. I'll go." Daffy left. He then walked over to the disguised "goat" and said, "Now we break Bugs Bunny out of jail."
"Yeah, bub. I have the perfect plan," the goat told Daffy.
…
Wile E. Coyote was standing next to Daffy, right outside a large old prison building. "So you say a goat told you to break Bugs out of jail?" Daffy nodded. "Well, I guess I should help, then." So the coyote reared up a giant ACME slingshot and shot a large boulder at the prison wall. It crashed right into the stonewall, and then sirens and bells went off. Bugs Bunny ran right out through the hole!
Bugs panted in front of Daffy and Wile E. "Hey, thanks for bustin' me out of the joint. It's only fair since I didn't even do the crime!"
Then they ran off and hid in an old, run-down shack. But before they went in, Wile E. Coyote stopped them. "Wait," he told his friends. "I went into shacks before, and when I struck a match, there was a lot of dynamite in them, and it exploded! So I should go in, first, and I'll use a flashlight." Wile E. opened the door and checked with his flashlight.
He found an old light switch and turned it on. The room was empty, save some chairs, a couple of camp beds, a table, an icebox and a radio. The coyote whispered, "It's safe. Come on!" They all tiptoed into the shack.
"I've been having rough times ever since dose folks at Warner Brothers laid me off and repossessed my house!" Bugs complained to Daffy and Wile E. as they sat in the shack. "It all happened in da Autumn of 2004. Dey kicked me out of my mansion and den dose Kids Next Door moved in! Da Cartoon Network representative threw me out into da street. I've been poor ever since, and I've been living in da gutter. All I eat is old rotten garbage, and I'm lucky if I find a carrot in da trash can."
"Jeez, you think YOU have it bad?" Daffy said. "I've been kicked out of my home once they replaced my timeslot and…"
Bugs exploded. "WHAAAAAAAT?!" He grabbed the duck. "Who replaced my old timeslot? WHO?"
Wile E. sadly broke it to the rabbit. "It was… 'Dexter's Laboratory.'"
"NO! That's crazy!" Bugs said.
Daffy asked, sounding a bit annoyed, "Now, will you PLEASE let me finish my story?"
"Sure, sure…" Bugs Bunny said, calming down a bit.
"I've been vowing revenge on Dexter and his other cast members ever since," Daffy continued. "I set up Dexter and Dee-Dee and the Cartoon Network gang and accused them of being Russian comrades. But then that stupid jerk boss over at CN found out the truth. I practically became a pariah!"
"Plus, I had Daffy live with me for a bit, until he made a mess of my place. He broke my TV!" Wile E. Coyote added.
The duck explained, "Then I had to go underground, because I was the prime suspect for the shooting of the Chicken of the 'Cow and Chicken' show!"
Bugs angrily said, "I KNOW it wasn't you who did it! Plus, I know the prime suspect… it is SYLVESTER!"
"No way!" Daffy gasped, shocked.
"Gee…" the coyote said, astounded.
